So as a quick update on the previously mentioned Art, he has yet to show himself. He finally texted me, in the middle of finals, after he was done, and we texted for a few days, off and on (he was often slow to respond), and then I went to Florida immediately after finals, and he texted me a little throughout that trip, and then I didn't hear from him for a few days, so I texted him a couple days before Christmas, mostly just to see if he was still there, and he was. But since that very first time online when he mentioned it, he hasn't said a thing about actually doing something. About meeting, or going out. And he seems like a great guy, from his profile, and things he's said in texts, but I do not love getting to know someone via text. It just doesn't work, not to mention it's really not that fun if you've never met them.
So we'll see if anything ever happens, after he is home from break.
Last night I went out with Rob. Uhh..I wouldn't even actually say it like that. I wanted to go downtown to see the candy windows, and I knew he was going to be around over the break, at least some, because he works, so I texted him and asked if he wanted to go with me. It wasn't a big deal at all, and it wasn't supposed to be. Thus the asking via text.
He came, I drove, and it was actually a lot of fun. It was just so comfortable and relaxing to be with him. It always is enjoyable in that way to be around him. He's a pretty good conversationalist, there was no pressure, we just walked around and looked at the windows, and then went and found this cool nutcracker/ballerina strobe light thing that my parents had told me about, walked some more around City Creek, went inside a couple shops to browse, went and got hot chocolate in the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (he paid too, so nice!), and then walked across the street to Temple Square and walked around those lights and nativity displays. All the while just chatting..about whatever. Our missions, China and the Church, I can't even remember what else. But it was just so great, and so refreshing, to be on such a comfortable, no-pressure date. Just to be with purely a friend. And an enjoyable one at that!
It sounds like this could go somewhere, how comfortable and enjoyable it was. But I don't know..I can't really even imagine kissing him, ha. He was a great gentleman though, always tried to open my door, or hold it open if he went through first. I was pretty impressed with how on top of that he was.
So that's that. Now I'm off to go clean the temple tonight, from 9:45 to midnight! :)
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Just not sure if marriage is even a good idea
Recently I had an emotional spell, one of those times when something sets me off and I am mad at everyone close to me for a day or two (exaggerated, but that's basically what happens). It's usually a family member or close friend that sets me off, and then I feel mad at them for a day or two or so, until it goes away and I realize I'm not actually mad at them, I was just being emotional and felt like I was.
Back in like April or so, this happened (it happens every couple or few months, it seems), and Joylyn, my good friend, and councilor at the time, was the one to set me off (for such a dumb reason looking back, kind of funny). I was mad at her for a couple days, and we both separately were actually worried about our friendship. And worried about the race we were supposed to run in the next week or two together. After I came out of it and realized it was just hormones and me being emotional, things were better and back to normal. But that was the episode where I realized that this is what happens, and it was one of the greatest epiphanies I have ever had about myself! It was invigorating to figure this out! And to think back on times, like the day of the Froerer Christmas party 2011 (the last one before this incident), when I had been in a bad mood around my family or someone had made me really mad or sad or whatever, and I realized they were all just hormonal/emotional episodes like this! So I really hadn't been mad at these people, like Camille, who was the one to set me off back then for the Froerer party, but it was just one of those times, and I was just overly emotional.
So yeah, can't tell you how enlightening it felt to have figured this out and noticed the trend. And now that I am aware of what is happening at these times and that I'm not actually mad at the person, it's not so bad. I just try to avoid people, especially family, until it passes.
So anyway, recently this happened again, and the people I often want to be with to help me feel better when I'm all irritated with family or what not, are friends. I wanted to be with like Wendy and Jamie, and whoever else from my ward. And this is not the first time I have just wanted to be with good friends when I'm in a bad mood and not wanting to be around family. And when I'm emotional like that, it's often family that set me off, leading to me not wanting to be around them. Ironic, right, that family are often the ones we treat the worst? I have a couple theories on why that is...
So anyway, this last time, most recently, when I realized this, I kind of panicked, because inevitably I will have these emotional spells throughout my life, and therefore throughout my marriage, whenever that happens to come about. And it may likely often, or at least sometimes be, my husband, who sets me off, thus being the one I don't want to be around. And maybe I will just want to be with my girlfriends or something... anyway, it made me really worried for a bit, or more so just seriously question whether it was even a good idea for me to get married ever, for this reason. I don't want to want to not be around my husband during these times..I don't want to have to run off to friends when I'm in these moods.. and I'm worried that I will. So maybe I really shouldn't get married. I'm just too emotional.
Back in like April or so, this happened (it happens every couple or few months, it seems), and Joylyn, my good friend, and councilor at the time, was the one to set me off (for such a dumb reason looking back, kind of funny). I was mad at her for a couple days, and we both separately were actually worried about our friendship. And worried about the race we were supposed to run in the next week or two together. After I came out of it and realized it was just hormones and me being emotional, things were better and back to normal. But that was the episode where I realized that this is what happens, and it was one of the greatest epiphanies I have ever had about myself! It was invigorating to figure this out! And to think back on times, like the day of the Froerer Christmas party 2011 (the last one before this incident), when I had been in a bad mood around my family or someone had made me really mad or sad or whatever, and I realized they were all just hormonal/emotional episodes like this! So I really hadn't been mad at these people, like Camille, who was the one to set me off back then for the Froerer party, but it was just one of those times, and I was just overly emotional.
So yeah, can't tell you how enlightening it felt to have figured this out and noticed the trend. And now that I am aware of what is happening at these times and that I'm not actually mad at the person, it's not so bad. I just try to avoid people, especially family, until it passes.
So anyway, recently this happened again, and the people I often want to be with to help me feel better when I'm all irritated with family or what not, are friends. I wanted to be with like Wendy and Jamie, and whoever else from my ward. And this is not the first time I have just wanted to be with good friends when I'm in a bad mood and not wanting to be around family. And when I'm emotional like that, it's often family that set me off, leading to me not wanting to be around them. Ironic, right, that family are often the ones we treat the worst? I have a couple theories on why that is...
So anyway, this last time, most recently, when I realized this, I kind of panicked, because inevitably I will have these emotional spells throughout my life, and therefore throughout my marriage, whenever that happens to come about. And it may likely often, or at least sometimes be, my husband, who sets me off, thus being the one I don't want to be around. And maybe I will just want to be with my girlfriends or something... anyway, it made me really worried for a bit, or more so just seriously question whether it was even a good idea for me to get married ever, for this reason. I don't want to want to not be around my husband during these times..I don't want to have to run off to friends when I'm in these moods.. and I'm worried that I will. So maybe I really shouldn't get married. I'm just too emotional.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Updates. No more Josh, but then there's Art...?
So just over a week ago I told Josh. I told him that I'm not interested in pursuing anything more than friendship at this point. Here's quickly what happened:
He was texting me that Thursday after our last date, while I was in class, and I was texting him back, and then he texted and asked if I wanted to go on a date sometime on Saturday. So I knew I had to tell him that day. Initially I thought I'd wait until the end of our next date to tell him, but my good friend (and RS pres), Jamie, in her wisdom, pointed out that if that's all I planned on doing at the end anyway, what's even the point of going out with him. Good point. But I felt like we had gone on enough dates that I couldn't just tell him over text, I had to call (even though almost none of our communication was via phone call, we always texted). So on Thurs, as I was walking to my car from school, I texted him and asked if I could call him, or if it was too expensive from where he was (he was in Puerto Rico for work that week). He said no, it's the same, but he was finishing up a work dinner and could talk in 45 min. But I didn't want to wait that long, I was ready to do it now, and I was walking, which I think is so much easier to say hard things while you're walking; PLUS, I thought, if I call him right now, I could just leave a message! Terrible, I know, but oh well. I would be able to say everything I wanted to that way, and he would know I at least tried. So I texted him and said that now was better for me, so I'd just leave a message.
So then I did. Told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything more than friendship at this point; but that I really appreciated how well he treated me, and that I was really sorry, I felt really bad. I said, "I know this is cliche, but you really are a great guy."
I felt really bad after, but also felt better. I had been really nervous about it (talk about the worst conversation ever).
He texted me later that night and said, "Melissa, when I saw your text I knew exactly what you were going to say. Thanks for going out with me and giving me a chance. Good luck with school. Josh."
That made me feel even worse, so I of course had to respond. So after some amount of time composing this text, I said, "Josh, you are so great. You deserve someone really great. I'll be honest, I haven't dated a ton of guys, so it meant a lot to me that you wanted to go out with me. Sorry it didn't work out. Thanks for everything."
Haven't heard anything since, which I didn't expect to. I felt bad at first, and Wendy asked me a few days later if I missed him, and I didn't miss him, but I missed having someone, y'know? Having someone care about how my day was, having someone to take me on dates, having someone that wants to spend time with me.
But we never kissed or even held hands or anything, so I didn't have that to miss, so that's a plus... so it's now been over 2 1/2 years since any man touched or held me. (sigh) That I definitely miss.
I'll write about this Art later. He is my last LDSsingles hope. I'm quitting the site when my month is up that I've paid for, my last day is the 18th.
He was texting me that Thursday after our last date, while I was in class, and I was texting him back, and then he texted and asked if I wanted to go on a date sometime on Saturday. So I knew I had to tell him that day. Initially I thought I'd wait until the end of our next date to tell him, but my good friend (and RS pres), Jamie, in her wisdom, pointed out that if that's all I planned on doing at the end anyway, what's even the point of going out with him. Good point. But I felt like we had gone on enough dates that I couldn't just tell him over text, I had to call (even though almost none of our communication was via phone call, we always texted). So on Thurs, as I was walking to my car from school, I texted him and asked if I could call him, or if it was too expensive from where he was (he was in Puerto Rico for work that week). He said no, it's the same, but he was finishing up a work dinner and could talk in 45 min. But I didn't want to wait that long, I was ready to do it now, and I was walking, which I think is so much easier to say hard things while you're walking; PLUS, I thought, if I call him right now, I could just leave a message! Terrible, I know, but oh well. I would be able to say everything I wanted to that way, and he would know I at least tried. So I texted him and said that now was better for me, so I'd just leave a message.
So then I did. Told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything more than friendship at this point; but that I really appreciated how well he treated me, and that I was really sorry, I felt really bad. I said, "I know this is cliche, but you really are a great guy."
I felt really bad after, but also felt better. I had been really nervous about it (talk about the worst conversation ever).
He texted me later that night and said, "Melissa, when I saw your text I knew exactly what you were going to say. Thanks for going out with me and giving me a chance. Good luck with school. Josh."
That made me feel even worse, so I of course had to respond. So after some amount of time composing this text, I said, "Josh, you are so great. You deserve someone really great. I'll be honest, I haven't dated a ton of guys, so it meant a lot to me that you wanted to go out with me. Sorry it didn't work out. Thanks for everything."
Haven't heard anything since, which I didn't expect to. I felt bad at first, and Wendy asked me a few days later if I missed him, and I didn't miss him, but I missed having someone, y'know? Having someone care about how my day was, having someone to take me on dates, having someone that wants to spend time with me.
But we never kissed or even held hands or anything, so I didn't have that to miss, so that's a plus... so it's now been over 2 1/2 years since any man touched or held me. (sigh) That I definitely miss.
I'll write about this Art later. He is my last LDSsingles hope. I'm quitting the site when my month is up that I've paid for, my last day is the 18th.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
not so into Josh. I dreamed about A. Ham though..
So last night was (official) date #5 with Josh. This would usually mean that I like him. However, I just don't really feel any chemistry. But he is a good guy, so I keep saying yes..
But I think I need to not say yes soon, I just don't really look forward to seeing him. He texts me every day, which I like for the someone cares about me part, but I just am not way into him.
We had a Los night last night, because Peter and Lindsay were in town for Thanksgiving week, and a bunch of the Gurr relatives came, it was a lot of fun! But Andy came too, and we hung out at the table eating and chatting for quite a while, about dating and what not. Mostly about dating, ha. But when I told him about Josh and how I keep going out with him even though I don't think it's going to go anywhere, he told me the greatest dating analogy that I've ever heard. He said (told by his date earlier that night) that y'know, we're all fish, swimming in the ocean, and we're all swimming toward the BIG island, but sometimes we get tired of swimming, alone, so we stop at small islands along the way and take a little rest...
Isn't that great?? Haha, that totally made me feel better about this Josh thing. He's just a little island for me along the way. I'm just taking a rest... But that is so true, it really is nice to have someone care about me and take me out, not gonna lie. As well as make me feel attractive and desirable and date-able. It's been a long time since I've really felt like that. On top of all that, it's really really nice to be able to say something other than "no.." when someone asks me if I'm dating anyone!
So I just spent, oh, probably almost 2 hours, going through guys' profiles online, that showed up on my refined search. Seems like there are a lot of great guys out there, many of whom peaked my interest, some of whom I sent a "flirt" or a little message to. But honestly, I'll be surprised if any of them really respond, or if any real conversation comes of any of it. The guys that interest me don't respond for very long, if at all, and the guys that message me I'm usually not interested in. When is something going to give?!
I'm not frustrated. Okay, maybe a little. I just feel like the guys I want to date don't want to date me, but I also feel like I deserve someone great, and I deserve to be with someone I find very attractive! Right? The attractive part is what's frustrating. I've never felt super attractive to guys. Girls tell me I'm cute and what not, but sometimes I think, what does that matter if guys don't think that? I don't know..
And kind of random, but I had a dream last night with a bunch of high school people/friends in it, weird. But Aaron Hammond was in it, and we made eye contact across a room, and.. I don't really know much else that happened in the dream. But it got A. Ham back on the brain. He is still single, and seems like a really great guy, as always. I ran into him back in May, when I went to close my account at University Credit Union after I moved back up here. He was working there, and it was so good to see him! We chatted for a few minutes and then I left. He was dating someone at the time, I later found out, but I messaged him anyway a few weeks later, and said I would love to get together and catch up if he ever wanted to. Since then I heard he broke up with his gf (from Hilary Heath). I don't think about him often or anything, but that dream has caused me to today. I am still so attracted to that boy, and would love to date him. Or at least spend time with him and see, y'know?
So yeah, I'm just not attracted to Josh like that. I would love to hold hands or even kiss someone like Aaron Hammond, like now. But it's just not the same feeling or thought when I think about doing that with Josh, it would be so forced, I feel like. Kind of like a lie. He's just not my type. I need to tell him soon I guess...aaa, I hate that conversation.
But I think I need to not say yes soon, I just don't really look forward to seeing him. He texts me every day, which I like for the someone cares about me part, but I just am not way into him.
We had a Los night last night, because Peter and Lindsay were in town for Thanksgiving week, and a bunch of the Gurr relatives came, it was a lot of fun! But Andy came too, and we hung out at the table eating and chatting for quite a while, about dating and what not. Mostly about dating, ha. But when I told him about Josh and how I keep going out with him even though I don't think it's going to go anywhere, he told me the greatest dating analogy that I've ever heard. He said (told by his date earlier that night) that y'know, we're all fish, swimming in the ocean, and we're all swimming toward the BIG island, but sometimes we get tired of swimming, alone, so we stop at small islands along the way and take a little rest...
Isn't that great?? Haha, that totally made me feel better about this Josh thing. He's just a little island for me along the way. I'm just taking a rest... But that is so true, it really is nice to have someone care about me and take me out, not gonna lie. As well as make me feel attractive and desirable and date-able. It's been a long time since I've really felt like that. On top of all that, it's really really nice to be able to say something other than "no.." when someone asks me if I'm dating anyone!
So I just spent, oh, probably almost 2 hours, going through guys' profiles online, that showed up on my refined search. Seems like there are a lot of great guys out there, many of whom peaked my interest, some of whom I sent a "flirt" or a little message to. But honestly, I'll be surprised if any of them really respond, or if any real conversation comes of any of it. The guys that interest me don't respond for very long, if at all, and the guys that message me I'm usually not interested in. When is something going to give?!
I'm not frustrated. Okay, maybe a little. I just feel like the guys I want to date don't want to date me, but I also feel like I deserve someone great, and I deserve to be with someone I find very attractive! Right? The attractive part is what's frustrating. I've never felt super attractive to guys. Girls tell me I'm cute and what not, but sometimes I think, what does that matter if guys don't think that? I don't know..
