On a happier note...Elder, I mean Bryant Pearson

So now that I've updated that part of my life, here's another part.

I'm just gonna come out and say it. I have a pretty big crush on the recently returned Elder Pearson, now Bryant Pearson.

He got back about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I talked to him a few days after that, and I was so excited, but it turned out to be one of the most awkward phone conversations I've ever had. I concluded that either he's not a phone talker or he was just having a really hard time being home, and decided not to worry about it.

Then this past Sunday was his homecoming, which Shalese (Cordon) thankfully informed me about, and had me ask Bryant about the time and address, so I ended up going up there to it with her (in Bountiful) and it was really good to see him. He did a fantastic job on his talk, I don't think he had anything written, but gave a really great, powerful, testimony filled talk.

*Sidenote: Elder Neil L. Anderson, of the Quorum of the 12, happens to live in his ward, and was there that Sunday, so we got to meet him! It was really neat!

Anyway, at his homecoming Bryant and I hugged like 3 times, once right before Sac. Mtg., once after the meeting, and then at his house as we were all leaving. And I must say, he is really great to hug! I was impressed, especially after being so recently home. But yeah...

So anyway, then tonight was a little Cookeville reunion at the Conley's condo, who recently moved out here to Orem (awesome), and Bryant came down and I went, and it was great to see him. He started texting me about it last night, asking if I would be there, and I said yes, gave him the address, etc., and then just out of curiosity asked him about this girl who was at his homecoming, who Shalese said she saw grab his hand, but then he would let it go, and stuff. He said she and he dated before the mission, and they are kind of dating now, but that he wanted to date around. I texted back something like "gotcha. Well that's cool. She seemed really nice." and he was like "yeah, but I want to date around." I said I supported that, and then he was like "So do you know any girls who would want to go on a date? haha" and I started to get excited, but didn't want to get my hopes up, in case he wasn't referring to me. So I asked him what kind of girl he was looking to go on a date with, and he was like "one I can have fun with, :)" and then after that added, "with good standards, and pretty eyes... haha" and at that point I knew he was referring to me, and I was flattered. In one of his letters when we were writing after I came home, he mentioned that he thought my eyes were really pretty. That was so flattering to me and touched me. I don't get told that by guys very often at all. Anyway, so when he texted that I got really excited. I then said, "are you hinting at something..? Well, whoever you are talking about I'm pretty sure would love to, but I dunno, I guess I'm going out on a limb on this." Then he said something strange like, "Well we'll just see what happens I guess. I'm still scared of girls..." Anyway, we texted a bit more, and I told him not to be afraid, that most of us weren't that scary, and he said it's still weird to have a conversation with a girl not about Jesus, and I said if it would make you feel more comfortable, I'm always up for a Jesus chat. :) He laughed and said he might just take me up on that. Then he again said, "So you will be there tomorrow?" I laughed because I had already told him I would, I thought it was cute he seemed to be making sure. I told him yeah I would.

Anyway, so then today I go, and I was looking forward to seeing him all day, and excited to see what would come of it, and it was fun, he and I didn't talk too much there, because we were all talking together or to others there. I was secretly hoping he would want to do something after, but he rode down with Elder McMillan (Mikey), and I think he had plans for later anyway. But when we were first eating dinner (just after I got there), when I was getting me plate, he came toward me and I said hey, and he touched my arm like he would hug me, but I was pouring water. So I put it down and we side hugged, which was good. Then we flirted a little here and there through the evening, and I could tell he was paying a lot of attention to me, commenting on my socks (Halloween socks) and my earrings, etc., which I really enjoyed. I'm not recently used to such attention though, so it was making me slightly nervous. Plus I kind of like him, and he seems to be at least somewhat interested in me, so for some reason that makes me nervous. I feel like I'm in junior high and have this crush that seems to have a crush on me back. It's silly really. But it's fun. :)

