Ugh, I should be starting my homework right now, but I'm so irritated at all the Liberals in this election right now. It's a huge election this year, Oboma vs Romney, and heaven help us if Oboma wins a 2nd term. But last night was the 2nd presidential debate, and the liberals all say that Oboma totally won, including all the nurses talking about it in shift report this morning, and saying negative things about Romney. And I was just reading an article about the debate, and then comments, mostly from Liberals who don't like Romney, and it's so frustrating! It's so frustrating that people are so blind to what a terrible leader Oboma is! He may be a good person (although a liar, that's for sure), but he is NOT a good leader, and is not who we need to fix our major financial and economic problems in this country right now. Aaah, I just can't stand to hear these things said about Romney, and that people are so blind to his good qualities and experience that we need in a president right now!
Needed to get that out.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
General Conference ANSWER
As a reference, my "question" was: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties?
So I went into GC fully expecting to get an answer to my question. And I was kind of expecting a "yes," as well as any additional information Heavenly Father wanted to shed on the situation.
Well, I was humbled and very quickly answered, in a way, and reminded that I can't always have an answer, or know what's going to happen. In fact, basically never. But that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. There were like 3 or 4 talks that talked about waiting on the Lord, trusting in His timing, and being happy where we are. Pres. Uchtdorf's was the first one, and I remember I was getting ready in my bathroom, listening to it on the radio, I think, when he was speaking, and it hit me pretty hard. That no, HF was not going to give me a yes or a no to my question, that wasn't His plan. That wasn't His will. It wasn't time for me to have an answer to that question, but I needed to trust in Him and His timing, and learn to be happy where I am in my life now, be happy in the present, to stop going through life just waiting for the next thing, and then I will be happy, type of thing. It was really good to hear that from one of our prophets, I needed it. And cool thing is that that (and those) talks made a big impact on a lot of people, but certainly for different reasons. Including Mom. She's been very unhappy with her job, and I'd been helping her try to find other ones to apply to online, and after that talk she said, "Well, I guess that maybe I just need to change my attitude about my job!" It was interesting. I felt like Pres. Uchtdorf's talk was for me, but cool how the Spirit works on each of us differently through the same talk, and that they can apply so well to so many people.
SOOO, I'm just trying to be happy where I am, and not try to just wait to get married. And I of course would love to still, or even date someone, heaven forbid, but my life really is so good right now, I have no reason to complain, so I shan't.
But I LOVED Conference this time! I mean it's always great, but this time, all four sessions were amazing! I was awake through all four, which may have been a first. I think it was because I was doing things a lot of the time, multitasking, which definitely helps.
Anyway, it was an awesome Conference weekend!
So I went into GC fully expecting to get an answer to my question. And I was kind of expecting a "yes," as well as any additional information Heavenly Father wanted to shed on the situation.
Well, I was humbled and very quickly answered, in a way, and reminded that I can't always have an answer, or know what's going to happen. In fact, basically never. But that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. There were like 3 or 4 talks that talked about waiting on the Lord, trusting in His timing, and being happy where we are. Pres. Uchtdorf's was the first one, and I remember I was getting ready in my bathroom, listening to it on the radio, I think, when he was speaking, and it hit me pretty hard. That no, HF was not going to give me a yes or a no to my question, that wasn't His plan. That wasn't His will. It wasn't time for me to have an answer to that question, but I needed to trust in Him and His timing, and learn to be happy where I am in my life now, be happy in the present, to stop going through life just waiting for the next thing, and then I will be happy, type of thing. It was really good to hear that from one of our prophets, I needed it. And cool thing is that that (and those) talks made a big impact on a lot of people, but certainly for different reasons. Including Mom. She's been very unhappy with her job, and I'd been helping her try to find other ones to apply to online, and after that talk she said, "Well, I guess that maybe I just need to change my attitude about my job!" It was interesting. I felt like Pres. Uchtdorf's talk was for me, but cool how the Spirit works on each of us differently through the same talk, and that they can apply so well to so many people.
SOOO, I'm just trying to be happy where I am, and not try to just wait to get married. And I of course would love to still, or even date someone, heaven forbid, but my life really is so good right now, I have no reason to complain, so I shan't.
But I LOVED Conference this time! I mean it's always great, but this time, all four sessions were amazing! I was awake through all four, which may have been a first. I think it was because I was doing things a lot of the time, multitasking, which definitely helps.
Anyway, it was an awesome Conference weekend!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Freshman reunion--fun, and hard too; also General Conference QUESTION
So tonight we had a little freshman year reunion, out in South Jordan at Sean's house. Present were Sean and Aubrey and their little boy Abe, Ben, Ryan, Amie and her baby James, Hil and her bf Daniel, and me. Eric was there part of the time via Skype. So we were only missing Cheryl, who ironically, was actually on a plane to Utah when we all got together. No one knew she was even coming to UT until today, otherwise we may have planned the get together for a different day, I don't know.
But it was a lot of fun, so good to all be together and catch up. As I left, my heart began to hurt. That sounds really dumb, but it was because of Ben. He is an amazing guy. And on top of how great he is, he's very physically attractive. Never has he ever shown interest in being more than friends with me, and never has that been a big deal. But tonight, I don't know, maybe it's because we're all older, maybe it's because there are fewer great single guys out there, and any out there come far between, that being around someone like Ben, who I've been friends with for 7 years, makes me really want to date him. To be around him more. I would love to just spend time with him. We get along really well. He's very down to earth, and he has a good sense of humor.
