Kyle's homecoming and needing to be more grateful for school

We just got back from Huntsville, where we went to Kyle's homecoming. I didn't really want to go, and almost didn't. But as usual, I'm glad I did. It was good to chat with the relatives, and especially fun to talk to Kyle, he's even more awesome than he was when he left. And I got lots of compliments on my hair, that it's long and pretty, etc., and that meant a lot. For some reason I always feel like being around the Froerers is kind of..not a beauty contest, not that. But..I don't know, I just felt more respected or something. I don't know. But the best was when Abby, after sacrament meeting, and I was chatting with Bailey, and then Abby turned around to join us, and she was like, "Your hair is soo pretty!" And she was very sincere about it. And I suddenly felt like I had arrived.
Haha, but really. Abby is younger than me, so it's not like we are BFs or anything, but she is a really cute, beautiful girl, always has her hair really done, really gorgeous beautiful hair, and make up too. So to hear that from her meant a lot! :) Kind of made my day.

But, so it's always kind of something I feel like I have to mentally brave myself for, being around the Froerers, and it's hard to explain why. It's almost like I feel like we talk to each other out of obligation. It's not often I feel like people talk to me because they genuinely like to, but more out of familiar obligation, or because we're both standing next to each other so it would be awkward not to. A few of them I feel like genuinely like me and want to talk to me, including Grandma Froerer, Holly..maybe that's it. I think others like me okay, but again, I feel like there's this certain level of formality that I kind of just take a deep breath and brave it, and talk to these people, faking that it actually is kind of scary to me. In talking to Emily in line for food, I actually got her joking around with me, and it was probably one of the most enjoyable conversations I've ever had with her. She's usually pretty serious, seemingly not the happiest person. She has really exhausting children, so that's probably part of it, but today was a good day with her. It was encouraging to see that I could have a conversation like that with her.

Lots of the aunts and uncles and cousins asked me about my life and school and such, and I feel like I responded in a way I now regret. This semester is kicking my trash, and I am basically a slave to school right now, but I have so many reasons to be grateful for school! Like the fact that I even get an opportunity to get an education!! And I tell people, when asked about school, that it's a crazy semester, and I only have 7 weeks left and such, and thank goodness! And those things are true, but really, I need to remember how blessed I really am to be able to go to school, and to be in nursing school and getting the training, through a great program, nonetheless, to be what I have always wanted to be. I feel very ungrateful and like I need to repent to Heavenly Father, for responding to people in a way that to me feels like I was complaining and such. And I don't like to be a negative person, I like to always be positive. And I don't feel like I came off completely as such today, and I regret that. One of those days you wish you could go back and re-do it.

But all I can do really is learn from it, and try to always be positive about it now. I only have seven weeks left of the semester, and of nursing school altogether, and part of me is really glad! I am exhausted, this semester really is crazy, I have been having to skip out on fun things going on, with friends and family both, due to my crazy school schedule, and my capstone shifts, and my pretty consistently large load of homework. But at the same time, I know that when it's over, or after a little while of enjoying the relief at least, I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss seeing my nursing school friends, especially. Some are moving, Maggie to VA, Elisa probably to Pennsylvania, Maryn is getting married at the end of August and will likely move to Provo, where her then husband will still be in school. Gabby lives in Lehi anyway, Cydney lives in Kaysville..Jessica DaCosta is in Sugarhouse, so hopefully I'll still see her, but life will be way different, that's for sure. I'm going to miss those girls, and even just seeing everyone in our class each week. They're all great people, and we've gone through a tough program together.

I will also miss learning. I love learning, especially about these things that so interest me, like the body, and pathophysiology, and how drugs work, and nursing stuff. And of course I can and hopefully will continue to learn throughout my career, but it's not the same. Ironically, what I can't wait to be free of--assignments and such--in that way I will certainly miss. The intense learning. I love learning.

But it will be nice to have a break and be done paying tuition, and hopefully start making money pretty quick, to start digging myself out of this hole! Yikes..

Amazing email from Jamie

And then Jamie went and wrote me this nice email, in return from the one I had written her a few weeks earlier, after she had been told by the guy she really really wants to be with, that they can't go out anymore, that's he's just not ready or whatever (he was engaged in recent months, and apparently is still kind of getting over that or messed up from it or whatever). I could tell she was more bummed than she led on, so I wrote her an email of why she is amazing and the guys that let her go are dumb. 
I'll just attach it here. That way she can really be known on here. :)

Yo dearest,

So when we were discussing the dumb situation of Todd, I just really couldn't believe that he let you go like that. And it makes me hurt for you. And I know that you say it's fine, and you are strong, it's true, but I also know that it more than likely hurt pretty bad, and still hurts, a lot, especially in those quiet moments we all have, that he told you what he did last night. I am so sorry. It kills me to see these great guys pass you up like you're not gold in their hands.