And kind of random, but I had a dream last night with a bunch of high school people/friends in it, weird. But Aaron Hammond was in it, and we made eye contact across a room, and.. I don't really know much else that happened in the dream. But it got A. Ham back on the brain. He is still single, and seems like a really great guy, as always. I ran into him back in May, when I went to close my account at University Credit Union after I moved back up here. He was working there, and it was so good to see him! We chatted for a few minutes and then I left. He was dating someone at the time, I later found out, but I messaged him anyway a few weeks later, and said I would love to get together and catch up if he ever wanted to. Since then I heard he broke up with his gf (from Hilary Heath). I don't think about him often or anything, but that dream has caused me to today. I am still so attracted to that boy, and would love to date him. Or at least spend time with him and see, y'know?
So yeah, I'm just not attracted to Josh like that. I would love to hold hands or even kiss someone like Aaron Hammond, like now. But it's just not the same feeling or thought when I think about doing that with Josh, it would be so forced, I feel like. Kind of like a lie. He's just not my type. I need to tell him soon I guess...aaa, I hate that conversation.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
JFK Josh
So this Sabbath afternoon I went on a 3rd/4th date with the JFK Josh guy I met online. I say 3rd/4th because last night was supposed to be our 3rd date, but after about 5 min, he got called to search and rescue, so he turned around and took me home. He felt really bad, but it was no big deal. It was fun to see him, even just for a few minutes, and it was cool to see him in that situation, in his element, and to see his reaction. Plus, I was able to get more homework done, which was good.
In the car, after he got the page, he was like, "How's your Monday?" :) It was cute. So I said yeah, we could do something Monday. But then today he texted me after I got home from visiting and asked how my Sunday was, and then we were texting and he asked me what kind of things I like to do on Sundays. He asked about outdoors things, and I said it depends, what did you have in mind? And he said, "I don't know, a short hike or something." And I didn't love the idea of hiking on Sunday, I didn't know what a short hike entailed, but I decided to play it safe and said, "hm..not a big Sunday hiker, but maybe a walk or something a little more low key.." To which he suggested a walk around Sugarhouse park. To which I said sure.:)
So he came and got me about 20 minutes later and we headed to the park, walked around it twice, and went home. :)
It was fine, we talked a lot about search and rescue, and about last night and how everything went.
The whole SandR thing is so fascinating to me, I love hearing him talk about it! We talked about other things too, I learned his dad died a few years ago, while he was on his mission, from throat cancer (among other things). Sad. But he seems fine about it, said his dad had been sick for a long time.
We also talked about family, and our different family businesses we grew up in (Los, and his family's apt complex businesses). After about once around the park, I could now tell that I wasn't super interested in him, romantically. I thought maybe something could happen, but yeah, not so much. He's a really great guy, treats me really well, has a great job, is very nice, and he makes me feel so attractive and desirable, which is so nice because it's been so long since a guy has made me feel that way! But I just don't feel really any chemistry when I'm with him. I feel more chemistry when texting him than when I'm actually with him, ha.
His kind of know-it-all attitude about nursing kind of came out again today, like in that email response a couple months ago that made me so irritated that I decided I was done with him, until I had Elisa read it and tell me to give him another chance. Yeah, I told him my mom is a nurse, but is actually going back to school to get her bachelor's. And that brought up why, and he had this response like, "I don't buy it." I almost slugged him, in kind of a flirtatious/joking way, but didn't, but said, "What do you know?" I was kind of irritated. He said (reminded me) that his sister is a nurse (which, to me, doesn't mean squat), and that since my mom had so much experience, it shouldn't matter. I told him I agreed, it shouldn't, but for some reason (which I told him I think is the increasing competition in the nursing job market) it seems to matter more now, that RN's have a bachelor's degree. He still was in disagreement, and I didn't want to argue about it, so I just said, "And she just feels like she should." That satisfied him. But man, not super attractive, that wasn't.
Anyway, I don't think he is the one, and I came home kind of stressed about having to actually have a talk with him soon telling him I'm not interested or what not. And we have come far enough that the talk is going to be awkward and I'm going to inevitably feel bad after and question what I've done. We're going out on Tuesday, in place of Monday (I thought today was in place of Monday, but nope:) ), I already said Tues would work, so we'll see how that goes. I was thinking I might tell him after that. But then Sally called tonight and I was telling her, and Joe, all about it all, and they both said to just keep dating him. Unless I really have a strong reason not to go out with him, or if he proposes or something, and I'm not feeling the same way, to just keep going out with him as long as he keeps asking. So I guess I will. And they had a good point, that it's good for both of us, we're both learning more as we go. Which is true. So I'll keep saying yes I suppose.
I would love to just be friends and be able to keep hearing about his search and rescue stuff, it is so cool! So if and when I end things, that will be a bummer to not hear anymore about, ha. But seriously.
In the car, after he got the page, he was like, "How's your Monday?" :) It was cute. So I said yeah, we could do something Monday. But then today he texted me after I got home from visiting and asked how my Sunday was, and then we were texting and he asked me what kind of things I like to do on Sundays. He asked about outdoors things, and I said it depends, what did you have in mind? And he said, "I don't know, a short hike or something." And I didn't love the idea of hiking on Sunday, I didn't know what a short hike entailed, but I decided to play it safe and said, "hm..not a big Sunday hiker, but maybe a walk or something a little more low key.." To which he suggested a walk around Sugarhouse park. To which I said sure.:)
So he came and got me about 20 minutes later and we headed to the park, walked around it twice, and went home. :)
It was fine, we talked a lot about search and rescue, and about last night and how everything went.
The whole SandR thing is so fascinating to me, I love hearing him talk about it! We talked about other things too, I learned his dad died a few years ago, while he was on his mission, from throat cancer (among other things). Sad. But he seems fine about it, said his dad had been sick for a long time.
We also talked about family, and our different family businesses we grew up in (Los, and his family's apt complex businesses). After about once around the park, I could now tell that I wasn't super interested in him, romantically. I thought maybe something could happen, but yeah, not so much. He's a really great guy, treats me really well, has a great job, is very nice, and he makes me feel so attractive and desirable, which is so nice because it's been so long since a guy has made me feel that way! But I just don't feel really any chemistry when I'm with him. I feel more chemistry when texting him than when I'm actually with him, ha.
His kind of know-it-all attitude about nursing kind of came out again today, like in that email response a couple months ago that made me so irritated that I decided I was done with him, until I had Elisa read it and tell me to give him another chance. Yeah, I told him my mom is a nurse, but is actually going back to school to get her bachelor's. And that brought up why, and he had this response like, "I don't buy it." I almost slugged him, in kind of a flirtatious/joking way, but didn't, but said, "What do you know?" I was kind of irritated. He said (reminded me) that his sister is a nurse (which, to me, doesn't mean squat), and that since my mom had so much experience, it shouldn't matter. I told him I agreed, it shouldn't, but for some reason (which I told him I think is the increasing competition in the nursing job market) it seems to matter more now, that RN's have a bachelor's degree. He still was in disagreement, and I didn't want to argue about it, so I just said, "And she just feels like she should." That satisfied him. But man, not super attractive, that wasn't.
Anyway, I don't think he is the one, and I came home kind of stressed about having to actually have a talk with him soon telling him I'm not interested or what not. And we have come far enough that the talk is going to be awkward and I'm going to inevitably feel bad after and question what I've done. We're going out on Tuesday, in place of Monday (I thought today was in place of Monday, but nope:) ), I already said Tues would work, so we'll see how that goes. I was thinking I might tell him after that. But then Sally called tonight and I was telling her, and Joe, all about it all, and they both said to just keep dating him. Unless I really have a strong reason not to go out with him, or if he proposes or something, and I'm not feeling the same way, to just keep going out with him as long as he keeps asking. So I guess I will. And they had a good point, that it's good for both of us, we're both learning more as we go. Which is true. So I'll keep saying yes I suppose.
I would love to just be friends and be able to keep hearing about his search and rescue stuff, it is so cool! So if and when I end things, that will be a bummer to not hear anymore about, ha. But seriously.
Coming to terms with the election
So about the major Obama bummer, it is still a major bummer. I was actually really upset about it for a few days, and was really struggling with coming to terms with the fact. Mitt Romney had so many great plans and such great experience that was basically a guarantee to improving this economy and getting our nation back on track and out of this astronomical hole of debt the US has. You could see his excitement and energy and enthusiasm for it. And you could also tell that he honestly just wanted to help America and help families. As opposed to Obama's complete and disgusting lack of enthusiasm and excitement for the future, and sincerity. He does not love this country, he does not love its people, his heart is elsewhere. I would say he is much more interested in the perks, like expensive vacations and the fame and glory. As well as trying to decrease the strength and status of America. It makes me sick to listen to him, he is such a dishonest, sleezy person. And it has come to light that there was quite a bit of voter fraud in the election, which makes me mad because that basically means the election was essentially stolen from Romney. But I'm honestly not too surprised. I had said for a while that I thought Romney had a really good chance of winning, IF the election was fair. But Obama and his goonies are the kind of people that will do whatever it takes to get what they want. So I'm not really surprised that there was a lot of cheating, and turns out bribing too, which led to the sad sad re-election of the man we refer to as the president.
I was so upset about it, and really was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact. I was just in emotional turmoil about it. I was mad at the half of our country who voted for Obama for being so uninformed and so obviously unconcerned about the real issues at hand (like the failing economy and the high unemployment, and the enormous debt we're in); and I was so sad for Mitt, for working so so hard, twice, to get into the White House, to do some good, and for all his great plans that will never get implemented now. I am getting re-upset about it now, just writing this. I really just wanted to cry for Romney. I feel like his loss, after all that, is the epitome of the saying that life isn't fair. And all that good he could have done, how our country could have so benefited from his leadership and financial and business experience and past successes, will never be seen, or be possible. It's just not fair.
But one thing that helped me was some quotes by one or two of Romney's head campaign directors or what not, and they said that it wasn't that America didn't know the real Romney, that's not why they didn't vote for him. It's because the people don't share his values. Meaning, he has values, and morals, and a great portion of Americans don't share those good values. So basically Romney lost because this country has become so wicked that it doesn't recognize good when it's in front of them, or doesn't care, is more like it. This is also obvious in the fact that with the horrible record Obama has from the last 4 years, somehow this country still re-elected him. Amazing. People are more concerned about abortions being legal and gays being able to marry, than people getting jobs and getting back on their feet, and our country getting out of this financial crisis. It just makes me crazy.
But like my mom said a few days ago, if this is what will help usher in the 2nd coming (which I don't doubt it will), then by all means, put him in! Scary though, that it's obviously only going to get worse first.
But on that unhappy and frustrated note, there is some good in all this, just like in any other bad thing. And that includes that HALF THE COUNTRY VOTED FOR A MORMON!!!! How cool is that?!??! It's awesome!! It means that the Church is even more mainstream than ever before, and like an article I saw today said, that people are more curious with questions about Mormons now than they are critical (something like that). So true. It is motivating to me to want to share the Gospel even more, because people have got to have more questions about the Church, and what better time than when the Church has been so in the limelight with Romney's campaign.
So yes, still a major bummer, but I'm dealing with it now.
I was so upset about it, and really was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact. I was just in emotional turmoil about it. I was mad at the half of our country who voted for Obama for being so uninformed and so obviously unconcerned about the real issues at hand (like the failing economy and the high unemployment, and the enormous debt we're in); and I was so sad for Mitt, for working so so hard, twice, to get into the White House, to do some good, and for all his great plans that will never get implemented now. I am getting re-upset about it now, just writing this. I really just wanted to cry for Romney. I feel like his loss, after all that, is the epitome of the saying that life isn't fair. And all that good he could have done, how our country could have so benefited from his leadership and financial and business experience and past successes, will never be seen, or be possible. It's just not fair.
But one thing that helped me was some quotes by one or two of Romney's head campaign directors or what not, and they said that it wasn't that America didn't know the real Romney, that's not why they didn't vote for him. It's because the people don't share his values. Meaning, he has values, and morals, and a great portion of Americans don't share those good values. So basically Romney lost because this country has become so wicked that it doesn't recognize good when it's in front of them, or doesn't care, is more like it. This is also obvious in the fact that with the horrible record Obama has from the last 4 years, somehow this country still re-elected him. Amazing. People are more concerned about abortions being legal and gays being able to marry, than people getting jobs and getting back on their feet, and our country getting out of this financial crisis. It just makes me crazy.
But like my mom said a few days ago, if this is what will help usher in the 2nd coming (which I don't doubt it will), then by all means, put him in! Scary though, that it's obviously only going to get worse first.
But on that unhappy and frustrated note, there is some good in all this, just like in any other bad thing. And that includes that HALF THE COUNTRY VOTED FOR A MORMON!!!! How cool is that?!??! It's awesome!! It means that the Church is even more mainstream than ever before, and like an article I saw today said, that people are more curious with questions about Mormons now than they are critical (something like that). So true. It is motivating to me to want to share the Gospel even more, because people have got to have more questions about the Church, and what better time than when the Church has been so in the limelight with Romney's campaign.
So yes, still a major bummer, but I'm dealing with it now.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Obama BUMMER
This is so depressing. Obama just won a second term. I can't believe this. It's like a nightmare.
I really can't believe he won. I'm still hoping for a last minute miracle, but it's not looking likely.
I'm also really frustrated at David, our clinical instructor. I could just scream at him, for how unfair he grades, and how inconsistent he is in his expectations.
What a bummer evening.
I really can't believe he won. I'm still hoping for a last minute miracle, but it's not looking likely.
I'm also really frustrated at David, our clinical instructor. I could just scream at him, for how unfair he grades, and how inconsistent he is in his expectations.
What a bummer evening.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Flu shot clinic
Yesterday I went and helped at a flu shot clinic out on the west side of I-15. It was a free clinic for the refugees out there (from Africa, etc.). It was such a great experience! It was a little on the slow side, especially from how busy it apparently was last year, so I only gave probably less than ten shots, but it was still great. Especially getting to practice on kids. I made a few kids cry, which was sad, but hopefully now they don't get the flu. And I only stuck myself once! :) Ha, yeah, I was giving this kid a shot, and while holding his cleaned arm with my right left hand, I reached over and got the needle with my left, took off the cap with one hand, and then the needle flipped and stuck my ring finger. I got another one and gave him a shot with a clean needle, but I was totally bleeding under my glove. Kind of felt like an idiot, but it was fine, at least it was a clean needle! :)
Updates: clinicals almost over, election in two days, and FIRST online date!
Some updates:
Only 2 more weeks of clinicals, and I am SO GLAD! Not because I don't like clinicals, I usually do, unless you get stuck with a nurse who isn't so good at having a student. But because this means only 2 more weeks of having to deal with our clinical instructor, David. I think Elisa, Maren, and I are the ones who have had the most issue with him. He is a great teacher, a great nurse, and he really knows a lot. But his grading policies and his lack of clarity on what he expects of us, and how his expectations are always changing from what he said, and getting graded as such, has been really frustrating, and we're kind of all done battling him. A few weeks ago I sent him a pretty frustrated email, to say the least, because of something he had docked me on that I thought was nit-picky, and not included in the instructions. The next day I asked him about it and he was frustrated at me from it and made me feel really bad, and I lost it right there in front of him. Just cried. Things were better at the end of that day, but the next day I brought something up again from our previous conversation just for clarity, and for my need to be understood, and he got on the defensive, which made me re-mad, and ever since, I just don't really love being around him. Especially alone. It's just kind of awkward. I did send him an apology email a week or so later (no response back), so I feel like I've tried to make amends, but he's still frustrating in his grading and such. We feel like there's always something wrong with our work. We're almost always getting docked for something.
Anyway, so I'm excited to be done dealing with and getting graded by him. That being said, he has taught us a lot, and because of his high expectations, I feel like I've learned a lot as a student nurse.
The election: The election is in TWO days. Voting ends on Tuesday, and first of all, halle-freakin-lujah that the election and election ads and everything else will be over. But also, heaven help us if Obama somehow wins again. I honestly question the intellect of anyone who still thinks Obama should continue to be the President. His record is terrible, he has failed in so many ways. He's probably a nice person, he's a great speaker, but he is so lacking in skills of leadership, business, and finances. This country is so far in debt, much more than we were when he took office, the unemployment rate is higher than 4 years ago, more people are on welfare than probably ever before--I think 47% of this country.
