The good and the bummer about David Hall. And now he is gone. But Nick Anderson...he's here at least.

So..man. Where to start.

Well, in a nutshell, this week took a turn for the better with Mr. David, and then not so much. So by Thursday, I was pretty much totally distressed, anxious, and getting hopeless about anything happening with David. I just wanted to hang out or talk to him one more time. Or heaven forbid, go out with him (that was sure hoping).

I ended up going to our ward softball game Thurs night, despite really needing to study, in hopes that he would be there. I knew that it could be the last chance I got to see him, I wasn't totally sure when he was moving and would be gone. I facebooked and then texted Necia, my sweet new friend in the ward, to see if she would be going. I wanted to maybe have someone who was going just text me if he came, and then I would go. Otherwise I would stay home and study.

So I confessed to her that I was hoping to see him there, and she actually offered to do that, but by then I just really wanted to go anyway. I love this ward and have made some good friends here. I feel really liked and welcomed, it's been so amazing. So as I was driving there, she texted me that he had just arrived. Great, now I was nervous.

Anyway, I got there and said hi to some people, and then headed over to sit with Necia. I passed him on the way and we said hi. And can I just make a note that, I don't know if it's just me, but I really have felt that anytime we say hi and make eye contact, like when he was leaving the devo last Sunday night and said bye, I feel like there is something there, like I'm surprisingly not just another girl to him. I feel something, and it seems like it's there for him too. But I don't know.

Anyway, then I went and sat by Necia and Wendy and Sister Gregory, and a few minutes later Necia and I went back to the other side and hung out with the team, including David. The others were in the field, and he was too many, so he was hanging out by the dugout.
I went up and started chatting with him. The first thing he said to me was, "why aren't you out there?" or something. I thought that was cute.:)

We chatted for a minute, about softball not being either of our best sports. I love to bat and run the bases, but I am so un-confident about throwing a softball, I don't like being in the field. I also asked him how moving was going, and asked if he needed help (he declined. Bummer.).

Anyway, after the game we all went over to the pavillion and ate hot dogs that were being grilled by the stake (so nice). When I got my food and water, I headed over to the table with everyone, and he was on the end, conveniently, so I casually sat down a foot or two away from him. But next to him.:) Necia was also conveniently across from me.

Then Liz Stitt came and Cheryl Johnson, both of whom I love. They are fun girls. So many fun girls in this ward, I love it.

I started chatting with Necia about her 24th, and a few min later someone wanted to sit on the other side of David somewhere, so he scooted toward us and was now basically right next to me.
So we all just chatted about the 24th and rodeos and mutton bustin'. David heard we were talking about rodeos, and he turned to me and was like, "you went to a rodeo?" I told him no, that Necia had. But I liked that he directly asked me, when he heard what we were talking about.
So we all just kept chatting for a while, and then it ended up being just Liz, Cheryl and I, and this other guy from another ward came and sat by us and chatted. He was pretty cool. But David was chatting right behind me with someone. I was quite aware of this the whole time, of course. I was ready to go, but I wanted to go when he did. So I kept chatting with Liz and Cheryl and this guy, slowly getting ready to go, putting my purse strap over me, etc. Oh, at one point David had his foot up on the bench right next to me. I kind of liked that. I had this small urge to untie he shoes or touch his leg. But alas, I resisted.

Then David mentioned that he was going to head out, so I then decided to as well.:)
I got up, said bye, and threw away my garbage. He was right there at the fence, and I was like, "You heading out?" And he was like, "Yeah, you parked over (in that other lot)?" The other parking lot was the farther one where we both parked, making it a longer walk together, which was nice. I said yes and we both headed that way.

As I asked him how his 24th was and he started to tell me, he put a baseball hat on, which I love.

Sidenote: have I talked about on here things that are so attractive in a guy to me? Well, a few things include:
-workout clothes, i.e. gym shorts, t-shirt, tennis shoes
-baseball hats, especially backwards, mm.
-glasses
-good flip flops

So yeah, the hat just added to his already-attractive outfit of red gym shorts, t-shirt, and tennis shoes.

We chatted to our cars, about what he did on the 24th, and then about his calling he's had for the last year and a half (ward mission leader), and how the work is around here. I asked him about sisters in the area, and he gave me their number. Now I need to call them and go out with them.
Once we got to his car, I asked if he was going to the game night (at Necia, Nicole's, and Rebecca's) on Sat., and he said no, that he had a family reunion that night. Then as I was heading to my car, I was like, "Well, good luck moving. Let me know if you need any help." I had asked him during the game how moving had been going, and did he need any help. That time he said no, that he was good or whatever. That Junior was coming the next day to help him.

So when I said that, I was really surprised when he kind of paused and said, "Do you have a job?" "No, I'm just in school." "Are you available tomorrow at 2?" And I thought for a second and said, "Yeah, actually." Then he was like, "I might call you then" or something. And I was like, "Yeah, do" or whatever. And then we said bye and I got in the car and started freaking out in my head. As I drove out I of course wanted to share this amazing news with someone, and the first person I wanted to tell was of course Elisa, my good friend in my nursing class. She is 32, has two kids, and totally loves all the boy drama I've been having lately. She is so nice to listen to and be interested in all of my rantings and frustrations and nervousness and excitement and anxiety over these boys lately (specifically Steven, and then David). She's even better than Sally at listening to it all, and that's impressive.

So I called her right away and after she told me about the excitement that was happening in their apt complex with a fire having just been put out and the firetrucks being there, etc., I told her what had just happened. I was freaking out and she was really excited too! I couldn't believe it, it was almost like I had a date with him! If I had written in here that day, it would have looked something like this:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! He said he might call me tomorrow!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

So that night I was all kinds of excited. And of course I thought about him a lot and about helping him move.