So I wanted to write you and tell you many of the reasons I think you are amazing and they are dumb:

1. We've been over this, but you are GORGEOUS. Seriously. You have amazing and probably perfect skin, beautiful huge round eyes, amazing teeth, and a great smile. Good face shape too. Have I ever told you that?

2. You are one of the most thoughtful, considerate people I've ever known. You are always making sure your friends, and people around you are taken care of and have their needs met, especially when they are at your house. And you have a gift of remembering details about people and remember to ask about those things later. It means a lot to the recipients.

3. You're an amazing cook. Obviously.

4. You're very funny. Witty even. And it often comes out when least expected, which is always hilarious.

5. You're very mature. This is a nice trait to be around.

6. You're also very down to earth and are made happy by the simple and important things in life. Also not high-maintenance. This is not only appealing but refreshing in a person.

7. You are very kind and I know you would do anything for anyone.

8. You are very selfless. Even willing to share your nice napkins to be used as a snotty tissue.

9. You are very non-judgemental (Emma is talking jibberish.)

10. You give stellar back rubs. I mean, wow.

11. You are fun and adventurous and not a sissy!

12. You're not a complainer

13. You don't gossip

14. You are frugal. I think that's admirable in a person. Goes along with not high-maintenance.

15. You are athletic. This is hot (to the boys, obviously..).

16. You play the guitar. Also hot.

17. You are my running inspiration.

18. You are humble. Which always amazes me because, and I know I've told you this before, but since the day I met you in new member meeting a year ago (wow), I've always just thought the world of you and been absolutely amazed at how humble and down to earth you are when you are so physically beautiful. Seriously. I think you must just not know it. 

19. You have a solid testimony and you live it. You are a great example and influence a lot of people around you.

Anyway, I could go on, but I need to go to bed.:) But I just really want you to know that it is frustrating for me to see these seemingly amazing guys, who seem so compatible with you, just totally take for granted what is in front of them in you, and let you go. Because I, for one, know how amazing you are, and I also know how bad you want to be married and be a mother. It doesn't seem fair.

But on a happier note, I am certainly grateful for your friendship, more than I could really describe. I feel so incredibly blessed to know you and be considered your friend, I love hanging out with you. Like at Moab. That was seriously a blast.

Anyway, have a great Thursday at work!

One of your biggest fans,

Melissa

And here is hers to me:


Sister Gurr - 

I think it's time you got YOUR e-mail. It's been on my mind a lot lately, and I've been planning on doing it anyway. Tonight is as good as night as any. Because I think it's time you heard just how wonderful YOU are. If you didn't already know. Because you are. And you need to know just how much it means to me to have a friend like you.

You are HIGHLIGHT in my life. 

I loved what bishop said on Sunday when he talked about friendship and how we draw strength from each another. Because that's exactly how I feel with you, and I hope you know that. I also hope you know that...

1. You are the best people-person I have ever met. You are so great at conversation. One of the reasons I love being with you is that you have this amazing skill and talent to meet new people and make others feel comfortable. Because of that, it makes me feel comfortable too and I know that as long as you are there I never have to worry about things being awkward. So really, you didn't know that I have been using you for this very special talent....sorry. 

2. You have beautiful, naturally curly hair that every girl would be jealous of. That also looks gorgeous when straightened. 

3. You are very photogenic! (I mean, when you want to be :) and have such a nice smile. 

4. You are fit. You can wear anything you want and you never have a belly that sticks out like mine :) 

5. YOU  ARE HILARIOUS. And incredibly witty and are constantly making me and others laugh with your sharp sense of humor. 

6. You are a hard worker. I admire you a lot for all that you are doing to accomplish your nursing school. Going to nursing school in the first place? Enough said. (refer to #1 as far as one of the reasons why you are and will make an outstanding nurse)    

7. You have great self-control! You are diligent in your homework and assignments even when I'm sure it's hard and you might have to say no to things sometimes. 

8. You are solid to the core when it comes to the gospel and you make me want to be a better person. 

9. You ARE a leader. And one that people want to follow. You are a good example. 

10. You are always willing to help others

11. You are thoughtful and will send me a text or bring me cookies or a candy bar when I'm having a hard time. 

12. You are genuine and never try to be someone you're not.

13. You have an unusual obsession with men's shoes....

14. You are a product of your parents who are absolutely the kindest people ever.

15. You have sweet guitar skills and one of my new favorite things is playing and singing with you. Before that even began however, I've always admired your pretty alto voice and have noticed that you can harmonize easily with any song, and do a lot when you're singing in the car. 

