Feeling productive and good, excited to be married...(ha)!

So I'm feeling pretty good about life right now. At least today, I feel like I am being more effective with my time and really prioritizing. Nothing makes me feel better than being/feeling productive, and today I have. We have a pharm test, test #2, coming this next Monday (in 6 days!), and I've already been studying for it, so though I'm still really overwhelmed at how much we need to know for it, I feel like if I keep using my time wisely and putting the Lord first, it will be doable and okay.
Tonight I went to Institute, though I was kind of wanting to use that time to study, but I'm so glad I went. I'm always glad I go when I do, I love our teacher, Bro. Peterson, and it's a great break and I always get so much out of it. His lessons are awesome. Seems like it's always just what I needed to hear.
I have made some goals for my personal wellness plan that was due over the weekend, and a couple of them are to run a 10k by next May, and to lose 10 lbs by my birthday this year. So steps to getting to both of those include running 3X a week, and steps to getting to that includes becoming more of a morning runner. So I'm starting tomorrow morning. My goal was so be in bed by 11 pm tonight. Right now it's almost midnight, but it's definitely progress from my usual bedtime. And that's what it's all about, right? Progress. I say yes.

Another thing about me right now: I have all this excited-to-be-married energy. I am so excited to get married! I'm excited to have a fiance, I'm excited to go to the temple with him, to come out of the temple and celebrate with everyone out there, to have the luncheon (or dinner), and to have a reception! I think it will all be so much fun! And I'm not even dating anyone, ha! But I just think about those things, and I'm so excited for them! Like the luncheon, specifically, I think is going to be just a party. I think it will be entertaining and so fun. My siblings and inlaws I know will put on a show, and probably embarrass me as much as possible (specifically brother in laws..), out of love of course, and then I just want to have a party of a reception. So hopefully all this will happen while we are still young and can party...:) But seriously.

Online dating..I've joined the club

Welp, I did it. I joined ldssingles.com. I took the plunge. Sally has been trying to get me to do it for months. I swear she knows something that I don't... I created like a quazi-profile a while back, with her on the phone actually, but I wasn't really on it because I hadn't paid. I wasn't too keen on joining for so long because, well because of the stigma on online dating (I'm over that), but also because you have to pay. But I have heard so many success stories in the last few months, from people that I know or meet, that I've been getting convinced it's a good idea. Since being in nursing school I don't have time to do social things much, or to meet people, or to date. Although let's be honest, if someone awesome wanted to date me, I would make time to date. So since I'm always on  my computer anyway, and everything else is going online these days, including the Church, why shouldn't dating be online too? The last deciding factor was that I have been so craving male attention. So I did it. Is that sad? And I did it when I did because they were having a Father's Day sale, so I even got a deal! Three months I've paid for, so we'll see what happens in three months.

So that was 5 days ago, on June 18, 2012, day after Father's Day (last day of the sale). The next day I got all kinds of "flirts," some messages (emails), and even a few wanted to chat. I swear every time I was on, even for just a min to check it or something, a chat box would pop up and someone would want to chat. It was flattering, but unfortunately none of them really interested me, not to mention I had a ton of homework I was working on (taking little breaks here and there to check it, obviously..), so I didn't really have the time to chat with anyone. But it was so fun, getting all this attention. Not to mention very flattering and self-esteem boosting!


Anyway, then four days go by and NOTHING. Seriously, absolutely no one contacts me. It was bizarre. I didn't know if I was popular that one day cuz I was new, or what. But then just now, I checked my email and I had received a message. I was kind of excited. And then while I was on checking it, I've recieved a few more flirts/messages. I'm thinking it's when you are on the site, people can see that, and they notice you more or something.. not sure. But there's a couple guys that have messaged me today, that I think are cute. One mentioned Brian Regan (I mentioned I love him in my profile), which totally caught my interest. He asked if I had ever been to a show. So we've messaged back and forth a couple times now. He's 30 and just told me his name is Richard. I didn't tell him my name yet, I don't want these things to go too fast. You never know, y'know?
The other guy who is cute just sent me a flirt, saying "you're cute." He's cute too, and very outdoorsy, according to all his pics. But he's 40. He doesn't really look it. And for whatever reason, he didn't serve a mission. He looks cool though. I dunno, 40 is up there.. But I sent him a "flirt" back, saying "thank you"...I don't want to lead a 40 year old on too fast, could be weird. What am I saying, it is weird..

