June 3, 2012
(Amy,)
Oh my goodness, I loved your email. So so much. You made me cry with all those nice things you said! I was sitting in the computer lab in the nursing building, and there was only one other girl in there with me, but after I was crying she turned around to ask me a question, and it was funny cuz I was a little nervous that she could probably tell. But then maybe not because the lights were off. They are motion sensor lights and we had been in there long enough that they had gone off, ha.
But anyway, it was seriously so sweet. You had me laughing, crying, the works. Yes, you were cracking me up too. But thank you so much for everything you said, I can't tell you how much it means to me. There are not words. I feel much the same way. You were an incredible blessing in my life last semester (and still ARE!). I think I've already told you this, but I honestly think that I was called to RS pres so that I could form the friendships I did with my counselors, and especially you. So that I could essentially "find you." What an incredible blessing this was. And YOU are amazing, don't forget that. You have maturity beyond your age. I have always so appreciated this. You are one of the most selfless, CONSIDERATE people I know. I think I've told you this before, but you remind me so so much of one of my forever best friends, Anna Boyer (you might actually know her little sister, Jenny Boyer..? Went to Olympus) in multiple ways, but specifically how much crazy fun I can have with you, but how considerate and selfless you are, as well as what an amazing listener you are. She is one of the most incredible people and friends I've ever had, and those three things are some of her most outstanding qualities, and you have them too. I have always been absolutely amazed at how much like her you are in those ways, and just how you exemplify those qualities: selflessness, consideration of others, and incredible listening skills. She makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world when talking to her, and like everything you have to say is so important to her. And you have that same gift/quality. This is a huge reason I love you. You are always so interested in anything and everything that is going on in my life and you ask about it. I'm not a big tell-about-what's-going-on-in-
Speaking of how amazing you are, I can't tell you how OFTEN I wish you were here!!!! Oh my gosh, pretty much every day I think about you and wish I could call and tell you something; or I want to go do something but not by myself, and you would be my first choice (or only choice:)), or something, lots of things, and wish you were here! I think about shooting you a quick email nearly daily, to tell you something funny that happened that only you would think is funny, or to tell you about something else, or about how I miss you! (And now, of course I can't think of any of those things I think of other days.) I just don't have any other friends quite like you. You as well, are irreplaceable. This is totally selfish, but I can't wait for you to be back! :)
BUT, I am so happy that you are having such an awesome experience there! At least it sounds like you are. Sorry about the homesickness, that always stinks. I hate feeling homesick. But know that I really do think of you pretty much daily. I wish I could come visit for a day!:) What's your living situation like? Do you live with other girls in dorms or something? Do you have roommates? And do you like them?
So yes, living at home is really good. My dad, bless his heart, still dotes. Maybe a fraction less than at the beginning now though. Still drives me crazy, but there are worst things I could have to deal with. So I'll take it. But the past week or so I've realized even more good that is coming out of this living-at-home situation. Such as because I'm not living with roommates or near any people my age (really it's because I don't really have any good friends up/around here, ha), I don't get tempted to hang out or whatnot. When I'm at home it's pretty easy to just study because it's just my parents here. I just stay in my room most the time and study pretty well. So even though I have next to zero social life, it's okay. I don't know what I'm missing, so I don't feel bad about not hanging out on weekends or what not. Which is a good thing, because I don't have time, ha. Though, I'll be honest, I am seriously craving going on a date, or just getting attention from a boy at all. But I'm trying to suppress those feelings..
So yeah, that, among other things, is why it's good I'm at home. Plus, I really do like my ward. I wish I had more time to go to activities, because I could get to know people a lot quicker than my once-a-week-outing to church. But we make sacrifices to get an education, right?
So, sad news. Dean died last Saturday night (May 26). I found out the next day, last Sunday (a week ago) after church, when I listened to the message from his daughter. And I lost it. For about three weeks before, he had been in the hospital and then in another nursing home/rehab care center, and he had been not doing well, and then on the mend. And his daughter knew I was wanting to talk to him on the phone, and she was going to try to make that happen when he could talk. She called me from his room at Courtyard, and so it said "Dean" on my phone, so I thought, "Oh, maybe he's back!" So the news was definitely unexpected and hard to hear. I was pretty emotional that afternoon, called his daughter back and talked to her for a while about it all, and what had happened, cried with her on the phone. I was pretty sad about it. I'm better now, I went to his funeral yesterday down in Pleasant Grove, and it was really really good to see his kids and wife. I got to be pretty close to a couple of his daughters and wife, Dixie. So that was really neat, they all hugged me in turn and we each cried together. I miss him though, I wish so much I could talk to him one more time. For about a month before I quit, he would always say things like, "What am I going to do with out you, Melissa?" or "I'm gonna miss you, Melissa!" sweet things like that. And I would tell him that I was going to miss him too, but that I would call him, and we would chat, etc. And my big regret is that I waited too long to call him. I finally started trying to call him over a week after I had moved up here, and called his room a few times on different days, but by then he was in the hospital. I didn't find out for a few days, and then yeah, never worked out to talk to him. So I feel so bad that I told him I would, and then I didn't ever get to talk to him again.
I talked to his sweet wife, who I absolutely love, for a while a couple days after he died, and I told her that I wasn't sure how I was going to get married now that Dean wasn't here to help out. And she said she was sure that he was trying even harder from the other side. I told her she was probably right! We had a good laugh about that.
By the way, thank you so much for your confidence in my academic abilities. I think I have fooled you into thinking that I am this amazing student or something...not sure how that happened...but I am trying to work hard. I feel like everyone else in my class is always so much more on top of things than me. Like my friends always seem to have done all the assignments like days in advance before they are due, and are so on top of everything it seems, and I do them, on time and everything, but man, I feel like one of the least qualified to be in this program sometimes. We have our first pharmacology exam this week, and everyone before us, as well as the teachers, talk about that first test like you're lucky if you get out alive. We have to know SO much for just this one test, I'm pretty nervous about it. I just hope I pass, honestly.
My mom is doing better. She actually had to have the surgery again (I can't remember if I mentioned that already). But the same day as she had the first one, the disc herniated again, so she had to have the surgery done twice. But this time she is doing much better, and is definitely on the mend. Sorry that YOU have been sick though, yuck! I hope you are feeling better by now!
So our big family reunion is this next week, the one we do every two years now, and it's in TX this time because it is my brother's year to plan it and they are down there. Anyway, they're renting a beach house for a week, and I basically can't go because of school. This was hard to accept when I first got in to the U (one of the reasons I was upset about it..ha), but lately I've been remarkably fine with it. It stinks that I can't go, but it is what it is. But the past couple days I have been really wanting to go, and anyway, long story short, I'm going just for the weekend. So I'm driving down with some of the family on Thurs/Fri, and will fly back Sunday night. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I am. ha So this week is going to be crazy, that's all. Trying to do all homework, study and somehow pass my pharm test, plus get ready to go to TX, not to mention somehow getting all my homework that's due Monday done on the way down. Gosh, I sound like going maybe isn't a good idea. No, it will be okay. This is just what's most on my mind right now. I guess that's why I'm mentioning it. I'm slightly stressed about it all. But I know that it will somehow all work out. And getting to go to the beach will be great incentive to get everything done and push through the week.
Thanks for listening to that little stress-unload session.:)
Okay, I've got to end this, but I must say that I feel the same way as you, I love getting your emails (thank you for sending them!), it does feel kind of like we are having an actual conversation, just delayed.. I can totally hear you saying all those things too, I love it. You write how you talk, which is really great for me.:)
Have a great week! Love you!
No comments:
Post a Comment