16. You are the best 2nd counselor EVER.

17. You aren't afraid to try new things.

18. You are very well-rounded and have so much to offer. Some guy is going to be pretty lucky to end up with you because you will also be an incredible wife and mother. 

19. You are always interested in others and care about what is going on in people's lives. You get excited and happy - all reasons why it's so fun to share things with you. 

20. I never get tired of hanging out with you. I always look forward to seeing you. 

I knew there was something special about you right when I met you. And calling you to be my counselor was the easiest and best decision I've made. Heck, I knew I was going to work with you before I even knew I was going to be called to be president.

So please just know, that I am the one that feels very grateful to be your friend. You have been a great blessing in my life. And we wouldn't have been able to meet and become friends if we weren't still single and going to the good ole YSA ward :) So I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father is looking out for both of us.

Hope you have a good night, try not to stay up too late (please get more than 5 hours of sleep) and good luck with your day tomorrow!

Then I asked her to clarify the thing about knowing she would be working with me even before she knew she would be called as president. To that she replied:

I know you are busy and working all day. I hope things are going well my friend and that you have energy.

Just to follow-up on your e-mail real quick -

You asked me to expound on what I meant when I told you that I knew I was going to work with you even before I got my calling.

Maybe I should have said that I knew that I WANTED to work with you before I even got the calling.

When we found out that we were going to be released as a presidency because Jenni was leaving, her and Laura kept teasing me or would make little comments here and there about how I was going to be the next president. It made me nervous and I threatened Jenni that she better not put any ideas in bishop's head. So of course I would try to ignore them and even get after them for saying such things because I felt like they were going to curse me :) But I couldn't shake the feeling that it was at least a possibility and I hated that I even thought that.

But I remember one Sunday sitting in sacrament and looking around because I thought, 'Ok, if this really did happen, who would I even choose for my counselors?' Again, hating that I was even thinking that because it's like I was asking for it or something! I guess it was more like, 'Ok, who else would I pick besides Melissa?'

You just made such a great impression on me from the time we met and I knew that I wanted you and that you would be wonderful to work with or in whatever position you were called to serve in (I even was hoping that you would be called as president because you are so qualified and would be such a great candidate). I bet it's that dang nursing school....

So there ya go. A little more insight into just another reason why I think you are so wonderful.

TTYL 


She is so great. I feel so so so so blessed to have her as a a friend. So blessed.

FUN weekend with Jamie (and Wendy)

I just had the best weekend! I just wanted to write real quick about it.

I was so fun because I basically spent the whole weekend with Jamie, and we are better friends than ever, it's so great.

Friday night we went to Les Mis up at the U together, and got in free on my student ID. Way fun.
After the play, she dropped me off at my house and we stayed in her car (her sweet rental Ford F-150) and talked til like 1:30 am. It was so good because it had been quite a while since we had really talked like that. Then I finally went inside, and about ten min later Jamie called me to say Wendy had dead-bolted their door and wasn't answering her phone, so could she come sleep on our couch..? So we had a sleepover! Which are always fun. She came back over and we got ready for bed in my bathroom downstairs and then went and slept in my temporary room upstairs (this was after the flooding of the basement, but before I had put my room back together). We got in bed around 2 am, and we were planning on going running, the three of us (Jamie, Wendy, and me) in the morning at 7 am. Jokingly, as we were layed down in the dard, I said, "So, what do you want to talk about?" Jamie laughed, but then said, "Tell me something I don't know about you." I laughed because I had been kind of joking, but I guess we were going to chat! :) I wasn't complaining. So then we talked for another hour or so (I told her about my bedwetting issues growing up, haha, and we both talked about any and all of our medical issues, including my large bladder, etc.), before going to sleep around 3:15 am. Ha! It was hard to get up less than 4 hours later and go run...but we did and we all ran 5.5 miles! Farthest I've ever run!

Later that day we all went up to the bi-stake activity up at the Skyline fields and caught lunch at the end. We all had too much to do to go to the rest of the activity, but I wish I could have, it sounded fun. An olympics of sorts.

Then that night we orchestrated a bonfire up the canyon and invited a bunch of people, from the ward and elsewhere. It was a lot of fun!! Then a lot of us went to Jamie and Wendy's apt and played games for a while--this airplane game, that I wasn't too amused by, ha. And then Signs, which is always a blast.