Why do I get so scared??????

Aaa, why do I chicken out???!?!?

So I just got back from a Stake FHE at Canyon Rim Park, with a cookout and the former stake president, President Dunn, telling his "bear story," of when he was attacked by a Grizzly bear 18 years ago and survived. While standing in line for food I saw David Hall, the guy in the ward who I've been interested in getting to know better, and who I found out yesterday at church (from Liz Stitt) is dating someone. Bummer. But I still would love to get to know him better anyway. All's fair in love and war until there is a ring, right?

There wasn't enough food before Pres. Dunn's presentation for everyone, so for those of us still in line, we were told we would be fed after. So we went and sat down. I casually went over to walk with Megan King and who she was with, who included David behind her with some others. Being like a shy elementary school girl, I avoided eye contact with David and just walked in front of him with Megan and her friend. I thought/hoped we would all sit together, but they did not follow us. But I could basically see David nearly the whole time. He is really cute, my kind of cute, and seems like such a good guy. And I just found out he is 27 (maybe or maybe not via facebook stalking..)! So after the thing, I saw him and Mark dart to the food pavillion, so I headed that direction (Megan and her friend left a few min before this). As I was condiment-izing my bun, David and Mark were about 6 feet in front of me, with their burgers, getting ready to sit down. I saw them, acted like I hadn't noticed them before, and said, "Hey guys," and looked at both, but mostly at David, smiling, til it seemed like maybe he recognized me. Although at church when I said hi to him on Sunday he asked me if we had met..(ouch). So he probably didn't remember me again...who knows. Plus, I was wearing a hat tonight, so that was another thing against the possibility. But, regardless, he smiled back and said hi, I think, maybe. And then I proceeded with my bun. After I got the burger, it was then time to either find a place to sit and eat, or leave. Not knowing really anyone else there, but these two guys, and feeling to shy to go sit by them, I vied for the easy route and got out of there, with burger on plate in hand.

Once I left and went and got in my car, I wished I had just been brave and gone and sat with them. What's the worst that could have happened, I make some guy friends?? Geez! And I've been praying for that! And what kills me the most is that all evening I prayed that I could have the opportunity to get to know David better, whether that night or later. And I got it!! BUT I DIDN'T TAKE IT!!!!! Aaaaaa! I do this, and it kills me! Why do I get so scared? I am 25 now and looking for a husband, let's be honest. Can't I be past this elementary school girl nervousness already?? I so frustrate myself. How the heck am I going to get to know this guy when I'm too scared to take the chances I get? Especially when I get so few of them due to my busy school schedule and inability to go to many activities.

I want a guy so bad. So so bad. I confess that even though I am so busy with school and literally have little time to think of much else, I do think of that. I crave having someone to like, to spend time with (what time, right?), to get ready for. I crave feeling attractive, feeling wanted. I want so badly to have a good guy friend, to have any male attention, really.
So tonight I am taking advantage of the last day of the deal on LDSSingles.com, and I'm signing up. I figure I don't really have time to go meet people, and I'm on my computer so much for school anyway, why not try to meet guys online while I'm at it? Plus, I have been feeling more and more like I should just sign up. And I've wanted to more and more. Especially after hearing more and more online dating success stories in the last while. Specifically Rosanna's Sandy friend, Karen. She brought up a good point, that if nothing else, at least you go on dates. And I have been so craving to go on a date. It has been a while.
Anyway, so I'm signing up. I'm giving it a shot. I need a little boy fun/drama/excitement in my life.

First Pharm test, TX beach trip!

So I haven't written in my journal in a while. And I realized it's basically because I've been using my emails to Amy as a journal entry too, and she hasn't emailed back in a little while, which is okay, but the means I haven't responded back to her, thus writing in my journal too. Ha.
So alas, I will write in here just to write (heaven forbid not multitasking).

