email to Camiiley--mostly Wes stress

Yo ho!!

Yes! I am playing intramural volleyball, it is so fun! I knew this semester would be crazy, but I kind of felt like I should do it, and I thought it would be fun of course, and probably my last opportunity to do intramurals, so I put a team together and we're two games into the season! And yes, this semester is crazy busy, but no need to be sorry, I am loving it actually! I like being busy, and everything is going really well. I like my clinicals (psych is good, totally different from being on a hospital floor, but it's been good to see a different side of nursing, it's been interesting, and fun too), I'm doing well in my other classes, things are good, I can't complain. Oh, but I realized that (besides seeing you on Sunday--yes I will be there! I didn't even know this was happening, but I'm excited) I will see you on Feb 9 at the Mary Kay shin dig, if you are still coming. As of now I'm planning on it..I guess that could possibly change between now and then with how much homework I have that weekend or what not.. But I"m planning on it!

Oh my, the Wes situation. I have issues, which is not new news, but my issues have been made more apparent with him.. I keep freaking myself out about him, to the point last week where I decided I couldn't marry (because of his dorkiness that is inevitable to drive me crazy one day), nor then date him, because then I might get caught up in the moment and just marry him, and that led to deciding I can't marry anyone. Because any guy I marry is going to drive me crazy eventually, and I dread that. I've been single for so long, and I'm so good at being single, I should probably just stay that way...   but then I calmed down over the next few days/week, and Wes and I texted a bit over a few days at the beginning of this week, and he was cracking me up! So then he came with me to my volleyball game last night, where at first I really wasn't sure why he wanted to come, I thought he just wanted to try to play. But apparently it was because of me. And now we're going out tomorrow night. Which I'm excited for, but here's the thing: now there's this OTHER guy, who recently started messaging me online (no, still haven't gotten off that dang website, I keep missing the deadline, sort of), just when I was totally over the online dating thing, and he seems actually really great and normal, and he's TALL (Wes is definitely not tall) and cute, and a pharmacist, which ironically the day before he first messaged me I had thought to myself and decided, "I need to marry a pharmacist" because drugs are the aspect of nursing that is the most overwhelming to me. Anyway, so his (name's David) message/response this morning was that he would like to go out, which I would like to too, so I said yeah, that would be fun, and gave him my number. 

So now I'm stressed because then there's Wes, who I kind of like, and we were a little more touchy with each other last night, longer hug, etc., which I liked, and so I could see something potentially happening tomorrow night with him..I won't kiss him since I now have this other date, but what if he tries to hold my hand? Should I let him? Because probably I would like it, but can I like it and still feel okay about going out with someone else?? Aaaa! I'm stressed.

Also, yes! I will send you those pictures, of course! And you know I never delete pictures. At least not like that. I will do that asap.

And you were certainly NOT wasting my time, I loved getting your email! And I hope you really are feeling better! 

Love you!

Email to Hna Necia Dalley--school, capstone ideas, Wes

Necia!!!!! Or Hma Dalley, or Nurse Maria!!! :D haha, I think the whole nurse name is hilarious.

Holy cow, I love your emails! You sound so good, and always so positive and laughing at the less-than-ideal situations you go through, I LOVE it! Totally makes me miss the mission, and everything that comes with it! 

So I sent you a letter, an actual piece of mail, back in the end of December, I think..did you ever get it? I hope so..!

That is crazy all the missionaries that will be pouring in, holy cow!! That is so awesome that you get to be a part of seeing the influx first hand! And don't worry about training, I know you probably don't feel ready, I remember that, I trained after being out for only three transfers, and I was basically almost sick, I was so nervous on transfer day when I got my greenie, but it was such a great transfer! I learned and grew SO much, it was great. And you already know this, but the Lord will certainly help you where you lack, so no worries! Have fun with those greenies who are terrified! :)

And I am totally jealous of your 95 degree weather right now. Not the sweating, but the heat! :) Partly because I'm sitting in our nursing classroom, where it is always FREEZING, but also because (and you've probably heard) this winter has been one SNOWY and cold winter!!! We just keep getting snow storm after snow storm! It's been crazy! I try not to complain, because I am so blessed to have a warm house, clothes, and food, but man, it's getting exhausting, all this snow and cold. I'm certainly ready for spring. :)

So speaking of nursing, school is going great! Just passed the half way mark, which is crazy. I'm in third semester, which is a really crazy busy one, but I'm really liking it! I'm doing a psych rotation right now, at the VA, and it's definitely a different experience than being on a floor in the hospital, but I'm liking it, and liking seeing a totally different aspect of nursing. The second half of the semester will be my peds rotation at Primary's, which I'm really excited for. And right now we are in the process of choosing and getting our capstone placement, which is a big deal, a little overwhelming at times to try to decide what to do, what unit and where. I think I've pretty much decided on a med-surg floor, of either LDS hospital, IMC, or St. Marks or somewhere close. Not sure yet. Any advice on capstone? :)

Dating. For once I actually have something to report in this department. I'm not technically dating anyone yet, but there's this guy in the stake, Wes Malquist, who I've been going out with and hanging out with the last few weeks. He's a really great guy, and I like him, but I have a complete female brain so I think way to far ahead way too fast, and keep freaking myself out about him and what could happen. So we'll see what happens and if I can maintain my composure...:)

Let's see...that's about it, as far as highlights of my life right now.