After dinner and some dessert Rachel and Gerald left and the rest of us went downstairs to play a game, and there were these 2 girls there--Sister Conley's niece and her roommate--that were kind of crazy, probably about 19 years old or so. Anyway, we played a game of cards with the Conley girls (Kelly and Sarah) and one of their brothers (Matt?), and then Elder Kim (Alex), Elder McMillan, Bryant, me, and these 2 girls. The game was somewhat fun, but I kind of just wanted it to end because of the atmosphere and the conversations at the table. Not that they were bad, I just would have rather been just hanging out with Bryant and talking to him, or to other adults and had a more adult conversation. I just felt very old and out of place. But the best part was Bryant was sitting next to me, around the corner of the table, and he started texting me during the game. So we texted back and forth for a few min til the game was over, and then a little bit after, as we were all preparing to leave. I eventually was about to leave, and so he gave me a hug goodbye, and it was sooo good! It was kind of a prolonged hug, and such a good hug! It feels so good to hug him. Then his right hand lingered on my left arm as we pulled away, y'know how people do that. And he was like, "We'll be in touch." Then I didn't leave, and a few minutes later he left first and I turned around to say bye and he looked at me with kind of a more meaningful look, I thought, and again said, "We'll be in touch." So then I wondered when he might call me...

Well, after I eventually pulled myself away, being the last one there, chatting with all the Conleys, which was so fun, I went home and stopped at Smith's to grab some milk and bread, and as I was checking out, my phone rang. And it was him! I was pretty excited, and pretty impressed at the quickness of his call. I wasn't expecting a call until at least tomorrow or so.

Anyway, we talked and he asked me, "So when do you want to hang out?"

Long story, and long conversation short, we didn't set an actual day b/c the week is kind of hectic for me, and this weekend he is basically booked (I am his back up plan for Friday..:), so we're probably going to wait til next weekend. I would love to see him sooner, I told him Tuesday night would be the best week night, but I think he left it in my court to decide on weekend or weekday, which was nice of him. He didn't want to inconvenience me with my busy school schedule, etc.

Then we talked for a while about his job he just started and 18 minutes after he called me we hung up (not that I noticed or remembered how long I talked to him for or anything...so I'm a little excited that a boy actually seems to be interested in me, it's been a while!).

It was a great night and I will admit I'm a little giddy. I'm not so sure he's my EC or anything, his shoes are not my ideal shoes (I have a shoe fetish with guys, I basically judge guys, to an extent, by their shoes. The kind of shoes a guy wears says a lot about the person, I think). But he's such a great kid, and he is showing interest in me, I'm letting the shoes fly for now.:)

One of the best parts about the night was that, I think just from hugging him goodbye tonight, his cologne rubbed off on me, and I've been able to smell him on me the rest of the night. I like it, I'm not gonna lie. And I would love to smell more of it in the future...:)

A month later...Tisah and Mel bad times and good times again

Wow, I thought that having an electronic journal would make me write a lot more often, but alas, I am failing at being regular.

In the last month, much has happened, naturally. For an update on Tisah and me, our friendship was better after we talked, but then became rocky again, and this time worse. I eventually ended up telling her not to worry about doing TBT anymore, that I could tell it wasn't her thing, and it wasn't enough anymore to do it just for me. It was putting a strain on our relationship. Plus, I didn't want to be in a position to need to ask her or tell her to do things for me for it.

So that was a relief for both of us I think, and it was good, but then things got stressful with TBTs, and I fell into the mindset of being frustrated that she had kind of bailed on me, which wasn't really true, I had let her go of any responsibility for it, and it was a good thing, but I was just stressed. And she never asked about it, which I assumed meant she just didn't care about TBT, which was hard for me b/c TBT has become a major part of my life. It's a lot of what I do now. Ironically, she thought asking me about it and bringing it up would be hard for me, and she didn't want to see the look of disappointment on my face again b/c she wasn't helping, was her mindset. So once again, a lack of communication was a major part of the problem.