I think also, inside I crave to be close to a man, and I don't really have any guy friends right now. All those guys are huggers, which I've always loved, and it was so so good to hug them. Eric has always been my favorite to hug, then Ben; Sean is up there too, but he's married now, so it's not really the same. But hugging Ben tonight, when we got there, and then when we were all leaving, felt so good. I love him. I really feel like I can say that. I love all those guys. I really do. They are all so great. And you just don't come across such great guys like that every day, who are single.
And about Ben, I felt like he enjoyed being around me, or at least showed it, more tonight than I've ever felt. I know we've always been friends, and he's always liked me as one, but tonight I felt like he looked at me more than I expected. And maybe I just haven't been around him for a while. But it made me feel this little glimmer of hope, and made me really crave that more. To be around him more. So when we all said goodbye and left, I literally felt hurt, my heart hurt. One of those feelings that if I drank, would push me to go drown my pain in drinking. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I really just would love to spend time with him. He's so great.
I prayed in the car on the way home, and just kind of told HF what I was feeling, and pleaded with Him to help me make sense of this feeling, and to be able to reconcile with it, and to help me feel better, and not hurt. And to perhaps provide something that I would need a date for or something I could invite him to. I really don't have any guy friends up here, really, so if I ever needed a date for something, even regardless of this sudden strong desire to date Ben, he would be a great option. Bummer that he still lives in Provo.
But anyway, so I got home, and I've gotten ready for bed, and I'm feeling better. I would still love to spend more time with him, he's just such a stellar guy. And I just don't meet guys like that hardly ever. But I'm trying not to think about it. And I think part of it is that I'm just really craving male attention, as well as male touch. Seriously, being hugged by those guys, specifically Ben (such good hugs), felt SO good. And I think that just added to the pain, of wanting that in my life so badly.
Tomorrow, this weekend, is General Conference. And my question that I am taking to GC, to get answered, may seem trite. But it's really been weighing on my mind more and more. It is this: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties? Some days are harder than others, but lately I just feel like I will never date anyone again. The guys who I want to date don't seem to want to date me, I feel so unattractive to guys, I haven't dated anyone for about 2 1/2 years (since Steve).. I'm getting very discouraged and frustrated about it lately, more and more. It's hard.
I'm on Fall break for the next week and a half (and let me tell you, it didn't come a minute too soon, I needed this break so bad), and I would love to just go on a date with someone. I crave to go on a date, a good date. To feel like a girl, to feel feminine with a guy. To have a guy's attention, to feel attractive. So here's to hopin'.
But it was a lot of fun, so good to all be together and catch up. As I left, my heart began to hurt. That sounds really dumb, but it was because of Ben. He is an amazing guy. And on top of how great he is, he's very physically attractive. Never has he ever shown interest in being more than friends with me, and never has that been a big deal. But tonight, I don't know, maybe it's because we're all older, maybe it's because there are fewer great single guys out there, and any out there come far between, that being around someone like Ben, who I've been friends with for 7 years, makes me really want to date him. To be around him more. I would love to just spend time with him. We get along really well. He's very down to earth, and he has a good sense of humor.
I think also, inside I crave to be close to a man, and I don't really have any guy friends right now. All those guys are huggers, which I've always loved, and it was so so good to hug them. Eric has always been my favorite to hug, then Ben; Sean is up there too, but he's married now, so it's not really the same. But hugging Ben tonight, when we got there, and then when we were all leaving, felt so good. I love him. I really feel like I can say that. I love all those guys. I really do. They are all so great. And you just don't come across such great guys like that every day, who are single.
And about Ben, I felt like he enjoyed being around me, or at least showed it, more tonight than I've ever felt. I know we've always been friends, and he's always liked me as one, but tonight I felt like he looked at me more than I expected. And maybe I just haven't been around him for a while. But it made me feel this little glimmer of hope, and made me really crave that more. To be around him more. So when we all said goodbye and left, I literally felt hurt, my heart hurt. One of those feelings that if I drank, would push me to go drown my pain in drinking. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I really just would love to spend time with him. He's so great.
I prayed in the car on the way home, and just kind of told HF what I was feeling, and pleaded with Him to help me make sense of this feeling, and to be able to reconcile with it, and to help me feel better, and not hurt. And to perhaps provide something that I would need a date for or something I could invite him to. I really don't have any guy friends up here, really, so if I ever needed a date for something, even regardless of this sudden strong desire to date Ben, he would be a great option. Bummer that he still lives in Provo.
But anyway, so I got home, and I've gotten ready for bed, and I'm feeling better. I would still love to spend more time with him, he's just such a stellar guy. And I just don't meet guys like that hardly ever. But I'm trying not to think about it. And I think part of it is that I'm just really craving male attention, as well as male touch. Seriously, being hugged by those guys, specifically Ben (such good hugs), felt SO good. And I think that just added to the pain, of wanting that in my life so badly.
Tomorrow, this weekend, is General Conference. And my question that I am taking to GC, to get answered, may seem trite. But it's really been weighing on my mind more and more. It is this: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties? Some days are harder than others, but lately I just feel like I will never date anyone again. The guys who I want to date don't seem to want to date me, I feel so unattractive to guys, I haven't dated anyone for about 2 1/2 years (since Steve).. I'm getting very discouraged and frustrated about it lately, more and more. It's hard.
