On a happier note...Elder, I mean Bryant Pearson

So now that I've updated that part of my life, here's another part.

I'm just gonna come out and say it. I have a pretty big crush on the recently returned Elder Pearson, now Bryant Pearson.

He got back about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I talked to him a few days after that, and I was so excited, but it turned out to be one of the most awkward phone conversations I've ever had. I concluded that either he's not a phone talker or he was just having a really hard time being home, and decided not to worry about it.

Then this past Sunday was his homecoming, which Shalese (Cordon) thankfully informed me about, and had me ask Bryant about the time and address, so I ended up going up there to it with her (in Bountiful) and it was really good to see him. He did a fantastic job on his talk, I don't think he had anything written, but gave a really great, powerful, testimony filled talk.

*Sidenote: Elder Neil L. Anderson, of the Quorum of the 12, happens to live in his ward, and was there that Sunday, so we got to meet him! It was really neat!

Anyway, at his homecoming Bryant and I hugged like 3 times, once right before Sac. Mtg., once after the meeting, and then at his house as we were all leaving. And I must say, he is really great to hug! I was impressed, especially after being so recently home. But yeah...

So anyway, then tonight was a little Cookeville reunion at the Conley's condo, who recently moved out here to Orem (awesome), and Bryant came down and I went, and it was great to see him. He started texting me about it last night, asking if I would be there, and I said yes, gave him the address, etc., and then just out of curiosity asked him about this girl who was at his homecoming, who Shalese said she saw grab his hand, but then he would let it go, and stuff. He said she and he dated before the mission, and they are kind of dating now, but that he wanted to date around. I texted back something like "gotcha. Well that's cool. She seemed really nice." and he was like "yeah, but I want to date around." I said I supported that, and then he was like "So do you know any girls who would want to go on a date? haha" and I started to get excited, but didn't want to get my hopes up, in case he wasn't referring to me. So I asked him what kind of girl he was looking to go on a date with, and he was like "one I can have fun with, :)" and then after that added, "with good standards, and pretty eyes... haha" and at that point I knew he was referring to me, and I was flattered. In one of his letters when we were writing after I came home, he mentioned that he thought my eyes were really pretty. That was so flattering to me and touched me. I don't get told that by guys very often at all. Anyway, so when he texted that I got really excited. I then said, "are you hinting at something..? Well, whoever you are talking about I'm pretty sure would love to, but I dunno, I guess I'm going out on a limb on this." Then he said something strange like, "Well we'll just see what happens I guess. I'm still scared of girls..." Anyway, we texted a bit more, and I told him not to be afraid, that most of us weren't that scary, and he said it's still weird to have a conversation with a girl not about Jesus, and I said if it would make you feel more comfortable, I'm always up for a Jesus chat. :) He laughed and said he might just take me up on that. Then he again said, "So you will be there tomorrow?" I laughed because I had already told him I would, I thought it was cute he seemed to be making sure. I told him yeah I would.

Anyway, so then today I go, and I was looking forward to seeing him all day, and excited to see what would come of it, and it was fun, he and I didn't talk too much there, because we were all talking together or to others there. I was secretly hoping he would want to do something after, but he rode down with Elder McMillan (Mikey), and I think he had plans for later anyway. But when we were first eating dinner (just after I got there), when I was getting me plate, he came toward me and I said hey, and he touched my arm like he would hug me, but I was pouring water. So I put it down and we side hugged, which was good. Then we flirted a little here and there through the evening, and I could tell he was paying a lot of attention to me, commenting on my socks (Halloween socks) and my earrings, etc., which I really enjoyed. I'm not recently used to such attention though, so it was making me slightly nervous. Plus I kind of like him, and he seems to be at least somewhat interested in me, so for some reason that makes me nervous. I feel like I'm in junior high and have this crush that seems to have a crush on me back. It's silly really. But it's fun. :)

After dinner and some dessert Rachel and Gerald left and the rest of us went downstairs to play a game, and there were these 2 girls there--Sister Conley's niece and her roommate--that were kind of crazy, probably about 19 years old or so. Anyway, we played a game of cards with the Conley girls (Kelly and Sarah) and one of their brothers (Matt?), and then Elder Kim (Alex), Elder McMillan, Bryant, me, and these 2 girls. The game was somewhat fun, but I kind of just wanted it to end because of the atmosphere and the conversations at the table. Not that they were bad, I just would have rather been just hanging out with Bryant and talking to him, or to other adults and had a more adult conversation. I just felt very old and out of place. But the best part was Bryant was sitting next to me, around the corner of the table, and he started texting me during the game. So we texted back and forth for a few min til the game was over, and then a little bit after, as we were all preparing to leave. I eventually was about to leave, and so he gave me a hug goodbye, and it was sooo good! It was kind of a prolonged hug, and such a good hug! It feels so good to hug him. Then his right hand lingered on my left arm as we pulled away, y'know how people do that. And he was like, "We'll be in touch." Then I didn't leave, and a few minutes later he left first and I turned around to say bye and he looked at me with kind of a more meaningful look, I thought, and again said, "We'll be in touch." So then I wondered when he might call me...

Well, after I eventually pulled myself away, being the last one there, chatting with all the Conleys, which was so fun, I went home and stopped at Smith's to grab some milk and bread, and as I was checking out, my phone rang. And it was him! I was pretty excited, and pretty impressed at the quickness of his call. I wasn't expecting a call until at least tomorrow or so.

