So as a quick update on the previously mentioned Art, he has yet to show himself. He finally texted me, in the middle of finals, after he was done, and we texted for a few days, off and on (he was often slow to respond), and then I went to Florida immediately after finals, and he texted me a little throughout that trip, and then I didn't hear from him for a few days, so I texted him a couple days before Christmas, mostly just to see if he was still there, and he was. But since that very first time online when he mentioned it, he hasn't said a thing about actually doing something. About meeting, or going out. And he seems like a great guy, from his profile, and things he's said in texts, but I do not love getting to know someone via text. It just doesn't work, not to mention it's really not that fun if you've never met them.
So we'll see if anything ever happens, after he is home from break.
Last night I went out with Rob. Uhh..I wouldn't even actually say it like that. I wanted to go downtown to see the candy windows, and I knew he was going to be around over the break, at least some, because he works, so I texted him and asked if he wanted to go with me. It wasn't a big deal at all, and it wasn't supposed to be. Thus the asking via text.
He came, I drove, and it was actually a lot of fun. It was just so comfortable and relaxing to be with him. It always is enjoyable in that way to be around him. He's a pretty good conversationalist, there was no pressure, we just walked around and looked at the windows, and then went and found this cool nutcracker/ballerina strobe light thing that my parents had told me about, walked some more around City Creek, went inside a couple shops to browse, went and got hot chocolate in the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (he paid too, so nice!), and then walked across the street to Temple Square and walked around those lights and nativity displays. All the while just chatting..about whatever. Our missions, China and the Church, I can't even remember what else. But it was just so great, and so refreshing, to be on such a comfortable, no-pressure date. Just to be with purely a friend. And an enjoyable one at that!
It sounds like this could go somewhere, how comfortable and enjoyable it was. But I don't know..I can't really even imagine kissing him, ha. He was a great gentleman though, always tried to open my door, or hold it open if he went through first. I was pretty impressed with how on top of that he was.
So that's that. Now I'm off to go clean the temple tonight, from 9:45 to midnight! :)
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Just not sure if marriage is even a good idea
Recently I had an emotional spell, one of those times when something sets me off and I am mad at everyone close to me for a day or two (exaggerated, but that's basically what happens). It's usually a family member or close friend that sets me off, and then I feel mad at them for a day or two or so, until it goes away and I realize I'm not actually mad at them, I was just being emotional and felt like I was.
Back in like April or so, this happened (it happens every couple or few months, it seems), and Joylyn, my good friend, and councilor at the time, was the one to set me off (for such a dumb reason looking back, kind of funny). I was mad at her for a couple days, and we both separately were actually worried about our friendship. And worried about the race we were supposed to run in the next week or two together. After I came out of it and realized it was just hormones and me being emotional, things were better and back to normal. But that was the episode where I realized that this is what happens, and it was one of the greatest epiphanies I have ever had about myself! It was invigorating to figure this out! And to think back on times, like the day of the Froerer Christmas party 2011 (the last one before this incident), when I had been in a bad mood around my family or someone had made me really mad or sad or whatever, and I realized they were all just hormonal/emotional episodes like this! So I really hadn't been mad at these people, like Camille, who was the one to set me off back then for the Froerer party, but it was just one of those times, and I was just overly emotional.
So yeah, can't tell you how enlightening it felt to have figured this out and noticed the trend. And now that I am aware of what is happening at these times and that I'm not actually mad at the person, it's not so bad. I just try to avoid people, especially family, until it passes.
So anyway, recently this happened again, and the people I often want to be with to help me feel better when I'm all irritated with family or what not, are friends. I wanted to be with like Wendy and Jamie, and whoever else from my ward. And this is not the first time I have just wanted to be with good friends when I'm in a bad mood and not wanting to be around family. And when I'm emotional like that, it's often family that set me off, leading to me not wanting to be around them. Ironic, right, that family are often the ones we treat the worst? I have a couple theories on why that is...
So anyway, this last time, most recently, when I realized this, I kind of panicked, because inevitably I will have these emotional spells throughout my life, and therefore throughout my marriage, whenever that happens to come about. And it may likely often, or at least sometimes be, my husband, who sets me off, thus being the one I don't want to be around. And maybe I will just want to be with my girlfriends or something... anyway, it made me really worried for a bit, or more so just seriously question whether it was even a good idea for me to get married ever, for this reason. I don't want to want to not be around my husband during these times..I don't want to have to run off to friends when I'm in these moods.. and I'm worried that I will. So maybe I really shouldn't get married. I'm just too emotional.
Back in like April or so, this happened (it happens every couple or few months, it seems), and Joylyn, my good friend, and councilor at the time, was the one to set me off (for such a dumb reason looking back, kind of funny). I was mad at her for a couple days, and we both separately were actually worried about our friendship. And worried about the race we were supposed to run in the next week or two together. After I came out of it and realized it was just hormones and me being emotional, things were better and back to normal. But that was the episode where I realized that this is what happens, and it was one of the greatest epiphanies I have ever had about myself! It was invigorating to figure this out! And to think back on times, like the day of the Froerer Christmas party 2011 (the last one before this incident), when I had been in a bad mood around my family or someone had made me really mad or sad or whatever, and I realized they were all just hormonal/emotional episodes like this! So I really hadn't been mad at these people, like Camille, who was the one to set me off back then for the Froerer party, but it was just one of those times, and I was just overly emotional.
So yeah, can't tell you how enlightening it felt to have figured this out and noticed the trend. And now that I am aware of what is happening at these times and that I'm not actually mad at the person, it's not so bad. I just try to avoid people, especially family, until it passes.