I'm on Fall break for the next week and a half (and let me tell you, it didn't come a minute too soon, I needed this break so bad), and I would love to just go on a date with someone. I crave to go on a date, a good date. To feel like a girl, to feel feminine with a guy. To have a guy's attention, to feel attractive. So here's to hopin'.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
A crazy, stressful, but also really good week--room flooded, computer crashed, and I actually felt attractive to a boy!
This past week was one of the craziest, and most stressful (at times) weeks I've had in a long time, I feel like. So many crazy things happened! To list:
-the hot water heater next to my room, for the apts, started leaking Monday morning, so my room flooded.
-Monday evening I accidentally pulled my computer onto the floor, and thankfully it worked the rest of the evening, but wouldn't the next day. I would say it "crashed." Ha, literally. To the floor. It's maybe funny now, but definitely not when it stopped working. Stressful.
-Tues I also received a message/email from the guy "J_F_K", Josh, on ldssingles.com, which I had been anticipating for days. That was right before I took my computer in to be fixed, so I was excited to see his reply, assuming it would be a bright spot in my day. It wasn't. He made me so mad! The way he responded to my response/message, made me feel like I didn't know anything, and like I was totally inferior to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, but a lot of information he informed me of, about nursing and other things, I already knew, or I did not need or want to hear then. I felt like he was my parent or something. Totally ticked me off (not to mention I had no desire to write him back anymore).
-Then I took my disfunctioning computer to PC Laptops Tues evening, at the referral of Steve (he said he trusts them), and on the phone one guy was really helpful, but when I actually took it there, the kid that helped me in the store was so frustrating to me because he kept trying to sell me a computer. I didn't want a new computer! I wanted mine to be fixed! That day was one of my "emotional" days, and he was the one who set me off (actually it was probably first the dumb message from J_F_K). So I was frustrated at him (the PC Laptops kid), and then at everyone and everything else in the world the rest of the night, including drivers on the road on my way home, everyone.
-Wed I had to give my presentation for clinicals on the patient of my choice. That was stressful in and of itself because David, our clinical instructor, is so..strict (I could say anal) about it, and will throw things at you while presenting that you better know, or it's "minus 2 points." Makes it really stressful. So I was stressed working on that the first half of the week, up until I was finished giving it in post-conference with our group on Wed. afternoon.
-What else..oh, got a flu shot Wed. after clinicals and I woke up sick thurs morning. So after I finished my patho lecture and the quiz that was due that morning before class, I got in the shower (in Mom and Dad's, mine still wasn't working well), and I felt so weak and achey, I was extremely tired, plus since I wouldn't have my computer to keep me awake through class, I thought there wasn't much point in going. I would just be miserable and struggle to stay awake the whole three hours anyway. So I ate some breakfast, started my makeup, dried my hair, and went back to bed. I slept for a couple hours, and felt a little better. I went to my afternoon class (Health Policy), and later that afternoon I felt pretty back to normal. It was really weird, I've never gotten sick from a flu shot. I think I did because I was immunocompromised: lacking sleep, had been stressed all week, etc.
The week wasn't all bad, however. The great parts of the week included:
-Seeing In The Heights Wed. evening with Jamie, her brother Mark, and his date, at Pioneer Memorial Theater at the U. I got Jamie and I free tickets because I'm a student (totally great, just found out about this deal), and Sister Garff in our ward offered my mom two tickets to it the night before, for the same night we were going, so Jamie's brother came and brought a date. I loved the show. It's a broadway actually, a pretty new one, and it's a lot of fun. The music was AMAZING. So fun and catchy, and the performers had pheonomenal voices. There was a good amount of swearing in it, and a little bit of on-the-risque-side of dancing. So those were the bummers. The next day Jamie dropped off a burned copy of the soundtrack, and I'm so addicted! I love the music! Some of the songs do have swearing, and I normally do NOT listen to music with swearing, because the lines with swear words get stuck in my head. So it's kind of a moral dilemma with this music..it's SO good and so fun, but... so what to do..
-Lamp of Learning was Thurs night. This was for nursing school, where we got to bring our family and show them the simulation lab in the nursing building, and then there was a pin ceremony afterwards where we were given our nursing pins and basically welcomed into the profession of nursing. And there was really good food after. Mom and Dad came to it all, and I was really glad. It was fun for them to be able to see where I went to school and meet some of my friends and faculty, and see some of what I've been doing and telling them about.
-On Sat. I finally got a filing system going for Mom and Dad and cleared off a bunch of the stuff that is constantly piling up on the counter! This probably seems silly that this was a highlight, but the clutter that is constantly in the kitchen (and other places, but worst in the kitchen, plus it's always in our faces being right there) drives me CRAZY! I finally came up with an idea (probably inspiration) that seemed like would work, and so far it has! And mom and dad are happy with it too. Again, this seems silly, but having that counter so much cleaner seriously decreases some anxiety. I feel like I can actually function in the kitchen and don't feel totally caved in.
