I need to vent.

Tonight I got really irritated at my roommates, because they are always doing homework on Sundays. They both play or do whatever all weekend it seems like (they often do some homework), and then are stuck with all this homework on Sundays. It's annoying to me because 1) To me, doing homework on Sundays does not go along with keeping the Sabbath day holy. Homework is work, just as much as going to work is, and God wants us, has commanded us, to rest from our work, from our labors on His day. It's so obvious and important to me, not to do hw on Sundays, and it amazes me how many people don't get it, it seems, and just do hw anyway. It also annoys me because 2) Jessica has spent a great portion of her Saturdays the past two, watching tv! For like multiple hours! And now she had all this hw to do tonight and couldn't come play games (at least I assume that was what she was doing when she said she "couldn't").
I'm also annoyed because my roommates don't ever come to ward prayer or anything. After church, besides going VTing, and having a council mtg, Jessica basically was stuck to her computer all day, doing whatever. And almost always has her headphones in, which annoys me because she can never (almost never) hear me when I say something to her, so I have to wait til she pulls an ear bud out, and then repeat myself. This happens on nearly a daily basis, and it's so annoying!!! I feel like she isolates herself, or is watching something she knows she shouldn't, and that I wouldn't approve of, so she doesn't want me to hear. It's driving me crazy, this headphones thing. And the being glued to the computer all the time, but especially on Sundays. Get out and do something, or have a conversation with another person, or read the scriptures or the Ensign! Aah!

Okay, I'm done venting for now.

My interview prep

So, by "tomorrow," I really meant six days later...
I am feeling much better about the interview. Still don't know if it's for sure what I want to do, the career still basically terrifies me. One thing Peter said though, when I talked to him the next day, is that sometimes he wonders if he really wants to go to more school to do pediatric dentistry (he has been in the interview process, for the second time, for that program, and is now waiting for his "match day"), and then he remembers that he wants to do it to have those skills. So he can help and serve more people, and in a greater way. And when he put it like that, it made me less afraid. I would love to be able to help people with the knowledge I would have as a PA. And going through the schooling doesn't really scare me, I think I would even enjoy the learning process. But going through the second year, and doing residency, essentially, terrifies the heck out of me. You follow someone around for a year. That does NOT sound fun.
But right now I'm just focusing on the interview, and getting everything ready to go out there. I bought my flight a few days ago, for freaking $530. Basically sold my left arm. Now I'm trying to decide/figure out where to stay. The first night I'll stay either in a hotel, or with a member somewhere nearby, if there are any close. I looked up and called the local Bishop there to ask him about any members near the campus. He said he'll get back to me.
And the second night, if I don't do a hotel, Camille's old roommate lives about an hour and a half away, and she said I could stay with them. So I may do that, just to save money.
And I talked to a lady at King's College the other day, about the interview process, and she was really nice and helpful, and I asked her about what the actual interview would be like. Thankfully, like we were worried about, it is not a group interview. She said it will be a welcome, and then they'll talk to us about financial aid, and then we'll do a writing sample, and then we'll be interview by two people, and then they'll give a tour, which is optional. So that doesn't sound so bad and scary now. I'm actually kind of excited for the interview. If I can just get there, to that point in the trip, safely, and without getting too lost, I'll be good.
I'm basically planning on renting a car, which scares me the most of all, I think. I just worry about getting into an accident with it. I don't think I ever wrote about this, but just before Christmas, I crashed the Courtyard car, while on my way back from running an errand for Linda Ramon. It was one of the most traumatizing experiences I've had, I felt so bad. And the ironic thing was that that was what I was most afraid of when I started the personal assistant job. And then it happened. And on the only day I forgot my phone at home. It was awful. But a lot of good came out of it, and I was very blessed that it wasn't worse than it was, and that everyone was so nice about it (Marianne, Sandy, Reese). And the most amazing blessing was that I didn't have to pay for anything. Very very grateful, holy cow.
But I worry that something like that will happen in a rental car. I feel like I'm a fairly good driver, but I've been in more accidents than I am proud of, and it's a worry.
But I know that everything will work out with this trip, and I will be okay. Partly because there are a lot of people praying for me, including my sweet visiting teachers, Sarah Weeks and Jessica Rhees. They just came today, and I got to know them quite a bit, and I just love them. They are not people I would normally be friends with, but they were both so sweet and genuine and great, it was really fun to talk to them and hear all about themselves, including their love for Aname (?) and anything Japanese.
Oh, the lady at King's College also told me (I asked if she knew these stats) that this year there were 1600 applicants, for 18 spots. ONLY 18 SPOTS!!! And there will be somewhere in the thirties interviews. Then she was like, "yeah, you are in a lucky spot," or something like that. I suddenly felt VERY lucky, and like I may have a real chance of getting in.
Anyway, that's that situation.