Then, the next morning (Friday, no school, study all day), I tried to be very efficient with my time, in studying, getting my scripture reading in, showering and doing my hair so I didn't look like a scrounge for him, did some dishes, and studied some more, basically until he called me.

Well, that's when the story turns. He never called me. And I'll be honest, a small part of me was relieved, for multiple reasons, one of which being that I had more time to study. But it certainly would have been worth it to me to spend time with him and not study. But I was kind of bummed. But I also know how moving goes, and that it doesn't always go as scheduled, and maybe the timing changed or he ended up not needing help or something. By the end of the night I wasn't too upset about it.

Then I wasn't sure if he'd be in church today, but I walked in (on time for the second time!), sat by Wendy and Necia and those girls, and looked around to where he would usually sit, no David, and then looked up on the stand, and there he was. Of course, speaking on his last Sunday here. So I got to look at him throughout the meeting, which was nice. And it seemed like he may have looked my way some too. But I couldn't tell for sure because my left eye kept watering so it wasn't real clear most of the time.

He was the last speaker, and gave a really great talk. Really great. One thing he talked about was a reason why our testimony is so powerful, and that is because it is what we know, which is the antithesis of doubt, which is a major tool the adversary uses on us. So we combat his tool of doubt with our conviction of what we know, and that is why it is so powerful. (He didn't say this, but) Thus, the more we know and have a testimony on, such as our divine worth, or that we will get married someday or whatever we are doubting, the less power Satan has over us. Hm.

After Sac. Mtg., a bunch of us were just hanging out, chatting, and he eventually came down the aisle, and I turned to say hi and tell him good job. He kind of stuck out his hand, and I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I shook it. Ha. But even just that "formal" physical contact seemed real, meaningful in a way. I told him really great job on his talk, and couldn't think of what else to say, but he kept moving to the others, basically to tell them he was leaving, then, like not going to the rest of church, and to say bye. He was heading up to Washington, not sure why. I was bummed that he was leaving right then, and he made his way to the doors of the chapel. I looked back at him, and it seemed like he had been looking at me.

When he left, it literally felt like a part of me..broke. That probably sounds really ridiculous and cheesy, and maybe it's because I have just thought about him so much in the last while, but I really feel something about him, and hope this isn't it. That I will get to see him again, or something will still miraculously happen between us. I was very sad inside, about him being gone. Just like that. I certainly wasn't really able to focus or got much out of sunday school after that. RS was better because it was on missionary work, and I always like that topic. Plus Rebecca did a great job teaching. But yeah, major bummer that he's gone.

I've been praying for help to not be sad, and for something to still be able to happen between us. I studied "hope" in my scripture study today, right after church. I felt better after, knowing and being reassured that I just need to have a hope in God, and that He has my best interests at hand, and knowing that I need not be "cast down" (Ps. 42:11). I asked Heavenly Father to help me not think about him anymore, to be able to let him go, if nothing is supposed to or will ever happen between us. But I also asked that something could still happen. But I also asked that if nothing was ever supposed to, that I meet or be shown other guys that can hold my interest to the level that David has. Because honestly, that will be the hardest thing, is measuring up to him. I still have not seen anything that I haven't liked about him. He is slightly on the thin side, but not bad. And he is tall, which helps, plus everything else about him is so great that the slight thin-ness is no big deal.

But speaking of other guys, so that guy, the EQP, Nick Anderson, and I did meet. I think I may have written about it in here, maybe, but it was at FHE last Monday, at the White's house. We watched The Sandlot as a ward and he ended up sitting next to me on this little bench, and we joked and made comments back and forth throughout the movie. Even flirted some. It was fun.

Well, he added me on facebook on Thursday, which really brightened my day when I got home from school that evening. I was kind of down and drained, from school and the whole David situation all week, and seeing that perked me right up.

So last night, at about midnight, I got on fb for some stimulation so that I could stay awake and study longer (for our huge Pharm exam 3 tomorrow), and hopefully gather some energy/motivation to do so. Not too long after I got on, I heard the chat box noise. I went and looked to see who was trying to talk to me, and it just so happened to be Nick Anderson. Ha! That made me a little excited, woke me right up. So we chatted and joked back and forth for the next while, about both of our sunburns (his was lateral thoracic, he let me know..:), and about the pass of all passes to Seven Peaks, etc. I might get one. Seems like lots of people in the ward go there, and it would be so fun.

So that was fun to chat with him, and feel like a cool guy wanted to talk to me. But I must say, he just hasn't caught my attention anywhere to the degree that David has. This is why I'm worried about it being hard to find someone to measure up to him. But, this Nick Anderson is probably next in line. Or the only other one really on the radar, I should say. Ha.

So I was kind of excited to see him at church, because I felt like we were definitely friends now. But when I saw him before RS and said hi, he said hi, barely. And then after church I was chatting in the hall with Liz Stitt (I love her) and he walked by and I was like, "Nick Anderson. How's it goin'?" And he very seriously said something small, like, "Good." And went on his way up the stairs. I was confused at that. He basically acted like he didn't even know me. I kind of pointed to him in confusion, as he went up the stairs, and Liz asked me about it. When he was gone, I told her that he had added me on fb this week, and we had chatted it up on there last night, and then he just acted like he didn't know me. Then she was like, "It's probably because you were talking to me." I thought she was kidding, but then she told me briefly about how something had happened between then a long time ago, and things had basically been awkward ever since. Sometimes things could be normal between them, she said. Ha. She wouldn't tell me what he did, because she said she didn't want me to think ill of him, which was very nice and mature of her, I thought. I am really curious, but part of me would rather not know either. Whatever it was, she said he felt really bad about it.

Anyway, so Nick is kind of my fall-back-on right now. He hasn't been super impressive to me, a fun guy, but hasn't really impressed me yet. I would like to get to know him better though. People say he's really cool. I am grateful though, to at least have someone to think about, and distract me a little from the current David tragedy.