Sunday, we had church, then four visits (oh, but one girl wasn't home, so really three), and then I invited Jamie over for Sunday dinner, which she came to (Wendy was in ID for the day). Our neighbor, Ben Somner, came too, it was fun to get to know him. My dad has been working with him for a while, helping him to get reactivated in the church. He is a really great, and brilliant guy, with a really good heart. He's thirty-something, has a girlfriend, and just loves her so much. It was cool to hear him talk about her. And he just loves Dad. Absolutely loves him. He was telling Dad that he considers him one of his best friends. Adorable.

Then Jamie and I came down to my room and planned our summer, made up our summer list with all the fun things we want to do (that I don't really have time for..? whatev, I'll squeeze 'em in), then jammed on the guitar for a bit (using mine and Mom's guitar), including playing for Mom and Dad outside, ha. Our second audience (Wendy was our first the other night). Then she reluctantly left, to go be at home for when Jared, Alex Stayner's friend who we met at Moab, who is really into Jamie. She's not so into him, but he wanted to bring her tomatoes from his garden b/c he had extra. Turns out he meant tomatoe plants, for her to plant. Ha.

Oh, and then Monday morning we all went running again (we're training for Ragnar) at like 5:20 am before they both had to go to work. That day we only ran about 3 miles or so. Maybe a little farther.

So yeah, such a fun weekend! I just love Jamie, she is so fun and so amazing. And for some reason she thinks very highly of me. I love being around her. This weekend was so fun to be with her every day!

Paul

I'm not sure if I've written on here about my job yet, but I work for a guy who is quadriplegic, named Paul Roberts. He is 45, divorced in the last few years after being married 17, and has been paralyzed for about 26 years. He is really friendly and fun to work for.

Confession. I think he is secretly in love with me. Except it slowly is becoming not such a secret. Last night he told me that I am hot. "Super duper hot." Yes, he said that. But he wasn't saying it in like a coming on to me way, he was asking me about guys I've dated and what didn't work out and why, and then he was saying those guys are dumb (who ended things with me), and then proceeded to tell me because I'm hot! It was more of a sincere (in a not-sincere tone) matter of fact way. And pretty much everything we talk about it in joking around and teasing each other, so again, it wasn't like this serious proclamation to me or anything, but when he gives compliments like that, or just usually in general, he is serious, even though it sounds sarcastic or joking. I didn't know how to react or how to take him seriously. I was really flattered though, because, like I said, I think he was serious, which he did tell me when I reacted like he was just joking around. We get along really well, we really click. It's almost worrisome, sometimes. Not really, and nothing has or probably ever will happen that's way inappropriate or anything, but he tip toes that line occassionally, and he's only going to get more and more comfortable with me. And I with him, for that matter. Also last night, as I went to pick him up to transfer from the shower chair back to his bed, he made me laugh, and then I was laughing and tried to pick him up, but felt like I was not going to make it, so I set him back down on his chair and he wasn't letting go, and I told him to let go, as I was laughing, just so I could stand back up and rest for a second. But in total light-heartedness, he refused to let go and started saying things like, I'm naked and we are having a naked dance... I can't remember what all he said, but I was cracking up, because it was so ridiculous and funny, but also to keep the mood light so as to not make it awkward, because I don't doubt there is some true feelings behind all his joking.. But I try not to really think about that. I was quoting Emperor's New Groove as I was helping him in the shower, and he had never seen it (and of course accused me of making it up..:), so I asked him if he had a VCR, and that if he could find it I would bring our VHS copy for him to watch. Then he got on this rant of wanting me to come watch it with him.. Oh man. So I tried to play that off too, and it wasn't anything super uncomfortable or awkward, but it's slightly uncomfortable crossing that line of boss vs. friend. Plus he has a girlfriend! Which I definitely brought up (all in a light-hearted manner), asking what she would think, and he said she'd be really mad, and I said that I would be really mad too, "which is why we will not do it," I said. In my mind I thought, there's a lot of other reasons too..

I just pray that nothing inappropriate happens ever, with him, or more so that he never does anything more than last night, because I like working for him, and he's fun, not to mention totally boosts my self esteem, and it's a really good job right now. Good pay. I also am trying to convert him.:)

Anyways, it was fun last night, we both have similar sense of humors, so it's a lot of fun to chat and joke around about stuff. I think he's really funny, and he thinks I'm funny, which I think is one reason I really like being around him. I'm just totally my silly, dumb, crazy self around him, (I think because I know him well enough now, and I don't have anyone to impress when I'm with him, and I know he likes me) which he seems to love, ha. He'd been gone for a few weeks, and he told me multiple times last night that he missed me. It was sweet.