PA interview invitation...!

Freak, I just got an invitation for an interview for a PA school. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. I mean, it's way exciting. When I opened the email I screamed, I was so excited. But after about a minute, reality started setting in. It's to King's College, which is (didn't even know this before I looked it up) in Wilkes-barre, PA. Far away. That's not a huge deal, the big deal is the price of plane tickets. They are expensive!!
Right now I am feeling very overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm going to go, how could I not? But I'm terrified right now. Flying alone doesn't bother me. But I've never flown somewhere I am not going to meet someone I know at. Or do something that the rest of my life could be affected by. Freak, do I even want to be a PA??? I don't know!!
I just got off the phone with Mom, and being the wise mother she always is, she suggested I don't do anything about it tonight, but just think and pray about it, and think more about it tomorrow. And to also talk to Peter about it, since he's gone through this process a lot. Three times now, I think.
So that's what I'm going to do.
This is crazy. I'm not ready to do real life. Times like this make me feel really young and inexperienced and not prepared for something this huge! Going alone also sounds terrifying. Mostly because of what I'd actually be going for, I think I'm going to be sick, I'll be so nervous, regardless. But having to figure out where I will stay, and transportation, etc... I might ask, and Mom suggested this too, Rosanna or Camille or someone--Jake even, maybe--if they would want to come with me.

Anyway, I've got to go shower and go to bed, I'm working at 6 in the morning.
I'll update tomorrow.

Happy Chinese New Year!

So the Lexi thing is going well. She is progressing slowly, and it's exciting to see. She came over Tues, Wed, Thurs to read scriptures, and each night she had an issue or frustration from that day regarding an assignment or something that was obscure to her or not clear, or that she couldn't decide what was reasonable or not. So each night we address the current day's school concern, and then read scriptures. And it's been so good. Frustrating, well, more exhausting at some moments, but definitely worth the time to see her progress and start to act in faith. She wrote in her journal that first night, like I encouraged her to do (when I did too), and the next day she seemed so much less stressed about everything.
Every night, so far anyway, she gives me a hug before leaving, and though she is not a person of many words or emotions, I can definitely feel her sincerity and appreciation in her hugs and when she quietly and timidly thanks me at the end, and it just fills my heart for love for her. She is so sweet.

Today, church was really crazy and fun! We had our visiting teaching conference, and it turned out really well! The five of us (my presidency: Amy, Joylyn, Natalie, Erin, and I) performed a song, an original song written by Amy and Natalie, about visiting teaching and being friends. It was totally hilarious and kind of ridiculous, including southern accents, and even some beat-boxing and rapping! It went well though, and the RS all loved it, it seemed.
We also were privileged to get Sister Phillips, from the stake, to come and talk about VT and share some stories for a few minutes. She is always so hilarious, and says really great things. She says she is addicted to VTing. So funny.
The rest of the day I've just been in such a good mood. I sat by Amy and Natalie during Sac. Mtg., and we are all just a hoot together. We can't not laugh when we're around each other. We can be serious when we need to, but man, they are fun to be with, all four of my presidency. We all just crack up together. Natalie and Amy, when I came to sit with them before Sac. mtg., Natalie leaned over to me and was like, "We want to play games!" meaning with our presidency. I was so excited, I just love hanging out with them all. And then later this afternoon, Amy was like, "We need to have a meeting, I'm in the mood for a good time.." It was so funny. Our meetings are really just a party. We get stuff done, it just takes a lot longer because we spend so much time laughing! It's so fun. :) And I'm so grateful I got the girls I did.