So anyway, things were clearly weird between us and we both kind of pretended they weren't, and would have kind of fake, surface level conversations when we were around each other, and we both eventually kind of almost stopped caring about our friendship I think. During all this, when I first thought she just didn't care, I also saw her and Carrie (her room-roommate) becoming better and better friends (or maybe just the absence of Tisah's and my relationship made theirs more apparent), and her friendships with other friends seemed to grow (at least to me), and I felt like since she was obviously fine without me, I needed to be fine without her. So I found other outlets and other people to meet my social and emotional needs. There was a week or so in there though, that I felt so alone, I had no best friend anymore, no one really to talk to, and it was hard. But I relied on the Lord and Heavenly Father a lot, and I decided He needed to be my best friend, since I really had no one else. Though this time was hard, it was a really neat spiritual growing experience for me b/c I felt comforted and like I really didn't need anyone else but the Lord. Kind of like those hard times on the mission when you don't get along with your companion and you feel so alone, and all you can do is pray. So I felt like I had some spiritual epiphanies, for which I am very grateful.

Anyway, eventually Tisah confronted me about the TBT thing, the night we were going door-knocking before our kick-off the next day (this was Mon Oct 11, 2010) and I had told her about it and that Carrie was coming, and she was welcome to come. Her response made me think she didn't want to, so I then just communicated with Carrie the time we would be leaving, etc., and Tisah then thought I didn't want her to go. So she, thankfully, confronted me about it, telling me she was getting mixed vibes from me about helping, like I wanted her help, but then I didn't, when really I just thought she didn't want to come.

That conversation was pretty sad for both of us, and by sad I mean discouraging. I had just assumed she didn't care about us anymore, so I had essentially stopped caring too. Plus I had been praying about us, fasted, about if I should do anything about she and I, and if so, what, and I hadn't felt like I should do anything. I really hadn't had any desire to do anything about us this time. So I didn't.

Our conversation got interupted, or ended short because it was time to go door-knock. The weirdness b/t us was far from being fixed, and I hadn't said things how I wanted to. So late that night I wrote her a note, hoping to help the situation. Something in me now wanted her to know what I had been feeling. Or at least the part of the situation we had talked about.

For a few days nothing improved, it was still really weird between us. And if anything, it got worse. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore, and I asked if I could take her out for ice cream. So that thursday night I had been at the library, so I came home and picked her up and we just talked and drove, and then parked and talked for a while. It was really good to have that time alone with her, something we hadn't had in a long time, and I was able to get pretty much everything out, which I needed to do.

So after that, slowly things have gotten back to nearly how they used to be. I pray that we can continue to become closer and closer again each day, and my prayers are being answered. Our relationship is so much better, and is getting even better all the time, for which I am SO grateful. I don't dread seeing her anymore, or being home with her. I still love her, and we are back to being good friends, which has made everything else in my life increasingly better.

Even though it's been hard for us, to live together, at least until recently, I am grateful that we went through these times, because it's made me a better communicator, I feel like, and it's been good practice for marriage I think.

Life is Good

So it's been about 3 weeks since I last wrote, and just to recap what happened after that last entry--

So Tisah and I talked, had a heart to heart a few days later. It was on a Thurs, I remember, and she had responded to an email I sent to all my TBT committee, and at the end had asked if there was something upsetting me, or something to that effect. At first I was nervous, because I knew I would need to talk to her soon, but later I was glad cuz her asking me about it gave me the opportunity and excuse to bring it up. So that night I was feeling much less stressed about life and TBT and school and everything, which really helped to be able to talk to her not frustrated. So I went into her room after I got home from the day on campus and gave her some leftover candy from our TBT meeting that morning, and talked to her. We ended up talking for probably at least an hour, with crying, laughing, sharing some serious frustrations we each had about life with each other by the end. The irony was that we were mostly just not communicating. She wanted me to tell her what to do for TBT, and she would do it, and I didn't want to tell her to do anything unless she came to me asking, because otherwise I would have felt like I was burdening her with something she didn't really want to do. So we were just thinking oppositely. And there were also miscommunications and misunderstandings that added to it, things she had done, or not done, that I read into and was offended by, that I just misunderstood or what not. We had both had a week of Hell, basically though, because our relationship was on the rocks. I hadn't realized she was so affected, and she told me she had cried a ton throughout the week, which surprised me, because I had too. But I'm not the type to just come out and tell someone what is wrong, that is very hard for me to do. I need to be asked, otherwise I feel like they don't care about what I'm saying. Anyway, so we had both had a really hard week, which was touching to hear, but hard to hear at the same time. It was a really good talk we had though. Probably the biggest step in being better at communicating that I've ever made.