Hopefully this saga will be continued. With either of them, really.

Distressed about this David Hall

I'm starting to wonder if I am being way too dramatic or irrational or obsessive about this. But I can't stop thinking about David Hall. And he is supposed to be moving to Provo this week! I am seriously slightly distressed about this. And here's why: I don't think I've ever felt so extremely and immediately compatible with someone as I did with him, that night that we cleaned. Whenever I like a guy, I am usually still hesitant of the idea of actually dating him, because that may eliminate possibilities with other guys (totally irrational right? As if I date so many guys or something..), and since hanging out with him last Friday, I honestly had no interest in going out with another guy, ever. And I don't think I have ever felt that way. Even with Steven Davis, who I went out with a couple weeks ago, with Beckee and company. I was totally interested in him after, and really was hoping that he would call me again, but I still had that hesitation about dating, for that very reason. Even though he is so awesome, my mind couldn't dismiss the possibilities with certain guys in my ward that I've had interest in getting to know, David Hall being one of them.

But yeah, with David, after Friday night, no interest in ever needing to go out with any other guy. Seriously. And it really felt like there was a mutual interest going on that night, but who knows.

So since then, I decided to try to go to all ward activities this week, in hopes of seeing him as much as possibly before he moves. He wasn't at church on Sunday, but I went to the Sunday night devotional that Liz Stitt's house holds every week, in hopes that he would be there, and he was! I was one of the first people there, and he was the first person I saw when I got there. We made eye contact and I smiled and said hi, and he smiled. Junior was there too, and started talking to me from across the room. Then I was too nervous and never really talked to David the rest of the night. Lots of people came, and Nicia, one of my new good friends, sat by me (David sat on the other side of her, I may have been slightly jealous, and mostly because if I was a guy, the first person I would go for is Nicia, she is so awesome). Anyway, Nicia and I chatted and chatted before and after the devotional. After it was over and people were just hanging out, David was kind of wandering around, checking out the bookcase, hanging out in the kitchen. Eventually he was about to leave and kind of walked toward the door slowly and said like a general bye to the crowd of us socializing there by the door. I looked at him and we made eye contact and smiled and said bye. I felt like there was still possibly something there. Oh, during his wanderings though, when I was still chatting with Nicia (she is a nurse, about to go on a mission, and I am an RM, about to be a nurse, so we have lots to talk about with each other, and she's so fun, I love her. I'm kind of sad she's leaving soon), David came over our way (there were others by us chatting too) and I could have sworn he glanced at the seat on the couch next to me like he wanted to sit there, but then didn't. Maybe I was imagining it, but it seemed like maybe..

Then I went to FHE last night, where we watched Sandlot outside in Brother White's backyard as a ward. I of course was hoping to see him, and sit by him, ideally, but he wasn't there for a while. Instead, I finally actually met Nick Anderson, my interest #2 in the ward. He and Ryan Ramsey (who I also basically met last night) sat behind us before the movie. We (they and Nicia and I) were chatting and joking around, then Nick got up and went to the back of the crowd, then Danny came and took his seat I think, then when Nick came back he came up and sat next to me on the little yard bench I was on. I was loving that..! He seems like a cool guy, and we kind of joked around and flirted throughout the evening and movie. It was fun. So fun to flirt with someone, and them to flirt back--man, it's been a while!!

THEN, partway through the movie, who shows up and sits right behind Nicia and Nicole, but David Hall. Dang it, and I'm sitting next to Nick Anderson. I turned around to see who it was, and saw David, then turned back around and he looked at me and we said hi. And that was all the David interaction I got last night. He left before it was over, dang it. I was hoping to get to talk to him after, but no luck there. I didn't even know when he left.

So I took the next step and added David on facebook last night, at like 11 pm. After deliberating for a minute before clicking on "Add friend," I did it. He accepted me today. ...I can't believe I'm actually writing about all these ridiculous details. I really hope I marry him, because I'll have to probably delete all these journal entries later if I don't. Ha.

Anyway, I just feel like there's probably no way he has felt as strongly about me as I have about him, and that he's moving, which doesn't help anything. I so badly want to do something with him.

I honestly feel like I miss him. Today is the 24th of July, a holiday, and all morning as we were doing the breakfast and family stuff, I kept thinking about him and was so wishing he was here with me. It just feels like that's who I should be with. I can't really describe it. Not so much as like a prompting, so I can't say I know or anything yet, but just a really strong desire. Besides Sean Rutschke, back in the day, I have never wanted to be with someone so badly.
The logical and realistic part of me thinks that there is no way anything is going to happen. It never does, but on top of that, he's moving to Provo this week, which lowers my chances even more.

But then I think, then why did I get the chance to get to know him last Friday? If nothing is ever going to or supposed to happen with him, why was I given that night to get to know such an awesome guy, who I felt like I fit so well with, if that was just going to be it? All I got. I feel like that would be cruel of Heavenly Father, and that He is kinder than that. But then I also know God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes we just can't understand why He does things, or why things happen.

I know everything will work out, and how it should, and how I will be happiest in the end. But I honestly am getting distressed over this. I just want to be with him so bad, and for him to want that too. If he has had no desire in getting to know me any more, or never really had interest in me, like it seemed like he did, I would also like to know that, and then I could stop thinking about him. Because I think that is partly why I feel so into him, is that it seemed mutual, and now I feel like time is literally slipping through my hands.

But it is good to remember that this is not really in my hands. I do what I can do, and I've got to let God do the rest. I know He knows my heart and my desires, and He is kind. And He always answers my prayers, and He can make anything happen if it's supposed to. So I just have to trust in that, and be patient. It's just that it's really hard to be patient when you feel like time is running out and you want to be with someone so much.

Oh man, I am a case, aren't I?

Cleaning with David Hall..!