So anyway, recently this happened again, and the people I often want to be with to help me feel better when I'm all irritated with family or what not, are friends. I wanted to be with like Wendy and Jamie, and whoever else from my ward. And this is not the first time I have just wanted to be with good friends when I'm in a bad mood and not wanting to be around family. And when I'm emotional like that, it's often family that set me off, leading to me not wanting to be around them. Ironic, right, that family are often the ones we treat the worst? I have a couple theories on why that is...
So anyway, this last time, most recently, when I realized this, I kind of panicked, because inevitably I will have these emotional spells throughout my life, and therefore throughout my marriage, whenever that happens to come about. And it may likely often, or at least sometimes be, my husband, who sets me off, thus being the one I don't want to be around. And maybe I will just want to be with my girlfriends or something... anyway, it made me really worried for a bit, or more so just seriously question whether it was even a good idea for me to get married ever, for this reason. I don't want to want to not be around my husband during these times..I don't want to have to run off to friends when I'm in these moods.. and I'm worried that I will. So maybe I really shouldn't get married. I'm just too emotional.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Updates. No more Josh, but then there's Art...?
So just over a week ago I told Josh. I told him that I'm not interested in pursuing anything more than friendship at this point. Here's quickly what happened:
He was texting me that Thursday after our last date, while I was in class, and I was texting him back, and then he texted and asked if I wanted to go on a date sometime on Saturday. So I knew I had to tell him that day. Initially I thought I'd wait until the end of our next date to tell him, but my good friend (and RS pres), Jamie, in her wisdom, pointed out that if that's all I planned on doing at the end anyway, what's even the point of going out with him. Good point. But I felt like we had gone on enough dates that I couldn't just tell him over text, I had to call (even though almost none of our communication was via phone call, we always texted). So on Thurs, as I was walking to my car from school, I texted him and asked if I could call him, or if it was too expensive from where he was (he was in Puerto Rico for work that week). He said no, it's the same, but he was finishing up a work dinner and could talk in 45 min. But I didn't want to wait that long, I was ready to do it now, and I was walking, which I think is so much easier to say hard things while you're walking; PLUS, I thought, if I call him right now, I could just leave a message! Terrible, I know, but oh well. I would be able to say everything I wanted to that way, and he would know I at least tried. So I texted him and said that now was better for me, so I'd just leave a message.
So then I did. Told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything more than friendship at this point; but that I really appreciated how well he treated me, and that I was really sorry, I felt really bad. I said, "I know this is cliche, but you really are a great guy."
I felt really bad after, but also felt better. I had been really nervous about it (talk about the worst conversation ever).
He texted me later that night and said, "Melissa, when I saw your text I knew exactly what you were going to say. Thanks for going out with me and giving me a chance. Good luck with school. Josh."
That made me feel even worse, so I of course had to respond. So after some amount of time composing this text, I said, "Josh, you are so great. You deserve someone really great. I'll be honest, I haven't dated a ton of guys, so it meant a lot to me that you wanted to go out with me. Sorry it didn't work out. Thanks for everything."
Haven't heard anything since, which I didn't expect to. I felt bad at first, and Wendy asked me a few days later if I missed him, and I didn't miss him, but I missed having someone, y'know? Having someone care about how my day was, having someone to take me on dates, having someone that wants to spend time with me.
But we never kissed or even held hands or anything, so I didn't have that to miss, so that's a plus... so it's now been over 2 1/2 years since any man touched or held me. (sigh) That I definitely miss.
I'll write about this Art later. He is my last LDSsingles hope. I'm quitting the site when my month is up that I've paid for, my last day is the 18th.
He was texting me that Thursday after our last date, while I was in class, and I was texting him back, and then he texted and asked if I wanted to go on a date sometime on Saturday. So I knew I had to tell him that day. Initially I thought I'd wait until the end of our next date to tell him, but my good friend (and RS pres), Jamie, in her wisdom, pointed out that if that's all I planned on doing at the end anyway, what's even the point of going out with him. Good point. But I felt like we had gone on enough dates that I couldn't just tell him over text, I had to call (even though almost none of our communication was via phone call, we always texted). So on Thurs, as I was walking to my car from school, I texted him and asked if I could call him, or if it was too expensive from where he was (he was in Puerto Rico for work that week). He said no, it's the same, but he was finishing up a work dinner and could talk in 45 min. But I didn't want to wait that long, I was ready to do it now, and I was walking, which I think is so much easier to say hard things while you're walking; PLUS, I thought, if I call him right now, I could just leave a message! Terrible, I know, but oh well. I would be able to say everything I wanted to that way, and he would know I at least tried. So I texted him and said that now was better for me, so I'd just leave a message.
So then I did. Told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything more than friendship at this point; but that I really appreciated how well he treated me, and that I was really sorry, I felt really bad. I said, "I know this is cliche, but you really are a great guy."
I felt really bad after, but also felt better. I had been really nervous about it (talk about the worst conversation ever).
He texted me later that night and said, "Melissa, when I saw your text I knew exactly what you were going to say. Thanks for going out with me and giving me a chance. Good luck with school. Josh."
That made me feel even worse, so I of course had to respond. So after some amount of time composing this text, I said, "Josh, you are so great. You deserve someone really great. I'll be honest, I haven't dated a ton of guys, so it meant a lot to me that you wanted to go out with me. Sorry it didn't work out. Thanks for everything."
Haven't heard anything since, which I didn't expect to. I felt bad at first, and Wendy asked me a few days later if I missed him, and I didn't miss him, but I missed having someone, y'know? Having someone care about how my day was, having someone to take me on dates, having someone that wants to spend time with me.
But we never kissed or even held hands or anything, so I didn't have that to miss, so that's a plus... so it's now been over 2 1/2 years since any man touched or held me. (sigh) That I definitely miss.
I'll write about this Art later. He is my last LDSsingles hope. I'm quitting the site when my month is up that I've paid for, my last day is the 18th.
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