So things have been much better between us since then.

School is good, BYUSA stuff alternates between slightly stressful and really great. I finally got BYUSA certified--passed the test--the other day, which was a big step of progress, cuz now I can order and purchase stuff for our events. Our kick-off is in 2 weeks from this Tues (today's Sun.), and I'm getting a little ancy/nervous, but everything will be okay, it always is.

Work is..well, I'm not really working much lately. I'm still employed at Courtyard at Jamestown, I'm just PRN, but mostly due to my busy school schedule and with BYUSA stuff, I don't have much time to work. But also, something I've never written about on here, I have been SO BLESSED and got grants for this year that cover EVERYTHING. Tuitions, books, rent, food, everything. I still can't believe how blessed I am to have gotten those. There's even more than all that, and I don't feel so tight on money, which is nice. Like I got to go to the Lion King on broadway up in Salt Lake the other night, which was way fun. But yeah, so I thankfully don't actually need to work, and I'm never dying to or anything, so I just haven't been. But I do like the fact that I am employed somewhere. It's a stable thought I guess.

As far as boys...not much to report on. I so wish I was in a relationship. I just watched Step Up last night, and it did not help. We have a good ward, and there are some good looking guys, I don't know many real well yet, so it's hard to really know what kind of possibilities there are yet. I have this little crush on this guy in my Biomechanics class named Garrett Grizzle (ha--Gurr and Grizzle..:), but that's about it. So yeah...

Church is great. I love going to church in this ward. Today all the talks were fantastic, I had wished I had had a pen to write stuff down. And Sunday School was amazing. We've been going to the Marriage and Family prep class, which is taught by Suzanne Scow, the wife of one of the bishopric, and she is fantastic. Each Sunday I feel a little more prepared for marriage and a little less nervous about it. It's great. Not that I'm anywhere close to getting married, clearly, as aforementioned, but y'know, I like to think it's a good possibility sooner rather than later. And I have re-gained a liking for sunday school now, so that's also been great progress.. :)

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed here soon so I can attempt to get up early and get things done tomorrow. That's one of my new goals is to not waste time and get up earlier and get more done in the morning. And to go to bed earlier...we'll see if that ever happens.

Back to school--and back to trials too...

So through out the summer, and especially the end of it, I felt like I wasn't having any trials, like my life was just peachy, nothing to complain about. Which kind of scared me, because I felt like it had been a while since I had really gone through a trial, and that that could only go on for so long. I felt like I was due for some trials, and that I was probably in the calm before the storm.

I was right.

I am now in a storm.

We just finished the first week of being back in school, and it was slightly stressful, to say the least. It's been stressful trying to figure out my schedule and get into the classes I wanted, and trying to decide which classes to take and when and which ones to drop, etc.

Then there's True Blue Tuesdays. I don't think I've mentioned this in here yet, but BYUSA has asked me to be the director of this new program they're starting this year called True Blue Tuesdays. It's an all-year responsibility, a weekly thing, kind of a big deal. I thought a lot about it, prayed about it (this was all while I was in Texas this July), talked to Tisah about it, talked to Sally, Mom, and decided to do it. I feel like I was blessed with the means to be able to do it, financially and time-wise, so I feel like I'm supposed to do it, but it's been really stressful this week. And here's why. Well, there's just been a lot to plan, I've been behind on my milestones, and the proposal is due this week and I'm supposed to have every week's plans planned down to small details, and I'm not ready, and our budget is small (1400) and so we are trying to get a lot of donations so we can hand out free stuff throughout the semester...and on top of all this, I was planning on having a lot of help from Tisah because she told me she would take half of the hours if I did it, back when I was thinking about it in Texas, and would talk to her about it on the phone, and she was going to be my co- or assistant director. So I was just expecting her to really be involved with it, almost, if not as much, as I am. But it just hasn't happened.

She has her own busy schedule with grad school and work and family and boys, and I don't know if she even really wants to be that involved anymore. We are kind of in a weird place with our relationship.