Anyway, today is fast sunday, and part of my fast is for Mitt Romney to win. I feel very strongly about this election, and I think that he has a good chance if it's fair. But I'm so afraid that Obama and his team will do whatever they can, including rigging the election, to make sure that he wins.
But we'll know on Tuesday I think..
Next. Dating. Online dating is about the only dating I'm into right now. Only thing I've got. So I've been on ldssingles.com since June, and it's finally seeming to really produce results. Or guys that I really might want to get to know. And the biggest thing is that I went on my first ldssingles DATE yesterday! It was with Josh, JFK Josh, as I like to call him (his screen name is "J_F_K"). We've been slowly messaging for about 2 months now, and finally met yesterday, the day after his 30th birthday. We met up in Sandy, next to the South Towne Mall, and went rock climbing at Momentum. I was nervous about it at first when he suggested that's what we do, but it was a lot of fun! My hands are sure still sore today though, ha. And he was pretty fun too! I don't really see an eternal future with him, but he seems like a great guy, has a great job, seems to have his head on his shoulders, and he's pretty cute.
My main downer about him has been his height. He is exactly my height, basically my size. Which I haven't love the idea of, because I really want a guy who is bigger and taller than me, I want to feel small. I don't want to crush the guy when we cuddle. And as Wendy says, "I want his butt print in the sand to be bigger than mine!" :)
So when we met yesterday, one of my first thoughts was, "yep, he's short, just like I thought it would seem." But as we got climbing and such, he has a really thick upper body, which I love. He's definitely build, even for being a shorter guy. He was very masculine to watch climb, because his shirt would stretch across his back and shoulders really nice, as his muscles worked. I am really attracted to a buff upper body, especially big deltoids. And he definitely had all that. I feel like he could probably carry me, which helps make up for the shortness.
He was fun to joke around and flirt with some. There's a little dorky-ness to him that is mostly why I don't see marriage coming out of this. But I wouldn't mind going out with him again, and I'm pretty confident we will. He kind of already made reference to that, once while we were rock climbing, and again last night texting. So we'll see.
But there are a few other guys that I've been messaging lately, one in particular: screen name Celtic411, I think. Celtic-something. He's black, from West Africa, but moved to DC about 9 years ago, went to BYU, and now lives here in SL I think. He seems pretty cool, intelligent, has confidence and his own style, which I love. And he's pretty funny. I hope that we go out eventually, he seems pretty chill, which I also love. Not to mention the bucketlist item that has been on my list in the past, of kissing a black man. This may be my chance to check that sucker off the list, who knows..? :)
Only 2 more weeks of clinicals, and I am SO GLAD! Not because I don't like clinicals, I usually do, unless you get stuck with a nurse who isn't so good at having a student. But because this means only 2 more weeks of having to deal with our clinical instructor, David. I think Elisa, Maren, and I are the ones who have had the most issue with him. He is a great teacher, a great nurse, and he really knows a lot. But his grading policies and his lack of clarity on what he expects of us, and how his expectations are always changing from what he said, and getting graded as such, has been really frustrating, and we're kind of all done battling him. A few weeks ago I sent him a pretty frustrated email, to say the least, because of something he had docked me on that I thought was nit-picky, and not included in the instructions. The next day I asked him about it and he was frustrated at me from it and made me feel really bad, and I lost it right there in front of him. Just cried. Things were better at the end of that day, but the next day I brought something up again from our previous conversation just for clarity, and for my need to be understood, and he got on the defensive, which made me re-mad, and ever since, I just don't really love being around him. Especially alone. It's just kind of awkward. I did send him an apology email a week or so later (no response back), so I feel like I've tried to make amends, but he's still frustrating in his grading and such. We feel like there's always something wrong with our work. We're almost always getting docked for something.
Anyway, so I'm excited to be done dealing with and getting graded by him. That being said, he has taught us a lot, and because of his high expectations, I feel like I've learned a lot as a student nurse.
The election: The election is in TWO days. Voting ends on Tuesday, and first of all, halle-freakin-lujah that the election and election ads and everything else will be over. But also, heaven help us if Obama somehow wins again. I honestly question the intellect of anyone who still thinks Obama should continue to be the President. His record is terrible, he has failed in so many ways. He's probably a nice person, he's a great speaker, but he is so lacking in skills of leadership, business, and finances. This country is so far in debt, much more than we were when he took office, the unemployment rate is higher than 4 years ago, more people are on welfare than probably ever before--I think 47% of this country.
Anyway, today is fast sunday, and part of my fast is for Mitt Romney to win. I feel very strongly about this election, and I think that he has a good chance if it's fair. But I'm so afraid that Obama and his team will do whatever they can, including rigging the election, to make sure that he wins.
But we'll know on Tuesday I think..
Next. Dating. Online dating is about the only dating I'm into right now. Only thing I've got. So I've been on ldssingles.com since June, and it's finally seeming to really produce results. Or guys that I really might want to get to know. And the biggest thing is that I went on my first ldssingles DATE yesterday! It was with Josh, JFK Josh, as I like to call him (his screen name is "J_F_K"). We've been slowly messaging for about 2 months now, and finally met yesterday, the day after his 30th birthday. We met up in Sandy, next to the South Towne Mall, and went rock climbing at Momentum. I was nervous about it at first when he suggested that's what we do, but it was a lot of fun! My hands are sure still sore today though, ha. And he was pretty fun too! I don't really see an eternal future with him, but he seems like a great guy, has a great job, seems to have his head on his shoulders, and he's pretty cute.
My main downer about him has been his height. He is exactly my height, basically my size. Which I haven't love the idea of, because I really want a guy who is bigger and taller than me, I want to feel small. I don't want to crush the guy when we cuddle. And as Wendy says, "I want his butt print in the sand to be bigger than mine!" :)
So when we met yesterday, one of my first thoughts was, "yep, he's short, just like I thought it would seem." But as we got climbing and such, he has a really thick upper body, which I love. He's definitely build, even for being a shorter guy. He was very masculine to watch climb, because his shirt would stretch across his back and shoulders really nice, as his muscles worked. I am really attracted to a buff upper body, especially big deltoids. And he definitely had all that. I feel like he could probably carry me, which helps make up for the shortness.
He was fun to joke around and flirt with some. There's a little dorky-ness to him that is mostly why I don't see marriage coming out of this. But I wouldn't mind going out with him again, and I'm pretty confident we will. He kind of already made reference to that, once while we were rock climbing, and again last night texting. So we'll see.
But there are a few other guys that I've been messaging lately, one in particular: screen name Celtic411, I think. Celtic-something. He's black, from West Africa, but moved to DC about 9 years ago, went to BYU, and now lives here in SL I think. He seems pretty cool, intelligent, has confidence and his own style, which I love. And he's pretty funny. I hope that we go out eventually, he seems pretty chill, which I also love. Not to mention the bucketlist item that has been on my list in the past, of kissing a black man. This may be my chance to check that sucker off the list, who knows..? :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Presidential election frustrations
Ugh, I should be starting my homework right now, but I'm so irritated at all the Liberals in this election right now. It's a huge election this year, Oboma vs Romney, and heaven help us if Oboma wins a 2nd term. But last night was the 2nd presidential debate, and the liberals all say that Oboma totally won, including all the nurses talking about it in shift report this morning, and saying negative things about Romney. And I was just reading an article about the debate, and then comments, mostly from Liberals who don't like Romney, and it's so frustrating! It's so frustrating that people are so blind to what a terrible leader Oboma is! He may be a good person (although a liar, that's for sure), but he is NOT a good leader, and is not who we need to fix our major financial and economic problems in this country right now. Aaah, I just can't stand to hear these things said about Romney, and that people are so blind to his good qualities and experience that we need in a president right now!
Needed to get that out.
Needed to get that out.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
General Conference ANSWER
As a reference, my "question" was: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties?
So I went into GC fully expecting to get an answer to my question. And I was kind of expecting a "yes," as well as any additional information Heavenly Father wanted to shed on the situation.
Well, I was humbled and very quickly answered, in a way, and reminded that I can't always have an answer, or know what's going to happen. In fact, basically never. But that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. There were like 3 or 4 talks that talked about waiting on the Lord, trusting in His timing, and being happy where we are. Pres. Uchtdorf's was the first one, and I remember I was getting ready in my bathroom, listening to it on the radio, I think, when he was speaking, and it hit me pretty hard. That no, HF was not going to give me a yes or a no to my question, that wasn't His plan. That wasn't His will. It wasn't time for me to have an answer to that question, but I needed to trust in Him and His timing, and learn to be happy where I am in my life now, be happy in the present, to stop going through life just waiting for the next thing, and then I will be happy, type of thing. It was really good to hear that from one of our prophets, I needed it. And cool thing is that that (and those) talks made a big impact on a lot of people, but certainly for different reasons. Including Mom. She's been very unhappy with her job, and I'd been helping her try to find other ones to apply to online, and after that talk she said, "Well, I guess that maybe I just need to change my attitude about my job!" It was interesting. I felt like Pres. Uchtdorf's talk was for me, but cool how the Spirit works on each of us differently through the same talk, and that they can apply so well to so many people.
SOOO, I'm just trying to be happy where I am, and not try to just wait to get married. And I of course would love to still, or even date someone, heaven forbid, but my life really is so good right now, I have no reason to complain, so I shan't.
But I LOVED Conference this time! I mean it's always great, but this time, all four sessions were amazing! I was awake through all four, which may have been a first. I think it was because I was doing things a lot of the time, multitasking, which definitely helps.
Anyway, it was an awesome Conference weekend!
So I went into GC fully expecting to get an answer to my question. And I was kind of expecting a "yes," as well as any additional information Heavenly Father wanted to shed on the situation.
Well, I was humbled and very quickly answered, in a way, and reminded that I can't always have an answer, or know what's going to happen. In fact, basically never. But that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. There were like 3 or 4 talks that talked about waiting on the Lord, trusting in His timing, and being happy where we are. Pres. Uchtdorf's was the first one, and I remember I was getting ready in my bathroom, listening to it on the radio, I think, when he was speaking, and it hit me pretty hard. That no, HF was not going to give me a yes or a no to my question, that wasn't His plan. That wasn't His will. It wasn't time for me to have an answer to that question, but I needed to trust in Him and His timing, and learn to be happy where I am in my life now, be happy in the present, to stop going through life just waiting for the next thing, and then I will be happy, type of thing. It was really good to hear that from one of our prophets, I needed it. And cool thing is that that (and those) talks made a big impact on a lot of people, but certainly for different reasons. Including Mom. She's been very unhappy with her job, and I'd been helping her try to find other ones to apply to online, and after that talk she said, "Well, I guess that maybe I just need to change my attitude about my job!" It was interesting. I felt like Pres. Uchtdorf's talk was for me, but cool how the Spirit works on each of us differently through the same talk, and that they can apply so well to so many people.
SOOO, I'm just trying to be happy where I am, and not try to just wait to get married. And I of course would love to still, or even date someone, heaven forbid, but my life really is so good right now, I have no reason to complain, so I shan't.
But I LOVED Conference this time! I mean it's always great, but this time, all four sessions were amazing! I was awake through all four, which may have been a first. I think it was because I was doing things a lot of the time, multitasking, which definitely helps.
Anyway, it was an awesome Conference weekend!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Freshman reunion--fun, and hard too; also General Conference QUESTION
So tonight we had a little freshman year reunion, out in South Jordan at Sean's house. Present were Sean and Aubrey and their little boy Abe, Ben, Ryan, Amie and her baby James, Hil and her bf Daniel, and me. Eric was there part of the time via Skype. So we were only missing Cheryl, who ironically, was actually on a plane to Utah when we all got together. No one knew she was even coming to UT until today, otherwise we may have planned the get together for a different day, I don't know.
But it was a lot of fun, so good to all be together and catch up. As I left, my heart began to hurt. That sounds really dumb, but it was because of Ben. He is an amazing guy. And on top of how great he is, he's very physically attractive. Never has he ever shown interest in being more than friends with me, and never has that been a big deal. But tonight, I don't know, maybe it's because we're all older, maybe it's because there are fewer great single guys out there, and any out there come far between, that being around someone like Ben, who I've been friends with for 7 years, makes me really want to date him. To be around him more. I would love to just spend time with him. We get along really well. He's very down to earth, and he has a good sense of humor.
I think also, inside I crave to be close to a man, and I don't really have any guy friends right now. All those guys are huggers, which I've always loved, and it was so so good to hug them. Eric has always been my favorite to hug, then Ben; Sean is up there too, but he's married now, so it's not really the same. But hugging Ben tonight, when we got there, and then when we were all leaving, felt so good. I love him. I really feel like I can say that. I love all those guys. I really do. They are all so great. And you just don't come across such great guys like that every day, who are single.
And about Ben, I felt like he enjoyed being around me, or at least showed it, more tonight than I've ever felt. I know we've always been friends, and he's always liked me as one, but tonight I felt like he looked at me more than I expected. And maybe I just haven't been around him for a while. But it made me feel this little glimmer of hope, and made me really crave that more. To be around him more. So when we all said goodbye and left, I literally felt hurt, my heart hurt. One of those feelings that if I drank, would push me to go drown my pain in drinking. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I really just would love to spend time with him. He's so great.
I prayed in the car on the way home, and just kind of told HF what I was feeling, and pleaded with Him to help me make sense of this feeling, and to be able to reconcile with it, and to help me feel better, and not hurt. And to perhaps provide something that I would need a date for or something I could invite him to. I really don't have any guy friends up here, really, so if I ever needed a date for something, even regardless of this sudden strong desire to date Ben, he would be a great option. Bummer that he still lives in Provo.
But anyway, so I got home, and I've gotten ready for bed, and I'm feeling better. I would still love to spend more time with him, he's just such a stellar guy. And I just don't meet guys like that hardly ever. But I'm trying not to think about it. And I think part of it is that I'm just really craving male attention, as well as male touch. Seriously, being hugged by those guys, specifically Ben (such good hugs), felt SO good. And I think that just added to the pain, of wanting that in my life so badly.
Tomorrow, this weekend, is General Conference. And my question that I am taking to GC, to get answered, may seem trite. But it's really been weighing on my mind more and more. It is this: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties? Some days are harder than others, but lately I just feel like I will never date anyone again. The guys who I want to date don't seem to want to date me, I feel so unattractive to guys, I haven't dated anyone for about 2 1/2 years (since Steve).. I'm getting very discouraged and frustrated about it lately, more and more. It's hard.
I'm on Fall break for the next week and a half (and let me tell you, it didn't come a minute too soon, I needed this break so bad), and I would love to just go on a date with someone. I crave to go on a date, a good date. To feel like a girl, to feel feminine with a guy. To have a guy's attention, to feel attractive. So here's to hopin'.
But it was a lot of fun, so good to all be together and catch up. As I left, my heart began to hurt. That sounds really dumb, but it was because of Ben. He is an amazing guy. And on top of how great he is, he's very physically attractive. Never has he ever shown interest in being more than friends with me, and never has that been a big deal. But tonight, I don't know, maybe it's because we're all older, maybe it's because there are fewer great single guys out there, and any out there come far between, that being around someone like Ben, who I've been friends with for 7 years, makes me really want to date him. To be around him more. I would love to just spend time with him. We get along really well. He's very down to earth, and he has a good sense of humor.
I think also, inside I crave to be close to a man, and I don't really have any guy friends right now. All those guys are huggers, which I've always loved, and it was so so good to hug them. Eric has always been my favorite to hug, then Ben; Sean is up there too, but he's married now, so it's not really the same. But hugging Ben tonight, when we got there, and then when we were all leaving, felt so good. I love him. I really feel like I can say that. I love all those guys. I really do. They are all so great. And you just don't come across such great guys like that every day, who are single.
And about Ben, I felt like he enjoyed being around me, or at least showed it, more tonight than I've ever felt. I know we've always been friends, and he's always liked me as one, but tonight I felt like he looked at me more than I expected. And maybe I just haven't been around him for a while. But it made me feel this little glimmer of hope, and made me really crave that more. To be around him more. So when we all said goodbye and left, I literally felt hurt, my heart hurt. One of those feelings that if I drank, would push me to go drown my pain in drinking. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I really just would love to spend time with him. He's so great.