Anyway, I haven't told a soul about my "relationship" or the type of relationship I have with Paul (that sounds bad), and I don't actually plan on telling anyone. I feel like it's nothing inappropriate, and I feel like I'll be able to control the situation, and if he really does cross any lines, I can say something and not be afraid to tell him to behave or what not. I hope it doesn't come to that though. The thing is, that I really like being with him too. But in all reality, nothing could ever work between us, as far as any relationship that he might be thinking of with me. For multiple reasons: not a member, he's dating someone, he's 45, he's my boss, that would just be weird. But after really thinking about things, and analyzing why I'm so-called "attracted" to him as well, it wouldn't be a substantial relationship. Or at least that's not why I like him now (and when I say "like him" I mean plutonically, not romantically. Just wanted to clarify for future generations who read this.). For example, he doesn't really know or ask a whole lot about what's going on in my life. Which is really important to me in a relationship. So any attraction I may feel is based mostly on humor, physical attraction, more those things. So that's another reason we could never actually have a relationship..which is weird to even think about, really.

I just wanted to get all this out. Like I said, I'm not planning on telling a soul about all this, at least not while I currently work for him, it would only worry whoever I told, I think. And it's totally under control and will not become anything inappropriate, because I won't let it, and Heavenly Father knows my concerns about it, and I've asked for His help with the situation. So I'm not super worried about it. Not super duper worried.. haha, oh geez.

Basement flood, Garrett date, started capstone

I should be going to bed because..well, for lots of reasons, but one being that our basement flooded today, including my bedroom, so I don't really have a bedroom right now. My stuff is literally all over--spread through different places in the house as well as mainly outside.But I don't think anything really got ruined, just wet. A bunch of guys from the ward (Mom and Dad's ward) came over and helped haul everything out (EVERYTHING, including my whole room. Kind of awkward.), and then a bunch of them went and got their shop vacs and came and sucked up all the water in the basement apt. Then they ripped up the carpet, got rid of the yucky carpet pad, set the carpet on a bunch of cinder blocks, and started a bunch of fans to dry it all out, many of which were brought over as well (the fans). People are amazing. And I guess it was like ward or Elders' Quorum temple night or something, and instead of going to the temple, Dan Sharp and others came over and saved us. So nice!! Speaking of which, Dan Sharp is my hero right now. He is the EQ pres in their ward, and is one of the nicest guys! I would LOVE to marry someone like him. He came over when M and D were in TX back in Jan when we got dumped on, to help engrave out the driveway, after Dad had tried to get some help with that. And then he was the first one over here tonight, and he stayed to the end and worked so hard and sweat and sweat. And he is so nice and fun to talk to. A very genuine, selfless guy. I like him.

Anyway, the latest update in my life, I would say is that Garrett and I went on sort of a date last night, and it was even better than I anticipated. I thought it would be enjoyable, but I had kind of decided that he wasn't for me, but would be fun to just be friends with and hang out with, at least until he supposedly is going to move in a month or so. But then we went out last night (he picked me up and we went to Institute and then out to dinner after, and then he just drove around for a while and we talked and talked and talked, I loved that. We talked a lot about his x-wife and the divorce and what happened, more than he had told me via fb chat a few nights before. He has been through a lot.), and I am more impressed with him and more interested in him than I thought I would be afterwards. He said things as we were driving, plus our texting afterwards, that leads me to think we will do more things together. But we'll see what happens.
But today, sheesh, he has been on my mind so much! I hate it! I can't focus on school as much as I need to and it takes me forever to get through homework! :)

The other update is that I started my capstone a few days ago, and I'm excited about the actual clinical aspect, but my preceptor happens to be a quite unfriendly soul, who I will probably never be best friends with. She's a complainer, kind of needs all the attention, her problems are huge and bigger than anyone else's, glass is half empty..that type of person. These types of people drive me crazy and I avoid them. But can't do that this time. But she's a good nurse and she doesn't get frustrated with me or impatient when I ask tons of questions yet, so that's nice. I talked to Joe and Mom about her after my first shift, and they both helped me to have a better perspective, and to just focus on learning from her, and not worry about being friends, or what not. So that's what I will try to do.