So...let's see. I'll start with school. School is..good. No, it is. We have completed FIVE weeks of the semester, which means after this week, the semester is HALF over! This is crazy. It's gone by super fast (thank goodness!) We had our first big exam a week and a half ago, in Pharmacology, and we were all super worried about it. Terrified, really. But it actually went really well! I got 70/75, a 93%! So I was certainly happy, and extremely relieved! Honestly, I was just hoping to pass the test! So since then I feel a lot better about surviving the rest of this semester. Pharm is still a TON of work and studying, but as far as grades and passing the class go, I feel much better. The only thing is, with the subject content, we don't just need to know enough to pass, we have to actually know this stuff, to give drugs to people, and well enough not to kill anyone. This is the real deal, which is the really terrifying thing.
I'm getting to know more people, slowly, in the program. I'm becoming good friends with Elise Simmons, who is in our lab group, and is also on the soccer team (I'm playing on our nursing intramural soccer team, ha!). She is 33, married, and has two kids. But she is great. Reminds me of Sally in some ways, she's real petite for her age, like Sally. I think that's mostly why. We get along great. Lately we've been partners in assessment in lab, so we practice on each other. She's fun, and I've been really grateful to be making a new good friend in the program. There's also this other girl, Laura Fong, who I'm just getting to know better, and she is hilarious. She plays on the team too, and I gave her a ride home after our game the other day. I hope we become good friends. I still love Sam and Maggie, of course. But I don't think Maggie and I are best friend compatible. She is great and super sweet, we're just a little different, which is fine. It's nice to be making other friends now though.

So this last week was our big every-two-years family reunion, and it was down at the beach (Surfside) in Texas, by Galveston. We rented this awesome beach house, that was literally right on the beach. Due to school, I wasn't going to go at all, and I had accepted that for a while before hand. It stunk that I couldn't go, but it was what it was. Months ago I remember telling Heavenly Father that if I could get into a program (nursing, PA, whatever), I would be willing to miss the family reunion (because some of the programs started before the reunion, like the one I'm in, and I knew that was a risk). So I couldn't really complain, because I kind of asked for it, in a way. And of course I'm grateful to be in the nursing program. And there had been talk about me coming down just for the weekend and such, but with the amount of homework I have each weekend, due Monday, plus the cost of tickets, I just didn't think it would be worth it. So like I said, I accepted that I couldn't go, and it was okay. It would be hard, but I've been so busy with school, I honestly didn't have really much time to even think about or dwell on the issue.
But then about a week or so before the trip one day I had this strong desire to go. I suddenly really wanted to. So I looked at what was due that Monday, and what homework I would have to do over that weekend (I would just go for the weekend). I looked at one-way plane tickets--they were expensive. But I kind of worked it out in my head how it could work, mainly with the homework issue. My plan was to do homework all the way down in the RV, party hardy for a day and a half there, and fly back Sunday.
I then talked to Mom and Dad about this new idea, that I was thinking seriously about going. After discussion about it, and a lot more thought on it, I bought a plane ticket home, bought some new board shorts, and I went!
The Kerrs borrowed an RV from Steve's work friend, who had just inherited it, and mom and dad were going to ride down in it with them, to split the cost of gas, so I hopped a ride down on it. I left class Thurs a little early, and we headed out. I did homework a majority of the 30 hours down there (minus sleeping/eating time), got most of it done, and we arrived Friday night, totally exhausted and needing to get out of that thing. :)
As far as the trip down in the RV, it was okay. Definitely a new experience, and an "adventure." There were nine of us in that thing, which was kind of crazy, especially with four of the nine being kids under ten. But they all really did pretty good. I think I was really the only adult that slept well through the night. I slept in the bed in the back, and had it all to myself, because it was so bouncy all the time back there that no one else wanted to sleep there. That's where mom spent most of her time, laying down, on that bouncy bed (I don't know how she stayed there so much), laying down because she had to due to her recent back surgery. But she actually survived the trip remarkably well. There were some fun times in the RV, and there were some other times when you wanted to strangle some children (love them). But overall, it was great. Not something you'd want to do every week, but we all survived, and saved some money getting down that way for sure.

