Distressed about this David Hall

I'm starting to wonder if I am being way too dramatic or irrational or obsessive about this. But I can't stop thinking about David Hall. And he is supposed to be moving to Provo this week! I am seriously slightly distressed about this. And here's why: I don't think I've ever felt so extremely and immediately compatible with someone as I did with him, that night that we cleaned. Whenever I like a guy, I am usually still hesitant of the idea of actually dating him, because that may eliminate possibilities with other guys (totally irrational right? As if I date so many guys or something..), and since hanging out with him last Friday, I honestly had no interest in going out with another guy, ever. And I don't think I have ever felt that way. Even with Steven Davis, who I went out with a couple weeks ago, with Beckee and company. I was totally interested in him after, and really was hoping that he would call me again, but I still had that hesitation about dating, for that very reason. Even though he is so awesome, my mind couldn't dismiss the possibilities with certain guys in my ward that I've had interest in getting to know, David Hall being one of them.

But yeah, with David, after Friday night, no interest in ever needing to go out with any other guy. Seriously. And it really felt like there was a mutual interest going on that night, but who knows.

So since then, I decided to try to go to all ward activities this week, in hopes of seeing him as much as possibly before he moves. He wasn't at church on Sunday, but I went to the Sunday night devotional that Liz Stitt's house holds every week, in hopes that he would be there, and he was! I was one of the first people there, and he was the first person I saw when I got there. We made eye contact and I smiled and said hi, and he smiled. Junior was there too, and started talking to me from across the room. Then I was too nervous and never really talked to David the rest of the night. Lots of people came, and Nicia, one of my new good friends, sat by me (David sat on the other side of her, I may have been slightly jealous, and mostly because if I was a guy, the first person I would go for is Nicia, she is so awesome). Anyway, Nicia and I chatted and chatted before and after the devotional. After it was over and people were just hanging out, David was kind of wandering around, checking out the bookcase, hanging out in the kitchen. Eventually he was about to leave and kind of walked toward the door slowly and said like a general bye to the crowd of us socializing there by the door. I looked at him and we made eye contact and smiled and said bye. I felt like there was still possibly something there. Oh, during his wanderings though, when I was still chatting with Nicia (she is a nurse, about to go on a mission, and I am an RM, about to be a nurse, so we have lots to talk about with each other, and she's so fun, I love her. I'm kind of sad she's leaving soon), David came over our way (there were others by us chatting too) and I could have sworn he glanced at the seat on the couch next to me like he wanted to sit there, but then didn't. Maybe I was imagining it, but it seemed like maybe..

Then I went to FHE last night, where we watched Sandlot outside in Brother White's backyard as a ward. I of course was hoping to see him, and sit by him, ideally, but he wasn't there for a while. Instead, I finally actually met Nick Anderson, my interest #2 in the ward. He and Ryan Ramsey (who I also basically met last night) sat behind us before the movie. We (they and Nicia and I) were chatting and joking around, then Nick got up and went to the back of the crowd, then Danny came and took his seat I think, then when Nick came back he came up and sat next to me on the little yard bench I was on. I was loving that..! He seems like a cool guy, and we kind of joked around and flirted throughout the evening and movie. It was fun. So fun to flirt with someone, and them to flirt back--man, it's been a while!!

THEN, partway through the movie, who shows up and sits right behind Nicia and Nicole, but David Hall. Dang it, and I'm sitting next to Nick Anderson. I turned around to see who it was, and saw David, then turned back around and he looked at me and we said hi. And that was all the David interaction I got last night. He left before it was over, dang it. I was hoping to get to talk to him after, but no luck there. I didn't even know when he left.

So I took the next step and added David on facebook last night, at like 11 pm. After deliberating for a minute before clicking on "Add friend," I did it. He accepted me today. ...I can't believe I'm actually writing about all these ridiculous details. I really hope I marry him, because I'll have to probably delete all these journal entries later if I don't. Ha.

Anyway, I just feel like there's probably no way he has felt as strongly about me as I have about him, and that he's moving, which doesn't help anything. I so badly want to do something with him.

I honestly feel like I miss him. Today is the 24th of July, a holiday, and all morning as we were doing the breakfast and family stuff, I kept thinking about him and was so wishing he was here with me. It just feels like that's who I should be with. I can't really describe it. Not so much as like a prompting, so I can't say I know or anything yet, but just a really strong desire. Besides Sean Rutschke, back in the day, I have never wanted to be with someone so badly.
The logical and realistic part of me thinks that there is no way anything is going to happen. It never does, but on top of that, he's moving to Provo this week, which lowers my chances even more.

But then I think, then why did I get the chance to get to know him last Friday? If nothing is ever going to or supposed to happen with him, why was I given that night to get to know such an awesome guy, who I felt like I fit so well with, if that was just going to be it? All I got. I feel like that would be cruel of Heavenly Father, and that He is kinder than that. But then I also know God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes we just can't understand why He does things, or why things happen.

I know everything will work out, and how it should, and how I will be happiest in the end. But I honestly am getting distressed over this. I just want to be with him so bad, and for him to want that too. If he has had no desire in getting to know me any more, or never really had interest in me, like it seemed like he did, I would also like to know that, and then I could stop thinking about him. Because I think that is partly why I feel so into him, is that it seemed mutual, and now I feel like time is literally slipping through my hands.

But it is good to remember that this is not really in my hands. I do what I can do, and I've got to let God do the rest. I know He knows my heart and my desires, and He is kind. And He always answers my prayers, and He can make anything happen if it's supposed to. So I just have to trust in that, and be patient. It's just that it's really hard to be patient when you feel like time is running out and you want to be with someone so much.

Oh man, I am a case, aren't I?