So she hasn't really been involved much, and since moving in together--which we couldn't wait to do for SOOO long, ironically enough, I feel like we aren't as close as we used to be. She shares a bedroom with Carrie, her friend from her Mapleton ward she used to be in, and they seem to be good friends, and so when we're at home, I'm not the only one getting her attention, or the only one that is close to her, like I used to be in the summer and when she would come over to my apartment. And I'm not a competitive person at all, so when I feel like there is relationship competition--whether with boys or girls--I just tend to kind of back off and put up walls, without thinking about it, really.

So that's kind of what I've done, plus it's been slightly frustrating to not have her help more with TBTs, when I was planning on having her right by my side on it, and it being more and more stressful this week. She also has been sort of starting to date this boy Dave, and they seem to like each other mutually, so she's into him, which leaves little room for thoughts about others, which I can understand, but doesn't make it easier to be the forgotten, stressed best friend.

I've just felt alone this week, with no one really to understand what I'm dealing with, specifically with TBTs, and with no one to care.

Until Friday. I was at the end of my rope, almost to tears, and I had been praying for help, and I so needed someone to talk to, so badly, just to unload and have someone listen and care, when Emily Williams, now McConkie, texted me on Fri morning and was going to be on campus much of the day. I felt like it was definitely a tender mercy of the Lord that she would be on campus and I would be able to see and talk to her.

So that afternoon I met up with her and ended up unloading my whole week's stress on her and telling her about my Tisah situation and asking what I should do about it. She is an incredible listener and really sincerely cares about everything I say, and helped talk me through it and farther figure things out, and what I was really having a hard time with about Tisah. By the end I kind of figured out that maybe she and I were best friends through some times that we needed to be there for each other through (her break up with Steven, by dating and break up and dating and saying goodbye to Steve), and that maybe it was time to move on. That maybe we were to still be friends, but not necessarily best friends. And that that isn't a bad thing, just a hard adjustment to make, I guess.

But I also feel like she's been acting different around me this past week than usual. She hasn't been as caring about what's going on in my life, been more into boys, more into being showy in a way. I'm hoping that will calm down, that it's just a stage from it being the beginning of a new semester and year, and a new apartment with new roommates and new ward.

But through all this, I couldn't be more grateful for Heavenly Father's hand in my life, with prompting Emily to be on campus on Friday and for texting me that she would be. I know that she was supposed to be there for me, and I am so touched that she was. She means so much to me, she and Thomas are so good to me, some of my very best friends. I sometimes wish she wasn't married and we could be roommates after all. But I love Thomas and they are having a baby boy in November, which is really exciting for them.

But today I fasted for and I've been praying for help with Tisah's and my relationship, and with TBTs, and I know that help with come. I have no doubt in my mind. I'm still slightly stressed about TBTs, but I know everything will work out. I have such a knowledge of God's awareness of me, and even the small details in my life. I know, I KNOW, that He hears my prayers and cares about me and about my worries and stresses. I know that is why He sent Emily to campus on Friday, to be there for me. I have no doubt of that. I had even thought about her as the one I needed to talk to about all this, and then He sent her. It was amazing. I feel like I become more and more aware each day and all the time, of God's hand in my life, in so many ways, and small ways. It's absolutely amazing, and I feel so blessed.

And strangely, I've been missing Steve more than ever (minus when he first left) lately, it's been odd. But I have. He called me last weekend and we talked for a while while I unpacked more of my room, and it was so good. Really good. He's so much better at asking me about me and what I'm doing, which has really impressed me. That was one of the main things I didn't love about him. And neither of us are dating anyone it sounds like, and I can tell he still cares about me, to what extent, I'm not sure, but he mentioned being really glad he could talk to me and hear that I'm doing well. I was really touched by that. And it was so good to talk to him. I miss him. I miss having companionship, and someone that cares about how your day was and what's stressing you out, and having someone to cuddle into and hug. I went on a date with Daniel Smith yesterday, our 5th (the first 4 were before I went to TX), hopefully our last, and we went to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, and the whole time I was wishing I was there with Steve instead. And I've never wished that while on a date with someone else since he left. I don't know what it means, or if it means anything. I've been told by the Spirit that he isn't the one before, more than once I feel like, but sometimes I wonder if it just wasn't the right time, or if I'm just feeling lonely and that's why I miss him... but if he were to offer to fly me out there to visit one weekend or something, I'm pretty sure I would go right now. So I dunno...but I do miss him.