So we got to the beach house (finally!!) at about 11 pm Thurs night. All the kids there in the house were already asleep, so after the adults all helped us haul things in and get the Kerr kids to bed, and the rest of us situated, we all hung out for a bit and chatted and ate cereal (there was an incredible stash of cereal that everyone brought--15 boxes! I was in heaven.
During the chatting and catching up we found out (I think Lindsay thought we all already knew somehow..) that Lindsay and Peter are planning on doing the foster-to-adopt program once they get to AZ, which is so exciting to me! For some reason they haven't been able to get pregnant again after Kimball, which has been really hard for them, I think especially for Lindsay, so this is super exciting. Lindsay is really excited about it, which makes me really happy. She is so amazing, and has been through so much, with Peter's addiction, and not being able to get pregnant, and her health issues (which, thankfully, are much better), so she deserves to be so happy.
The next day, Sat., was mostly spent down on the beach. Texas beaches are amazing, because the water is so warm!! Not at all like CA beaches. We boogie-boarded, some body-surfed when there wasn't enough boogie-boards, built sand castles, swam, saw crabs, Peter got pinched by one, Joe sliced his toe on a rock or something under water, we had amazing dinners (I got to enjoy two of them).. Sat night the Merkleys and Davidsons made a huge store run and were gone forever (they shopped for practically everyone, very nice of them), so while they were gone I was able to get two quizzes done, and basically finish my homework. So that was good. And adorable funny Ella kept getting out of bed that evening, which she did again after they were at the store. So we just let her play and hang out with the rest of us adults up. I just love that little girl Megan was up too because she had such a bad sunburn on her back and face (missed some spots with sunblock). Eventually, at about 10 pm, I took Ella back to bed and she layed right down and went to sleep. So cute.
The store crew finally got back, and we all put groceries away, had rootbeer floats, chatted for a bit (partly about playing a game..which never happened) and eventually all went to bed.
Sunday we went to church about 25 min away. As we sat down in Sac. Mtg, I looked on the stand and who wasn't sitting up there, but a good friend of mine from BYU, Matt Williams! What a small world! He's from Austin, about 3 hours away, and turns out her was down there for the weekend to visit his girlfriend, who lives in that ward. Her dad was the high councilman speaking that day, and had asked Matt to speak with him (his daughter spoke too, all three of them). It was so crazy to see him! But so fun! We were good friends the winter semester I moved into BDA. He was our fhe dad, and he and I became good friends, even went on a couple dates. He's great.
When we got home and told mom about this, she said something like, "You're gonna be just like dad, how he knows people everywhere he goes." She said it in a funny tone, almost annoyed. But I was actually kind of flattered. I wouldn't mind knowing someone everywhere I went..:)
After church we took family pictures on the balcony, with the beach in the background. Then I packed up, we had dinner, and I was taken to the airport. Peter drove and Camille and Sally came too. Originally it was going to be a sisters trip, but I'm not sure why that didn't happen. It was fun though, to be with the three of them.
I flew out of Houston, about an hour away. The flights were fine, I sat by college-aged girls on both flights, and I felt like I was friends with both of them pretty quick. The first one I assumed wasn't a member (the second one was), and I wanted to share the Gospel with her, bring up the Church somehow, so bad. I have failed at this the last many airplanes I have been on, and I always feel terrible about it. I want to and then fear gets the best of me, which makes me so mad.
I never brought the Church up to this girl, I hope someone else is sent to her that has the courage. And I think it could have been good, she was really easy going, we got along great, joked around some even.
I want so bad to be such a good member missionary. I want to be one of those people who just brings is up with anyone and everyone. That isn't afraid to talk about the Gospel in any situation. I want to be that. But I keep failing at it. And I think, the Gospel is something that I love, why am I so afraid to share it, or bring it up? And I always think of the quotes about how everyone you knew will one day know that you knew, and will wonder why you didn't tell them. That kills me. It's motivating, to an extent, but obviously not enough. Geez. I so frustrate myself. And I play out these situations in my head, and have conversations with strangers in my head, and it's always so easy for me to bring it up, but then come real life, and it's so hard. Ugh, so frustrating.

Anyway, it was a great trip. The one-way ticket was $279. Crazy expensive for one-way. Didn't used to be like that.

So then I was home. My good friend Jenny, from my ward in Provo, who is living up here for the summer for internships, came and picked me up from the airport, which was so nice.

And then I was home alone for the rest of the week until a few days ago when the RV party arrived Friday morning at about 7:30 am.
It was weird at first, being here at the house alone, especially at night. And lonely. And hard to know my whole family was together, at the beach no less, having a good time. And having really good food. When I got home Sunday night there was not much food here. Nearly out of milk (or maybe out? can't remember), bread was moldy, not really any good cereal, no leftovers in the fridge (except some rice), etc. But I survived, and after a day or two it was really nice to have the house to myself, actually. And to not be doted on and praised all the time by Dad, bless his heart. That was rather refreshing, I'm not gonna lie..:)

Well, I better head to bed. I want to do a little homework tomorrow morning before school.

Haven't heard back from Amy, but I emailed her again.