Okay, so today, more than ever (and I think I'll be able to say this after church every week..), I feel I have exhausted the resources in our ward (meaning the boys), and I just need to look elsewhere. We have some good, fun guys in this ward, but just not marriage material, or even dating, really. Most of them are great, just young. And I feel like my roommate, Jessica, and I, talk about this more and more often. After church almost every Sunday, it seems. Ha.
But we're planning this epic, awesome tri-ward Valentine's dance, as well as a massive speed-dating night to prepare for the dance, and I'm hoping to meet some new, older guys via all that. We'll see.
But tonight, BDA 2 (The Brown sisters--Amy and Allison--and Maile) threw a Chinese New Year party at their apt, and it was such a blast. I was so hyper, because I was around Amy and Natalie, as well as Joel, Alex Foy, and Becca Clyde. But also there, and so much fun, were Jason Damm (said "Dom") and Preston Jackson. There were other people there, Allison, of course, is a lot of fun to be around. But those boys, and reading fortunes from fortune cookies, and me wearing my skirt still, but with sweats underneath, I think all added to my joviality. Hyperness. Yeah. By the time we all left,  after 10:30 pm, my head hurt and I was all stuffy from laughing so hard for the last couple hours.
But, so, my new crush from the night is Preston Jackson. He was EQ pres last semester, he's more mature than most guys in the ward, he's fun, a gentleman, just a great catch. And attractive, but not overly. Anyway, we had this running joke throughout the night of he and I becoming a thing, because of the first fortune I got (said something like, "You will have a romantic night tonight"), and then we just kept going with it. But for a long time I've thought he was really great, and also attractive. Probably nothing will happen, I don't even know if anything would, but it's fun to have a new little interest, at least. Especially after feeling like there really is no one left to hope for from this ward, after church today. Ha.

Lexi

Work was good today, but a long day, and I was SO tired. I was so sleepy all day.
Something that is getting tiresome at work is working with Bob. I love Bob, he is such a sweet man, so kind. I clean his kitty box every day, and now I help him do his physical therapy exercises every day. He is starting to tell me more that he already did them, and it's starting to be more unbelievable that he really did, and I am thinking more that he just thinks he did, or that he is just trying to get out of doing them with me so he imagined that he did them, or something. I don't think he's just flat out making it up to me to get out of them, because he is too good of a man, I think. But after he tells me, he's so nice, that I don't want to tell him I don't believe him, and make him do the exercises anyway, but I feel like he is liking when I come less and less. And until recently, we've been having a really good time together. Part of it is his exercises used to include his eyes open more, so we could chat and he would tell me all sorts of stories about his life. But now his exercises all consist of closing his eyes, and if I ask him a question, he gets distracted and stops doing the exercise. So I don't really talk to him much during them, which makes them less enjoyable for him and me. And he used to be so willing to get up and do them, and he is (jokingly, but still) resisting more. I hate pushing people to do things they don't want to, or to seem like a "slave driver," as he (again jokingly, but still) called me today.
Anyway, I don't really know what to do about it.