You are so awesome, keep up the faith and testimony-sharing!!! :)

pregnant Ashley update

So Ashley responded pretty quickly after I wrote her this long message. She said she's keeping her daughter. I can only hope that she change her mind in the next couple months. But it's still a major concern I have. I don't feel like I can just forget about the issue and her and just let things happen, but I don't know what else to do from the position (and distance) that I am in. But it still weighs heavily on my mind.

Ashley's baby

I taught RS today, on the life and ministry of Lorenzo Snow. I think it went well, it was a really long lesson! 21 pages printed out! But he led an amazing life and had some incredible experiences healing people, seeing the Savior after he became the Prophet, and serving many missions.
I also led a get-to-know-you activity at the beginning of it, and it was chaotic, but fun! There are so many girls in our RS (tons today! I swear there could have been 100 girls in there today), and so many moving in all the time, that we don't know them, and they don't know each other, and it's always the same girls that come to activities. So I'm hoping the activity today will help all those things..

Today I also sent an email/facebook message to Ashley Vasquez, the 11 year old girl who was my first baptism on my mission, who is now 16 and, very sadly, pregnant. I found out about 4 months ago, when Heather (her mom) told me on fb. I about died.

I had a dream about them the other night, and since then, Heather, and Ashley and her baby have been on my mind, and I am just so worried about that baby. Last I had heard, Ashley was going to keep the baby, but Heather is a single parent herself, hasn't gone to church much lately as far as I know, drinks sometimes (at least facebook shows), she's on welfare and disability, so Ashley is on WIC.. it could be a good home, Heather is definitely a loving mother, but there would certainly be better homes out there for that baby. And it has been stressing me out so much lately, nearly to the point of tears. I don't know why I feel so strongly and so worried about it, but that's what I fasted for today, was that Ashley will place the baby for adoption. I was planning on writing Heather today and including a link to the LDS family services website for unplanned pregnancies that Sally directed me to recently. It's called itsaboutlove.org, and it is really well done. There are some really great videos to watch, of girls who got pregnant unexpectedly, at different ages, unmarried, and what made them decide on adoption for their baby.

So I wrote Ashley instead actually, and included a link to the website. She actually wrote me back pretty quick, I just read it, and she says she's going to keep her daughter. I know things can change, which is what I'm hoping for, but it just breaks my heart. I want to say to her, "you are too young to be a mother! I know you love her but you can't take care of her! You aren't even done developing and growing yourself! Let your sweet daughter have a great chance at life, and give her a home with a mother and a father, and with financial stability! Where she will have opportunities you never have. Where she will be raised in the Church, which will mean the world to her. If you really want what is best for her, let someone who wants a child, and can give her a good home take her. And then straighten out your own life and make something great of it!"

I don't think I can say that though. I am in tears now, just so worried about that baby. I don't know why I feel so...connected to this situation..almost responsible somehow, for the outcome. I don't know. It really worries me though. There are so many people out there who want kids so badly and can't get pregnant, and then there are these immature teenagers who get pregnant by making a bad decision and messing up, and then it's like the baby gets punished for something not in their control. Makes me so mad. Life is so unfair.

Marriage. Just fine without it right now, actually.

So my new year's resolutions are going really well actually. I have practiced either the piano or guitar, or both, every day since new year's eve. And I'm totally loving it! I love playing both instruments! And I'm already seeing progress in my playing. Amazing what happens when you just practice something..you actually improve! :).

But recently I've been feeling totally satisfied about being single. I have no real desire right now, lately, to get married, necessarily. I think it's the new year, but I feel like I have all these things I'm working on myself, like the guitar, the piano, my missionary efforts (that's been for the past while, few months to a year or so), and then being back in school and real busy with that, I just feel like I don't need to get married or even date anyone right now. That I have plenty to keep me busy, and working on all these goals is so fulfilling. I'm good right now.

I even have pretty much lost all interest in LDSsingles.com, or in any of the few guys that have messaged me recently. Partly because I really would love to date someone I know in person already, but I just am not totally set on dating right now, I'm very happy where my life is at and with what I'm doing, just myself.

Just thought I'd share.

New Year's Resolutions 2013!

Today happens to be January 1, of 2013. Crazy! Where did 2012 go?

I don't know if I've ever actually written my new year's resolutions on New Year's Day. So here's to a first:

2013 New Year's Resolutions:
-do a sprint triathlon
-practice the piano and/or guitar daily
-missionary experiences more regularly...give out 2 BOMs...invite 1 person to church every month...message Dylan Camp...message Matt Sneyd too?
-pass NCLEX and get a job as a nurse
-go to bed earlier, like before midnight, every night
-start printing blog
-catch up on blog