Subject: dead or alive


Dearest Amy,

I've been thinking about you..well, not that that's a new thing. But I feel like it's been a while since I've heard from you--don't worry, I know you're busy, I'm not offended or anything, I just wanted to make sure you haven't been killed by a charging herd of camels or something.

Hope you're having a good time!

Melissa

PS. I think you should transfer to the U. And move into my ward. That would be fun. Just sayin.

PPS. Bummer news of the day: found out the guy in my ward that my interest has been most peaked by is dating someone. Of course. Are we really that surprised? Not really.

PPPS. The good news of the day: I just got a text from the I-15 CORE project (I get their texts, updates on the construction and such, to know what exits are closed, etc.) and the construction is done from Lehi to Pleasant Grove!! SIX lanes open! Can you believe it? It's only a section, but still, I thought it was big news. And some that I'm sure you have been dying to hear, while you are there in the Holy Land focusing on what's really important in life, like the Gospel...:)

Email to Amy: our friendship, Dean's passing, school stress, etc.

June 3, 2012

(Amy,)

Oh my goodness, I loved your email. So so much. You made me cry with all those nice things you said! I was sitting in the computer lab in the nursing building, and there was only one other girl in there with me, but after I was crying she turned around to ask me a question, and it was funny cuz I was a little nervous that she could probably tell. But then maybe not because the lights were off. They are motion sensor lights and we had been in there long enough that they had gone off, ha. 

But anyway, it was seriously so sweet. You had me laughing, crying, the works. Yes, you were cracking me up too. But thank you so much for everything you said, I can't tell you how much it means to me. There are not words. I feel much the same way. You were an incredible blessing in my life last semester (and still ARE!). I think I've already told you this, but I honestly think that I was called to RS pres so that I could form the friendships I did with my counselors, and especially you. So that I could essentially "find you." What an incredible blessing this was. And YOU are amazing, don't forget that. You have maturity beyond your age. I have always so appreciated this. You are one of the most selfless, CONSIDERATE people I know. I think I've told you this before, but you remind me so so much of one of my forever best friends, Anna Boyer (you might actually know her little sister, Jenny Boyer..? Went to Olympus) in multiple ways, but specifically how much crazy fun I can have with you, but how considerate and selfless you are, as well as what an amazing listener you are. She is one of the most incredible people and friends I've ever had, and those three things are some of her most outstanding qualities, and you have them too. I have always been absolutely amazed at how much like her you are in those ways, and just how you exemplify those qualities: selflessness, consideration of others, and incredible listening skills. She makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world when talking to her, and like everything you have to say is so important to her. And you have that same gift/quality. This is a huge reason I love you. You are always so interested in anything and everything that is going on in my life and you ask about it. I'm not a big tell-about-what's-going-on-in-my-life-just-because kind of person, I generally have to be asked. Then I know a person actually wants to know. And you are so good at that, at asking, so I know you really care, which makes me want to tell you. That is a divine quality in my eyes, and means the world. So thank you for always being that way and really caring about what's going on in my life and how I'm feeling about things. And because of this quality in you, you invariably have the gift to make anyone feel comfortable around you too. People are lucky to be around you, that's for sure. 

Speaking of how amazing you are, I can't tell you how OFTEN I wish you were here!!!! Oh my gosh, pretty much every day I think about you and wish I could call and tell you something; or I want to go do something but not by myself, and you would be my first choice (or only choice:)), or something, lots of things, and wish you were here! I think about shooting you a quick email nearly daily, to tell you something funny that happened that only you would think is funny, or to tell you about something else, or about how I miss you! (And now, of course I can't think of any of those things I think of other days.) I just don't have any other friends quite like you. You as well, are irreplaceable. This is totally selfish, but I can't wait for you to be back! :)

BUT, I am so happy that you are having such an awesome experience there! At least it sounds like you are. Sorry about the homesickness, that always stinks. I hate feeling homesick. But know that I really do think of you pretty much daily. I wish I could come visit for a day!:) What's your living situation like? Do you live with other girls in dorms or something? Do you have roommates? And do you like them?

So yes, living at home is really good. My dad, bless his heart, still dotes. Maybe a fraction less than at the beginning now though. Still drives me crazy, but there are worst things I could have to deal with. So I'll take it. But the past week or so I've realized even more good that is coming out of this living-at-home situation. Such as because I'm not living with roommates or near any people my age (really it's because I don't really have any good friends up/around here, ha), I don't get tempted to hang out or whatnot. When I'm at home it's pretty easy to just study because it's just my parents here. I just stay in my room most the time and study pretty well. So even though I have next to zero social life, it's okay. I don't know what I'm missing, so I don't feel bad about not hanging out on weekends or what not. Which is a good thing, because I don't have time, ha. Though, I'll be honest, I am seriously craving going on a date, or just getting attention from a boy at all. But I'm trying to suppress those feelings..