I prayed in the car on the way home, and just kind of told HF what I was feeling, and pleaded with Him to help me make sense of this feeling, and to be able to reconcile with it, and to help me feel better, and not hurt. And to perhaps provide something that I would need a date for or something I could invite him to. I really don't have any guy friends up here, really, so if I ever needed a date for something, even regardless of this sudden strong desire to date Ben, he would be a great option. Bummer that he still lives in Provo.
But anyway, so I got home, and I've gotten ready for bed, and I'm feeling better. I would still love to spend more time with him, he's just such a stellar guy. And I just don't meet guys like that hardly ever. But I'm trying not to think about it. And I think part of it is that I'm just really craving male attention, as well as male touch. Seriously, being hugged by those guys, specifically Ben (such good hugs), felt SO good. And I think that just added to the pain, of wanting that in my life so badly.
Tomorrow, this weekend, is General Conference. And my question that I am taking to GC, to get answered, may seem trite. But it's really been weighing on my mind more and more. It is this: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties? Some days are harder than others, but lately I just feel like I will never date anyone again. The guys who I want to date don't seem to want to date me, I feel so unattractive to guys, I haven't dated anyone for about 2 1/2 years (since Steve).. I'm getting very discouraged and frustrated about it lately, more and more. It's hard.
I'm on Fall break for the next week and a half (and let me tell you, it didn't come a minute too soon, I needed this break so bad), and I would love to just go on a date with someone. I crave to go on a date, a good date. To feel like a girl, to feel feminine with a guy. To have a guy's attention, to feel attractive. So here's to hopin'.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
A crazy, stressful, but also really good week--room flooded, computer crashed, and I actually felt attractive to a boy!
This past week was one of the craziest, and most stressful (at times) weeks I've had in a long time, I feel like. So many crazy things happened! To list:
-the hot water heater next to my room, for the apts, started leaking Monday morning, so my room flooded.
-Monday evening I accidentally pulled my computer onto the floor, and thankfully it worked the rest of the evening, but wouldn't the next day. I would say it "crashed." Ha, literally. To the floor. It's maybe funny now, but definitely not when it stopped working. Stressful.
-Tues I also received a message/email from the guy "J_F_K", Josh, on ldssingles.com, which I had been anticipating for days. That was right before I took my computer in to be fixed, so I was excited to see his reply, assuming it would be a bright spot in my day. It wasn't. He made me so mad! The way he responded to my response/message, made me feel like I didn't know anything, and like I was totally inferior to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, but a lot of information he informed me of, about nursing and other things, I already knew, or I did not need or want to hear then. I felt like he was my parent or something. Totally ticked me off (not to mention I had no desire to write him back anymore).
-Then I took my disfunctioning computer to PC Laptops Tues evening, at the referral of Steve (he said he trusts them), and on the phone one guy was really helpful, but when I actually took it there, the kid that helped me in the store was so frustrating to me because he kept trying to sell me a computer. I didn't want a new computer! I wanted mine to be fixed! That day was one of my "emotional" days, and he was the one who set me off (actually it was probably first the dumb message from J_F_K). So I was frustrated at him (the PC Laptops kid), and then at everyone and everything else in the world the rest of the night, including drivers on the road on my way home, everyone.
-Wed I had to give my presentation for clinicals on the patient of my choice. That was stressful in and of itself because David, our clinical instructor, is so..strict (I could say anal) about it, and will throw things at you while presenting that you better know, or it's "minus 2 points." Makes it really stressful. So I was stressed working on that the first half of the week, up until I was finished giving it in post-conference with our group on Wed. afternoon.
-What else..oh, got a flu shot Wed. after clinicals and I woke up sick thurs morning. So after I finished my patho lecture and the quiz that was due that morning before class, I got in the shower (in Mom and Dad's, mine still wasn't working well), and I felt so weak and achey, I was extremely tired, plus since I wouldn't have my computer to keep me awake through class, I thought there wasn't much point in going. I would just be miserable and struggle to stay awake the whole three hours anyway. So I ate some breakfast, started my makeup, dried my hair, and went back to bed. I slept for a couple hours, and felt a little better. I went to my afternoon class (Health Policy), and later that afternoon I felt pretty back to normal. It was really weird, I've never gotten sick from a flu shot. I think I did because I was immunocompromised: lacking sleep, had been stressed all week, etc.
The week wasn't all bad, however. The great parts of the week included:
-Seeing In The Heights Wed. evening with Jamie, her brother Mark, and his date, at Pioneer Memorial Theater at the U. I got Jamie and I free tickets because I'm a student (totally great, just found out about this deal), and Sister Garff in our ward offered my mom two tickets to it the night before, for the same night we were going, so Jamie's brother came and brought a date. I loved the show. It's a broadway actually, a pretty new one, and it's a lot of fun. The music was AMAZING. So fun and catchy, and the performers had pheonomenal voices. There was a good amount of swearing in it, and a little bit of on-the-risque-side of dancing. So those were the bummers. The next day Jamie dropped off a burned copy of the soundtrack, and I'm so addicted! I love the music! Some of the songs do have swearing, and I normally do NOT listen to music with swearing, because the lines with swear words get stuck in my head. So it's kind of a moral dilemma with this music..it's SO good and so fun, but... so what to do..
-Lamp of Learning was Thurs night. This was for nursing school, where we got to bring our family and show them the simulation lab in the nursing building, and then there was a pin ceremony afterwards where we were given our nursing pins and basically welcomed into the profession of nursing. And there was really good food after. Mom and Dad came to it all, and I was really glad. It was fun for them to be able to see where I went to school and meet some of my friends and faculty, and see some of what I've been doing and telling them about.
-On Sat. I finally got a filing system going for Mom and Dad and cleared off a bunch of the stuff that is constantly piling up on the counter! This probably seems silly that this was a highlight, but the clutter that is constantly in the kitchen (and other places, but worst in the kitchen, plus it's always in our faces being right there) drives me CRAZY! I finally came up with an idea (probably inspiration) that seemed like would work, and so far it has! And mom and dad are happy with it too. Again, this seems silly, but having that counter so much cleaner seriously decreases some anxiety. I feel like I can actually function in the kitchen and don't feel totally caved in.
-On Sat., a guy called from PC Laptops, telling me that he had started working on my computer, and that he would continue to work on it through the afternoon, and back again Monday morning. One of the first things he said to me was, "I fixed it!" I was like, "Really?! How??" "Well, there was this sticker on your computer...so I took it off, and it started working again..!" I have a BYU sticker on my computer, that I love, and he was totally bashing on BYU. I was like, "Oh my gooosh.." And it wasn't too long before I started with the comebacks. He liked that, found me pretty hilarious, actually, and at one point, after cracking up at one of my comebacks, said, "I can't wait to meet you in person!" I loved THAT. :)
Anyway, loooong story short, he called back like 20 or 30 min later and it was done! Lots quicker than he expected, and nothing was lost!!!! My computer was completely back to normal!!! I was THRILLED!! Nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me. But on the phone, after telling me it was fixed, he said, "But I do have some bad news." So I asked what, nervous. And he said, "You listen to Amy Grant and One Direction." Haha, he was looking at my music list on Spotify, that just automatically pops up. So then he continued to list other artists on there, and totally bashed my musical selections. I joked around back, and we were both laughing. After a bit more bashing on BYU and my sticker, and trying to sell me a couple more things (but not in an annoying way, thank goodness) he said that yes, I could come get my computer, and that his name was Moss (yes, Moss). So I went and changed real quick, fixed my makeup, put deoderant and spray on, and ran to get it so I could get back to watch the RS broadcast.
Another long story short (I need to go to bed), we joked around more, about BYU and what not, I actually gave him a BYU silly band (from my BYUSA days and True Blue Tuesdays) that we had laying around, as a token of my appreciation, and he loved that of course. :) Actually, I mostly loved his reaction. So after installing some more updates (I swear he waited to do that until I got there, to keep me there longer, which, if that was true, I was kind of flattered and didn't mind to much:) and fiddeling around with my computer, explaining some more things he did, it was time to pay and leave. As he was ringing me up and sending me on my way, he kept flirting and joking around with me. I was loving it. Then when I had paid, he gave me his card, which said "Moss," and I asked him the story of how he got that nickname. He told me, it was from when he was in the Marines; then as I was leaving, he was like, "I'll probably see you up there [at the U], I go there too." It had come out that I was now at the U. Then I asked him what he was studying, etc. So he came to the doorway, where I was, and we chatted for another minute. He had done art for undergrad, and was now getting his master's in A(something)E. Which stood for Art something Engineering. Basically a masters in producing video games. Huh. Interesting. Kind of funny to me. But cool, I guess. I then asked him, "So you're a gamer." He said yes. This usually is an immediate turnoff, but he's getting his masters in it. More impressive than your typical gamer. And he was wearing good shoes; most gamers often wear skater shoes, which are also a huge turn off for me. But he was wearing a type of shoe that I actually really like.
Anyway, by the time I left he had totally made my day. It had been sooooo long since I had felt attractive, appealing, desirable by a guy. And it felt SO good. And I would not mind doing something with him. So I used his card and sent him an email today. Partly funny, I attached a picture of One Direction as another token of my appreciation, haha. But then I also really wanted to really thank him, for my relief and joy that I had my computer back, without any data lost, was immeasurable. I was SO SO grateful that he was able to fix it. So at the end I said, "I know I don't really know you, but if I could do anything in return, let me know." I feel like that left the door pretty open, if he was interested in doing anything with me. So we'll see.
But honestly, if for no other reason, I'm grateful that my computer broke because of that experience with Moss. It was such a tender mercy of Heavenly Father, how Moss made me feel (attractive, appealing, etc.). I needed that so badly. So if I never see Moss again, I am so grateful to have at least had that interaction with him, and for how good he made me feel with the attention he gave me. That was definitely a highlight of my week. :)
And I also know that how things turned out so great with my computer, not having lost any data or anything, and not even having to buy a new hard drive or anything, was major answer to prayer. To many prayers. I know that that miracle was straight from my Father in Heaven, that He heard me and answered my prayers in such an amazing way because He cares so much about me and about what I care about. How blessed I am to have a Father like that.
Alright, got to go to bed. Here goes to another week...!
-the hot water heater next to my room, for the apts, started leaking Monday morning, so my room flooded.
-Monday evening I accidentally pulled my computer onto the floor, and thankfully it worked the rest of the evening, but wouldn't the next day. I would say it "crashed." Ha, literally. To the floor. It's maybe funny now, but definitely not when it stopped working. Stressful.
-Tues I also received a message/email from the guy "J_F_K", Josh, on ldssingles.com, which I had been anticipating for days. That was right before I took my computer in to be fixed, so I was excited to see his reply, assuming it would be a bright spot in my day. It wasn't. He made me so mad! The way he responded to my response/message, made me feel like I didn't know anything, and like I was totally inferior to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, but a lot of information he informed me of, about nursing and other things, I already knew, or I did not need or want to hear then. I felt like he was my parent or something. Totally ticked me off (not to mention I had no desire to write him back anymore).
-Then I took my disfunctioning computer to PC Laptops Tues evening, at the referral of Steve (he said he trusts them), and on the phone one guy was really helpful, but when I actually took it there, the kid that helped me in the store was so frustrating to me because he kept trying to sell me a computer. I didn't want a new computer! I wanted mine to be fixed! That day was one of my "emotional" days, and he was the one who set me off (actually it was probably first the dumb message from J_F_K). So I was frustrated at him (the PC Laptops kid), and then at everyone and everything else in the world the rest of the night, including drivers on the road on my way home, everyone.
-Wed I had to give my presentation for clinicals on the patient of my choice. That was stressful in and of itself because David, our clinical instructor, is so..strict (I could say anal) about it, and will throw things at you while presenting that you better know, or it's "minus 2 points." Makes it really stressful. So I was stressed working on that the first half of the week, up until I was finished giving it in post-conference with our group on Wed. afternoon.
-What else..oh, got a flu shot Wed. after clinicals and I woke up sick thurs morning. So after I finished my patho lecture and the quiz that was due that morning before class, I got in the shower (in Mom and Dad's, mine still wasn't working well), and I felt so weak and achey, I was extremely tired, plus since I wouldn't have my computer to keep me awake through class, I thought there wasn't much point in going. I would just be miserable and struggle to stay awake the whole three hours anyway. So I ate some breakfast, started my makeup, dried my hair, and went back to bed. I slept for a couple hours, and felt a little better. I went to my afternoon class (Health Policy), and later that afternoon I felt pretty back to normal. It was really weird, I've never gotten sick from a flu shot. I think I did because I was immunocompromised: lacking sleep, had been stressed all week, etc.
The week wasn't all bad, however. The great parts of the week included:
-Seeing In The Heights Wed. evening with Jamie, her brother Mark, and his date, at Pioneer Memorial Theater at the U. I got Jamie and I free tickets because I'm a student (totally great, just found out about this deal), and Sister Garff in our ward offered my mom two tickets to it the night before, for the same night we were going, so Jamie's brother came and brought a date. I loved the show. It's a broadway actually, a pretty new one, and it's a lot of fun. The music was AMAZING. So fun and catchy, and the performers had pheonomenal voices. There was a good amount of swearing in it, and a little bit of on-the-risque-side of dancing. So those were the bummers. The next day Jamie dropped off a burned copy of the soundtrack, and I'm so addicted! I love the music! Some of the songs do have swearing, and I normally do NOT listen to music with swearing, because the lines with swear words get stuck in my head. So it's kind of a moral dilemma with this music..it's SO good and so fun, but... so what to do..
-Lamp of Learning was Thurs night. This was for nursing school, where we got to bring our family and show them the simulation lab in the nursing building, and then there was a pin ceremony afterwards where we were given our nursing pins and basically welcomed into the profession of nursing. And there was really good food after. Mom and Dad came to it all, and I was really glad. It was fun for them to be able to see where I went to school and meet some of my friends and faculty, and see some of what I've been doing and telling them about.
-On Sat. I finally got a filing system going for Mom and Dad and cleared off a bunch of the stuff that is constantly piling up on the counter! This probably seems silly that this was a highlight, but the clutter that is constantly in the kitchen (and other places, but worst in the kitchen, plus it's always in our faces being right there) drives me CRAZY! I finally came up with an idea (probably inspiration) that seemed like would work, and so far it has! And mom and dad are happy with it too. Again, this seems silly, but having that counter so much cleaner seriously decreases some anxiety. I feel like I can actually function in the kitchen and don't feel totally caved in.
-On Sat., a guy called from PC Laptops, telling me that he had started working on my computer, and that he would continue to work on it through the afternoon, and back again Monday morning. One of the first things he said to me was, "I fixed it!" I was like, "Really?! How??" "Well, there was this sticker on your computer...so I took it off, and it started working again..!" I have a BYU sticker on my computer, that I love, and he was totally bashing on BYU. I was like, "Oh my gooosh.." And it wasn't too long before I started with the comebacks. He liked that, found me pretty hilarious, actually, and at one point, after cracking up at one of my comebacks, said, "I can't wait to meet you in person!" I loved THAT. :)
Anyway, loooong story short, he called back like 20 or 30 min later and it was done! Lots quicker than he expected, and nothing was lost!!!! My computer was completely back to normal!!! I was THRILLED!! Nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me. But on the phone, after telling me it was fixed, he said, "But I do have some bad news." So I asked what, nervous. And he said, "You listen to Amy Grant and One Direction." Haha, he was looking at my music list on Spotify, that just automatically pops up. So then he continued to list other artists on there, and totally bashed my musical selections. I joked around back, and we were both laughing. After a bit more bashing on BYU and my sticker, and trying to sell me a couple more things (but not in an annoying way, thank goodness) he said that yes, I could come get my computer, and that his name was Moss (yes, Moss). So I went and changed real quick, fixed my makeup, put deoderant and spray on, and ran to get it so I could get back to watch the RS broadcast.