Also, tonight our next door friend, Lexi, came over for our first night of scripture study together. There is a lot to her, and I need to make this short, but basically she thinks about everything so much more than most people, which causes her to doubt a lot of things, and it's hard for her to have faith and just believe. She doesn't have a testimony, and she is rather critical. But she wants to have peace in her life. Chelsey and I were her visiting teachers last semester, which is why we know all this. there is much more to her issues, but the gospel stuff is just part of it.
Anyway, I've been having her have the goal to read the scriptures daily, which she's been doing better at, and she has good intentions with it, but she gets caught up so easily in the wording, and interprets them the wrong way. Like, in negative ways, and thinks God is contradicting himself, etc. And obviously reading the scriptures daily is important, but I've almost wanted to tell her not to, because of the frustration they bring her. So I suggested last night that she come over every night and we read them together. She thought that was a fine idea, so tonight was the first official session of scripture reading together, and overall, it went so well!
We sat and talked and read the scriptures for over an hour, and at times it's exhausting to talk to her because of the way she thinks and analyzes and worries about little things, and wording or her assignments and stuff. But we are making progress, and to see even a little progress makes it all worth it! I asked her to pray at the close of our little session, and at first she hesitated, and didn't really want to, but then she agreed, and she even asked if I had anything I wanted her to include (so sweet). I just told her to ask Heavenly Father to help her have faith, or to help her have the desire to believe, if that is where she is at (we read from Alma 32 tonight).
Her prayer was so sweet and so sincere, it was an example to me. I even got teary eyed during it, and felt to grateful and so blessed for this opportunity to help her, and to see her grow. I have no doubt that she will get a testimony eventually, which is so exciting to think about.
I told her to go home and write in her journal some things that she felt and insights she had tonight, about the scriptures, and I told her I would too. So this is why I wrote tonight, and I am so grateful that I did. I want to remember this experience with our sweet Lexi.

Good, long day of work

So I've totally been failing at my goal the past few days. But today I worked nearly 12 hours (an 8-hour shift 6-2 and then about 4 hours of personal assistant), and I am shot. It was long, but good because I need the hours. I have a headache, which I'm almost positive is from need of sleep, and my eyes are stinging, and it's only 10:30. So I'm going to head to bed soon.
But it's been a good day, work was good overall, besides making Jo Stewart upset that I wasn't there to help her at 2 (I had to take Marlyn to an emergency-like Dr. appt., and had Jessica, the front desk girl, call her to let her know I wouldn't be there, but she could never get ahold of her...go figure). I like working on EC (enhanced care, the Alzheimer's unit, essentially) much better in the day than the evening shift. I worked with Kristen, who I decided I really really like, and Amaron, who I like a lot as well. She is so sweet. She is hearing impaired, and so so nice. And Kathy, the nurse, was of course over there, who I really like working with. She likes me, which I am grateful for. I have a lot of respect for her, she is a great nurse and person. She told me that I should tell Derek (does scheduling) and Marianne (the head boss of Courtyard) that I need to be over on EC more. I was like, "......ok....." because I don't love working EC. At least not in the evenings. I like AL much better, it's easier, I know it better, I know the other PCAs over there more, and I always finish my hall last at night on that side. Always, it's so frustrating. It makes me feel so slow. But Kathy said something to the effect of, "well, we really enjoy having you over here." I was very flattered, that was a high compliment. And Linda, the activities director on EC, also said it's fun to have me on that side. It was so nice!
Anyway, I'm going to go to bed, my head is hurting mucho and my hands are so dry, I need lotion really bad.

I am wasted

I am so tired. I worked as a PCA today from 6-1 (just after), and then I did my personal assistant stuff from around 1:45 to 4:30. So I was at work for about 10 1/2 hours today, which was good because I need the hours, but I was SO TIRED by the time I got home. Running on less than 5 hours of sleep didn't help... And I was starving because I didn't really have lunch (except an orange and granola bar). Anyway, I'm not complaining, just reporting. Work was good though, I worked with the morning shift girls, some of whom I haven't ever really gotten to know very well, which I would like to because I see them in passing all the time doing my PA stuff while they're there. So it was a great opportunity to talk to them more personally, and it was good. I got to know Nicky Martin better, and cleared up something about my PA job, which I think she had been holding against me, so that was good. And I met and got to know a PRN girl named Jaclyn, who turns out has almost the same life as me. She just graduated from the Y in Dec., is wanting to be a PA, and can't work Sundays b/c she is a RS pres. as well. Ha! I kept asking her questions and her answers kept being similar/the same as my situation, and it was funny. She's a cute girl.

