Dates!

Tonight I went to the BYU baseball game with Nate Bingham in the ward (went to the Ballroom concert with him a few weeks ago--not romantically interested, but he's comfortable to talk to), and I have a date tomorrow night with James Jensen, and Saturday (morning now) with Ken (he called me on Tues. night)! But that's THREE dates in one week! This is unheard of in my life, and so strange! Ever since about the beginning of March, I've had at least one date almost every week. It's bizarre. Really fun, but bizarre. Never in my life has this happened. I met up with Justine today (she's back from her internship in NY!) for lunch, and I was telling her about this strange situation, and she was asking me why, or what's my secret. And I honestly don't know, but the only thing I can think of that maybe is different lately is that I've basically given up on guys in a sense. Not on guys in general, though from time to time I quazi-have. But more on trying to impress guys that I'm interested in to the point where I'm not myself. I used to not even like going on dates because I'd get nervous and want to impress them, to the point where this wall would go up, and I wasn't myself, and I was more quiet and stuff. But just as of the last couple months I guess, a switch flipped or something, and I am more able to be more myself, around anyone, guys I'm interested in or not, than I ever have before. I feel more confident around guys, more so than ever, and just don't get so nervous and not myself anymore. I think I've just really decided that if a guy doesn't like the real me, then I don't want to date or marry him, so I can just be myself. Always. It's been a really nice feeling, and I've wondered before that's why I'm getting more dates than I ever have. The guys that are just nice and friendly and confident (but not cocky) are often the most attractive to me, so it makes sense in that way. I just wonder why it's taken me so long to not care. And also, the nice thing has been, that most of these dates I've gone on have been with guys that I've known for at least a little while, and have become somewhat good friends with, at least, and so the dates aren't really awkward, and I AM able to be more myself because I already know them. Maybe that's why I haven't gotten as nervous on them. And very few of them I've been actually romantically interested, they're mostly just guys I want to be friends with.

But Ken, I'm interested in him. This Sat. will be our second date, and I'm way excited. He texted me today and let me know that "we may or may not be going canoing." That should be so fun! He works at the ropes course by Utah Lake, and loves it. But they have canoing there, which I've been to once. Ha, that was on a blind date, and I think it was the most awkward blind date I've ever been on. It was with that guy that was Rachelle's (in my ward at Glenwood) friend. I was the RS Pres. at the time, and he was the EQ Pres. in his ward at the time, so I guess that's why Rachelle thought we were compatible. Boy, were we ever NOT. Luckily I got to bring Cheryl along, and he brought his roommate for her, and the whole date was still awkward, but more hilarious with her there, and we got to laugh about it forever after.

So that's always what I think of when I think of canoing there, so I'm excited to have a much better experience doing it with Ken. :) It should be fun.

Isaac Calvert

I haven't really written much, if anything, about Isaac yet. It is really late and I am supposed to start another semester in the morning, but he is in the ward, and long story short--he was engaged pretty much, at the beginning of the semester, and then she broke it off and shortly thereafter got engaged to his best friend. Needless to say, it was a really hard time for Isaac. One day I casually asked him how he was, not expecting anything original, and he ended up kind of unloading on me and just telling me basically his situation in a nutshell, basically what I just described. I felt so bad for him. A week or so later he wrote and stuck in our door this really nice page-long note apologizing for unloading on me like that, and thanking me for listening and not making it awkward. It was a really nice, sincere note/letter, and I really appreciated it. I wrote him back not to worry and that I was happy to be able to be there to listen that day, and that I was so sorry about what he was going through.

I saw him every now and then after that, and I would try to ask him, very sincerely, how he was doing. He would answer sincerely, and honestly it seemed, and slowly he was doing better. So through that means, and then also through weekly institute, we have become friends, and I really like being around him. A while back, maybe a couple months ago, I felt like he was maybe interested in me, because of things he'd say or the attention he was beginning to give me more of. So I started becoming interested in him.

Since then, my interest has never died, but I've not really wanted to do anything, because of his situation he's been in. I did call and leave him a message Conference weekend, personally inviting him to our pre-conference breakfast Sunday morning. But he didn't come. No big deal.