Another long story short (I need to go to bed), we joked around more, about BYU and what not, I actually gave him a BYU silly band (from my BYUSA days and True Blue Tuesdays) that we had laying around, as a token of my appreciation, and he loved that of course. :) Actually, I mostly loved his reaction. So after installing some more updates (I swear he waited to do that until I got there, to keep me there longer, which, if that was true, I was kind of flattered and didn't mind to much:) and fiddeling around with my computer, explaining some more things he did, it was time to pay and leave. As he was ringing me up and sending me on my way, he kept flirting and joking around with me. I was loving it. Then when I had paid, he gave me his card, which said "Moss," and I asked him the story of how he got that nickname. He told me, it was from when he was in the Marines; then as I was leaving, he was like, "I'll probably see you up there [at the U], I go there too." It had come out that I was now at the U. Then I asked him what he was studying, etc. So he came to the doorway, where I was, and we chatted for another minute. He had done art for undergrad, and was now getting his master's in A(something)E. Which stood for Art something Engineering. Basically a masters in producing video games. Huh. Interesting. Kind of funny to me. But cool, I guess. I then asked him, "So you're a gamer." He said yes. This usually is an immediate turnoff, but he's getting his masters in it. More impressive than your typical gamer. And he was wearing good shoes; most gamers often wear skater shoes, which are also a huge turn off for me. But he was wearing a type of shoe that I actually really like.
Anyway, by the time I left he had totally made my day. It had been sooooo long since I had felt attractive, appealing, desirable by a guy. And it felt SO good. And I would not mind doing something with him. So I used his card and sent him an email today. Partly funny, I attached a picture of One Direction as another token of my appreciation, haha. But then I also really wanted to really thank him, for my relief and joy that I had my computer back, without any data lost, was immeasurable. I was SO SO grateful that he was able to fix it. So at the end I said, "I know I don't really know you, but if I could do anything in return, let me know." I feel like that left the door pretty open, if he was interested in doing anything with me. So we'll see.
But honestly, if for no other reason, I'm grateful that my computer broke because of that experience with Moss. It was such a tender mercy of Heavenly Father, how Moss made me feel (attractive, appealing, etc.). I needed that so badly. So if I never see Moss again, I am so grateful to have at least had that interaction with him, and for how good he made me feel with the attention he gave me. That was definitely a highlight of my week. :)
And I also know that how things turned out so great with my computer, not having lost any data or anything, and not even having to buy a new hard drive or anything, was major answer to prayer. To many prayers. I know that that miracle was straight from my Father in Heaven, that He heard me and answered my prayers in such an amazing way because He cares so much about me and about what I care about. How blessed I am to have a Father like that.
Alright, got to go to bed. Here goes to another week...!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Maybe just mortally single.
So I do not think I will be single forever, but I do often wonder if it won't be until the next life that I get married. I love Sherri Dew and all, but I can't say that I've ever wanted to be just like her (not married)...
I do hope it's in this life. I really want to have kids to take care of me when I'm old.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Will I be single forever?
I am feeling pretty bummed about boys.
I'm kind of done trying anything with David for now. So he didn't end up coming to run the Color Run 5k after all. Said he was too overloaded with school. Which I can totally understand. And the run was still a lot of fun, and I ended up running the whole thing except for a minute while I walked with Cheryl. But it was a lot of fun, and it was really encouraging that I was able to run so much of it. Also that my knee didn't bother me like I was worried it might.
And I dunno, David hasn't been super conversational through our facebook thread, so I'm just going to let things be with him for now. Kind of a bummer though, he's so awesome.
Still got Casey on the brain some, but still a bummer that he's not a member.
My home teachers are Dave Alder and Rob (not sure last name). They are way awesome, I totally lucked out with home teachers. Dave was one of my top three interests when I was first in the ward. He's tall, a good size, really nice, athletic, fun. But then my friend, Nichole Gallinger, started liking him, and they've gone out some. So then there there wasn't really any point in having interest in him, in fact I couldn't anymore. And that was fine, they seemed like they would go great together, so no big deal.
But it's been a couple months or so, and they aren't dating, but she still really really likes him. She has recently had a talk with him and told him she liked him, and he basically said he had an old girlfriend he couldn't let go of, or something. So timing (with Nichole) was bad right now. She just told me this today. So I feel like that means that he does like her (Nichole), it's just bad timing, like he said.
So I've been really good about not being interested in him, because she has been, but now that my other interests, or options, are kind of dwindling (David, Nick, etc), I have found myself thinking of him more. They came and home taught me today, and I love when they do! I feel like the three of us have so much fun talking and laughing! And most of the time it's just Dave and I talking, and I feel like we could just talk and laugh for hours. Both times they've come so far, they've had something else to get to, so time is cut short, but it feels like we could keep talking for a while. He's really great though. I think he's 27 or so, went to Utah State, got a masters in accounting, has a good job auditing for Questar (I think), he's totally active in the Gospel and the Church (sometimes hard to come by these days), does his home teaching, he's pretty solid.
And being my home teacher (and actually attractive to me), I am so reminded of Steve by this situation. I have been thinking about him, and the beginnings of our relationship, a lot this weekend. And I confess, I would love for that same thing to happen with Dave. It's not looking like it will right now, and I can't like him anyway. So it's kind of a lose-lose I feel like.
But I just so want a boy. Today, more than some days, I was just craving so badly having a guy, and feeling liked and wanted and held. I so miss being held and touched. I so miss Steve on days like this for that reason.
And lately I have been feeling so unattractive, at least to boys. Girls will tell me that I am so cute an look so pretty, and really nice things like that. But I sure don't feel like I make guys turn heads. And granted, I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous or anything. But some days I feel like I'm never going to date again or get any guy's attention (at least any guy that I would like to) to date him.
I'm kind of done trying anything with David for now. So he didn't end up coming to run the Color Run 5k after all. Said he was too overloaded with school. Which I can totally understand. And the run was still a lot of fun, and I ended up running the whole thing except for a minute while I walked with Cheryl. But it was a lot of fun, and it was really encouraging that I was able to run so much of it. Also that my knee didn't bother me like I was worried it might.
And I dunno, David hasn't been super conversational through our facebook thread, so I'm just going to let things be with him for now. Kind of a bummer though, he's so awesome.
Still got Casey on the brain some, but still a bummer that he's not a member.
My home teachers are Dave Alder and Rob (not sure last name). They are way awesome, I totally lucked out with home teachers. Dave was one of my top three interests when I was first in the ward. He's tall, a good size, really nice, athletic, fun. But then my friend, Nichole Gallinger, started liking him, and they've gone out some. So then there there wasn't really any point in having interest in him, in fact I couldn't anymore. And that was fine, they seemed like they would go great together, so no big deal.
But it's been a couple months or so, and they aren't dating, but she still really really likes him. She has recently had a talk with him and told him she liked him, and he basically said he had an old girlfriend he couldn't let go of, or something. So timing (with Nichole) was bad right now. She just told me this today. So I feel like that means that he does like her (Nichole), it's just bad timing, like he said.
So I've been really good about not being interested in him, because she has been, but now that my other interests, or options, are kind of dwindling (David, Nick, etc), I have found myself thinking of him more. They came and home taught me today, and I love when they do! I feel like the three of us have so much fun talking and laughing! And most of the time it's just Dave and I talking, and I feel like we could just talk and laugh for hours. Both times they've come so far, they've had something else to get to, so time is cut short, but it feels like we could keep talking for a while. He's really great though. I think he's 27 or so, went to Utah State, got a masters in accounting, has a good job auditing for Questar (I think), he's totally active in the Gospel and the Church (sometimes hard to come by these days), does his home teaching, he's pretty solid.
And being my home teacher (and actually attractive to me), I am so reminded of Steve by this situation. I have been thinking about him, and the beginnings of our relationship, a lot this weekend. And I confess, I would love for that same thing to happen with Dave. It's not looking like it will right now, and I can't like him anyway. So it's kind of a lose-lose I feel like.
But I just so want a boy. Today, more than some days, I was just craving so badly having a guy, and feeling liked and wanted and held. I so miss being held and touched. I so miss Steve on days like this for that reason.
And lately I have been feeling so unattractive, at least to boys. Girls will tell me that I am so cute an look so pretty, and really nice things like that. But I sure don't feel like I make guys turn heads. And granted, I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous or anything. But some days I feel like I'm never going to date again or get any guy's attention (at least any guy that I would like to) to date him.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Other updates besides boys. And then some more about boys (Casey enters)
So as far as other things in my life, life is good. I'm 4 weeks into my 2nd semester of nursing school, and I am loving this semester way more than last. We started clinicals on week 2, and I (we all were) was totally scared out of my mind. But it has been so great! So fun! I love it, and I finally am excited again to be a nurse! Which is big, since by the end of last semester I was wondering what I was doing, and didn't think I wanted to be a nurse anymore. So this semester and new excitement about nursing is very encouraging, to say the least.
I've given shots, pulled out IVs, pulled out a catheter, given meds, started IV pumps, watched dialysis, watched a central line started (by the PICC team), watched a paracentesis. It's been pretty cool so far. And watching some of those things, I've learned I don't actually love to do. It's cool to see how the procedure is done, but seeing someone get stuck with fairly large needles, and especially if they are visibly in pain, makes me start to get a little light. I could perform those tasks without getting light-headed I think, but watching them, I've decided, is not something I love. I kind of hope that goes away eventually though.
I'm at the U of U hospital, and I've been in AIM-A and AIM-B so far, and have been pretty lucky to get put with pretty good nurses so far. Some I've loved more than others, but overall, I've gotten pretty lucky. My favorite has been Portia in AIM-A on my 2nd week of clinicals, and I really like her name.
My ward is still great. Mostly because of the girls. We have awesome girls in this ward, and I still feel so blessed to have made such great friends already. The RS president was moving, so the RS presidency all got changed a few weeks ago, and I was called as Jamie's 2nd counselor. I was thrilled to receive the calling, mostly because I was so worried they were going to ask me to be RS pres. And I of course would have said yes, but that would have been so stressful right now. But I was also excited because I love Jamie, and knew she would be so great, and I was excited to still be working with her. And it's been a lot of fun! Brittany Berg is the 1st counselor, and hilarious Emily Gillespie is the secretary. We have a lot of fun.
So yeah, I'm not dating anyone, still, ever, and often that doesn't get to me too much. But I do have my days when my singleness is really frustrating. And last week and weekend were some of those days. I have been feeling so undatable, so unattractive to guys, like I wasn't even appealing at all upon first meeting a guy. Which may actually be true. I've never been one of those girls to catch a guy's attention upon first meeting. They have to get to know me to like me. Which in some ways is flattering, but in some ways, stinks. It makes me feel totally unattractive. But the past couple days I've felt better about things in that arena. Partly because of these small positive occurances regarding David Hall, and also because of my little crush on Casey at TRAILS. And since I just mentioned that, I'll quickly tell about it.
So I was waiting at the bus/shuttle stop outside the hospital with Elisa, after our clinicals, and my shuttle came, and I wanted to finish saying what I was saying to Elisa, and thought I had time, so then I got up to walk toward it, saw Casey, who had just gotten off, said hi, and then the shuttle started leaving! So I started running to it to flag it down, but to no avail. However, that was a blessing in disguise, because then I headed back to where Elisa was, and Casey had watched this, so I jokingly called to him, "Why didn't you hold the bus?" He walked back toward me, and started chatting with me. He initiated the conversation mostly, it was so great. He asked me how school was and such, and I asked him about school too. We stood there and chatted for a good five minutes or so. He is a good conversationalist (hallelujah! Finally, someone!), and he's really easy to talk to. We have similar senses of humor, and we think similarly, it seems. He uses his time really well, and is a hard worker, I can tell. And if I remember right, he wants to go to med school. Really great kid, he seems. Only thing is that I'm pretty sure he's not a member. But that can be fixed, right? :)
Anyway, it was really fun to talk to him, mostly because I actually felt like he was wanting to talk to me. Which doesn't happen often, if ever. Especially lately. He makes me feel attractive, appealing. He's really nice. And I really liked how he was dressed. At least of what I noticed: shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. At the end of our convo he asked if I was going to be at cycling tomorrow (today), and I said yes. Then we said bye and I was totally happy.
So I went to outdoor hand cycling today for TRAILS, and was excited to see him. TRAILS was fun today, I feel like I am becoming better and better friends with Natalie, Quoi, Casey, and others who run it and are always there. But especially those three. After I got there, I sat on the wood ramp thing on the trailer that Casey and Quoi were both on. Everyone was just chilling because there wasn't anything to do at the time. But right after I sat down (above Quoi and Casey), the three of us started chatting, and Casey promptly scooted up the ramp closer to me, as we kept chatting. I loved that, I was totally flattered.
I think he is 24. Not positive, but I'm hoping that's true. Because if not, he's not older, so he's younger.
So those are my two current interests. Two totally different guys, ha. But now you have it. I have officially confessed.
I've given shots, pulled out IVs, pulled out a catheter, given meds, started IV pumps, watched dialysis, watched a central line started (by the PICC team), watched a paracentesis. It's been pretty cool so far. And watching some of those things, I've learned I don't actually love to do. It's cool to see how the procedure is done, but seeing someone get stuck with fairly large needles, and especially if they are visibly in pain, makes me start to get a little light. I could perform those tasks without getting light-headed I think, but watching them, I've decided, is not something I love. I kind of hope that goes away eventually though.
I'm at the U of U hospital, and I've been in AIM-A and AIM-B so far, and have been pretty lucky to get put with pretty good nurses so far. Some I've loved more than others, but overall, I've gotten pretty lucky. My favorite has been Portia in AIM-A on my 2nd week of clinicals, and I really like her name.
My ward is still great. Mostly because of the girls. We have awesome girls in this ward, and I still feel so blessed to have made such great friends already. The RS president was moving, so the RS presidency all got changed a few weeks ago, and I was called as Jamie's 2nd counselor. I was thrilled to receive the calling, mostly because I was so worried they were going to ask me to be RS pres. And I of course would have said yes, but that would have been so stressful right now. But I was also excited because I love Jamie, and knew she would be so great, and I was excited to still be working with her. And it's been a lot of fun! Brittany Berg is the 1st counselor, and hilarious Emily Gillespie is the secretary. We have a lot of fun.
So yeah, I'm not dating anyone, still, ever, and often that doesn't get to me too much. But I do have my days when my singleness is really frustrating. And last week and weekend were some of those days. I have been feeling so undatable, so unattractive to guys, like I wasn't even appealing at all upon first meeting a guy. Which may actually be true. I've never been one of those girls to catch a guy's attention upon first meeting. They have to get to know me to like me. Which in some ways is flattering, but in some ways, stinks. It makes me feel totally unattractive. But the past couple days I've felt better about things in that arena. Partly because of these small positive occurances regarding David Hall, and also because of my little crush on Casey at TRAILS. And since I just mentioned that, I'll quickly tell about it.
So I was waiting at the bus/shuttle stop outside the hospital with Elisa, after our clinicals, and my shuttle came, and I wanted to finish saying what I was saying to Elisa, and thought I had time, so then I got up to walk toward it, saw Casey, who had just gotten off, said hi, and then the shuttle started leaving! So I started running to it to flag it down, but to no avail. However, that was a blessing in disguise, because then I headed back to where Elisa was, and Casey had watched this, so I jokingly called to him, "Why didn't you hold the bus?" He walked back toward me, and started chatting with me. He initiated the conversation mostly, it was so great. He asked me how school was and such, and I asked him about school too. We stood there and chatted for a good five minutes or so. He is a good conversationalist (hallelujah! Finally, someone!), and he's really easy to talk to. We have similar senses of humor, and we think similarly, it seems. He uses his time really well, and is a hard worker, I can tell. And if I remember right, he wants to go to med school. Really great kid, he seems. Only thing is that I'm pretty sure he's not a member. But that can be fixed, right? :)
Anyway, it was really fun to talk to him, mostly because I actually felt like he was wanting to talk to me. Which doesn't happen often, if ever. Especially lately. He makes me feel attractive, appealing. He's really nice. And I really liked how he was dressed. At least of what I noticed: shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. At the end of our convo he asked if I was going to be at cycling tomorrow (today), and I said yes. Then we said bye and I was totally happy.
So I went to outdoor hand cycling today for TRAILS, and was excited to see him. TRAILS was fun today, I feel like I am becoming better and better friends with Natalie, Quoi, Casey, and others who run it and are always there. But especially those three. After I got there, I sat on the wood ramp thing on the trailer that Casey and Quoi were both on. Everyone was just chilling because there wasn't anything to do at the time. But right after I sat down (above Quoi and Casey), the three of us started chatting, and Casey promptly scooted up the ramp closer to me, as we kept chatting. I loved that, I was totally flattered.
