Kyle's homecoming and needing to be more grateful for school

We just got back from Huntsville, where we went to Kyle's homecoming. I didn't really want to go, and almost didn't. But as usual, I'm glad I did. It was good to chat with the relatives, and especially fun to talk to Kyle, he's even more awesome than he was when he left. And I got lots of compliments on my hair, that it's long and pretty, etc., and that meant a lot. For some reason I always feel like being around the Froerers is kind of..not a beauty contest, not that. But..I don't know, I just felt more respected or something. I don't know. But the best was when Abby, after sacrament meeting, and I was chatting with Bailey, and then Abby turned around to join us, and she was like, "Your hair is soo pretty!" And she was very sincere about it. And I suddenly felt like I had arrived.
Haha, but really. Abby is younger than me, so it's not like we are BFs or anything, but she is a really cute, beautiful girl, always has her hair really done, really gorgeous beautiful hair, and make up too. So to hear that from her meant a lot! :) Kind of made my day.

But, so it's always kind of something I feel like I have to mentally brave myself for, being around the Froerers, and it's hard to explain why. It's almost like I feel like we talk to each other out of obligation. It's not often I feel like people talk to me because they genuinely like to, but more out of familiar obligation, or because we're both standing next to each other so it would be awkward not to. A few of them I feel like genuinely like me and want to talk to me, including Grandma Froerer, Holly..maybe that's it. I think others like me okay, but again, I feel like there's this certain level of formality that I kind of just take a deep breath and brave it, and talk to these people, faking that it actually is kind of scary to me. In talking to Emily in line for food, I actually got her joking around with me, and it was probably one of the most enjoyable conversations I've ever had with her. She's usually pretty serious, seemingly not the happiest person. She has really exhausting children, so that's probably part of it, but today was a good day with her. It was encouraging to see that I could have a conversation like that with her.

Lots of the aunts and uncles and cousins asked me about my life and school and such, and I feel like I responded in a way I now regret. This semester is kicking my trash, and I am basically a slave to school right now, but I have so many reasons to be grateful for school! Like the fact that I even get an opportunity to get an education!! And I tell people, when asked about school, that it's a crazy semester, and I only have 7 weeks left and such, and thank goodness! And those things are true, but really, I need to remember how blessed I really am to be able to go to school, and to be in nursing school and getting the training, through a great program, nonetheless, to be what I have always wanted to be. I feel very ungrateful and like I need to repent to Heavenly Father, for responding to people in a way that to me feels like I was complaining and such. And I don't like to be a negative person, I like to always be positive. And I don't feel like I came off completely as such today, and I regret that. One of those days you wish you could go back and re-do it.

But all I can do really is learn from it, and try to always be positive about it now. I only have seven weeks left of the semester, and of nursing school altogether, and part of me is really glad! I am exhausted, this semester really is crazy, I have been having to skip out on fun things going on, with friends and family both, due to my crazy school schedule, and my capstone shifts, and my pretty consistently large load of homework. But at the same time, I know that when it's over, or after a little while of enjoying the relief at least, I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss seeing my nursing school friends, especially. Some are moving, Maggie to VA, Elisa probably to Pennsylvania, Maryn is getting married at the end of August and will likely move to Provo, where her then husband will still be in school. Gabby lives in Lehi anyway, Cydney lives in Kaysville..Jessica DaCosta is in Sugarhouse, so hopefully I'll still see her, but life will be way different, that's for sure. I'm going to miss those girls, and even just seeing everyone in our class each week. They're all great people, and we've gone through a tough program together.

I will also miss learning. I love learning, especially about these things that so interest me, like the body, and pathophysiology, and how drugs work, and nursing stuff. And of course I can and hopefully will continue to learn throughout my career, but it's not the same. Ironically, what I can't wait to be free of--assignments and such--in that way I will certainly miss. The intense learning. I love learning.

But it will be nice to have a break and be done paying tuition, and hopefully start making money pretty quick, to start digging myself out of this hole! Yikes..