The funny things/memories of EFY

Here are some funny things, or inside jokes I want to remember about EFY, specifically San Antonio 3:

Tony. So much funniness comes with just the thought of him..haha

silly bands

"Want to play 'silly bands'?"

"That is SO FRESH"

"That is so crisp"

Heather's imitation of Tony

My girls' imitation of Heather's imitation of Tony ("So fresh")

the participant and her tail...still not sure

Michelle catching me with the whole loaf of banana bread up to my mouth, and feeling like a little kid caught with their hand in the candy jar.

Our banana bread parties after the kidlans were in bed

Staying up late with Michelle as she told me about her boy (that she has been dating for over a year and STILL hasn't kissed! I was amazed. I also told her she should kiss him...:)

Me and Jane Ann and our immediate intimate friendship :)

Doug actually introducing me and my girls as "The Chiccas" in morningside when we were going to sing, after I said that as a joke and said "Jk, don't say that." It was hilarious.

Singing "Walking in Sunlight" with Michelle and Christina in morningside

Singing "Because I Have Been Given Much" with my girls on the last day in morningside

Back to reality...and God's hand in my life.

I went to work tonight at Courtyard for the first time in like 6 weeks, and I was dreading going, but it turned out to be pretty great actually. I worked with some of my favorite people (Rebekah, Holly, Mallory), and this really nice new girl who is an RM, and I got one of the easiest halls (bottom of 3rd). I felt Heavenly Father answered my prayer to have an enjoyable first shift back, because I was dreading it so much--y'know, going back to reality, back to my real job. But it was a great shift and went by pretty fast.

But I was talking to Willie this afternoon (a resident, such a sweet, funny old man:), and he was telling me how amazing his wife was, and how she had everything (i.e. not just beautiful eyes), and how she was a scriptorian and had taught every class in the Church and was an amazing gospel scholar. He said that people would call to ask her questions all the time about the gospel, that she seemed to always be on the phone with people. He said she taught Gospel Doctrine for years and years and years, and seemed to always get that calling in any ward they moved into.

I was so inspired by this, because I want to know the Gospel and the scriptures so well. Yesterday in church someone gave a talk either on knowledge, or they mentioned knowledge or something, and at the time I had the thought, and desire, to study "knowledge" in my gospel study that afternoon (at and since EFY I've really had the goal to have effective gospel study every day, including topic study often, if not daily). So yesterday and today I studied "knowledge" and loved my study of it. I learned, among other things, that the more knowledge we have, the more light we gain, and the more like God we can become.

I want to be very knowledgeable and very studious of the Gospel and the scriptures. After Willie talked to me all about his wife and this characteristic of her, I had to wonder if it wasn't a coincidence that I felt the desire to, and then studied knowledge yesterday and today, and then had that conversation with Willie this afternoon. I feel like Heavenly Father is possibly motivating or inspiring, or prompting me to really study the scriptures and the Gospel, and to really want to have that kind of knowledge.

I feel motivated, like how I get really motivated to work out after watching "Biggest Loser" or "Losing it with Jillian." It's pretty much the same idea. :)

But anyhow, I'm grateful for it all, even if it were coincidence, which I think it's not. Heavenly Father is too much a part of my life, His hand is too much in my life, and I notice this more and more all the time, for which I am also grateful. I feel like few things are just coincidence. There is a God, and He is our Father, and is VERY aware of His children. Of me. All the time. It's absolutely amazing. I just always know I can trust Him, fully, completely. Everything will always work out when I'm doing what I'm supposed to be, and just believe and trust in Him. It's amazing.

EFY was AMAZING!!!!!

