Brian Fleming called!!!!!!

Brian Fleming called me tonight and asked me out for Friday (two days), and I am more than excited. Even before this, since I met him, I have felt really good about him, really excited about him, and feel like he could actually be the one.. and the weird thing is that isn't a crazy thought to me.

Rough week

This is an email I wrote to Sally a few days ago, when I was struggling. Dating has been very emotionally exhausting lately, with missing Andy but he never asking me to do anything, and then meeting Brian Fleming at this progressive speed dating activity my friend, Rachel, put together, but not hearing from him and really REALLY wanting to, and I was having a really hard time.

Hey Sal,

Thanks for calling back today. And thanks for letting me vent and cry a little bit. I appreciated it. But I wanted to tell you and ask you to please stop just telling me that you know I'll get married, and that I'm amazing, etc. I appreciate it, and I know you mean well, but that wasn't even the issue today. Yes, sometimes I do feel like I may not get married in this life, which is a totally different, but valid conversation, but right now that is not a concern, I'm not worried about marriage right now, really. Right now I feel like I will get married at some point. Right now the issue is dating. My heart is being worked, it's being so worked, Sal, and I'm exhausted. And last night I was pushed over the edge. 

Usually Jamie is my go-to with this kind of stuff because she gets it, she's in the same boat, but today I just needed to vent that to someone other than her. And like I said, I know you meant well, and that you love me, and maybe it was just because you were busy with your kids; I guess I shouldn't really expect to get a ton of time or attention from you over the phone, because you are a good mom. So that's understandable. But, in the nicest way, please just stop trying to fix things by always telling me you know I'll get married. Because honestly, that does nothing. Because really you don't know that. But more especially because like I said, that's not even the issue. I just needed someone to listen to me, to hear me out, to let me talk about this guy that has been so on my mind because of how rarely I meet a guy that seems that good of a fit (never), and my old insecurities that are resurfacing due to the situation. And my jealousy that someone from the other night has contacted Jamie, but no one has contacted me. I'm excited for her, but it's hard. And the weight that is on my heart about Andy, and how bad I miss him but don't know what to do about it. 

I'm not mad at you, I just wanted you to know this, and need you to not say those cliche blanket statements to me anymore. Like I said, I know you mean well and that you really do feel that way, and it means a lot to me that you would fly me down there at any time. I love you too, I just need you to be real with me and let me be sad and not try to cheer me up by telling me I will get married someday anymore.

Anyway, I just needed you to know. I do love you.

And then I wrote her again the next day with this:

Hey Sal, 

I feel like I may have come across a little harsh last night. I didn't mean to. I was having a really hard time yesterday and last night, and that's when I emailed you. So, sorry if I offended you in any way, I did not mean to. This dating thing is exhausting and my heart has been worked especially for the last few months with dating, and I just broke this week, I reached my limit. I'm feeling better today though.

Also, if the invitation is still open, I'm going to see if someone can switch me shifts next weekend so that I could come down, I think that would be really fun.:)

Love you