So yeah, that, among other things, is why it's good I'm at home. Plus, I really do like my ward. I wish I had more time to go to activities, because I could get to know people a lot quicker than my once-a-week-outing to church. But we make sacrifices to get an education, right?

So, sad news. Dean died last Saturday night (May 26). I found out the next day, last Sunday (a week ago) after church, when I listened to the message from his daughter. And I lost it. For about three weeks before, he had been in the hospital and then in another nursing home/rehab care center, and he had been not doing well, and then on the mend. And his daughter knew I was wanting to talk to him on the phone, and she was going to try to make that happen when he could talk. She called me from his room at Courtyard, and so it said "Dean" on my phone, so I thought, "Oh, maybe he's back!" So the news was definitely unexpected and hard to hear. I was pretty emotional that afternoon, called his daughter back and talked to her for a while about it all, and what had happened, cried with her on the phone. I was pretty sad about it. I'm better now, I went to his funeral yesterday down in Pleasant Grove, and it was really really good to see his kids and wife. I got to be pretty close to a couple of his daughters and wife, Dixie. So that was really neat, they all hugged me in turn and we each cried together. I miss him though, I wish so much I could talk to him one more time. For about a month before I quit, he would always say things like, "What am I going to do with out you, Melissa?" or "I'm gonna miss you, Melissa!" sweet things like that. And I would tell him that I was going to miss him too, but that I would call him, and we would chat, etc. And my big regret is that I waited too long to call him. I finally started trying to call him over a week after I had moved up here, and called his room a few times on different days, but by then he was in the hospital. I didn't find out for a few days, and then yeah, never worked out to talk to him. So I feel so bad that I told him I would, and then I didn't ever get to talk to him again.

I talked to his sweet wife, who I absolutely love, for a while a couple days after he died, and I told her that I wasn't sure how I was going to get married now that Dean wasn't here to help out. And she said she was sure that he was trying even harder from the other side. I told her she was probably right! We had a good laugh about that.

By the way, thank you so much for your confidence in my academic abilities. I think I have fooled you into thinking that I am this amazing student or something...not sure how that happened...but I am trying to work hard. I feel like everyone else in my class is always so much more on top of things than me. Like my friends always seem to have done all the assignments like days in advance before they are due, and are so on top of everything it seems, and I do them, on time and everything, but man, I feel like one of the least qualified to be in this program sometimes. We have our first pharmacology exam this week, and everyone before us, as well as the teachers, talk about that first test like you're lucky if you get out alive. We have to know SO much for just this one test, I'm pretty nervous about it. I just hope I pass, honestly.

My mom is doing better. She actually had to have the surgery again (I can't remember if I mentioned that already). But the same day as she had the first one, the disc herniated again, so she had to have the surgery done twice. But this time she is doing much better, and is definitely on the mend. Sorry that YOU have been sick though, yuck! I hope you are feeling better by now! 

So our big family reunion is this next week, the one we do every two years now, and it's in TX this time because it is my brother's year to plan it and they are down there. Anyway, they're renting a beach house for a week, and I basically can't go because of school. This was hard to accept when I first got in to the U (one of the reasons I was upset about it..ha), but lately I've been remarkably fine with it. It stinks that I can't go, but it is what it is. But the past couple days I have been really wanting to go, and anyway, long story short, I'm going just for the weekend. So I'm driving down with some of the family on Thurs/Fri, and will fly back Sunday night. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I am. ha So this week is going to be crazy, that's all. Trying to do all homework, study and somehow pass my pharm test, plus get ready to go to TX, not to mention somehow getting all my homework that's due Monday done on the way down. Gosh, I sound like going maybe isn't a good idea. No, it will be okay. This is just what's most on my mind right now. I guess that's why I'm mentioning it. I'm slightly stressed about it all. But I know that it will somehow all work out. And getting to go to the beach will be great incentive to get everything done and push through the week. 

Thanks for listening to that little stress-unload session.:)

Okay, I've got to end this, but I must say that I feel the same way as you, I love getting your emails (thank you for sending them!), it does feel kind of like we are having an actual conversation, just delayed.. I can totally hear you saying all those things too, I love it. You write how you talk, which is really great for me.:)

Have a great week! Love you!