I think he is 24. Not positive, but I'm hoping that's true. Because if not, he's not older, so he's younger.
So those are my two current interests. Two totally different guys, ha. But now you have it. I have officially confessed.
David saga, continued, including Amy meets David!
So yeah, so the other day I got on his fb page, I guess to see if there was anything new, and noticed that he had recently signed up/joined the team for the 5k for Luann Kennington, which I had also been invited to join a while ago, but had decided not to run it because it is an expensive race ($40)! So I saw that he was running it, which made me happy about two things: 1) I didn't have to try to decide whether or not to hike Timp this weekend, merely so I could invite him, and 2) I could run this race instead, and see him there!
So I basically decided to run the race, and clearly made it sound like I had no idea he was running it when I signed up. Ha. Is that total dishonesty...?
So hopefully I'll see him on Sat., because he is, yet again, the only reason I paid a whopping $43 (fee included, of course) for the race!
And here's another thing: tonight, I got a text from my dearest Amy Brown (who is home from Jeru!), who I have told all about my obsession with this David Hall, who is now down there in Provo, etc., etc. And I told her, jokingly, to keep an eye out for him.
So anyway, totally out of the blue tonight, she texts me and says that she and Allison were at a grad BBQ tonight and ended up in line right in front of a David Hall that worked in Salt Lake! Hahaha! What are the odds of THAT?? She said that when she mentioned my name he lit up and said he was going to go hiking with me, etc. Her exact text (2nd one) was this:
"Hahaha, sooo crazy. When I said i'd keep an eye out for him i didn't think my odds were so good. Um, i so approve. And I brought up your name and he totally lit up and then told me how you guys were going to go hike and he was busy...all news to me! ;) and I checked out his shoes, just for you. Casual white nikes. Yes, I most definitely approve and no he def didn't get our #'s you goose :) but I totes can see u guys together and i love it!!!"
Aaaaa! He lit up! I couldn't contain my excitement and had questions that needed detailed answers, so I called her. She was in the library, so she walked out so we could talk, bless her.
Anyway, so funny. Don't you think that's got to be a sign? I mean, for him to meet her, when I've already told her all about him, and that I basically want to marry him..? We both thought so.:)
But in reality, I really hope something can happen, or at least that we can continue to keep in contact and become better friends, even if it is slow.
How funny is that though?? I just can't get over that they met, and that she asked if he knew me, and his reaction. Ha!
More updates to come. Hopefully.
So I basically decided to run the race, and clearly made it sound like I had no idea he was running it when I signed up. Ha. Is that total dishonesty...?
So hopefully I'll see him on Sat., because he is, yet again, the only reason I paid a whopping $43 (fee included, of course) for the race!
And here's another thing: tonight, I got a text from my dearest Amy Brown (who is home from Jeru!), who I have told all about my obsession with this David Hall, who is now down there in Provo, etc., etc. And I told her, jokingly, to keep an eye out for him.
So anyway, totally out of the blue tonight, she texts me and says that she and Allison were at a grad BBQ tonight and ended up in line right in front of a David Hall that worked in Salt Lake! Hahaha! What are the odds of THAT?? She said that when she mentioned my name he lit up and said he was going to go hiking with me, etc. Her exact text (2nd one) was this:
"Hahaha, sooo crazy. When I said i'd keep an eye out for him i didn't think my odds were so good. Um, i so approve. And I brought up your name and he totally lit up and then told me how you guys were going to go hike and he was busy...all news to me! ;) and I checked out his shoes, just for you. Casual white nikes. Yes, I most definitely approve and no he def didn't get our #'s you goose :) but I totes can see u guys together and i love it!!!"
Aaaaa! He lit up! I couldn't contain my excitement and had questions that needed detailed answers, so I called her. She was in the library, so she walked out so we could talk, bless her.
Anyway, so funny. Don't you think that's got to be a sign? I mean, for him to meet her, when I've already told her all about him, and that I basically want to marry him..? We both thought so.:)
But in reality, I really hope something can happen, or at least that we can continue to keep in contact and become better friends, even if it is slow.
How funny is that though?? I just can't get over that they met, and that she asked if he knew me, and his reaction. Ha!
More updates to come. Hopefully.
the rest of the convo between David and me
August 31David Peter Hall Aug 31- That sounds like a blast! I don't know if I can make it though. What is the timeline for the trip? I agreed to a blind date tonight... bu maybe I can join you after.
August 31Melissa Gurr Aug 31- Hm..good luck with the blind date. As far as timeline, so we were planning on meeting up Provo Canyon to start around 5:30, hike up to Emerald Lake (more than half way, I think), camp/sleep there, get to the top by sunrise, and then we'd be back down in the morning around 10ish. But I just got bad news that the guy planning the trip is sick and apparently it's supposed to rain/storm tonight too. So I'm waiting to hear if we're still going at all. I'll let you know.
August 31David Peter Hall Aug 31- Okay, well it doesn't sound like it would work for me... but thanks for the invite, I love that kind of stuff. Have a great time if you go!
David
September 3Melissa Gurr Sept 3- So we did end up going, and it actually turned into kind of a nightmare, ha. So don't be too sad that you weren't able to come. A different group of friends and I may go again in a couple weeks though, so I'll let you know if we do.
How'd the blind date go?
September 3David Peter Hall Sept 3- Yeah let me know for sure. The blind date was good. Funny story about that, I went on a blind date Friday night AND Saturday night. And to make a long story short, it turned out that the two girls I was set up with are roommates. And in my ward. How's that for coincidence?
September 3Melissa Gurr Sept 3- Oh, that is hilarious. Yeah, what are the odds? I'm assuming it was two different people that set you up then. How funny. So, was one better company than the other? And are you going to be a source of contention between the two roommates now? That is the question.
- And are you also their home teacher?
David Peter Hall Sept 3- I am going to try to get them for home teaching, but we will see. ha ha. I don't think it will be a source of contention. I don't plan on asking either of them out again.
49 minutes agoMelissa Gurr TODAY--Sept 9, 2012- So you've probably already assumed this, but just to let you know, we are not hiking Timp again this weekend after all.
But I saw that you are running the 5k for Luann on Saturday too! How do you know the Kenningtons? Were you in the ward when he was still in the bishopric?
As far as timeline, so we were planning on meeting up Provo Canyon to start around 5:30, hike up to Emerald Lake (more than half way, I think), camp/sleep there, get to the top by sunrise, and then we'd be back down in the morning around 10ish. But I just got bad news that the guy planning the trip is sick and apparently it's supposed to rain/storm tonight too. So I'm waiting to hear if we're still going at all. I'll let you know.So that's where we're at with that. But yesterday Liz in the ward posted about some job openings on the ward fb page, and David (though he's not actually in the ward anymore) made a funny comment, so I "liked" it (after some consideration of not, for fear he might think I was totally into him or something...). And then after more consideration on not, I commented as well, referencing his comment, hoping that anyone would think my comment was funny.
To my great and utter surprise and joy, not thirty min or so later, someone had already "liked" my comment, and IT WAS DAVID!!! "David Peter Hall likes this" it said. I was giddy. Because not only does that mean he doesn't think I'm creepy (at least I feel like I can assume that), but he LIKED my comment too! Which, again assuming, means he thought it was funny! I hope.
Anyway, I'm sure I sound like a desperate, obsessed little girl, but it's just that I've been hoping for something with him for so long, that I feel like, ever so slowly, we are becoming better acquainted.
At least my hope hasn't totally been put out.
Updates on the male department
So much to update on!!
Quick updates:
Nick A. is totally out of the picture. For multiple reasons. Reason #1 being that he is totally not for me, not my type. But he's so awkward around me, doesn't really talk to me at all. But Jamie (RS pres, and my good friend) is interested in him, and it seems kind of mutual. So all the happiness to them.
I'm still thinking about Mr. [perfect] David Hall. For a while I was praying daily about it, that something might could still happen, then there was that Nick Anderson phase and I didn't think about David a whole lot, but then I got back to thinking about him. I don't know if anything is worth hoping for, but I just really liked being around him, and everything I saw in him. I just really want to be around him enough more to either rule him out, y'know, check him off the list, or for something to happen. I just feel like if I don't, I'll wonder "what if" forever, y'know?
So after the suggestion and encouragement of Wendy, I invited him, via facebook, to come hike Timp with us. He couldn't because he was set up on a blind date. But we had some positive interaction on facebook, and then after the Timp ordeal, my friend Jessica DaCosta told me her friends were maybe going to try hiking it again in 2 weeks. I had absolutely no desire to hike that blasted mountain again. But then I thought to be able to invite David again, might be worth it. So I told David not to be too sad that he didn't come because it was a nightmare, but that I might hike it again with some other friends in 2 weeks. He said to definitely let him know.
Here is the start of our "conversation." The rest is on the next post because it wouldn't all post right on this one post.
Quick updates:
Nick A. is totally out of the picture. For multiple reasons. Reason #1 being that he is totally not for me, not my type. But he's so awkward around me, doesn't really talk to me at all. But Jamie (RS pres, and my good friend) is interested in him, and it seems kind of mutual. So all the happiness to them.
I'm still thinking about Mr. [perfect] David Hall. For a while I was praying daily about it, that something might could still happen, then there was that Nick Anderson phase and I didn't think about David a whole lot, but then I got back to thinking about him. I don't know if anything is worth hoping for, but I just really liked being around him, and everything I saw in him. I just really want to be around him enough more to either rule him out, y'know, check him off the list, or for something to happen. I just feel like if I don't, I'll wonder "what if" forever, y'know?
So after the suggestion and encouragement of Wendy, I invited him, via facebook, to come hike Timp with us. He couldn't because he was set up on a blind date. But we had some positive interaction on facebook, and then after the Timp ordeal, my friend Jessica DaCosta told me her friends were maybe going to try hiking it again in 2 weeks. I had absolutely no desire to hike that blasted mountain again. But then I thought to be able to invite David again, might be worth it. So I told David not to be too sad that he didn't come because it was a nightmare, but that I might hike it again with some other friends in 2 weeks. He said to definitely let him know.
Here is the start of our "conversation." The rest is on the next post because it wouldn't all post right on this one post.
David! Hey, how's it goin? How's BYU and P-town treating you? More importantly, have you been to Farr's Ice Cream yet? If not, you haven't reached the greatest possible happiness there in Provo.
So a bunch of friends and I (including at least one you know, Wendy Larson) are coming down to hike Timp tomorrow night, actually basically backpacking it, camping at a lake partway up, and then hiking the rest of the way in the morning for the sunrise. If you're not doing anything you should come!
So a bunch of friends and I (including at least one you know, Wendy Larson) are coming down to hike Timp tomorrow night, actually basically backpacking it, camping at a lake partway up, and then hiking the rest of the way in the morning for the sunrise. If you're not doing anything you should come!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Timp ordeal
So last weekend (Labor Day weekend) a few friends and I hiked Timp. I had never done it, and have always wanted to. It was originally going to be my friend Jessica DaCosta, from my nursing program, and a bunch of her friends, and then some friends from my ward, but then her friend planning it got sick that morning, and there was a storm warning, so most of her friends bailed. My friend, Wendy, and her friend, Nate, still wanted to go, so I agreed to still go. So it was Wendy, Nate, Andrea, Cesar (both from our ward), and me. Kind of a random group of friends, but random is good.
So a lot of people hike Timp (Mt. Timpanogos) in the night, to be at the top to see the sunrise. So our plan was to start out in the evening, hike up to Emerald Lake, which is more than half way, camp there, and then hike the rest of the way to the summit for the sunrise in the morning.
It all started when we ended up starting later than planned, and then the trail that Nate was familiar with was closed, so we had to go to a different one. We hiked the wrong trail for 3 hours (to Stewart Falls, and then practically straight up the mountain, thinking we were following the trail the post pointed to, and after risking our lives on the nearly-vertical loose dirt and rocks, decided it was the wrong trail, and carefully made our way back down, with me at the bottom, so going down first, by first unbuckling my pack and essentially throwing it down first...it rolled and rolled and rolled..). We got back to the parking lot, to square one, at 11 pm (started at 8, so we'd now been hiking for 3 hours, and we were back where we started. Awesome.
We regrouped, ate some food (tortillas and PB, thanks to Wendy), ditched the tents. Andrea and Cesar decided to take Wendy up on her offer to take her car and go home. I already had a blister from my poorly-chosen shoes to hike in, so Cesar was so great and let me wear his, so we swapped shoes. So then it was just Wendy, Nate, and me that were going to hike Timp now. We said goodbye to the two going home, and the three of us headed up the mountain.
In another nutshell, we didn't start on the right trail then until 11:30 pm, didn't get to the lake to camp until 4 am. I literally barely made it, after having been hiking then for more than 7 hours that night, it was pretty rough. There have been few times in my life when I've prayed that hard. I was pleading with HF to just get me up that mountain, because by 2 or 3 am, I was completely shot. I had pulled muscle in my hip, my knee wasn't doing so hot, I had a blister on the back of my heel, and I had reached total exhaustion. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. To the point of tears. I was crying off and on, and towards the top I just cried and prayed as I dragged myself up the mountain. It was pretty traumatic. Once at the lake, we stripped down and put on what dry clothes we had (we were all drenched from sweat, even though it was freezing outside), threw down our sleeping bags on the tarp Nate brought, slept for about an hour (that was the dryest, warmest hour of sleep ever...so great), then it started raining.
So we got up, tried making this lean-to with the tarp, next to this shelter we had been sleeping by (there were already campers sleeping inside of it, otherwise we would have been camping in there), but after a few min. we were getting wet. And by now it was POURING, along with thundering and lightening like crazy. So luckily there was the rangers' shelter up there, which we took cover in, wet, cold, and exhausted, along with about 40 other hikers in there. It was basically standing room only. And besides being totally miserable, it was pretty comical, the situation we were in. We waited it out in there, with all the other hikers, for just under a couple hours, and then headed back down the mountain. None of us had any desire to even try to hike to the top anymore.
We went down the other side, down the trail that we originally were going to come UP. Nate thought it would be a lot easier to traverse, and he was right. I was really glad not to re-visit the same trail we had come up. The best part of the whole ordeal was the view when we started back down. The rain had stopped, and the tons of fog that had been present was clearing, the sky was blue, the mountain was covered in green vegetation, and it was absolutely beautiful. That made it all worth it.
3 1/2 hours later we made it to the bottom. Going down was much better than going up, for obvious reasons, but thank heavens. After we were woken up by the rain after getting only an hour of sleep, I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to make it down very well, having only slept that long, when that was what I was so lacking the night before, making getting UP the mountain extremely difficult. But in the shelter, Wendy let me sit down on her sleeping bag, so I sat (while they stood, though there was eventually enough room to sit, but they stayed standing for some reason) for over an hour, which I'm sure helped to rest my legs some more at least, even if I wasn't able to sleep any more.
But I can't even describe the joy I felt when we reached the bottom. SO relieved!!! And after only a few minutes, Cesar pulled up to pick us up, and boy were we happy to see him!
So needless to say, we were pretty dead by the end of it all, ha. Miserable night, but funny to look back on all that happened. :)
So a lot of people hike Timp (Mt. Timpanogos) in the night, to be at the top to see the sunrise. So our plan was to start out in the evening, hike up to Emerald Lake, which is more than half way, camp there, and then hike the rest of the way to the summit for the sunrise in the morning.
It all started when we ended up starting later than planned, and then the trail that Nate was familiar with was closed, so we had to go to a different one. We hiked the wrong trail for 3 hours (to Stewart Falls, and then practically straight up the mountain, thinking we were following the trail the post pointed to, and after risking our lives on the nearly-vertical loose dirt and rocks, decided it was the wrong trail, and carefully made our way back down, with me at the bottom, so going down first, by first unbuckling my pack and essentially throwing it down first...it rolled and rolled and rolled..). We got back to the parking lot, to square one, at 11 pm (started at 8, so we'd now been hiking for 3 hours, and we were back where we started. Awesome.