Jeni went through the temple tonight at 7, up in Draper, and she had wanted me to come, which I wanted to, but then after I got home from work, I was just beat. I felt like it really may not be the safest thing for me to drive up there in the state I was in, not to mention there wasn't much chance of me staying awake through any session, that was for sure. I was just so beat I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I even had a mission friend's (Josh Richardson) wedding reception tonight, which I had been planning on going to for a while, and I was going to have to choose between the two activities, but I ended up not doing either because of how tired I was. I layed on the couch to take a thirty min. nap and see how I felt about going to the temple after that, and I heard my alarm once, snoozed it (of course) and then woke up an hour later, to have gotten a needed hour and a half nap. It felt so good. And now it's only 10 pm, and I'm so tired again. I think I might go take a shower and go to bed.

Oh, one of the greatest things about today was that as I was making myself some dinner, I was thinking about how I really wanted to start another dinner group this semester because I don't eat nearly as well by myself, and I never really cook anything much these days. Then a little while later Ashley Dymock in my ward texted me and invited me, and my roommates, to be in a dinner group! It was like an answer to an unsaid prayer! I'm so grateful, and I really feel like HF knew I wanted that, and blessed me to just be invited to one, and not have to try to start one on my own, for which I am very grateful.

Jeni sleeps here now :)

Soooo I'm back to being okay with my roommates being around. I just needed to get the GRE over with, ha. And don't worry, I apologized to both of them last night for how I acted after they got home. They were both nice about it and aren't holding it against me. Thank goodness.
But yes, I took the GRE!! I'm done!! And I feel so much better about it, overall, than I did about the first one. I actually prepared this time, at least a lot more, and I felt so much more ready. I also feel that I really tried my best on the test, and that's all you can do. I don't feel like I did better on the essays this time, but I feel like I did better on the rest of it, overall. I got my scores for the verbal and quatitative parts, 153 and 156 respectively, which are just above average. Normally, being right around average is not something I feel great about, but from what it said in the study book I used, that'a apparently where most people score, is in the middle. So at least I was above average, and not just below. But I'm so happy it's over! Mom and Dad were praying for me, and probably some of my siblings who knew, which meant a lot to me, and added to my prayers, I'm sure they helped! The test lasted 4 hours, and I was SO ready to be done and get out of there by the time it was over! It was so long. And I sent my scores to the four PA schools that require the GRE, so now I need to finish the supplemental applications for some, and just wait to hear from the other schools.

Last night I did not write in my journal, I forgot to, until I was laying in bed to go to sleep. So tonight's will cover both days.

Last night I went over to my friend from work, Jeni's, apt., and we watched the Biggest Loser season 13 premier (yes, a new season!!), and I got her hooked on it. :) I love that show. A boy came over that she ad her roommates are friends with, named Matt, and we chatted some, and he seems really great. He is like 26, teaches at the MTC, wants to be a seminary teacher, and was wearing good shoes. He was cool to talk to, and I would love to get to know him better, to have a chance to. Not likely that will happen though. Oh, well. Also, the disappointing thing was that he and her roommate kissed for a really long time the night before I guess.... anyway.

But then, because she is having major roommate problems that I can totally relate to, Jeni came over to my apt. and spent the night. We chatted a while in her lounge before, which was really good. Before bed we read Preach My Gospel and some scriptures together (she is going on a mission soon, to Ohio), which was neat.

Today was a good day, I worked a while doing personal assisting, and got through all five rounds of Bob Horner's exercises he is supposed to do each day, and which his sister-in-law has been concerned that I'm not actually doing them with him. So that was good, productive. We watched the show "Fatal Attraction" on Animal Planet while doing them, and we saw some pretty crazy animal attacks and killings of people.