-On Sat., a guy called from PC Laptops, telling me that he had started working on my computer, and that he would continue to work on it through the afternoon, and back again Monday morning. One of the first things he said to me was, "I fixed it!" I was like, "Really?! How??" "Well, there was this sticker on your computer...so I took it off, and it started working again..!" I have a BYU sticker on my computer, that I love, and he was totally bashing on BYU. I was like, "Oh my gooosh.." And it wasn't too long before I started with the comebacks. He liked that, found me pretty hilarious, actually, and at one point, after cracking up at one of my comebacks, said, "I can't wait to meet you in person!" I loved THAT. :)
Anyway, loooong story short, he called back like 20 or 30 min later and it was done! Lots quicker than he expected, and nothing was lost!!!! My computer was completely back to normal!!! I was THRILLED!! Nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me. But on the phone, after telling me it was fixed, he said, "But I do have some bad news." So I asked what, nervous. And he said, "You listen to Amy Grant and One Direction." Haha, he was looking at my music list on Spotify, that just automatically pops up. So then he continued to list other artists on there, and totally bashed my musical selections. I joked around back, and we were both laughing. After a bit more bashing on BYU and my sticker, and trying to sell me a couple more things (but not in an annoying way, thank goodness) he said that yes, I could come get my computer, and that his name was Moss (yes, Moss). So I went and changed real quick, fixed my makeup, put deoderant and spray on, and ran to get it so I could get back to watch the RS broadcast.
Another long story short (I need to go to bed), we joked around more, about BYU and what not, I actually gave him a BYU silly band (from my BYUSA days and True Blue Tuesdays) that we had laying around, as a token of my appreciation, and he loved that of course. :) Actually, I mostly loved his reaction. So after installing some more updates (I swear he waited to do that until I got there, to keep me there longer, which, if that was true, I was kind of flattered and didn't mind to much:) and fiddeling around with my computer, explaining some more things he did, it was time to pay and leave. As he was ringing me up and sending me on my way, he kept flirting and joking around with me. I was loving it. Then when I had paid, he gave me his card, which said "Moss," and I asked him the story of how he got that nickname. He told me, it was from when he was in the Marines; then as I was leaving, he was like, "I'll probably see you up there [at the U], I go there too." It had come out that I was now at the U. Then I asked him what he was studying, etc. So he came to the doorway, where I was, and we chatted for another minute. He had done art for undergrad, and was now getting his master's in A(something)E. Which stood for Art something Engineering. Basically a masters in producing video games. Huh. Interesting. Kind of funny to me. But cool, I guess. I then asked him, "So you're a gamer." He said yes. This usually is an immediate turnoff, but he's getting his masters in it. More impressive than your typical gamer. And he was wearing good shoes; most gamers often wear skater shoes, which are also a huge turn off for me. But he was wearing a type of shoe that I actually really like.
Anyway, by the time I left he had totally made my day. It had been sooooo long since I had felt attractive, appealing, desirable by a guy. And it felt SO good. And I would not mind doing something with him. So I used his card and sent him an email today. Partly funny, I attached a picture of One Direction as another token of my appreciation, haha. But then I also really wanted to really thank him, for my relief and joy that I had my computer back, without any data lost, was immeasurable. I was SO SO grateful that he was able to fix it. So at the end I said, "I know I don't really know you, but if I could do anything in return, let me know." I feel like that left the door pretty open, if he was interested in doing anything with me. So we'll see.
But honestly, if for no other reason, I'm grateful that my computer broke because of that experience with Moss. It was such a tender mercy of Heavenly Father, how Moss made me feel (attractive, appealing, etc.). I needed that so badly. So if I never see Moss again, I am so grateful to have at least had that interaction with him, and for how good he made me feel with the attention he gave me. That was definitely a highlight of my week. :)
And I also know that how things turned out so great with my computer, not having lost any data or anything, and not even having to buy a new hard drive or anything, was major answer to prayer. To many prayers. I know that that miracle was straight from my Father in Heaven, that He heard me and answered my prayers in such an amazing way because He cares so much about me and about what I care about. How blessed I am to have a Father like that.
Alright, got to go to bed. Here goes to another week...!
-the hot water heater next to my room, for the apts, started leaking Monday morning, so my room flooded.
-Monday evening I accidentally pulled my computer onto the floor, and thankfully it worked the rest of the evening, but wouldn't the next day. I would say it "crashed." Ha, literally. To the floor. It's maybe funny now, but definitely not when it stopped working. Stressful.
-Tues I also received a message/email from the guy "J_F_K", Josh, on ldssingles.com, which I had been anticipating for days. That was right before I took my computer in to be fixed, so I was excited to see his reply, assuming it would be a bright spot in my day. It wasn't. He made me so mad! The way he responded to my response/message, made me feel like I didn't know anything, and like I was totally inferior to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, but a lot of information he informed me of, about nursing and other things, I already knew, or I did not need or want to hear then. I felt like he was my parent or something. Totally ticked me off (not to mention I had no desire to write him back anymore).
-Then I took my disfunctioning computer to PC Laptops Tues evening, at the referral of Steve (he said he trusts them), and on the phone one guy was really helpful, but when I actually took it there, the kid that helped me in the store was so frustrating to me because he kept trying to sell me a computer. I didn't want a new computer! I wanted mine to be fixed! That day was one of my "emotional" days, and he was the one who set me off (actually it was probably first the dumb message from J_F_K). So I was frustrated at him (the PC Laptops kid), and then at everyone and everything else in the world the rest of the night, including drivers on the road on my way home, everyone.
-Wed I had to give my presentation for clinicals on the patient of my choice. That was stressful in and of itself because David, our clinical instructor, is so..strict (I could say anal) about it, and will throw things at you while presenting that you better know, or it's "minus 2 points." Makes it really stressful. So I was stressed working on that the first half of the week, up until I was finished giving it in post-conference with our group on Wed. afternoon.