Anyway, now he was just called as the new EQ pres, and tonight he and the 2 new RS presidents--one of which is one of my new roommates, Kim Franke--were going around to the whole ward, to find new people and welcome them and have them fill out new member forms. I am the new Publicity chair, so I am in charge of the ward directory, for one thing. So I went around with them, so as to get pictures of new people for the directory. So it was the four of us going around together, and it was pretty fun. Isaac and I have somehow reached a level of communication where we mostly are sarcastic with each other and joke around. Some may call it flirting. I don't know what it is. He does this new thing when he sees me (started doing it yesterday after church) where he looks disgusted. When he did it first yesterday, I was like (in my head), "he totally likes me." :) I don't really know, but he sure treats me like boys treated the girls they liked when we were in elementary.

Tonight, during the whole excursion, he asked me how to actually pronounce my last name. I said it, and rolled the rr's, which he thought was funny. We make each other laugh, which I really like.

But then a couple times, at least, throughout the night, he referred to me as "Gurr," or used my last name as well as my first, which I liked. I like being called "Gurr," I think because I associate that with fond memories like playing volleyball in school, and being called "Gurr."

Anyway, I would love to keep getting to know him better and hanging out with him more. He's going on tour with BYU Singers for 2 weeks tomorrow, but hopefully after that we can start doing stuff..

That was quick

So James called me tonight and asked me out for Friday. Haha. It should be fun. I'm excited.

Happy Easter! Flaming stove and dying eggs!

So for Easter Sunday, my day was kind of laid back and lonely. I almost said dull, but I got a lot done and had a relaxing day, so it was good. And it wasn't lonely like it made me really sad to be alone, I was just alone for much of the day, but that's okay, I don't mind too much. I'm just really glad Mom called eventually, and Sally too (after I left her a message), and that I got to be social tonight.

But we did a bunch of family stuff this weekend, and especially yesterday, while Sally and Joe and the kids were here--the grandkids Easter egg hunt, cookout, played outside with jump-ropes (so fun!) and the scooter things--so today we didn't do anything as a family. I had to finish moving last night, so I came back to Provo yesterday, and was here for church today.

Today we just had stake meetings, due to the small numbers in the wards because we are in between semesters. So instead of having church at 8:30 am, it was at 11 am (so nice), and it was just Sacrament mtg., which was also very nice. So we (Kim, my new roommate, and I) were home by 12:30, and had the rest of the day free. No ward choir, no meetings, nothing. Just ward prayer tonight. So I just spend much of the afternoon unpacking and organizing all my stuff, in the kitchen and my room both. I took a nap for an hour or two, and then got up and started getting something to eat and Mom called me. I was really glad cuz it's Easter and I wasn't doing anything with family and my roommates were both gone I was feeling kind of lonely.

It was really nice to chat with her as I made pasta and warmed up stuff on rice she sent with me last week. Oh yeah, while the water was boiling, I definitely came into the kitchen to find a full on flame at the burner. Yep, first day in the new apt. and I very effectively set the stove on fire already. Awesome. Oh, and whatever had burned had turned to ash, and there was enough of it, and it had burned for long enough (while I had been in my bedroom) that now there were small bits of ash floating in the air all over the kitchen. These eventually all landed, all over everything--countertops, kitchen table, my laptop, everything--and made it look like something you would imagine at the scene of a major fire. Nope, just our kitchen. I threw open the windows and blinds, in hopes that the smoke alarm would not go off too. It seemed to work. Oh, and I likely breathed in some of the ash, so I'm probably going to get cancer or something now. Way awesome.

But my Easter dinner was good, and I got to chat with Mom as I ate, so it was like I was with family..sort of. :)

But tonight was the best. Right before ward prayer, James Jensen, a friend from my last ward (when I lived at Brookview), started chatting with me on facebook, and after ward prayer I invited him over to dye eggs with me, and he came, as did Jane Ann and Mat later (I texted a few people to invite, Jane Ann among them), and we all dyed eggs. Jane Ann and Mat came toward the end and each just did one, but it was so much fun! It was actually so fun to talk and joke around with James! I was really impressed with his sense of humor and original wit and confidence about it all, he was cracking me up! I'm not really romantically attracted to him, but he is so fun to be around! And I'm really comfortable with him because I've never liked him like that. It's great. I hope we hang out more this summer.