I took a two and a half hour nap this evening, in preparation to be up late watching "Up" with Jeni and her friend who is coming (and sleeping) over, because I have to work at 6 in the morning. Hopefully I won't regret watching it that late...:)

At home and happy :)

Ha, wow, I already forgot about my new goal, and here I am at home, needing to ease my brain for GRE studying, so I decided to write in my journal. And whatdaya know, I am fulfilling a goal I forgot I even set! I am a struggle.

So yes, I am here at home, in SL, with the parentals. Why? Because I still can't be around my roommates yet, I am still not ready to have them back, and yet they are, so I decided it was urgent, I needed to leave. So I packed my bags, went to work, and headed straight home after work. I'm so glad I did though. It was also so I would have a quiet place to study tonight, specifically to take the practice GRE. I know I could have gone to the library (on campus), but I have become so un-used to going there now, and I just didn't want to. I wasn't in the mood to go out into public or be around people. I just wanted to study at "home." So I came home. And it has been very nice to be here, an especially nice change from how anxious and stressed about things I was feeling last night in my apt. I felt like a confused and agitated animal, having had my lair barged into, without my permission, yet there being nothing I could do about it.

Anyway, tonight is good, I got through half of the practice GRE, my brain hurts now, partly because it was about 10 pm, so I quit. I so hope I do well on it tomorrow.

A New Years resolution

Today is New Years Day! It's 2012! And I've decided that one of my new goals is to write in my journal every day. Even if it's just a short snipit about something good that happened that day.

So today it was Sunday, and I was up in SL. I had spent the night at Jake and Camille's, but I went to church with Mom and Dad because they were speaking. Maxine sat by me, which was nice, for both of us to have a friend. I just love her, she is so sweet.

Then I went to Rosanna's, where Peggy and Evan were, and their kids, playing at the Kerrs. Grandma Froerer was there too, so that was fun to chat with them all, and their kids (Sasha and ...) are so cute. Then after Peggy left, I took and hour-and-a-half nap upstairs in the guest room at Rosanna's, which was so needed (weird dream, an extension of Pirates of the Caribbean, and sea monsters coming out of the Kerrs' basement wall to come for dinner...strange. So glad dreams aren't real.). Then I left to go back to Provo, to work a four-hour shift tonight, and she sent me with some leftover homemade chicken noodle soup, with her homemade noodles (love it) and some of her amazing chocolate mousse pie. Amazing.

Work was good, I like me job, especially because of the people I work with. Tonight I worked with Liz, and Nicole, who are both awesome. Janessa is great too, and Ashlyn is nice too, just not my favorite.

Then I was excited to come home, once again to a quiet apt., and sit and blog or journal or something relaxing on this sabbath evening, but when I got home, BOTH OF MY ROOMMATES WERE HERE. What??! They weren't supposed to come back til at least tomorrow I thought! Man, I was not mentally or emotionally ready for them to be back. I was already dreading it, I have SO loved having the apt to myself. Makes me want to live alone somewhere. Too expensive though. But seriously, I have been totally thrown. I still don't know what to do about tomorrow. I was planning on having the apt to myself, at least part of the day, so I could study a lot and finish preparing for the GRE, which I take the next day on Tuesday. I just want to escape and go home, and get away from my roommates. Don't get me wrong, they're not awful, we're just not good friends or anything. We all get along great, we're all easy going, I just don't love being around them, necessarily. And it has been so SO nice to have the apt. to myself. I was not ready to give that up today.

Anyway, I've got to figure out what to do tomorrow, where to go. I can't stay here, I'll go crazy. I'm not ready to be around them a lot yet, I've got to get this GRE over with.
I'm trying to decide whether or not to drive up to SL to either hang out at home and study, or go up to Huntsville with Mom and Rosanna and kids, and Camille possibly, to spend more time with Peggy before they go back to England on Thurs.
Aa, I don't know what to do.