We regrouped, ate some food (tortillas and PB, thanks to Wendy), ditched the tents. Andrea and Cesar decided to take Wendy up on her offer to take her car and go home. I already had a blister from my poorly-chosen shoes to hike in, so Cesar was so great and let me wear his, so we swapped shoes. So then it was just Wendy, Nate, and me that were going to hike Timp now. We said goodbye to the two going home, and the three of us headed up the mountain.
In another nutshell, we didn't start on the right trail then until 11:30 pm, didn't get to the lake to camp until 4 am. I literally barely made it, after having been hiking then for more than 7 hours that night, it was pretty rough. There have been few times in my life when I've prayed that hard. I was pleading with HF to just get me up that mountain, because by 2 or 3 am, I was completely shot. I had pulled muscle in my hip, my knee wasn't doing so hot, I had a blister on the back of my heel, and I had reached total exhaustion. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. To the point of tears. I was crying off and on, and towards the top I just cried and prayed as I dragged myself up the mountain. It was pretty traumatic. Once at the lake, we stripped down and put on what dry clothes we had (we were all drenched from sweat, even though it was freezing outside), threw down our sleeping bags on the tarp Nate brought, slept for about an hour (that was the dryest, warmest hour of sleep ever...so great), then it started raining.
So we got up, tried making this lean-to with the tarp, next to this shelter we had been sleeping by (there were already campers sleeping inside of it, otherwise we would have been camping in there), but after a few min. we were getting wet. And by now it was POURING, along with thundering and lightening like crazy. So luckily there was the rangers' shelter up there, which we took cover in, wet, cold, and exhausted, along with about 40 other hikers in there. It was basically standing room only. And besides being totally miserable, it was pretty comical, the situation we were in. We waited it out in there, with all the other hikers, for just under a couple hours, and then headed back down the mountain. None of us had any desire to even try to hike to the top anymore.
We went down the other side, down the trail that we originally were going to come UP. Nate thought it would be a lot easier to traverse, and he was right. I was really glad not to re-visit the same trail we had come up. The best part of the whole ordeal was the view when we started back down. The rain had stopped, and the tons of fog that had been present was clearing, the sky was blue, the mountain was covered in green vegetation, and it was absolutely beautiful. That made it all worth it.
3 1/2 hours later we made it to the bottom. Going down was much better than going up, for obvious reasons, but thank heavens. After we were woken up by the rain after getting only an hour of sleep, I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to make it down very well, having only slept that long, when that was what I was so lacking the night before, making getting UP the mountain extremely difficult. But in the shelter, Wendy let me sit down on her sleeping bag, so I sat (while they stood, though there was eventually enough room to sit, but they stayed standing for some reason) for over an hour, which I'm sure helped to rest my legs some more at least, even if I wasn't able to sleep any more.
But I can't even describe the joy I felt when we reached the bottom. SO relieved!!! And after only a few minutes, Cesar pulled up to pick us up, and boy were we happy to see him!
So needless to say, we were pretty dead by the end of it all, ha. Miserable night, but funny to look back on all that happened. :)
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Email to LynAnn Bates (Dean's daughter)
8/22/12
Hey LynAnn!
Hey LynAnn!
I have been thinking of you, and wondering how you are too. I'm doing really well. Yes, I was in school all summer, finished my first semester (of 4) at the beginning of August and then just got done with our 2 week break, which was so needed. Did a lot of family stuff and just got things done. The semester went pretty well, but I was sure glad to have it over, it was pretty intense. This semester we start clinicals in the hospitals, and my first official day of clinicals is next Tuesday. This week we've been doing orientation and getting ready to be in the hospitals. I'm slightly terrified, but also excited. I'm at the U of U hospital this semester, and I'm excited to be there, it seems like a really great hospital. As far as liking nursing school..? There are definitely parts that I love, like the friends I have made, and learning more about the medical world, and how to actually do things like start IVs, give shots, start catheters, etc., but also parts I haven't loved, that are just tedious and have felt like busy work. But the good comes with the bad, right? So overall, yes, I like it. I'm really excited for the day that I actually feel like I know what I'm doing (maybe years, but here's to hoping it's sooner..). :)
I miss talking to you too, and I certainly miss Dean. Sweet Dean. I think about him often.
I miss talking to you too, and I certainly miss Dean. Sweet Dean. I think about him often.
Speaking of which, I'm sure you're wondering, so I will just report that no, I'm not dating anyone. Ha, story of my life. But I absolutely love my singles ward, to my surprise, and have made a lot of really good friends there. Mostly the girls are awesome, but there are some good guys in the ward as well. There was one guy who I was incredibly impressed with and interested in, but then he moved to Provo just recently. Bummer. There's another one that I am interested in and we went out last week and had fun, but he seems very shy and nervous about the whole girls thing, so we'll see if anything ever happens.
But how are you doing? I talked to your mom a week or two ago and she said you have been pretty sick, so much so that you had to quit your job! I'm so sorry! How are you doing now? You working again, or taking a deserved break?
And how are you holding up without your dad? I don't doubt it's still really hard.
Thanks so much for the email, I was so excited when I saw it in my inbox!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
People I don't ever want to forget
These are people that I've met or known at BYU or elsewhere, who I never got a picture of or with, but who I don't ever want to forget. I will add to this periodically.
Lacey Arens--Physics friend at BYU; she, ___, and I were physics buddies; She was from TX, is a convert, served a mission here in UT, knew David Archeleta on her mission before he got famous
_____--another physics buddy, loved him; he was married, kind of a bummer sometimes, we got along really well. He thought I was cool for wearing hats some days (baseball hat), he said I was the only girl that did that. I liked that.:)
Leslie--Biomechanics friend; She, another girl, and I were another threesome of buddies in that class, with Dr. Seeley. In fact he's another, a professor, but one who I don't want to forget. I loved having him as a professor, he was really good at teaching, and really friendly and fun. I would love to marry someone like him. One day he commented on my shoes, that he liked them. That made me like him even more. :) But Leslie was darling, she was one who made me want to start wearing side messy buns because I sat behind her most days, and she often did her hair in one, and they were so cute!
Lacey Arens--Physics friend at BYU; she, ___, and I were physics buddies; She was from TX, is a convert, served a mission here in UT, knew David Archeleta on her mission before he got famous
_____--another physics buddy, loved him; he was married, kind of a bummer sometimes, we got along really well. He thought I was cool for wearing hats some days (baseball hat), he said I was the only girl that did that. I liked that.:)
Leslie--Biomechanics friend; She, another girl, and I were another threesome of buddies in that class, with Dr. Seeley. In fact he's another, a professor, but one who I don't want to forget. I loved having him as a professor, he was really good at teaching, and really friendly and fun. I would love to marry someone like him. One day he commented on my shoes, that he liked them. That made me like him even more. :) But Leslie was darling, she was one who made me want to start wearing side messy buns because I sat behind her most days, and she often did her hair in one, and they were so cute!
Monday, August 6, 2012
So blessed with friends
It is so late, and I need to go to bed. But I just had to write real quick about how blessed I am. Specifically with friends.
I love my ward, the Wilford YSA ward, and it's not because of the guys, it's because of the GIRLS. I have made some really great friends already, who I feel so loved around and have so much fun with! To name some, Necia, Nichole, Wendy, Jamie Walker, Katie Stuart, Liz Stitt, and Cheryl Johnson. There are so many awesome girls here, and I love going to social functions because I always have so much fun! Tonight I went over to Necia and Nichole's, and Wendy came over, and we had our own little game night. I took, and we ended up playing "Things." I love that game. And it was a blast. I still have a headache from laughing so hard all night.
Wendy had to leave first because she has to work early in the morning, and after she left, Necia, Nichole, and I watched Kid History videos on YouTube for a while, because Nichole had never seen them! They were hilarious, as always. And there are even new episodes I haven't seen yet! I had no idea! We didn't watch any of the new ones, I'm sure I'll be doing that soon...:)
Anyway, I love these girls. The worst part about this all is that Necia is going on a mission in five weeks. She has definitely become one of my best friends here, and I'm SO excited for her, of course, but also really bummed that she's leaving. I feel like this keeps happening: I move or something, make a new really great/best friend, we become really close, and then they leave. Whether it's to Jerusalem, or on a mission... This has now happened three times in a row: Elise Beckstead (now Powell), then Amy (who is still in Jeru), and now Necia. Bummer. But I'm very grateful that I keep making new friends and for the ability to make friends easily.
I love living here, and I love my ward (two pleasant surprises from what I anticipated). :)
I love my ward, the Wilford YSA ward, and it's not because of the guys, it's because of the GIRLS. I have made some really great friends already, who I feel so loved around and have so much fun with! To name some, Necia, Nichole, Wendy, Jamie Walker, Katie Stuart, Liz Stitt, and Cheryl Johnson. There are so many awesome girls here, and I love going to social functions because I always have so much fun! Tonight I went over to Necia and Nichole's, and Wendy came over, and we had our own little game night. I took, and we ended up playing "Things." I love that game. And it was a blast. I still have a headache from laughing so hard all night.
Wendy had to leave first because she has to work early in the morning, and after she left, Necia, Nichole, and I watched Kid History videos on YouTube for a while, because Nichole had never seen them! They were hilarious, as always. And there are even new episodes I haven't seen yet! I had no idea! We didn't watch any of the new ones, I'm sure I'll be doing that soon...:)
Anyway, I love these girls. The worst part about this all is that Necia is going on a mission in five weeks. She has definitely become one of my best friends here, and I'm SO excited for her, of course, but also really bummed that she's leaving. I feel like this keeps happening: I move or something, make a new really great/best friend, we become really close, and then they leave. Whether it's to Jerusalem, or on a mission... This has now happened three times in a row: Elise Beckstead (now Powell), then Amy (who is still in Jeru), and now Necia. Bummer. But I'm very grateful that I keep making new friends and for the ability to make friends easily.
I love living here, and I love my ward (two pleasant surprises from what I anticipated). :)
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The good and the bummer about David Hall. And now he is gone. But Nick Anderson...he's here at least.
So..man. Where to start.
Well, in a nutshell, this week took a turn for the better with Mr. David, and then not so much. So by Thursday, I was pretty much totally distressed, anxious, and getting hopeless about anything happening with David. I just wanted to hang out or talk to him one more time. Or heaven forbid, go out with him (that was sure hoping).
I ended up going to our ward softball game Thurs night, despite really needing to study, in hopes that he would be there. I knew that it could be the last chance I got to see him, I wasn't totally sure when he was moving and would be gone. I facebooked and then texted Necia, my sweet new friend in the ward, to see if she would be going. I wanted to maybe have someone who was going just text me if he came, and then I would go. Otherwise I would stay home and study.
So I confessed to her that I was hoping to see him there, and she actually offered to do that, but by then I just really wanted to go anyway. I love this ward and have made some good friends here. I feel really liked and welcomed, it's been so amazing. So as I was driving there, she texted me that he had just arrived. Great, now I was nervous.
Anyway, I got there and said hi to some people, and then headed over to sit with Necia. I passed him on the way and we said hi. And can I just make a note that, I don't know if it's just me, but I really have felt that anytime we say hi and make eye contact, like when he was leaving the devo last Sunday night and said bye, I feel like there is something there, like I'm surprisingly not just another girl to him. I feel something, and it seems like it's there for him too. But I don't know.
Anyway, then I went and sat by Necia and Wendy and Sister Gregory, and a few minutes later Necia and I went back to the other side and hung out with the team, including David. The others were in the field, and he was too many, so he was hanging out by the dugout.
I went up and started chatting with him. The first thing he said to me was, "why aren't you out there?" or something. I thought that was cute.:)
We chatted for a minute, about softball not being either of our best sports. I love to bat and run the bases, but I am so un-confident about throwing a softball, I don't like being in the field. I also asked him how moving was going, and asked if he needed help (he declined. Bummer.).
Anyway, after the game we all went over to the pavillion and ate hot dogs that were being grilled by the stake (so nice). When I got my food and water, I headed over to the table with everyone, and he was on the end, conveniently, so I casually sat down a foot or two away from him. But next to him.:) Necia was also conveniently across from me.
Then Liz Stitt came and Cheryl Johnson, both of whom I love. They are fun girls. So many fun girls in this ward, I love it.
I started chatting with Necia about her 24th, and a few min later someone wanted to sit on the other side of David somewhere, so he scooted toward us and was now basically right next to me.
So we all just chatted about the 24th and rodeos and mutton bustin'. David heard we were talking about rodeos, and he turned to me and was like, "you went to a rodeo?" I told him no, that Necia had. But I liked that he directly asked me, when he heard what we were talking about.
So we all just kept chatting for a while, and then it ended up being just Liz, Cheryl and I, and this other guy from another ward came and sat by us and chatted. He was pretty cool. But David was chatting right behind me with someone. I was quite aware of this the whole time, of course. I was ready to go, but I wanted to go when he did. So I kept chatting with Liz and Cheryl and this guy, slowly getting ready to go, putting my purse strap over me, etc. Oh, at one point David had his foot up on the bench right next to me. I kind of liked that. I had this small urge to untie he shoes or touch his leg. But alas, I resisted.
Then David mentioned that he was going to head out, so I then decided to as well.:)
I got up, said bye, and threw away my garbage. He was right there at the fence, and I was like, "You heading out?" And he was like, "Yeah, you parked over (in that other lot)?" The other parking lot was the farther one where we both parked, making it a longer walk together, which was nice. I said yes and we both headed that way.
As I asked him how his 24th was and he started to tell me, he put a baseball hat on, which I love.
Sidenote: have I talked about on here things that are so attractive in a guy to me? Well, a few things include:
-workout clothes, i.e. gym shorts, t-shirt, tennis shoes
-baseball hats, especially backwards, mm.
-glasses
-good flip flops
So yeah, the hat just added to his already-attractive outfit of red gym shorts, t-shirt, and tennis shoes.
We chatted to our cars, about what he did on the 24th, and then about his calling he's had for the last year and a half (ward mission leader), and how the work is around here. I asked him about sisters in the area, and he gave me their number. Now I need to call them and go out with them.
Once we got to his car, I asked if he was going to the game night (at Necia, Nicole's, and Rebecca's) on Sat., and he said no, that he had a family reunion that night. Then as I was heading to my car, I was like, "Well, good luck moving. Let me know if you need any help." I had asked him during the game how moving had been going, and did he need any help. That time he said no, that he was good or whatever. That Junior was coming the next day to help him.
So when I said that, I was really surprised when he kind of paused and said, "Do you have a job?" "No, I'm just in school." "Are you available tomorrow at 2?" And I thought for a second and said, "Yeah, actually." Then he was like, "I might call you then" or something. And I was like, "Yeah, do" or whatever. And then we said bye and I got in the car and started freaking out in my head. As I drove out I of course wanted to share this amazing news with someone, and the first person I wanted to tell was of course Elisa, my good friend in my nursing class. She is 32, has two kids, and totally loves all the boy drama I've been having lately. She is so nice to listen to and be interested in all of my rantings and frustrations and nervousness and excitement and anxiety over these boys lately (specifically Steven, and then David). She's even better than Sally at listening to it all, and that's impressive.
So I called her right away and after she told me about the excitement that was happening in their apt complex with a fire having just been put out and the firetrucks being there, etc., I told her what had just happened. I was freaking out and she was really excited too! I couldn't believe it, it was almost like I had a date with him! If I had written in here that day, it would have looked something like this:
So that night I was all kinds of excited. And of course I thought about him a lot and about helping him move.
Then, the next morning (Friday, no school, study all day), I tried to be very efficient with my time, in studying, getting my scripture reading in, showering and doing my hair so I didn't look like a scrounge for him, did some dishes, and studied some more, basically until he called me.
Well, that's when the story turns. He never called me. And I'll be honest, a small part of me was relieved, for multiple reasons, one of which being that I had more time to study. But it certainly would have been worth it to me to spend time with him and not study. But I was kind of bummed. But I also know how moving goes, and that it doesn't always go as scheduled, and maybe the timing changed or he ended up not needing help or something. By the end of the night I wasn't too upset about it.
Then I wasn't sure if he'd be in church today, but I walked in (on time for the second time!), sat by Wendy and Necia and those girls, and looked around to where he would usually sit, no David, and then looked up on the stand, and there he was. Of course, speaking on his last Sunday here. So I got to look at him throughout the meeting, which was nice. And it seemed like he may have looked my way some too. But I couldn't tell for sure because my left eye kept watering so it wasn't real clear most of the time.