If I were asked if I thought I already knew the person that I would one day marry, as of just tonight, I can now say that I hope I do. And that I hope it's David Hall.
So we just got done cleaning the Conference Center, as well as the JSMB, and David Hall, the guy I've been wanting to know basically since I moved into the ward, and I basically hung out the WHOLE TIME. It was amazing, it was like a dream. We had all kinds of quality date-like conversation, without the pressure of it actually being a date. We rode in the same car there and back (Brandt's), and both sat in the back seat. Then when we got there and all got split up, he and I got put on a floor of the JSMB alone, just us, and we vacuumed and dusted and wiped a bunch of the rooms. In between his vacuuming we would chat some more. He's great at conversation, and really easy to talk to. We seem to have similar senses of humor, which was fun and is awesome, and everything about him I really like so far. Just a really good guy. Those are hard to find these days. I like how he dresses, he is very kind, polite, a gentleman, oh and he smelled SO GOOD. Even at midnight, after we were done, he still smelled really good. Maybe even more so than at the beginning. Maybe I was just totally crushing on him and noticing it more.
Oh, and just from some things he said, it seems like he has really good standards, like with media, movies, etc., which is HUGE to me.
The thing was though that he seemed just as interested in getting to know me as I was in getting to know him. Though maybe he's like that with everyone he meets.
But the bummer about the whole situation, about him, and me feeling like something could really happen with a guy like him, is that he is MOVING to PROVO next week! Ugh. Seriously? Talk about terrible timing. We were in the car on the way there when he told me that, and I felt my heart kind of drop, like something good was slipping through my hands or something. Maybe not, that sounds dramatic. But I was totally bummed about it, and still am. He's starting the MBA program down there, which is two years long. So that stinks. Not about the program, but that's he's moving.
But I would really really like to go out with him before he leaves. Provo isn't that far. For someone as great as he is, I would totally be willing to do a long distance relationship. Hm, that would stink though, really. That would be lots of gas...
Oh well, with my luck and track record, nothing will happen and I won't have to worry about that.
And kind of by accident (maybe by fate..?) I discovered tonight that he lives on Connor St. Right south of 27th, which I run right by sometimes. I think maybe I should run by there every day for the next week... :)

My email to Amy--updates: TX, pharm tests, end of semester, my social attendings, 3 guys of interest

Okay, so really sorry this time that it took me so long. I guess we should both stop apologizing, since we're both obviously busy, and it just happens, ha. But in response to yours, you are FINE!!! I wasn't offended even for a second ever, just wondered if you were okay after a while. I figured you were, but just had to make sure.:) But seriously, don't feel bad, I didn't, so no worries at all. Don't let emailing me stress you out.

I'm so happy that you are so happy! I can only imagine you are having the most amazing time of your life! That is ironic about your roommate, Natalie, and that boy that you liked. Bummer too. But that other kid sounds great! When I first read your email a couple weeks ago I immediately looked Mr. Grover up, and his privacy settings are unfortunately about as private as they get, but he looks great from what I could tell from his profile pic... :) What else has been going on with him?? Are you secretly dating under the table? If he's lucky, you are. Update me on this, please.

Oh, and I'm so sorry about all your health issues! That totally stinks!! But that's also really neat about the blessing and how you've been able to do everything. Thanks for sharing that with me. I'm always amazed at how much my testimony is strengthened through priesthood blessings and the reality of them.

That first Pharm test went really well actually, got a 93. But then the second one not so much, ha. There was about double the amount of info to know on it, maybe more, and I tried a different study technique. So between the two factors, I kind of bombed, ha. 73. But it's okay, I haven't really been worried about it, it was a good learning experience, not to study that way again, and I'm already in nursing school, so I'm not so so worried about grades as much as I have had to be in the past. Don't get me wrong, I still definitely work hard and like to do well, but I'm just not stressed about it. I feel good about the next one going much better though.

My weekend in TX was so fun!! The drive down took about 30 hours, it was kind of crazy, an adventure, but totally worth it. It was SO good to hang out with my siblings and whole family, even if it was only for about a day and a half. I feel like as I get older, the importance of family and keeping family relationships strong becomes greater and greater. We arrived at the beach house at about 10 or 11 pm on Friday night, stayed up for a while eating cereal and chatting with my siblings, then hung out on the beach most of the next day (Sat.), went to church down there on Sunday, I packed up, we had dinner, and three of my siblings drove me to the airport in Houston (an hour north), and I flew home. So it was a pretty short trip, but I was so glad I did it. Then I was home alone for the next almost week, which was weird at first, but then it was really nice to have the house to myself.

And to answer your question about school, yeah, I've been able to get more into a groove and organize my time better, partly by prioritizing homework, and having figured out what we really need to do, and what homework we can get by without doing. I've also had a better balance in my life, specifically socially. My ward has multiple activities to go to each week basically, and for a while I didn't hardly go to anything because I felt like I didn't have time. But I made a goal to go to one thing each week. And I've decided I need that. I need sociality in my life, for my sanity and happiness. I've realized even more than I knew before (I've told you some about this) how social I am and how important the social aspect in life is to me, to have positive social interaction. And I love my ward, I'm getting to know more and more people, and making some good friends, it's fun. I feel very blessed to be in this ward. And there are now (as of tonight) three guys I am interested in getting to know. I think that's pretty good. :)

Speaking of guys, no, I am not dating anyone of course, but I went on the first date I've been on in more than two months, since moving up here, last Thursday! Ha. And it was actually really really fun. It was with this kid I actually went to high school with, Steven Davis. You actually might know one of his siblings, John, or Johnny, they call him. Anyway, it's kind of a long story how this came about, but we were basically set up. I thought it was going to be awkward, mostly because I had just seen him at this pool party, totally randomly, the week before, and we had chatted, caught up (hadn't seen each other since high school--7 years), and it was fun to talk to him, but he definitely didn't ask me out there, and then his sister-in-law, who is one of my good friends from my home ward growing up, set us up. So that was kind of funny. But it wasn't awkward at all, he is an awesome guy, and I would really love to hang out with him some more. But haven't heard from him yet, so not really planning on it. THAT is the story of my life: no second dates. But oh, well. We move on.