-What else..oh, got a flu shot Wed. after clinicals and I woke up sick thurs morning. So after I finished my patho lecture and the quiz that was due that morning before class, I got in the shower (in Mom and Dad's, mine still wasn't working well), and I felt so weak and achey, I was extremely tired, plus since I wouldn't have my computer to keep me awake through class, I thought there wasn't much point in going. I would just be miserable and struggle to stay awake the whole three hours anyway. So I ate some breakfast, started my makeup, dried my hair, and went back to bed. I slept for a couple hours, and felt a little better. I went to my afternoon class (Health Policy), and later that afternoon I felt pretty back to normal. It was really weird, I've never gotten sick from a flu shot. I think I did because I was immunocompromised: lacking sleep, had been stressed all week, etc.
The week wasn't all bad, however. The great parts of the week included:
-Seeing In The Heights Wed. evening with Jamie, her brother Mark, and his date, at Pioneer Memorial Theater at the U. I got Jamie and I free tickets because I'm a student (totally great, just found out about this deal), and Sister Garff in our ward offered my mom two tickets to it the night before, for the same night we were going, so Jamie's brother came and brought a date. I loved the show. It's a broadway actually, a pretty new one, and it's a lot of fun. The music was AMAZING. So fun and catchy, and the performers had pheonomenal voices. There was a good amount of swearing in it, and a little bit of on-the-risque-side of dancing. So those were the bummers. The next day Jamie dropped off a burned copy of the soundtrack, and I'm so addicted! I love the music! Some of the songs do have swearing, and I normally do NOT listen to music with swearing, because the lines with swear words get stuck in my head. So it's kind of a moral dilemma with this music..it's SO good and so fun, but... so what to do..
-Lamp of Learning was Thurs night. This was for nursing school, where we got to bring our family and show them the simulation lab in the nursing building, and then there was a pin ceremony afterwards where we were given our nursing pins and basically welcomed into the profession of nursing. And there was really good food after. Mom and Dad came to it all, and I was really glad. It was fun for them to be able to see where I went to school and meet some of my friends and faculty, and see some of what I've been doing and telling them about.
-On Sat. I finally got a filing system going for Mom and Dad and cleared off a bunch of the stuff that is constantly piling up on the counter! This probably seems silly that this was a highlight, but the clutter that is constantly in the kitchen (and other places, but worst in the kitchen, plus it's always in our faces being right there) drives me CRAZY! I finally came up with an idea (probably inspiration) that seemed like would work, and so far it has! And mom and dad are happy with it too. Again, this seems silly, but having that counter so much cleaner seriously decreases some anxiety. I feel like I can actually function in the kitchen and don't feel totally caved in.
-On Sat., a guy called from PC Laptops, telling me that he had started working on my computer, and that he would continue to work on it through the afternoon, and back again Monday morning. One of the first things he said to me was, "I fixed it!" I was like, "Really?! How??" "Well, there was this sticker on your computer...so I took it off, and it started working again..!" I have a BYU sticker on my computer, that I love, and he was totally bashing on BYU. I was like, "Oh my gooosh.." And it wasn't too long before I started with the comebacks. He liked that, found me pretty hilarious, actually, and at one point, after cracking up at one of my comebacks, said, "I can't wait to meet you in person!" I loved THAT. :)
Anyway, loooong story short, he called back like 20 or 30 min later and it was done! Lots quicker than he expected, and nothing was lost!!!! My computer was completely back to normal!!! I was THRILLED!! Nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me. But on the phone, after telling me it was fixed, he said, "But I do have some bad news." So I asked what, nervous. And he said, "You listen to Amy Grant and One Direction." Haha, he was looking at my music list on Spotify, that just automatically pops up. So then he continued to list other artists on there, and totally bashed my musical selections. I joked around back, and we were both laughing. After a bit more bashing on BYU and my sticker, and trying to sell me a couple more things (but not in an annoying way, thank goodness) he said that yes, I could come get my computer, and that his name was Moss (yes, Moss). So I went and changed real quick, fixed my makeup, put deoderant and spray on, and ran to get it so I could get back to watch the RS broadcast.
Another long story short (I need to go to bed), we joked around more, about BYU and what not, I actually gave him a BYU silly band (from my BYUSA days and True Blue Tuesdays) that we had laying around, as a token of my appreciation, and he loved that of course. :) Actually, I mostly loved his reaction. So after installing some more updates (I swear he waited to do that until I got there, to keep me there longer, which, if that was true, I was kind of flattered and didn't mind to much:) and fiddeling around with my computer, explaining some more things he did, it was time to pay and leave. As he was ringing me up and sending me on my way, he kept flirting and joking around with me. I was loving it. Then when I had paid, he gave me his card, which said "Moss," and I asked him the story of how he got that nickname. He told me, it was from when he was in the Marines; then as I was leaving, he was like, "I'll probably see you up there [at the U], I go there too." It had come out that I was now at the U. Then I asked him what he was studying, etc. So he came to the doorway, where I was, and we chatted for another minute. He had done art for undergrad, and was now getting his master's in A(something)E. Which stood for Art something Engineering. Basically a masters in producing video games. Huh. Interesting. Kind of funny to me. But cool, I guess. I then asked him, "So you're a gamer." He said yes. This usually is an immediate turnoff, but he's getting his masters in it. More impressive than your typical gamer. And he was wearing good shoes; most gamers often wear skater shoes, which are also a huge turn off for me. But he was wearing a type of shoe that I actually really like.