Amy email, May 31, 2012, made me cry

Oh my dear friend Melissa,

You are the best. It is so good to get your emails, they make me feel like I'm having a good talk with you (kind of, the real deal is kind of irreplaceable though). So so good to hear about things though.

I am so happy that you are liking the program. There are about 8 girls in our group who are nursing students and I would just like to say that I would prefer you to be my nurse the most, just saying. I'm sure they will be great, but you are going to be the BEST!. I love the advice your teacher gave you about life events, it is good to only have one of those at a time. Good advice. Oh well, dating will just have to be second! I will say though that I have been told you find love when your not looking for it, so just watch out because it just might find you from behind or around a corner, perhaps across from a med student? I loved what you said about having less competition for those med students, so funny, so attractive! What a great environment! But I am sure you are so so busy, you sound so so busy. It sounds like physics on steroids. I've heard pharm classes are really hard, so much to memorize. But if any one can do it Meliss, it's you! I know that! Really, I feel like from everything you told me about when you were in my classes, as i was weeping and fretting and you were comforting me..those days :), that you are such a good student, much better than I am. So I have no doubts that you are doing well and will thrive. 

I hope you are able to find lots of good friends in your ward, so glad to hear that the prospects are good. And I loved what you said about finding friends in life/being blessed with friends in your life. You were certainly that for me this past year (and will be FOREVER! :)) but I feel so strongly that the Lord put you into my life right when I needed you, you have changed my life forever. A little while ago I was having a good bout of homesickness and just having a hard time adjusting and feeling pretty friendless. I was rather down. And I started thinking about last semester and how good things were and how much fun we had and I came to a pretty simple conclusion that really changed things for me. That conclusion was that, Amy, you don't have Melissa here. Dang it. Which means i don't really have a friend a round with whom I always laugh and feel like i can be my total self. (this is when I got really sad). But then i decided I would have to try to be a Melissa to others. To be someone who others feel like they can be themselves, that they are accepted, who freely laughs and validates and lifts others. So that is what I am trying to do, trying to be like you. You're kind of harrd to be like, cus your pretty amazing, but i am trying. You set such a good example for me Melissa and I am so grateful for your example and your friendship. I wanted you to know that. 

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom being sick, I hope she gets feeling well soon! Back surgery can really put you out though, that's a tough one. I'm glad things are good at home overall. It is nice to have one of your parents at understand how you feel, I hope she is able to monitor your Dad's doting and so you are more comfortable. Cus I can't imagine how nice it is to not being writin them rent checks, mmm. 

So right now I have this nasty sinus infection and nasty business and last night i watched Annie Get Your Gun. Oh my goodness. WATCH IT! when you have time...oh wait, which is never, but! if somehow you come up with 107 minutes of free time, it is sooo good and sooo cute. It's classic broadway cheese but i just thought the songs were fun and its cowgirlly and you just mighht like it :). it would be a good break form nursing stuffs.

things are good over here, I am feeling less homesick and able to focus on stuff (minus the sinus infection/cold). We are going to a holocaust museum on Monday and I am really anticipating the visit. My favorite thing is just walking around the old city and seeing the old stuff. Everything is so old. old old old. and important to someone. last night we had a forum address and the man commented on how the general view of the HOly Land is that its the size of TExas or Alaska or something and why can't there be room for everyone? Well, it's not that big, its really small actually, which i certainly didn't understand till i got here, and the Christians and Jews and Muslims are really just stepping on each others toes everywhere, they are so tightly layered into the land. IT's remarkable! And what's also remarkable ist hat for the most part they are peaceful. There's just some people who don't get it and make a mess for everyone. I keep getting told "It's complicated" and I've now been given enough explanations that I am most comfortable with the phrase "It's compoicated". it's the best way to put it, haha. the food is okay. i eat better than i did in Provo, that's for sure, but some of it is not the best in the stomachh, but things are getting better haha :) It's just a big adventure. Making me stretch for sure, and that's why I'm here I guess :).

The center has a couple guitars and whenever i have a jam session i always miss ours!!! 

Anyways, thank you so much for your email. It made me soo happy. so so good to hear from you. Good luck this week in school! hope your saturday is more free and you are able to have some fun. You are truly the best and I miss you tons.

Talk to ya soon

Amy