So we only have less than three weeks left in our semester, which is CRAZY! I am very grateful too, I (along with my classmates) am getting burned out of this semester. We're all ready to be done with it. But then that means clinicals is next, which I'm basically terrified for. I feel like I don't know anything, and we're going to be in real hospitals touching and working with real patients. Aaaa! My assignment is at the U of U hospital on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then we just have class on Thursdays next semester, so that will be nice. But holy moly I'm nervous about clinicals.

And your country music question--there actually is some good new (I think new, newish at least) music as of late. I'm loving it. Also, have you heard of the band One Direction? They are this boy band from England, and they are like one of my new favorites! Not country, but just fun, cute music, you would love them. Also, I just discovered Hunter Hayes. He's country, and I really like his music. I think you would too. He sings "Storm Warning," maybe you've heard it. It's great. :)  PS, sometimes when I hear The Band Perry songs or Taylor Swift, I think of you and our jam sessions...so fun.:)

Anyway, hope you are still so happy! And when exactly to you come back? I'm guessing the middle of August, that is about when my friend got back last summer it seems... 

Send me an update when you can, but no worries, no rush! 

Love you!

Melissa

PS. I'm totally jealous you got to ride a camel! How was it?? And I am NOT jealous of the heat you are having. Holy moly, that sounds hotter than heck. I am so sorry. I should be worried more that you will over heat to death, not about getting mauled by camels...! :)

Email from Amy, long time coming...:)

June 29, 2012

OK!

Now i can finally tell you everything!!!! ha, I am soo happy. Things have been so crazy and teaching me so much lately, and good too. I feel like it has just been one disaster to a next honestly, which has ended up being a really neat learning experience for me. To make a long story short I had a blessing when i got here when i was really struggling with homesickness and i was promised that my body would cooperate (which was kind of random of him to say) so that i could do everything i was to do/experience what I needed to while i am here. And since then i have seriously not gone more than 5 days without some problem flaring up but what has been neat is looking back i was able to see that even though its been kind of miserable health wise, i HAVE been able to do everything, i haven't felt the best while doing it, but i've been able to, and even just things i really wanted to do, i've somehow been able to. it's really a neat thing to me, and really special. i just wanted to share it with you cus i trust you so much. anyways, it's just cool to me. the Lord really does know each of us and takes care of each of us. I would just say that I know you are going through way hard stuff with school, and you have a horrible correspondent to put up with, but i know you will do amazingly through your program, that he will help you do everything you need to do, i know that because he is showing me that right now. And if you are staying in the computer lab so long that the motion sensor lights go off, you are definitely for sure putting in the effort on your part, you sound most qualified for all divine help :).= you win. 

How was that pharm test you were telling me about? Get out alive?! How have other tests been and things as you've gotten further along into the semester. What are you learning about right now? Also, I really want to hear how your weekend in Texas went and how things all worked out. It sounded like a ton of fun, i hope you were able to enjoy it and get away from all the stresses of school, even though it was just for a bit. a good weekend away can be so refreshing and empowering. 

To answer your question, I have 3 roomates. we are all in one room and it just kind of has two little offshoot sides of the main area and bathrroom and there are 2 girls in each 'wing' but don't get the impression the room is big when i say wing, it's def. not big. But they are great, really funny side note. at the beginning of the semester i kind of liked this boy and my roommate natalie apparently started liking him too and she's the type that just knows how to work the magic spells on boys so they were totally a thing/couple, stolen right from under  my nose. it was just super ironic to me that her name was natalie and liked the same boy as me...kind of rung a bell and it was right after the whole Provo episode...haha. anyways, definitely no hard feelings towards any natalie's, just one of those funny things. But i do think i should steer clear of natalies... ;)

I have a major crush on one of the guys here (different than the one from the former paragraph). He is awesome and I think he is super cute. We've been able to do a bunch of stuff together lately and I am lovin' it. I don't know what he's thinking but I just make up my own little world and it's great. haha. His name is Geoff Grover. He’s from Colorado and likes outdorsey stuff and I really want him to like me too. :)

Anyways, that’s that. We only have 2 classes now, 6 credits still, but that’s kind of nice, less class time overall. I still need to finish some papers/finals for some of the classes we just finished up, but eventually they’ll get done I ‘spose. It’s also getting sooo hot. When we were in Jordan it was 107 in the shade and humid, talk about hot. The sweat be pourin out of me. One day we had been hiking around all day and we got on the bus at the end and me and my clothes were literally all over damp, it felt like I had been in a pool and was starting to dry, but every inch of me and my clothes at some point had been watered down. The theme is to “embrace the sweat”. So great. I embrace it. Being the naturally sweaty individual that I am, I really didn’t have a choice.

Any new good country songs on the radio lately? I have been missing country soooo much. I realized that I own like 3 country songs and have been reliying pretty much completely on Grooveshark and the radio and so I am kind of countryless unless I convince someone else to play country for me.

What have you been up to though? Do tell! Is school picking up and becoming even more demanding or have you kind of found a groove and been able to have a little more free time? How are the med students? :) I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to your sweet sweet emails, you are so nice. Thank you for checking in on me, making sure camels hadn’t killed me. P.s. I did get to ride a camel finally though!!! It was really weird. You are my bestest friend. I hope you are doing so well and are most happy. I promise to be a better responder, sorry again, please don’t take it personally, I have just been completely overwhelmed with everything.

Thank you for being such a good friend. I hope you have a great day, you are the best. Honestly. Can't wait to hear how you are doing. 