Anyway, by the time I left he had totally made my day. It had been sooooo long since I had felt attractive, appealing, desirable by a guy. And it felt SO good. And I would not mind doing something with him. So I used his card and sent him an email today. Partly funny, I attached a picture of One Direction as another token of my appreciation, haha. But then I also really wanted to really thank him, for my relief and joy that I had my computer back, without any data lost, was immeasurable. I was SO SO grateful that he was able to fix it. So at the end I said, "I know I don't really know you, but if I could do anything in return, let me know." I feel like that left the door pretty open, if he was interested in doing anything with me. So we'll see.
But honestly, if for no other reason, I'm grateful that my computer broke because of that experience with Moss. It was such a tender mercy of Heavenly Father, how Moss made me feel (attractive, appealing, etc.). I needed that so badly. So if I never see Moss again, I am so grateful to have at least had that interaction with him, and for how good he made me feel with the attention he gave me. That was definitely a highlight of my week. :)
And I also know that how things turned out so great with my computer, not having lost any data or anything, and not even having to buy a new hard drive or anything, was major answer to prayer. To many prayers. I know that that miracle was straight from my Father in Heaven, that He heard me and answered my prayers in such an amazing way because He cares so much about me and about what I care about. How blessed I am to have a Father like that.
Alright, got to go to bed. Here goes to another week...!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Maybe just mortally single.
So I do not think I will be single forever, but I do often wonder if it won't be until the next life that I get married. I love Sherri Dew and all, but I can't say that I've ever wanted to be just like her (not married)...
I do hope it's in this life. I really want to have kids to take care of me when I'm old.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Will I be single forever?
I am feeling pretty bummed about boys.
I'm kind of done trying anything with David for now. So he didn't end up coming to run the Color Run 5k after all. Said he was too overloaded with school. Which I can totally understand. And the run was still a lot of fun, and I ended up running the whole thing except for a minute while I walked with Cheryl. But it was a lot of fun, and it was really encouraging that I was able to run so much of it. Also that my knee didn't bother me like I was worried it might.
And I dunno, David hasn't been super conversational through our facebook thread, so I'm just going to let things be with him for now. Kind of a bummer though, he's so awesome.
Still got Casey on the brain some, but still a bummer that he's not a member.
My home teachers are Dave Alder and Rob (not sure last name). They are way awesome, I totally lucked out with home teachers. Dave was one of my top three interests when I was first in the ward. He's tall, a good size, really nice, athletic, fun. But then my friend, Nichole Gallinger, started liking him, and they've gone out some. So then there there wasn't really any point in having interest in him, in fact I couldn't anymore. And that was fine, they seemed like they would go great together, so no big deal.
But it's been a couple months or so, and they aren't dating, but she still really really likes him. She has recently had a talk with him and told him she liked him, and he basically said he had an old girlfriend he couldn't let go of, or something. So timing (with Nichole) was bad right now. She just told me this today. So I feel like that means that he does like her (Nichole), it's just bad timing, like he said.
So I've been really good about not being interested in him, because she has been, but now that my other interests, or options, are kind of dwindling (David, Nick, etc), I have found myself thinking of him more. They came and home taught me today, and I love when they do! I feel like the three of us have so much fun talking and laughing! And most of the time it's just Dave and I talking, and I feel like we could just talk and laugh for hours. Both times they've come so far, they've had something else to get to, so time is cut short, but it feels like we could keep talking for a while. He's really great though. I think he's 27 or so, went to Utah State, got a masters in accounting, has a good job auditing for Questar (I think), he's totally active in the Gospel and the Church (sometimes hard to come by these days), does his home teaching, he's pretty solid.
And being my home teacher (and actually attractive to me), I am so reminded of Steve by this situation. I have been thinking about him, and the beginnings of our relationship, a lot this weekend. And I confess, I would love for that same thing to happen with Dave. It's not looking like it will right now, and I can't like him anyway. So it's kind of a lose-lose I feel like.
But I just so want a boy. Today, more than some days, I was just craving so badly having a guy, and feeling liked and wanted and held. I so miss being held and touched. I so miss Steve on days like this for that reason.
And lately I have been feeling so unattractive, at least to boys. Girls will tell me that I am so cute an look so pretty, and really nice things like that. But I sure don't feel like I make guys turn heads. And granted, I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous or anything. But some days I feel like I'm never going to date again or get any guy's attention (at least any guy that I would like to) to date him.
I'm kind of done trying anything with David for now. So he didn't end up coming to run the Color Run 5k after all. Said he was too overloaded with school. Which I can totally understand. And the run was still a lot of fun, and I ended up running the whole thing except for a minute while I walked with Cheryl. But it was a lot of fun, and it was really encouraging that I was able to run so much of it. Also that my knee didn't bother me like I was worried it might.
And I dunno, David hasn't been super conversational through our facebook thread, so I'm just going to let things be with him for now. Kind of a bummer though, he's so awesome.
Still got Casey on the brain some, but still a bummer that he's not a member.