I am sitting in the Denver, CO airport on my layover home to SLC. EFY ended a couple days ago, and I was so sad to see it end. San Antonio 3 session was soo much fun! My co was Tony, and he was great, hilarious, our kids loved him, especially my girls. But my girls were such a blast, they were so awesome!! And I totally miss them, I wish they were coming to BYU this year! I just got to be so close to some of them, and this week was the most spiritual for me. I felt like I was more focused on having the Spirit, and really trying to study for and prepare devotionals and things, and be in tune to know what my girls needed to hear, what I needed to teach them, instead of just teaching on the spot, not having really prayed and prepared. The BC's really emphasized to do that this week, to really prepare spiritually to teach our specific participants, and I'm so glad that they did, because it was so neat to see results. I really felt like I was guided to say things and talk about things that my girls needed, and I'm so grateful for the Spirit, and for a Father in Heaven who knows the lives of all His children, and what they need.

The neatest experience of the week was Thursday night. During testimony meeting, thoughts would come to my mind while different participants were bearing their testimonies, about things I should talk to my girls about that night in devotional. So I would write those things down, and by the end I had a list of about 5 things.

So during devotional, I started with a scripture, my favorite one (D&C 68:6), and then told them that there were a few things I felt like I needed to talk to them about. So then I just went through the list and talked about each one, and on the one specifically for those girls who stand more alone in the gospel in their families, and to be strong and know they are not alone, I became emotional, and the Spirit was so strong, and I knew that is what I needed to be saying and that Heavenly Father wanted those girls to know that He is so proud of them and is very aware of them, and that He needed them to keep being strong. I was specifically talking to Savannah and also Celeste, the two who had mentioned their family situation being such that they are more or less alone in living the gospel. They were both emotional as well, and it seemed like others were too. But it was just so neat, such a blessing to feel so guided and so prompted to know what to say. I just felt so much love for these girls, and am so so impressed with them for how strong they are. I don't know if I could do that, be that strong by myself like that, which may be why Heavenly Father didn't give me that trial, and I told them that. I just want to be there for them all so bad, and help them through these hard times. I so wish they could see in the future how worth it it will be to stay strong.

But it was just so neat to feel such an amazing love for these girls, who I hadn't known even five days yet, and the Spirit so strong that night. After we ended and prayed, I went to Savannah, who was on my right, and while we were still on our knees, I just hugged her, and we just hugged and cried together. It was such a tender moment, and I felt so blessed to be there for her. She just cried and cried, and hugged me like she never wanted to let go. Eventually I asked her if she wanted to talk after, and she said yes, so we got some tissues, and then practiced our song with the group that we would sing the next day in morningside, and then the others all left and she stayed behind. We sat up in my room and talked for over an hour, and she told me about her family and what was hard, and the situation. It was so neat to be able to do that, because I felt like she was the reason, at least part of, if not all, why I needed to do that session. She also felt like she was supposed to be in my group. She is very mature for her age, she will be a senior this year, and wants to come to BYU after she graduates. She also may try out for Juliard, she is brilliantly talented in piano and voice. I told her she should try out. :)

But from the time we had "Meet your Counselor" at the beginning of the week, she stuck out to me. Perhaps just as the most mature one, but I felt like we would be friends, similar to Haylee, in San Antonio 2 session.

But the week was so much fun. Pizza night (aka "silly band party!":) was such a blast, and that is when my girls and I really cliqued. Half of them named Tony (my co) as their COW, or one of their COWs, and from them on it was hilarious to talk about him. A lot of the girls said that Tony and myself were the best counselors they had ever had, which was so fun to hear. Aubrey said that multiple times at the end of the week, which made me so happy, because at the beginning of the week, she didn't want to be there, and was faking having fun, and I so wanted her to love the week. By the end she really did, and I am so grateful for that. She was so much fun to be around, she and Morgan and Natalie brought out the crazy side in me, and we were all crazy together, it was so much fun! I felt like they were like my roommates! :D I really miss them, I wish this last session especially, could have lasted like another week (minus the sleep deprivation part...).

But alas, life must go on. It was so fun to spend a good chunk of my summer in San Antonio, Texas, and though I was a little worried that I'd be sick of being in Texas by the end, I'm totally not. I would have loved to stay longer, either to do more EFY or hang out with Sally and Joe and Peter and Lindsay and the kids more, or both. It was an amazing 5 1/2 weeks, and I would love to do it again next summer.

If I am not married by next summer, I definitely plan on doing EFY again, and doing at least some sessions in Texas, because that's where it's at! :)

Signing out, Melissa