Love you!

Amy

Just talked to Joel

I just got off the phone with Joel. My little Joel-y. He is doing an internship in San Antonio right now for the summer, and I haven't talked to him since he left. He texted me a while ago and said:

"Ms Melissa. you're amazing. And I love you and miss you. Hope life is treating you well."

Such a sweet text! Totally made my day! I texted back and then told him he could call and we ended up talking on the phone for probably close to an hour.

It was soo so good to talk to him. I love that kid. I think he will be one of my best friends for life.

Sweetest email from Lexi

So I don't know if I've ever written about Lexi before, but she was in my ward down in Provo at the BDA. My roommate Chelsey, and I, were her VTers Fall 2011, and then she was in my RS Winter semester (when I was RS pres). You could say she has lots of issues, she is very logical, it's hard for her to reason like most people, she's had lots of issues with the Church, I could go on and on. So she would come over to our apt next door often and we'd talk. Fall she'd usually come talk to both of us (Chelsey and I), and sometimes Jessica would join in and add some good stuff. Then Winter semester she and I spent a lot of time talking, just us. It was usually a time committment, conversations with her weren't often real short, so I often didn't look forward to talking with her when she'd text me and ask if we could talk or what not. I often got frustrated with her, because it seemed like we talked about the same things over and over, and they just wouldn't sink in. She had a really hard time just having faith and believing she could know truth. And I am blessed to believe and have faith very easily. I think I was blessed with that gift, as a gift of the Spirit. But that is very hard for her, so it was hard for me to relate. But after all our conversations, I always loved the feeling I had. We'd always eventually come to a good conclusion, for her, or at least our conversations would usually end well, and she'd feel at least a little better about things, and I felt good. Sometimes exhausted (sometimes there was so-called "arguing", haha.), but I learned a lot with her. Sometimes we would read the scriptures together and I would try to help her understand them. She thought really deeply about things, and looked for the exceptions to rules, which is not a good way to live. It's overwhelming. You can't except commandments or principles, because yes, there are exceptions to every rule. Like Nephi killing Laban, perfect example of an exception to the rule of thou shalt not kill. So those were usually neat experiences, our scripture studies together. And sometimes she would have a doctrinal question and I wouldn't necessarily know the answer, so I'd study it for her, and I loved that, I always learned so much. Like one of my favorite studies was on Hell. She was sincerely concerned that she was going to go there, she understood it wrong. And the verses she quoted about it (on facebook, no less!) were slightly confusing to me too, so I studied it, and it was so awesome. I understood hell better, and hopefully then so did she.
Anyway, I love Lexi, I've been through a lot with her. I wanted to get her back to the temple before I moved away, which didn't quite happen, but I'm still checking up on her on her progress. The problems are she needs to pay tithing, which she wants to do, she just hasn't for a while, and she wants to be honest about it, so she has needed to back-log and figure out how much she owes, which apparently wasn't going to be an easy task; and then she didn't feel worthy to be in the temple. She wouldn't let our bishop give her an interview for a recommend because she didn't feel worthy. So hopefully she will overcome that and get back there. Heaven knows she needs to go there. I am hoping that it would only help her testimony and struggles in life.
So, I got this email from her today, and it was the sweetest thing. 
----


Hey Melissa, I have something to say.

Thank you SO MUCH for always being there for me!!! 

The reason I'm saying this, is that one of my go-to people who was a computer engineering major (and thus seems to understand me a lot because we're both highly logical), doesn't want to be a go-to person and wants me to only ask him for advice as like a last resort.  And so, I was in shock as to why he would be like that, but then I think he must not understand the gravity of my situation and thinks I can handle it fine on my own.  Or he's selfish.

He said he's ok with me asking him advice, every "once in a while", which he said was 1 or 2 weeks.  And also, he said something like, if it's something complicated and I've already thought about it.  So he's basically putting conditions on when and for what I can ask advice on.

After that I just felt shocked and emotionless.  I felt like I didn't really trust him anymore, since he doesn't seem to have my best interests at heart?  And I didn't feel like asking him for advice anymore.

So, I just want to contrast it with you.  YOU were ALWAYS there!!! You made me feel welcome to talk to you, no matter what!  No matter how big or how small.  No matter if I had thought about it before hand or not.  Because sometimes, that's half the battle, to even be able to think straight on you're own when you're really upset!! right??? 

So, THANK YOU soooooo much Melissa!! I love you a lot.  I might have taken you for granted a little bit and I'm sorry, but I'm glad that I can at least notice now.  At least you believed I was deserving of unconditional advice and someone to talk to.  If there's ever anyone else who takes your kindness for granted, I want you to know that maybe one day they will appreciate it a lot, like me.

<3 Lexi

I mean, really?

I've done it again. I am a chicken.
I went to FHE tonight, for the 2nd time, because, well, because I could, I actually had the time. It was a combined FHE BBQ with another random singles ward.
Our friend David Hall was there, and I had TWO opportunities (well, one definitely, and I could have made the other one into one if I really wanted to) to talk to him, or at least say hi, and did I. NOOOOO. I did not. I chickened out. I talked to just about everyone else around me throughout the night, but I couldn't even say hi to him. I'M SO PATHETIC. It's pathetic how pathetic this is. That I am. I mean really. Since he's a guy, he probably doesn't notice or think anything of how I talk to everyone around me but him. But if he weren't, I would say he probably wonders if I don't like him or something.
Ugh.
My new goal: next time I get the chance, to say hi.
Oh, we were on the same team for "Goofball," and I cheered for him once when he was up to kick. I was like, "Go David!" So maybe that's something?
So sad. So sad I am.
I pray for these opportunities, and then they come, and then I do nothing. It's getting ridiculous.