Breakdown

So I had a little breakdown in the car tonight on my way home from the Spinal Cord Injury forum for TRAILS. I think I'm on one of my emotional days, which may have been the reason, but still. This is what's on my mind:

So I just started thinking about how my relationship with Camille isn't superb at this moment, possibly because I was emotional and moody on Sunday when they were over and after she asked me how Moab was, I started telling her and then she had to tend to her kids and stopped listening. That was a bummer, but we texted about it that night b/c she could tell (I can never hide it) that I wasn't myself that morning. Anyway, she felt bad, and anyway. But tonight I was emotional again and started thinking about that, which made me feel sad, and it led to me thinking about how she is my closest (in age) sister and is about to have her fourth child.. and how I am no where even close to marriage, let alone children. The kids thing doesn't usually bother me, but man, tonight it sure got me. I just lost it and just cried in my car in the driveway after I parked for a minute. I guess it's just really hard to realize that, makes me feel like I am so "behind" in a way. And there's nothing I can do about it. Peter and Lindsay just got a little foster boy yesterday, which was (and still is) way exciting (not to mention Lindsay is surprisingly pregnant, also way exciting!), but also now brings the totals to everyone having at least three kids. That was a little hard to take in when I was thinking about it tonight.

More and more these days I just really feel like it's a good possibility that I may never get married, at least not in this life. And when I'm stable and not emotional, and around my good single friends, busy with and loving life, it's a little easier to be okay with the idea. But other times, like tonight, it's hard to accept. But by numbers alone, we can't all get married, there's just not enough guys. At least not the kind of guys you want to be with for an extended period of time.

The other day I was cutting Mom's hair and we were discussing the single situation, and I presented that idea to her, just lightly, that I really may never get married. And as I was completely expecting her to say something very reassuring, similar to what she's told me in the past, like, "You'll get married, I'm not worried about you. My patriarchal blessing says..." or something very revelatory or inspired, like she just knows that I will and isn't worried. But on the contrary, she actually said something to the effect of, "Well, there's all those young men who have died in the wars..someone's got to marry them."

Seriously Mom?? Ha, it actually was humorous to me at the time, but I thought, wow, I guess that seals it. I'm not getting married. We jokingly talked about how maybe I could marry a righteous Nephite or something. And I commented that that would sure be better than many of the fools that I know now.

Anyway, I'm nearly 26 1/2 years old, and I never thought I would still be single at this point in my life. Part of me can't imagine being married. And it's not even kids that I'm dying to have. But I would love to have someone to love me. Really love me. And hold me. And want me so bad. And want to show love to me, and for someone for me to show love to. I want to love someone and do nice things for them so bad. And I miss being kissed and kissing back. I miss that closeness. I was thinking about the times I had with Steve tonight, my first boyfriend, and how good it was. He was so sweet to me. And so fun to kiss. He wanted me. I miss that.

And I would love a fan. Y'know, someone to support me in, say, things like my triathlon this weekend. It's on Sat., and I've been really excited about it, and I don't even know if anyone is going to come be there to watch. It's my first tri, the biggest race I've ever done, and if I was married and even had kids, they would all be there. I love seeing Peter and Lindsay's pictures of them doing races, or even when just Lindsay does one, and they all go and watch and support her and are there at the finish line. I would kill for that. I know Rosanna has wanted to come, but Simon has a soccer game that morning, so she probably won't make it. And I feel weird inviting people, like Camille and family, because I feel kind of vain or cocky or something. I don't want anyone to come if they don't want to, but it would mean the world to me if anyone did. More than words can say, if they just came on their own accord. I think Mom and Dad may, based on a comment mom made yesterday, but I don't know. It's been such a part of my life the last month and a half, training for this race, it really would mean the world to me to have family, especially siblings, there.

But anyway, back to being single. Who knows. I really may not get married in this life. I don't see it happening at this point. I mean, there's Wendy, who is 31, and Jamie, who is now 28, who are two of my best friends, and so many others, and they are all amazing, beautiful girls. And if they aren't married, I don't see much hope for myself. I know that's not really how it works, but still. Doesn't give me much hope.

Jamie wants to be married so badly, more than I do. She wants kids so bad. So bad, I know she does. I think it's a ton harder for her to still be single than me at this point. I have my moments, but that's like what she lives for, is to be a mom. And she will be so good. And I want her to find a great guy to love and who will really love and appreciate her back, but the day that finally happens will be really hard. At least if it hasn't happened for me yet. But I want her to find marriage first, as hard..I mean, as HARD as that will be, I want her to get married first. She wants it so badly. And she deserves it, she's amazing, and I'm so grateful for her friendship. Sidenote: we just got back from Moab with the ward, and we were just two best little buddies on the trip, and it was a blast with her. And the feeling is mutual, we've talked about it. Which just makes me feel so blessed.

Anyway, I think I'm done crying and moping for the night. I need to go to bed. Our first day of class of this, our last semester of nursing school, is tomorrow. And I already am not going to even get 6 1/2 hours of sleep. Gotta go.

