Why do I get so scared??????

Aaa, why do I chicken out???!?!?

So I just got back from a Stake FHE at Canyon Rim Park, with a cookout and the former stake president, President Dunn, telling his "bear story," of when he was attacked by a Grizzly bear 18 years ago and survived. While standing in line for food I saw David Hall, the guy in the ward who I've been interested in getting to know better, and who I found out yesterday at church (from Liz Stitt) is dating someone. Bummer. But I still would love to get to know him better anyway. All's fair in love and war until there is a ring, right?

There wasn't enough food before Pres. Dunn's presentation for everyone, so for those of us still in line, we were told we would be fed after. So we went and sat down. I casually went over to walk with Megan King and who she was with, who included David behind her with some others. Being like a shy elementary school girl, I avoided eye contact with David and just walked in front of him with Megan and her friend. I thought/hoped we would all sit together, but they did not follow us. But I could basically see David nearly the whole time. He is really cute, my kind of cute, and seems like such a good guy. And I just found out he is 27 (maybe or maybe not via facebook stalking..)! So after the thing, I saw him and Mark dart to the food pavillion, so I headed that direction (Megan and her friend left a few min before this). As I was condiment-izing my bun, David and Mark were about 6 feet in front of me, with their burgers, getting ready to sit down. I saw them, acted like I hadn't noticed them before, and said, "Hey guys," and looked at both, but mostly at David, smiling, til it seemed like maybe he recognized me. Although at church when I said hi to him on Sunday he asked me if we had met..(ouch). So he probably didn't remember me again...who knows. Plus, I was wearing a hat tonight, so that was another thing against the possibility. But, regardless, he smiled back and said hi, I think, maybe. And then I proceeded with my bun. After I got the burger, it was then time to either find a place to sit and eat, or leave. Not knowing really anyone else there, but these two guys, and feeling to shy to go sit by them, I vied for the easy route and got out of there, with burger on plate in hand.

Once I left and went and got in my car, I wished I had just been brave and gone and sat with them. What's the worst that could have happened, I make some guy friends?? Geez! And I've been praying for that! And what kills me the most is that all evening I prayed that I could have the opportunity to get to know David better, whether that night or later. And I got it!! BUT I DIDN'T TAKE IT!!!!! Aaaaaa! I do this, and it kills me! Why do I get so scared? I am 25 now and looking for a husband, let's be honest. Can't I be past this elementary school girl nervousness already?? I so frustrate myself. How the heck am I going to get to know this guy when I'm too scared to take the chances I get? Especially when I get so few of them due to my busy school schedule and inability to go to many activities.

I want a guy so bad. So so bad. I confess that even though I am so busy with school and literally have little time to think of much else, I do think of that. I crave having someone to like, to spend time with (what time, right?), to get ready for. I crave feeling attractive, feeling wanted. I want so badly to have a good guy friend, to have any male attention, really.
So tonight I am taking advantage of the last day of the deal on LDSSingles.com, and I'm signing up. I figure I don't really have time to go meet people, and I'm on my computer so much for school anyway, why not try to meet guys online while I'm at it? Plus, I have been feeling more and more like I should just sign up. And I've wanted to more and more. Especially after hearing more and more online dating success stories in the last while. Specifically Rosanna's Sandy friend, Karen. She brought up a good point, that if nothing else, at least you go on dates. And I have been so craving to go on a date. It has been a while.
Anyway, so I'm signing up. I'm giving it a shot. I need a little boy fun/drama/excitement in my life.