On a happier note though, I got to chat with a few great people. I ran into a girl from high school, Shelly Urrey (I think), and she immediately said hi to me, and thankfully I remembered her name. We chatted for a few min, that was fun.
I talked to Darren Haymond for a while while we were in line for food. And then I sat by Laura and Jamie and Candace in the ward and chatted with them. I chatted with Laura for a while, she is 29 and so fun to talk to. She's really smart and just a great girl. Then Jamie and I chatted for a bit, and then she and I and Wendy went to check out this "Goofball." It was actually pretty fun. It's like kickball but there's five bases, they are in a different order, and you can have more than one person on a base. When I would get up to base Brother White, and the Bishop once, would be like, "Go, Gurr!" I loved it. I love being called by my last name.:)

Anyway, I best get to doing my patient charting on SimChart, that was due an hour and a half ago...oh well. (I was having too much fun at the BBQ, I couldn't leave! :)

GREAT week! Lots of fun and social things!

So this last week has been really pretty great! I have a huge (our second) pharm test tomorrow (Mon.), but despite that, I've been able to have a really fun, balanced week! Highlights include:

-Institute on Tues--I meet Jenny there (a friend from my ward in Provo), which is fun, and I love our teacher, Bro. Peterson, I always get so much out of his lessons. This week was focused on how it's okay to sin, that we are supposed to, we need to be weak so we can let Christ make us strong. A favorite scripture (now) that a girl shared was 2 Cor 12: 9-10, I believe.

-Soccer game on Wed--I am on our nursing class's intramural soccer team. And no, I've never really played soccer before in my life, other than YW's indoor and in gym class, but it's pretty fun! We usually get creamed, but it's definitely good exercise, and it's been fun to get to know more people in our class that are on the team.

-Swimming with TRAILS on Wed--I am in the ASL cohort in our class (service learning), and the site I got assigned to (my first choice, I feel very lucky) is TRAILS, which stands for Therapeutic Recreation and Independent Lifestyles. It's an activity program for spinal cord injury patients, so mostly paraplegics and quadriplegics. I've only helped at two activities, the kayaking/sailing camp last week, and then swimming this week, and it's been so fun so far. Really eye opening, as far as reminding me I have so much to be grateful for, specifically the use of my legs. This week at swimming I met a girl and her mom that came for the second time (swimming is a weekly activity), and the girl was in a wheelchair. Her mom told me that she had been in a hammock with some friends and it was between two brick pillars, and one of the pillars fell on them, and broke her neck. So she is paralyzed from just below her shoulders, down. She lost the back of her arms, so like her triceps, but she still has her biceps. So she can move her arms some, but her hands are paralyzed as well. She is fifteen years old, and used to play on two soccer teams and ran cross country. The accident happened last May, 2011. She is a beautiful girl, and it is so sad, so devastating to see these people, who have lost so much, and basically have to relearn how to live.
But at the same time, it is so neat to see them make something of their lives, despite their new disabilities. A couple of the participants were in the water doing laps all on their own, with just the use of their arms, it was pretty amazing. One older woman (probably in her fifties or early sixties) was at the same injury level as the young girl I described, and she had been paralyzed for 35 years. She was one of the swimmers doing laps on her own, and she had participated in the paralympics in swimming. Pretty inspiring people.
It certainly makes me grateful for my legs, and that I can use them, walk, run, do anything I want. They inspire me to use my legs more, to get out and exercise, to run, which is not my favorite thing to do. Because I know if I couldn't, I would probably give anything to be able to again.

-Shopping with Mom on Friday. She wanted to go to Kohl's, and she still doesn't drive herself, with her back and all, so she wanted me to take her. So I did, and she got a ton of stuff, and let me get some stuff too, which was super nice of her. So we both have all these new clothes, and it's so fun! Plus it was fun to shop with her. By the end she was not doing so good, she was in pain, and came home and laid down. But she's okay.

-Ward temple trip to Oquirrh Mtn.--honestly, one of the reasons I decided early in the week to go with the ward is I was hoping David Hall would be going too. I really want to get to know him better, especially since apparently he isn't dating anyone anymore. Sadly, he didn't go. But it was a great experience. Travis Hunsaker, from back in the Glenwood days, was there, going with his girlfriend, Rebecca, who is in the ward. I hadn't seen him since before I left on my mission, so it was so fun to see and catch up and reminisce with him. I rode with the two of them, as well as Rebecca's roommate, Nisha. She is darling, about to go on a mission, and is a nurse! So it was so great to talk about nursing, and missions and get to know her. Then at the temple I met another girl and guy, Julia, and John, who are also dating. Julia sat by me in RS today, she is fun to talk to, really nice.