He was the last speaker, and gave a really great talk. Really great. One thing he talked about was a reason why our testimony is so powerful, and that is because it is what we know, which is the antithesis of doubt, which is a major tool the adversary uses on us. So we combat his tool of doubt with our conviction of what we know, and that is why it is so powerful. (He didn't say this, but) Thus, the more we know and have a testimony on, such as our divine worth, or that we will get married someday or whatever we are doubting, the less power Satan has over us. Hm.
After Sac. Mtg., a bunch of us were just hanging out, chatting, and he eventually came down the aisle, and I turned to say hi and tell him good job. He kind of stuck out his hand, and I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I shook it. Ha. But even just that "formal" physical contact seemed real, meaningful in a way. I told him really great job on his talk, and couldn't think of what else to say, but he kept moving to the others, basically to tell them he was leaving, then, like not going to the rest of church, and to say bye. He was heading up to Washington, not sure why. I was bummed that he was leaving right then, and he made his way to the doors of the chapel. I looked back at him, and it seemed like he had been looking at me.
When he left, it literally felt like a part of me..broke. That probably sounds really ridiculous and cheesy, and maybe it's because I have just thought about him so much in the last while, but I really feel something about him, and hope this isn't it. That I will get to see him again, or something will still miraculously happen between us. I was very sad inside, about him being gone. Just like that. I certainly wasn't really able to focus or got much out of sunday school after that. RS was better because it was on missionary work, and I always like that topic. Plus Rebecca did a great job teaching. But yeah, major bummer that he's gone.
I've been praying for help to not be sad, and for something to still be able to happen between us. I studied "hope" in my scripture study today, right after church. I felt better after, knowing and being reassured that I just need to have a hope in God, and that He has my best interests at hand, and knowing that I need not be "cast down" (Ps. 42:11). I asked Heavenly Father to help me not think about him anymore, to be able to let him go, if nothing is supposed to or will ever happen between us. But I also asked that something could still happen. But I also asked that if nothing was ever supposed to, that I meet or be shown other guys that can hold my interest to the level that David has. Because honestly, that will be the hardest thing, is measuring up to him. I still have not seen anything that I haven't liked about him. He is slightly on the thin side, but not bad. And he is tall, which helps, plus everything else about him is so great that the slight thin-ness is no big deal.
But speaking of other guys, so that guy, the EQP, Nick Anderson, and I did meet. I think I may have written about it in here, maybe, but it was at FHE last Monday, at the White's house. We watched The Sandlot as a ward and he ended up sitting next to me on this little bench, and we joked and made comments back and forth throughout the movie. Even flirted some. It was fun.
Well, he added me on facebook on Thursday, which really brightened my day when I got home from school that evening. I was kind of down and drained, from school and the whole David situation all week, and seeing that perked me right up.
So last night, at about midnight, I got on fb for some stimulation so that I could stay awake and study longer (for our huge Pharm exam 3 tomorrow), and hopefully gather some energy/motivation to do so. Not too long after I got on, I heard the chat box noise. I went and looked to see who was trying to talk to me, and it just so happened to be Nick Anderson. Ha! That made me a little excited, woke me right up. So we chatted and joked back and forth for the next while, about both of our sunburns (his was lateral thoracic, he let me know..:), and about the pass of all passes to Seven Peaks, etc. I might get one. Seems like lots of people in the ward go there, and it would be so fun.
So that was fun to chat with him, and feel like a cool guy wanted to talk to me. But I must say, he just hasn't caught my attention anywhere to the degree that David has. This is why I'm worried about it being hard to find someone to measure up to him. But, this Nick Anderson is probably next in line. Or the only other one really on the radar, I should say. Ha.
So I was kind of excited to see him at church, because I felt like we were definitely friends now. But when I saw him before RS and said hi, he said hi, barely. And then after church I was chatting in the hall with Liz Stitt (I love her) and he walked by and I was like, "Nick Anderson. How's it goin'?" And he very seriously said something small, like, "Good." And went on his way up the stairs. I was confused at that. He basically acted like he didn't even know me. I kind of pointed to him in confusion, as he went up the stairs, and Liz asked me about it. When he was gone, I told her that he had added me on fb this week, and we had chatted it up on there last night, and then he just acted like he didn't know me. Then she was like, "It's probably because you were talking to me." I thought she was kidding, but then she told me briefly about how something had happened between then a long time ago, and things had basically been awkward ever since. Sometimes things could be normal between them, she said. Ha. She wouldn't tell me what he did, because she said she didn't want me to think ill of him, which was very nice and mature of her, I thought. I am really curious, but part of me would rather not know either. Whatever it was, she said he felt really bad about it.
Anyway, so Nick is kind of my fall-back-on right now. He hasn't been super impressive to me, a fun guy, but hasn't really impressed me yet. I would like to get to know him better though. People say he's really cool. I am grateful though, to at least have someone to think about, and distract me a little from the current David tragedy.
Hopefully this saga will be continued. With either of them, really.
Well, in a nutshell, this week took a turn for the better with Mr. David, and then not so much. So by Thursday, I was pretty much totally distressed, anxious, and getting hopeless about anything happening with David. I just wanted to hang out or talk to him one more time. Or heaven forbid, go out with him (that was sure hoping).
I ended up going to our ward softball game Thurs night, despite really needing to study, in hopes that he would be there. I knew that it could be the last chance I got to see him, I wasn't totally sure when he was moving and would be gone. I facebooked and then texted Necia, my sweet new friend in the ward, to see if she would be going. I wanted to maybe have someone who was going just text me if he came, and then I would go. Otherwise I would stay home and study.
So I confessed to her that I was hoping to see him there, and she actually offered to do that, but by then I just really wanted to go anyway. I love this ward and have made some good friends here. I feel really liked and welcomed, it's been so amazing. So as I was driving there, she texted me that he had just arrived. Great, now I was nervous.
Anyway, I got there and said hi to some people, and then headed over to sit with Necia. I passed him on the way and we said hi. And can I just make a note that, I don't know if it's just me, but I really have felt that anytime we say hi and make eye contact, like when he was leaving the devo last Sunday night and said bye, I feel like there is something there, like I'm surprisingly not just another girl to him. I feel something, and it seems like it's there for him too. But I don't know.
Anyway, then I went and sat by Necia and Wendy and Sister Gregory, and a few minutes later Necia and I went back to the other side and hung out with the team, including David. The others were in the field, and he was too many, so he was hanging out by the dugout.
I went up and started chatting with him. The first thing he said to me was, "why aren't you out there?" or something. I thought that was cute.:)
We chatted for a minute, about softball not being either of our best sports. I love to bat and run the bases, but I am so un-confident about throwing a softball, I don't like being in the field. I also asked him how moving was going, and asked if he needed help (he declined. Bummer.).
Anyway, after the game we all went over to the pavillion and ate hot dogs that were being grilled by the stake (so nice). When I got my food and water, I headed over to the table with everyone, and he was on the end, conveniently, so I casually sat down a foot or two away from him. But next to him.:) Necia was also conveniently across from me.
Then Liz Stitt came and Cheryl Johnson, both of whom I love. They are fun girls. So many fun girls in this ward, I love it.
I started chatting with Necia about her 24th, and a few min later someone wanted to sit on the other side of David somewhere, so he scooted toward us and was now basically right next to me.
So we all just chatted about the 24th and rodeos and mutton bustin'. David heard we were talking about rodeos, and he turned to me and was like, "you went to a rodeo?" I told him no, that Necia had. But I liked that he directly asked me, when he heard what we were talking about.
So we all just kept chatting for a while, and then it ended up being just Liz, Cheryl and I, and this other guy from another ward came and sat by us and chatted. He was pretty cool. But David was chatting right behind me with someone. I was quite aware of this the whole time, of course. I was ready to go, but I wanted to go when he did. So I kept chatting with Liz and Cheryl and this guy, slowly getting ready to go, putting my purse strap over me, etc. Oh, at one point David had his foot up on the bench right next to me. I kind of liked that. I had this small urge to untie he shoes or touch his leg. But alas, I resisted.
Then David mentioned that he was going to head out, so I then decided to as well.:)
I got up, said bye, and threw away my garbage. He was right there at the fence, and I was like, "You heading out?" And he was like, "Yeah, you parked over (in that other lot)?" The other parking lot was the farther one where we both parked, making it a longer walk together, which was nice. I said yes and we both headed that way.
As I asked him how his 24th was and he started to tell me, he put a baseball hat on, which I love.
Sidenote: have I talked about on here things that are so attractive in a guy to me? Well, a few things include:
-workout clothes, i.e. gym shorts, t-shirt, tennis shoes
-baseball hats, especially backwards, mm.
-glasses
-good flip flops
So yeah, the hat just added to his already-attractive outfit of red gym shorts, t-shirt, and tennis shoes.
We chatted to our cars, about what he did on the 24th, and then about his calling he's had for the last year and a half (ward mission leader), and how the work is around here. I asked him about sisters in the area, and he gave me their number. Now I need to call them and go out with them.
Once we got to his car, I asked if he was going to the game night (at Necia, Nicole's, and Rebecca's) on Sat., and he said no, that he had a family reunion that night. Then as I was heading to my car, I was like, "Well, good luck moving. Let me know if you need any help." I had asked him during the game how moving had been going, and did he need any help. That time he said no, that he was good or whatever. That Junior was coming the next day to help him.
So when I said that, I was really surprised when he kind of paused and said, "Do you have a job?" "No, I'm just in school." "Are you available tomorrow at 2?" And I thought for a second and said, "Yeah, actually." Then he was like, "I might call you then" or something. And I was like, "Yeah, do" or whatever. And then we said bye and I got in the car and started freaking out in my head. As I drove out I of course wanted to share this amazing news with someone, and the first person I wanted to tell was of course Elisa, my good friend in my nursing class. She is 32, has two kids, and totally loves all the boy drama I've been having lately. She is so nice to listen to and be interested in all of my rantings and frustrations and nervousness and excitement and anxiety over these boys lately (specifically Steven, and then David). She's even better than Sally at listening to it all, and that's impressive.
So I called her right away and after she told me about the excitement that was happening in their apt complex with a fire having just been put out and the firetrucks being there, etc., I told her what had just happened. I was freaking out and she was really excited too! I couldn't believe it, it was almost like I had a date with him! If I had written in here that day, it would have looked something like this:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! He said he might call me tomorrow!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
So that night I was all kinds of excited. And of course I thought about him a lot and about helping him move.
Then, the next morning (Friday, no school, study all day), I tried to be very efficient with my time, in studying, getting my scripture reading in, showering and doing my hair so I didn't look like a scrounge for him, did some dishes, and studied some more, basically until he called me.
Well, that's when the story turns. He never called me. And I'll be honest, a small part of me was relieved, for multiple reasons, one of which being that I had more time to study. But it certainly would have been worth it to me to spend time with him and not study. But I was kind of bummed. But I also know how moving goes, and that it doesn't always go as scheduled, and maybe the timing changed or he ended up not needing help or something. By the end of the night I wasn't too upset about it.
Then I wasn't sure if he'd be in church today, but I walked in (on time for the second time!), sat by Wendy and Necia and those girls, and looked around to where he would usually sit, no David, and then looked up on the stand, and there he was. Of course, speaking on his last Sunday here. So I got to look at him throughout the meeting, which was nice. And it seemed like he may have looked my way some too. But I couldn't tell for sure because my left eye kept watering so it wasn't real clear most of the time.
He was the last speaker, and gave a really great talk. Really great. One thing he talked about was a reason why our testimony is so powerful, and that is because it is what we know, which is the antithesis of doubt, which is a major tool the adversary uses on us. So we combat his tool of doubt with our conviction of what we know, and that is why it is so powerful. (He didn't say this, but) Thus, the more we know and have a testimony on, such as our divine worth, or that we will get married someday or whatever we are doubting, the less power Satan has over us. Hm.
After Sac. Mtg., a bunch of us were just hanging out, chatting, and he eventually came down the aisle, and I turned to say hi and tell him good job. He kind of stuck out his hand, and I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I shook it. Ha. But even just that "formal" physical contact seemed real, meaningful in a way. I told him really great job on his talk, and couldn't think of what else to say, but he kept moving to the others, basically to tell them he was leaving, then, like not going to the rest of church, and to say bye. He was heading up to Washington, not sure why. I was bummed that he was leaving right then, and he made his way to the doors of the chapel. I looked back at him, and it seemed like he had been looking at me.
When he left, it literally felt like a part of me..broke. That probably sounds really ridiculous and cheesy, and maybe it's because I have just thought about him so much in the last while, but I really feel something about him, and hope this isn't it. That I will get to see him again, or something will still miraculously happen between us. I was very sad inside, about him being gone. Just like that. I certainly wasn't really able to focus or got much out of sunday school after that. RS was better because it was on missionary work, and I always like that topic. Plus Rebecca did a great job teaching. But yeah, major bummer that he's gone.
I've been praying for help to not be sad, and for something to still be able to happen between us. I studied "hope" in my scripture study today, right after church. I felt better after, knowing and being reassured that I just need to have a hope in God, and that He has my best interests at hand, and knowing that I need not be "cast down" (Ps. 42:11). I asked Heavenly Father to help me not think about him anymore, to be able to let him go, if nothing is supposed to or will ever happen between us. But I also asked that something could still happen. But I also asked that if nothing was ever supposed to, that I meet or be shown other guys that can hold my interest to the level that David has. Because honestly, that will be the hardest thing, is measuring up to him. I still have not seen anything that I haven't liked about him. He is slightly on the thin side, but not bad. And he is tall, which helps, plus everything else about him is so great that the slight thin-ness is no big deal.
But speaking of other guys, so that guy, the EQP, Nick Anderson, and I did meet. I think I may have written about it in here, maybe, but it was at FHE last Monday, at the White's house. We watched The Sandlot as a ward and he ended up sitting next to me on this little bench, and we joked and made comments back and forth throughout the movie. Even flirted some. It was fun.
Well, he added me on facebook on Thursday, which really brightened my day when I got home from school that evening. I was kind of down and drained, from school and the whole David situation all week, and seeing that perked me right up.
So last night, at about midnight, I got on fb for some stimulation so that I could stay awake and study longer (for our huge Pharm exam 3 tomorrow), and hopefully gather some energy/motivation to do so. Not too long after I got on, I heard the chat box noise. I went and looked to see who was trying to talk to me, and it just so happened to be Nick Anderson. Ha! That made me a little excited, woke me right up. So we chatted and joked back and forth for the next while, about both of our sunburns (his was lateral thoracic, he let me know..:), and about the pass of all passes to Seven Peaks, etc. I might get one. Seems like lots of people in the ward go there, and it would be so fun.
So that was fun to chat with him, and feel like a cool guy wanted to talk to me. But I must say, he just hasn't caught my attention anywhere to the degree that David has. This is why I'm worried about it being hard to find someone to measure up to him. But, this Nick Anderson is probably next in line. Or the only other one really on the radar, I should say. Ha.
So I was kind of excited to see him at church, because I felt like we were definitely friends now. But when I saw him before RS and said hi, he said hi, barely. And then after church I was chatting in the hall with Liz Stitt (I love her) and he walked by and I was like, "Nick Anderson. How's it goin'?" And he very seriously said something small, like, "Good." And went on his way up the stairs. I was confused at that. He basically acted like he didn't even know me. I kind of pointed to him in confusion, as he went up the stairs, and Liz asked me about it. When he was gone, I told her that he had added me on fb this week, and we had chatted it up on there last night, and then he just acted like he didn't know me. Then she was like, "It's probably because you were talking to me." I thought she was kidding, but then she told me briefly about how something had happened between then a long time ago, and things had basically been awkward ever since. Sometimes things could be normal between them, she said. Ha. She wouldn't tell me what he did, because she said she didn't want me to think ill of him, which was very nice and mature of her, I thought. I am really curious, but part of me would rather not know either. Whatever it was, she said he felt really bad about it.
Anyway, so Nick is kind of my fall-back-on right now. He hasn't been super impressive to me, a fun guy, but hasn't really impressed me yet. I would like to get to know him better though. People say he's really cool. I am grateful though, to at least have someone to think about, and distract me a little from the current David tragedy.
Hopefully this saga will be continued. With either of them, really.
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