Sweetest email from Lexi

So I don't know if I've ever written about Lexi before, but she was in my ward down in Provo at the BDA. My roommate Chelsey, and I, were her VTers Fall 2011, and then she was in my RS Winter semester (when I was RS pres). You could say she has lots of issues, she is very logical, it's hard for her to reason like most people, she's had lots of issues with the Church, I could go on and on. So she would come over to our apt next door often and we'd talk. Fall she'd usually come talk to both of us (Chelsey and I), and sometimes Jessica would join in and add some good stuff. Then Winter semester she and I spent a lot of time talking, just us. It was usually a time committment, conversations with her weren't often real short, so I often didn't look forward to talking with her when she'd text me and ask if we could talk or what not. I often got frustrated with her, because it seemed like we talked about the same things over and over, and they just wouldn't sink in. She had a really hard time just having faith and believing she could know truth. And I am blessed to believe and have faith very easily. I think I was blessed with that gift, as a gift of the Spirit. But that is very hard for her, so it was hard for me to relate. But after all our conversations, I always loved the feeling I had. We'd always eventually come to a good conclusion, for her, or at least our conversations would usually end well, and she'd feel at least a little better about things, and I felt good. Sometimes exhausted (sometimes there was so-called "arguing", haha.), but I learned a lot with her. Sometimes we would read the scriptures together and I would try to help her understand them. She thought really deeply about things, and looked for the exceptions to rules, which is not a good way to live. It's overwhelming. You can't except commandments or principles, because yes, there are exceptions to every rule. Like Nephi killing Laban, perfect example of an exception to the rule of thou shalt not kill. So those were usually neat experiences, our scripture studies together. And sometimes she would have a doctrinal question and I wouldn't necessarily know the answer, so I'd study it for her, and I loved that, I always learned so much. Like one of my favorite studies was on Hell. She was sincerely concerned that she was going to go there, she understood it wrong. And the verses she quoted about it (on facebook, no less!) were slightly confusing to me too, so I studied it, and it was so awesome. I understood hell better, and hopefully then so did she.
Anyway, I love Lexi, I've been through a lot with her. I wanted to get her back to the temple before I moved away, which didn't quite happen, but I'm still checking up on her on her progress. The problems are she needs to pay tithing, which she wants to do, she just hasn't for a while, and she wants to be honest about it, so she has needed to back-log and figure out how much she owes, which apparently wasn't going to be an easy task; and then she didn't feel worthy to be in the temple. She wouldn't let our bishop give her an interview for a recommend because she didn't feel worthy. So hopefully she will overcome that and get back there. Heaven knows she needs to go there. I am hoping that it would only help her testimony and struggles in life.
So, I got this email from her today, and it was the sweetest thing. 
----


Hey Melissa, I have something to say.

Thank you SO MUCH for always being there for me!!! 

The reason I'm saying this, is that one of my go-to people who was a computer engineering major (and thus seems to understand me a lot because we're both highly logical), doesn't want to be a go-to person and wants me to only ask him for advice as like a last resort.  And so, I was in shock as to why he would be like that, but then I think he must not understand the gravity of my situation and thinks I can handle it fine on my own.  Or he's selfish.

He said he's ok with me asking him advice, every "once in a while", which he said was 1 or 2 weeks.  And also, he said something like, if it's something complicated and I've already thought about it.  So he's basically putting conditions on when and for what I can ask advice on.

After that I just felt shocked and emotionless.  I felt like I didn't really trust him anymore, since he doesn't seem to have my best interests at heart?  And I didn't feel like asking him for advice anymore.

So, I just want to contrast it with you.  YOU were ALWAYS there!!! You made me feel welcome to talk to you, no matter what!  No matter how big or how small.  No matter if I had thought about it before hand or not.  Because sometimes, that's half the battle, to even be able to think straight on you're own when you're really upset!! right??? 

So, THANK YOU soooooo much Melissa!! I love you a lot.  I might have taken you for granted a little bit and I'm sorry, but I'm glad that I can at least notice now.  At least you believed I was deserving of unconditional advice and someone to talk to.  If there's ever anyone else who takes your kindness for granted, I want you to know that maybe one day they will appreciate it a lot, like me.

<3 Lexi