This is me showing my very dyed green thumb and forefinger.

Dating--this is what it's about!

So I have so much to write about, as always, but real quick--

So today was the last day of classes, and I finally finished reading all the many children's chapter books I had to for my children's lit class, and took my anatomy lab final (I think it went well!), and reading days start tomorrow, so I wanted to watch a movie or do something relaxing and fun tonight before I start studying for finals tomorrow. I've wanted to see "Tangled" for a while, so I told Mat Williams (my FHE bro, who I've wanted to ask me out again--oh, and he finally did last week, and I was excited that he did, except I couldn't go cuz I was already going on a date that night...weird I know, multiple dates..) as he walked me home for Safe Walk (something our ward does) that I wanted to go see Tangled that was playing in the dollar at 9:45, and would he want to go? I wasn't asking him on a date, I was thinking making it more a group thing, or just anyone who would want to go, I just wanted to go see it, and take a break from school before the heat of finals starts tomorrow. And I of course thought it would be fun if Mat came.

Anyway, he ended up coming, and it was just me and him, and it was fun, the movie was really cute, really funny! And then he dropped me off, and got out and hugged me goodnight.

It was all fun and enjoyable and really comfortable, but I discovered something tonight--there's not really a whole lot of chemistry there so much anymore. I think there could be, if he wanted there to be. I'm willing and interested, or have been, to see what would happen between us, and to be flirtatious, etc., but he's not been real flirtatious lately. Or at least wasn't really tonight. So I feel like my interest in him, romantically, is kind of fading. But it's great! This is what dating is all about! I realized this tonight! It's all about going on dates and getting to know people better, until you either keep really liking each other and keep spending more time together, or you realize they are not the one, and then you move on to the next. One down, who knows how many more to go! But I feel like this is a great development--I'm sure we'll stay good friends, but I can check him off the list, and try to get to know someone else better now. This is great. I feel great about this.

I'm 24 years old, and I feel like I just now figured out what dating is all about. :)

Boys are so frustrating!

Life is still good, and it's late and I need to go to bed, but I'm so frustrated with boys!!!!

I've been more frustrated in the past, this isn't the worst I've been, but I'm just so frustrated and done with being confused with boys, and thinking I know what they are feeling towards me, and feeling like they are giving vibes and I think I am reading right, and then them not doing anything! Or going out with a guy, and having so much fun, and then him never asking me out again (example: Mat Williams, my FHE brother I went to that fifties dance with and had a ton of fun. But then what? Nothing!)! Or having tons of fun when I am around a guy, and it being obvious that he is having a lot of fun too, and then him not ever asking me out (example: Isaac-in my ward, we're becoming friends, we always have a great time around each other, and he has lately been giving me more attention than most others around him, but...again, nothing.)!

And it's so frustrating how afraid guys are of commitment, of even trying dating a girl out. It feels like if they don't immediately think she is definitely eternal material, why even ask her on a second date. Ok, sometimes you can know that for sure she isn't, but often, especially if you had a good time on the first date, you just need to go on another, and just keep getting to know each other! Dating does not need to be this serious!

This weekend was Conference weekend, which I love, and which was great, as always, and interestingly, one of the themes that was definitely repeated throughout Conference, was Guys: get married! And for them to go on dates, and stop just hanging out, etc. And don't be afraid of commitment (Elder Oaks really used that word. I was proud :) Oh, and get married. Oh, and did we mention, get married. :) It got to be kind of funny, how much it seemed to come up and be spoken about by the Prophet and apostles. But I completely supported it. :)

Anyway, guys are just frustrating. That's all. But it was a great Conference weekend. And I need to go to bed. Goodnight! :)

The future is not so scary :)

My life is still really great. Things are still all going well. All but the dating scene, but what's new.