Anyway, we talked and he asked me, "So when do you want to hang out?"

Long story, and long conversation short, we didn't set an actual day b/c the week is kind of hectic for me, and this weekend he is basically booked (I am his back up plan for Friday..:), so we're probably going to wait til next weekend. I would love to see him sooner, I told him Tuesday night would be the best week night, but I think he left it in my court to decide on weekend or weekday, which was nice of him. He didn't want to inconvenience me with my busy school schedule, etc.

Then we talked for a while about his job he just started and 18 minutes after he called me we hung up (not that I noticed or remembered how long I talked to him for or anything...so I'm a little excited that a boy actually seems to be interested in me, it's been a while!).

It was a great night and I will admit I'm a little giddy. I'm not so sure he's my EC or anything, his shoes are not my ideal shoes (I have a shoe fetish with guys, I basically judge guys, to an extent, by their shoes. The kind of shoes a guy wears says a lot about the person, I think). But he's such a great kid, and he is showing interest in me, I'm letting the shoes fly for now.:)

One of the best parts about the night was that, I think just from hugging him goodbye tonight, his cologne rubbed off on me, and I've been able to smell him on me the rest of the night. I like it, I'm not gonna lie. And I would love to smell more of it in the future...:)

A month later...Tisah and Mel bad times and good times again

Wow, I thought that having an electronic journal would make me write a lot more often, but alas, I am failing at being regular.

In the last month, much has happened, naturally. For an update on Tisah and me, our friendship was better after we talked, but then became rocky again, and this time worse. I eventually ended up telling her not to worry about doing TBT anymore, that I could tell it wasn't her thing, and it wasn't enough anymore to do it just for me. It was putting a strain on our relationship. Plus, I didn't want to be in a position to need to ask her or tell her to do things for me for it.

So that was a relief for both of us I think, and it was good, but then things got stressful with TBTs, and I fell into the mindset of being frustrated that she had kind of bailed on me, which wasn't really true, I had let her go of any responsibility for it, and it was a good thing, but I was just stressed. And she never asked about it, which I assumed meant she just didn't care about TBT, which was hard for me b/c TBT has become a major part of my life. It's a lot of what I do now. Ironically, she thought asking me about it and bringing it up would be hard for me, and she didn't want to see the look of disappointment on my face again b/c she wasn't helping, was her mindset. So once again, a lack of communication was a major part of the problem.

So anyway, things were clearly weird between us and we both kind of pretended they weren't, and would have kind of fake, surface level conversations when we were around each other, and we both eventually kind of almost stopped caring about our friendship I think. During all this, when I first thought she just didn't care, I also saw her and Carrie (her room-roommate) becoming better and better friends (or maybe just the absence of Tisah's and my relationship made theirs more apparent), and her friendships with other friends seemed to grow (at least to me), and I felt like since she was obviously fine without me, I needed to be fine without her. So I found other outlets and other people to meet my social and emotional needs. There was a week or so in there though, that I felt so alone, I had no best friend anymore, no one really to talk to, and it was hard. But I relied on the Lord and Heavenly Father a lot, and I decided He needed to be my best friend, since I really had no one else. Though this time was hard, it was a really neat spiritual growing experience for me b/c I felt comforted and like I really didn't need anyone else but the Lord. Kind of like those hard times on the mission when you don't get along with your companion and you feel so alone, and all you can do is pray. So I felt like I had some spiritual epiphanies, for which I am very grateful.

Anyway, eventually Tisah confronted me about the TBT thing, the night we were going door-knocking before our kick-off the next day (this was Mon Oct 11, 2010) and I had told her about it and that Carrie was coming, and she was welcome to come. Her response made me think she didn't want to, so I then just communicated with Carrie the time we would be leaving, etc., and Tisah then thought I didn't want her to go. So she, thankfully, confronted me about it, telling me she was getting mixed vibes from me about helping, like I wanted her help, but then I didn't, when really I just thought she didn't want to come.

That conversation was pretty sad for both of us, and by sad I mean discouraging. I had just assumed she didn't care about us anymore, so I had essentially stopped caring too. Plus I had been praying about us, fasted, about if I should do anything about she and I, and if so, what, and I hadn't felt like I should do anything. I really hadn't had any desire to do anything about us this time. So I didn't.

Our conversation got interupted, or ended short because it was time to go door-knock. The weirdness b/t us was far from being fixed, and I hadn't said things how I wanted to. So late that night I wrote her a note, hoping to help the situation. Something in me now wanted her to know what I had been feeling. Or at least the part of the situation we had talked about.

For a few days nothing improved, it was still really weird between us. And if anything, it got worse. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore, and I asked if I could take her out for ice cream. So that thursday night I had been at the library, so I came home and picked her up and we just talked and drove, and then parked and talked for a while. It was really good to have that time alone with her, something we hadn't had in a long time, and I was able to get pretty much everything out, which I needed to do.

So after that, slowly things have gotten back to nearly how they used to be. I pray that we can continue to become closer and closer again each day, and my prayers are being answered. Our relationship is so much better, and is getting even better all the time, for which I am SO grateful. I don't dread seeing her anymore, or being home with her. I still love her, and we are back to being good friends, which has made everything else in my life increasingly better.

Even though it's been hard for us, to live together, at least until recently, I am grateful that we went through these times, because it's made me a better communicator, I feel like, and it's been good practice for marriage I think.