-Church was really great today, as seems to be the case nearly every week, and just gets better each week. And when I say it's good, it's actually mostly because of the social aspect. Is that bad? I mean I love church and the Gospel, and things of the Spirit, but I love to be social, so when the social aspect of an activity is good, the whole activity is great. And each week I get to know more people, so church is getting more and more enjoyable. That's normal, right?
Today I got there just a couple min late (same as most weeks, sadly..), sat near the end of a bench in the back. Then this guy who was later than me sat by me on the end. I bore my testimony, which actually always seems to make church awesome, the weeks that I ever do. But after Sac. Mtg. he complimented me on it, and we got to know each other some. His name is Dave, and he is an accountant/auditor for Questar. He graduated a couple years ago with his masters, so I'm thinking he is about 27 ish. He was really nice, and good build, tall, built, which is great. I wouldn't mind getting to know him better.
Then after Sac. Mtg. I chatted with my new friend, Erin. She is in the PA program at the U. I met her my first Sunday, and we were both about to start school the next day. So we keep tabs on each other, if we are surviving, and give updates. She apparently has to take the exact same pharm class that I'm in now, same curriculum, so I was warning her about it today..ha. She is great, really cute girl. She left after we chatted though, she said she had too much studying to do, which I thought was too bad, that she would leave church to go study.
I sat in my normal (well, it is becoming my normal) spot, back row, second seat in. Rudy came in a few min later and sat next to me, on the end by the door. This is often his normal spot. We sat like this last week too. He is a cool guy, looks middle eastern almost, although today I would say he just looks really tan maybe. He's from Lubbock, TX, and is in grad school here at the U. He asked to be reminded of my name after the opening prayer today, and I was flattered that he remembered me and wanted to remember my name. He and I will joke a little during lessons sometimes (I say that like we have sat together in SS for ages, ha), and then after it was over today, I initiated conversation and we chatted for a few min. He is really fun to talk to, just really chill, really mature, but fun, guy. He is pretty petite, for my usual liking in a guy, but he's really cool. He always wears these huge brown boots under his pretty-fitted khaki pants. He's really scruffy and wears glasses, but he has really white teeth (I was noticing today). He's an attractive person, greatly because of his personality and the comments he makes in SS. But he's pretty good looking too. I don't think he's the one, too small, but it would be really fun to go out with him or hang out, become good friends. I was thinking today during SS, and laughed about it, that I know Sally would support the idea. She's all about inter-racial marriages. She thinks I should marry a Polynesian, because they are big.:)
I also sat behind Rebecca, from the temple trip yesterday, and she and I chatted some before SS started. She's really nice, I like her.
Then after SS, in RS, I went and sat behind Kristin (I forget her last name), who is so so nice. She was my first (and only that I can remember) friend when I went to that ward after my mission, when I was so awkward..she was so sweet to me. We got to chat for a min, and then cute Jamie Walker came over and sat by me to talk. She told me it had been a while since she had seen me, and how had I been? I thought that was so sweet to realize that, and to ask. She is darling, so gorgeous, and so kind. I got a calling last week, RS activities committee, which means I will be working under Jamie, which I was so excited to hear. I just love her. So we chatted for a few min, about what we had been doing. Then Liz Stitt came over to join, which was fun, she's always fun to have around. Slightly corky, but I love her.:)
Then left, and Julia, that I met at the temple yesterday, came and sat by me, like I said. So RS was great. Much socializing going on, which I love.
Then I headed upstairs to go get set apart. I was really glad for the excuse to stay after church, so as to get to know more people, maybe run into David Hall... on the way up I passed by Danny, this kid I met in SS last week. He comes to the same class I go to, the smaller one upstairs, and he sat on the other side of me last week (as Rudy). So I met him then. He's a fun kid. I passed by him and we made eye contact, and I was like, "How's it goin?" and then as I was almost turned the corner right there, he was like, "what was your name again?" or something, and I told him, but I was so flattered that he wanted to remember my name too. Gosh. He seems really fun too. He's always making comments and volunteering answers in SS. Also a little on the smaller build side. Bummer. These small guys, it's too bad.
Then as I went up, there was quite the line for the Bishop, so I hung out for a while. But eventually Jamie and Wendy came up, and we were all chatting about fasting, which was what the RS lesson was on, that Jamie taught. Liz chatted with us after a while, and then Jamie and Wendy left and Liz, Sam, and Carolyn? and I chatted (I just met the latter two right then). As we were all hanging out there, and I am sitting at the top of the stairs, who happens to walk up those same stairs by David Hall. The one and only. We looked at each other as he walked up and I smiled at him, a fairly big smile, I felt like. I didn't say anything, I think I may have been in the middle of talking with someone or something. But he smiled at me too, and that was fun.:)
I also talked to Amy Wilson for a min there as I waited for my turn. That was good too, talked about how Laurie is doing (she had Hodgkin's Lymphoma). She's doing well.
That was about it. I had to walk past David as I went in to be set apart, and again as I came out, but no words were exchanged. I feel like we could comfortably have a conversation at any time though.:)
Another thing though, there is this guy in the ward, who I guess is the new EQ pres, but his name is Nick Anderson, and he has struck me as someone I would really like to get to know. He seems quiet, but a great guy. I may or may not have facebook stalked him once before, and then again today. He's my kind of cute, has a really great smile. Seems to like outdoors, is a good build (even better than David, David is slightly on the thin side, but doable.). Anyway, I kept seeing him go by as I was waiting there by the Bishop's office, so he was on the mind. Plus, a couple Sundays ago when I asked Liz Stitt about David, and she told me he's dating someone, she then mentioned this same Nick Anderson, and asked if I knew him, and said, "You should get to know him. You really should get to know him." It was interesting. But I certainly wouldn't mind.
Anyway, now I'm home, and I've done my scripture study and now I'm writing in my journal, and it's a great sunday!

So yeah, been a great week. The thing is though, that I really think it's because I read and studied my scriptures more diligently this week than I have. I put scripture study more at the top of my priority list each day, to either read my scriptures before I did homework, or as soon as I got home or so. I also actually studied them more than just read them this week. I chose a study topic to study almost every day, and studied by topic, and it was so much more enjoyable than just reading! Well, reading is enjoyable too, but if that's all you do, which has been mostly all I would do for the last while, scripture study becomes kind of boring and just a thing to check off the list. But it's been so enjoyable to study by topic, and I've gotten so much out of it, I've been taking notes and everything.
So that, and just putting the Lord first in general, I truly believe, has made such a difference. I could've used the time to study both times, but two days this week I went to Institute, and to the temple, and for a session. And that is what I bore my testimony on today actually, that when we put the Lord first, He makes time in our lives for us to get done what we need to, especially when we are so busy. And I'm so grateful for that testimony. I did a lot of things this week, but I really tried to put the Lord first and include Him and things of the Spirit in my busy schedule, and it worked out really well, combined with the better scripture study. I was so blessed, and on top of that, I had such a fun, balanced week! I decided I need that, I need to do things. It keeps me more mentally and emotionally healthy and happy. It was a great week.:)