My awesome packed school break, Week 1

The first week of break between semesters is over, and I am so pleased with how it's been going. I have done so many fun and productive things!! Which, again, I feel so blessed with. I've really just been going going going, with training for my triathlon, to meeting up with old friends, to hiking with nursing friends, to working some nights, to more exercising. Here has been what this past week was full of, I want to remember:

Mon 4/29/13

-Peds final, Peds ATI final--went pretty well, but I didn't quite score high enough on the ATI to get the full points. Decided to probaby do the re-take the next morning, just to totally secure my A.

-completed HIPAA/OSHA re-certification in the library with Maryn and Jessica there

-finished and submitted my IHC capstone paperwork

-FHE--member missionary activity, and my car found a couple referrals for the missionaries! So great!

-Work--invited Paul to come to my singles ward sometime, and I think he wants to! A really good night with Paul

Tues 4/30/13

-Peds ATI retake--so glad I did it, saw Maggie there, she encouraged me to look up some stuff that I had missed yesterday first, so I did, and because of her, I barely got a good enough score to get the extra point I wanted. Thank goodness!

-Zupas for lunch with Maryn and Maggie (instead of going swimming with Maryn, like we were planning on after I re-took the ATI. Pool was closed for maintenance.)

-Finished the scholarship poem, submitted a few different scholarship applications

-Work

Wed 5/1/13

-Spent a few hours cleaning the kitchen (which Mom totally noticed and was really appreciative of, which made me feel so good)

-gym

-Helped Ashley Squire move, where I met Kory Fleming, who is sort of in our ward, but goes to his old one mostly, and he is really great! I had no idea! I chatted with him some, and he seemed like he wanted to get to know me too. I then had a little crush on him. Also am getting a free haircut out of helping her (that was her bribe:). Score.

-Straight to VTing meeting with our presidency and Holly, the VTing coordinator. We scrapped VTing, and made all (mostly) new assignments. We used my idea, with the sticky notes and boards, which made me happy that we used it, and it seemed pretty effective. Goal was to make Holly feel less overwhelmed by VTing. Hard calling.

-Work

Thurs 5/2/13

-Hiked Ensign Peak with Maryn, Maggie, and Elisa--so fun! I had never hiked it before (sad), it was great, and such great weather!

-Ran errands--bank and Walmart--got a bunch of stuff for Moab and such (sunscreen, new sports bras, travel tissues, new face cleanser wipes, etc. But I'm so excited for Moab!) 

-TRAILS--hand cycling at Liberty Park, such nice weather! Casey and Khoa were fun to be around that day

-Ward softball game--first of the season! I went partly in case Kory was there, actually. He was not there. But it was fun. Especially after my first hit and I totally face planted in the dirt on the way to 1st base...one of the more embarrassing moments in my life.

-Stopped by a certain Garret Glissmeyer's house to borrow his graduation cap. He's semi-new to the ward, and we chatted for a few minutes at his house, and I left with a large crush on him, thinking that we could be really compatible. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, and I wanted to get to know him too. I felt like we could have chatted all night. He was really nice and has a maturity about him, that not all 27 year olds have. Probably because of things he's been through, including marriage and divorce recently (rough). And it was kind of hard to hear that, but I don't know the story or anything, but he volunteered that information, and by the way he said it, made it seem like perhaps it wasn't his fault. I don't know. But I would love to get to know him better.

-gym--hoped to see the guy with long curly blonde hair, that I was prompted to share the gospel with last Thurs night and DIDN'T (argh! I wish I had.), but didn't see him there. But good run that night, 3.6 miles, I think. Funny, after 3 miles, I felt like I could run for a while longer, those first few miles are harder though.

Fri 5/3/13

-got stuff done at home, sent emails, etc.

-gym--I wanted to bike because I was kind of sore from running so far the night before, but then I saw that the Mentalist was on tv (it hasn't been on tv while I've been there in a while!), but there are no bikes in front of that tv, and I couldn't help myself, so I got on a treadmill and just walked for an hour while watching it. Good episode.:)

-GRADUATION! (Crazy! I'm not actually done, but we walked.)

Got ready, headed to campus for pictures with our class at 4 pm, parked, waited for the shuttle, got worried it wasn't coming, so I started walking to the nest stop. Then it drove past me (aah!), so I just started speed walking all the way down campus (far!). Took my shoes off after a while, and a few min later, as I was approaching President's Circle where we were meeting, looked down at my shoes in my arms and saw that my left shoe had come apart. Perfect. So got there, all flustered, hot, my robes and hat in my hands and not on, and my great friends helped me pull myself together enough for our class picture right then. Then we took a bunch of friends pictures there at the Park building with the temporary red U's set up, all with me in bare feet (I think we hid them well). And then, Elisa's saintly husband ran to the bookstore nearby and bought me super glue (Elisa's grand idea), and we super glued my shoe back together while standing in line forever to go in. Then I glued the edges for security after we had sat down in convocation. Walked across the stage with the super glue tube tucked in one side of my bra and my phone in the other. And my shoe stayed glued! :) I even wore them to church today, and they still stayed! I love super glue.