My home teachers are Dave Alder and Rob (not sure last name). They are way awesome, I totally lucked out with home teachers. Dave was one of my top three interests when I was first in the ward. He's tall, a good size, really nice, athletic, fun. But then my friend, Nichole Gallinger, started liking him, and they've gone out some. So then there there wasn't really any point in having interest in him, in fact I couldn't anymore. And that was fine, they seemed like they would go great together, so no big deal.
But it's been a couple months or so, and they aren't dating, but she still really really likes him. She has recently had a talk with him and told him she liked him, and he basically said he had an old girlfriend he couldn't let go of, or something. So timing (with Nichole) was bad right now. She just told me this today. So I feel like that means that he does like her (Nichole), it's just bad timing, like he said.
So I've been really good about not being interested in him, because she has been, but now that my other interests, or options, are kind of dwindling (David, Nick, etc), I have found myself thinking of him more. They came and home taught me today, and I love when they do! I feel like the three of us have so much fun talking and laughing! And most of the time it's just Dave and I talking, and I feel like we could just talk and laugh for hours. Both times they've come so far, they've had something else to get to, so time is cut short, but it feels like we could keep talking for a while. He's really great though. I think he's 27 or so, went to Utah State, got a masters in accounting, has a good job auditing for Questar (I think), he's totally active in the Gospel and the Church (sometimes hard to come by these days), does his home teaching, he's pretty solid.
And being my home teacher (and actually attractive to me), I am so reminded of Steve by this situation. I have been thinking about him, and the beginnings of our relationship, a lot this weekend. And I confess, I would love for that same thing to happen with Dave. It's not looking like it will right now, and I can't like him anyway. So it's kind of a lose-lose I feel like.
But I just so want a boy. Today, more than some days, I was just craving so badly having a guy, and feeling liked and wanted and held. I so miss being held and touched. I so miss Steve on days like this for that reason.
And lately I have been feeling so unattractive, at least to boys. Girls will tell me that I am so cute an look so pretty, and really nice things like that. But I sure don't feel like I make guys turn heads. And granted, I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous or anything. But some days I feel like I'm never going to date again or get any guy's attention (at least any guy that I would like to) to date him.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Other updates besides boys. And then some more about boys (Casey enters)
So as far as other things in my life, life is good. I'm 4 weeks into my 2nd semester of nursing school, and I am loving this semester way more than last. We started clinicals on week 2, and I (we all were) was totally scared out of my mind. But it has been so great! So fun! I love it, and I finally am excited again to be a nurse! Which is big, since by the end of last semester I was wondering what I was doing, and didn't think I wanted to be a nurse anymore. So this semester and new excitement about nursing is very encouraging, to say the least.
I've given shots, pulled out IVs, pulled out a catheter, given meds, started IV pumps, watched dialysis, watched a central line started (by the PICC team), watched a paracentesis. It's been pretty cool so far. And watching some of those things, I've learned I don't actually love to do. It's cool to see how the procedure is done, but seeing someone get stuck with fairly large needles, and especially if they are visibly in pain, makes me start to get a little light. I could perform those tasks without getting light-headed I think, but watching them, I've decided, is not something I love. I kind of hope that goes away eventually though.
I'm at the U of U hospital, and I've been in AIM-A and AIM-B so far, and have been pretty lucky to get put with pretty good nurses so far. Some I've loved more than others, but overall, I've gotten pretty lucky. My favorite has been Portia in AIM-A on my 2nd week of clinicals, and I really like her name.
My ward is still great. Mostly because of the girls. We have awesome girls in this ward, and I still feel so blessed to have made such great friends already. The RS president was moving, so the RS presidency all got changed a few weeks ago, and I was called as Jamie's 2nd counselor. I was thrilled to receive the calling, mostly because I was so worried they were going to ask me to be RS pres. And I of course would have said yes, but that would have been so stressful right now. But I was also excited because I love Jamie, and knew she would be so great, and I was excited to still be working with her. And it's been a lot of fun! Brittany Berg is the 1st counselor, and hilarious Emily Gillespie is the secretary. We have a lot of fun.
So yeah, I'm not dating anyone, still, ever, and often that doesn't get to me too much. But I do have my days when my singleness is really frustrating. And last week and weekend were some of those days. I have been feeling so undatable, so unattractive to guys, like I wasn't even appealing at all upon first meeting a guy. Which may actually be true. I've never been one of those girls to catch a guy's attention upon first meeting. They have to get to know me to like me. Which in some ways is flattering, but in some ways, stinks. It makes me feel totally unattractive. But the past couple days I've felt better about things in that arena. Partly because of these small positive occurances regarding David Hall, and also because of my little crush on Casey at TRAILS. And since I just mentioned that, I'll quickly tell about it.
So I was waiting at the bus/shuttle stop outside the hospital with Elisa, after our clinicals, and my shuttle came, and I wanted to finish saying what I was saying to Elisa, and thought I had time, so then I got up to walk toward it, saw Casey, who had just gotten off, said hi, and then the shuttle started leaving! So I started running to it to flag it down, but to no avail. However, that was a blessing in disguise, because then I headed back to where Elisa was, and Casey had watched this, so I jokingly called to him, "Why didn't you hold the bus?" He walked back toward me, and started chatting with me. He initiated the conversation mostly, it was so great. He asked me how school was and such, and I asked him about school too. We stood there and chatted for a good five minutes or so. He is a good conversationalist (hallelujah! Finally, someone!), and he's really easy to talk to. We have similar senses of humor, and we think similarly, it seems. He uses his time really well, and is a hard worker, I can tell. And if I remember right, he wants to go to med school. Really great kid, he seems. Only thing is that I'm pretty sure he's not a member. But that can be fixed, right? :)
Anyway, it was really fun to talk to him, mostly because I actually felt like he was wanting to talk to me. Which doesn't happen often, if ever. Especially lately. He makes me feel attractive, appealing. He's really nice. And I really liked how he was dressed. At least of what I noticed: shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. At the end of our convo he asked if I was going to be at cycling tomorrow (today), and I said yes. Then we said bye and I was totally happy.