So as far as being afraid of the future, I'm not as much these days. I know basically what I'm doing this summer, well, to an extent. So that's nice. I've figured out where I will live--just in the building next to us, same complex, just different apartment. I'm moving from BDA 12 to BDA 28. I will be living with Kim Franke and Haylee (I forget her last name) in the ward, and they are both really nice, really sweet, easy going girls. So it should be good. Neither of them are real outgoing, but I feel okay about handling my own with the social scene in the ward, now that I've been here a semester and know some people. It's been so nice to have Alisha as a roommate this semester because she is really social, has lived here a while, is one of our 2 Relief Society presidents, and knows lots of people. So I've gotten to know a bunch of people in part because of her, and the posse (or the dinner group, i.e. Patrick, Rachel, Andrea, Robyn, Ashlee Norris, etc.).

So that's where I'll be living. I've decided to be in school both spring and summer semesters, instead of trying to cram in all 9 hours that I still need to graduate, into spring semester and have my summer off of school. This decision was made because I want to take volleyball again in the summer (will be my 3rd or 4th time in the class..:) and it is not offered spring, just summer. So that is what made my decision. Literally. I love volleyball, it's one of my very favorite things to do. I took the class (intermediate) last semester, and I'm in it again right now, this time with good friends--Elise and Sam, and have made lots of friends in the class. So it's been way fun this semester.

And I've applied and been interviewed for this Y-Be-Fit internship for the summer that I really would like to get, and I feel pretty good about how my interview went, so hopefully that will work out. So for the summer my plan is to be in some classes, hopefully be doing this internship (which will take about 9 hours a week), and then work some when I can. And play, oh am I excited to play this summer. I love the summer, and I especially love the summer here in Provo. So fun!

Then as far as what to do after I graduate, as I've probably written in here before, I've been thinking about lots of different options, including PA school, PT school (physical therapy), nursing (still an option), I've even considered staying at BYU and getting a masters/and PhD in exercise science, to go on to teach it.. So for the last little while recently it's been a stressful thing for me, trying to figure out what I want to do, and what I should do. I think I would enjoy all of those things, which is why it's been so hard.

But through various means of trying to figure it out by talking to people, looking into different programs, and prayer and fasting, I've basically decided to go forward with the PA school option. I feel good about it, and I think I would really like it. I still think about PT a lot, and I think it would be really fun, but PT programs are usually 3 years or longer, while PA programs are just 2. I feel like I'd be able to use my skills and knowledge more, in more ways throughout my life in general, as a PA, such as with family, in the Church perhaps, just in general. And grandma brought up a good point, or maybe it was just Brother Conley (talked to him at Elder Santos' wedding last week), that, basically, if I'm going to be a nurse, be a PA instead. They get paid more, get to do more, etc. And yeah, it's only a few months more of school than the accelerated nursing program I wanted to get into at the U. So I'm going to go forward with the PA school idea, and start really looking into different programs to apply to. So that's kind of exciting.

And I'm not so afraid to graduate! I have been dreading it for a while, kind of in denial, because I love BYU so much. I love going to school here, it's so comfortable. I love BYUSA, and I'm really sad to be leaving that atmosphere and those friends. But I've been feeling less afraid to graduate, and have been thinking of more things that are good about being graduated. Such as I will be able to read. Anything! Read for fun! My children's lit class this semester has ignited this love for reading in me that I didn't know I had, or that I had forgotten about. We've had to read so many (and still have to read like 9 more) books for this class, and I've loved pretty much all of them, it's been such fun homework! A LOT of reading, but really enjoyable, for the most part.

And I can hang out with family more! And maybe even go visit Sally and Joe, and Peter and Lindsay and their families, and not have to be stressed about school or what not.

So the future is looking bright for me, I feel good about it. I feel like there are lots of adventures ahead of me. That things are probably not actually going to turn out the way I plan, as they never do, but good things are coming. And if not, everything will work out how it's supposed to.

It's all kind of exciting. :)