Convocation was so fun though! I'm so glad we all (who did) decided to walk! Mom, Dad, and Camille came, and it was so nice to have them there, especially Camille, who surprised me. And she was so nice to come with her new nice camera and take lots of nice pictures for me.

-Dinner at Citrus Grill with Mom, Dad, and Camille (yum!)

-Work

Sat 5/4/13

-Bike ride with Wendy 6:15 am

-Then went running (alone) after at 7:45. It was good to try that out, all outside with the real things, instead of just at the gym, but that run was torture. I had to walk more than usual, including stopping and laying down on the grass at a church I went by for a few minutes. But when I got home I check how far I had gone on mapmyrun.com, and when I was hoping it was even 2 miles, I had gone just under 4! That totally surprised me and made me so happy!! It also gave me hope and encouragement, that all this training is doing something, and that it is possible for me to survive farther distances.

-Drove out to Simon's and then Megan's soccer games, such nice weather! Got some sun (yes). 

-Hung out at the Kerrs' house for a bit after, played on the tramp with Simon, Rachel, and Dylan for a while, which was fun, and good to spend time with them. I don't do that enough. Megan was getting lunch with Steve.

-Did some much needed laundry

-Cleaned my room

-Dinner with Sam and Elise Powell at City Creek--so fun to see them! I just love those two, they are both so down to earth and easy and fun to be around. Elise is pregnant, due in a month and a half, and is still so cute. And Sam is still so sweet to Elise, I love seeing that.

-Came home, knelt to pray to start my fast before I went over to Nichole's to jam on our guitars, and totally fell asleep on my knees for about 30 min! I woke up and realized I was supposed to be at Nichole's already, and frantically got up and went over with my guitar.

-Played guitar with Nichole, and chatted, for a bit. About the she-and-Mike situation (ever changing and developing and progressing again, thankfully, and me and the new Garrett situation, as well as various other things, Survivor, Amazing Race, joining choir, etc.:). She and I are becoming better and better friends all the time, I love it. I really value our friendship.

-Reviewed my lesson a bit before falling asleep

And now today, Sunday, picked up Jodi and went to choir practice (Nichole and I decided to join choir last night:), church was great, Joel (Anderson, mission buddy) came to my ward today to visit, so he was there with me, and I saved a seat for Garrett Glissmeyer, my new friend. So he sat on the other side of me. So it was slightly hard to totally focus the whole time..:)

I taught RS on missionary work, the lesson I've been kind of preparing for months, since I knew I would be teaching it. And then I had it all ready last month, and turned out I was a month early. So I taught today, and I felt pretty good about it. I wished I had had another hour or so, there was so much I wanted to talk about and share, but I'm grateful for how it went. I was definitely guided.

And Helene Nance came up to me after and thanked me for it and now has decided to act on the prompting to share the gospel with an old friend of hers. So exciting.

Joel came over to the house after church and hung out here for a bit, Mom and Dad and we sat and chatted, then they went down and had naps, and Joel and I chatted for another little while. It was good to see and talk to him. I will always love that kid. He needs a haircut though.

Then I called Jamie back, who had called me when Joel was here, and we chatted for a while until I had to go, to head up to Eric and Michelle's. I just love her, and I am so grateful things are so good between us. She's been up in ID this weekend, with her family and new niece, so she was on her way back, and wanted to know how church and my lesson went. I was pretty bummed she had to miss it, as well as Liz too, actually. I have so much respect for both of them, and would have loved their input on how it went or what not, would have loved them to be there. But that's okay.

Then we went up to Froerer FHE in Layton, and I was glad I went. Not very many of us were there, compared to normal, which was nice. It was fun to chat with the cousins and aunts and uncles, and I helped Dad give the lesson on missionary work, part of which I had used in my lesson earlier. I love teaching and I love missionary work, so it was fun. And I felt pretty cute today, my hair worked really well. And I really like feeling cute around the Froerers, especially for some reason. After the lesson Bobby complimented me and said good job, and that I was a good teacher. I really appreciated that, it meant a lot, coming from him.

And now I'm here at home, finally writing in my journal! I've been meaning and wanting to catch up on journal writing for days, weeks even! Yes.