So I went to outdoor hand cycling today for TRAILS, and was excited to see him. TRAILS was fun today, I feel like I am becoming better and better friends with Natalie, Quoi, Casey, and others who run it and are always there. But especially those three. After I got there, I sat on the wood ramp thing on the trailer that Casey and Quoi were both on. Everyone was just chilling because there wasn't anything to do at the time. But right after I sat down (above Quoi and Casey), the three of us started chatting, and Casey promptly scooted up the ramp closer to me, as we kept chatting. I loved that, I was totally flattered.
I think he is 24. Not positive, but I'm hoping that's true. Because if not, he's not older, so he's younger.
So those are my two current interests. Two totally different guys, ha. But now you have it. I have officially confessed.
I've given shots, pulled out IVs, pulled out a catheter, given meds, started IV pumps, watched dialysis, watched a central line started (by the PICC team), watched a paracentesis. It's been pretty cool so far. And watching some of those things, I've learned I don't actually love to do. It's cool to see how the procedure is done, but seeing someone get stuck with fairly large needles, and especially if they are visibly in pain, makes me start to get a little light. I could perform those tasks without getting light-headed I think, but watching them, I've decided, is not something I love. I kind of hope that goes away eventually though.
I'm at the U of U hospital, and I've been in AIM-A and AIM-B so far, and have been pretty lucky to get put with pretty good nurses so far. Some I've loved more than others, but overall, I've gotten pretty lucky. My favorite has been Portia in AIM-A on my 2nd week of clinicals, and I really like her name.
My ward is still great. Mostly because of the girls. We have awesome girls in this ward, and I still feel so blessed to have made such great friends already. The RS president was moving, so the RS presidency all got changed a few weeks ago, and I was called as Jamie's 2nd counselor. I was thrilled to receive the calling, mostly because I was so worried they were going to ask me to be RS pres. And I of course would have said yes, but that would have been so stressful right now. But I was also excited because I love Jamie, and knew she would be so great, and I was excited to still be working with her. And it's been a lot of fun! Brittany Berg is the 1st counselor, and hilarious Emily Gillespie is the secretary. We have a lot of fun.
So yeah, I'm not dating anyone, still, ever, and often that doesn't get to me too much. But I do have my days when my singleness is really frustrating. And last week and weekend were some of those days. I have been feeling so undatable, so unattractive to guys, like I wasn't even appealing at all upon first meeting a guy. Which may actually be true. I've never been one of those girls to catch a guy's attention upon first meeting. They have to get to know me to like me. Which in some ways is flattering, but in some ways, stinks. It makes me feel totally unattractive. But the past couple days I've felt better about things in that arena. Partly because of these small positive occurances regarding David Hall, and also because of my little crush on Casey at TRAILS. And since I just mentioned that, I'll quickly tell about it.
So I was waiting at the bus/shuttle stop outside the hospital with Elisa, after our clinicals, and my shuttle came, and I wanted to finish saying what I was saying to Elisa, and thought I had time, so then I got up to walk toward it, saw Casey, who had just gotten off, said hi, and then the shuttle started leaving! So I started running to it to flag it down, but to no avail. However, that was a blessing in disguise, because then I headed back to where Elisa was, and Casey had watched this, so I jokingly called to him, "Why didn't you hold the bus?" He walked back toward me, and started chatting with me. He initiated the conversation mostly, it was so great. He asked me how school was and such, and I asked him about school too. We stood there and chatted for a good five minutes or so. He is a good conversationalist (hallelujah! Finally, someone!), and he's really easy to talk to. We have similar senses of humor, and we think similarly, it seems. He uses his time really well, and is a hard worker, I can tell. And if I remember right, he wants to go to med school. Really great kid, he seems. Only thing is that I'm pretty sure he's not a member. But that can be fixed, right? :)
Anyway, it was really fun to talk to him, mostly because I actually felt like he was wanting to talk to me. Which doesn't happen often, if ever. Especially lately. He makes me feel attractive, appealing. He's really nice. And I really liked how he was dressed. At least of what I noticed: shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. At the end of our convo he asked if I was going to be at cycling tomorrow (today), and I said yes. Then we said bye and I was totally happy.
So I went to outdoor hand cycling today for TRAILS, and was excited to see him. TRAILS was fun today, I feel like I am becoming better and better friends with Natalie, Quoi, Casey, and others who run it and are always there. But especially those three. After I got there, I sat on the wood ramp thing on the trailer that Casey and Quoi were both on. Everyone was just chilling because there wasn't anything to do at the time. But right after I sat down (above Quoi and Casey), the three of us started chatting, and Casey promptly scooted up the ramp closer to me, as we kept chatting. I loved that, I was totally flattered.
I think he is 24. Not positive, but I'm hoping that's true. Because if not, he's not older, so he's younger.
So those are my two current interests. Two totally different guys, ha. But now you have it. I have officially confessed.
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