Coming to terms with the election

So about the major Obama bummer, it is still a major bummer. I was actually really upset about it for a few days, and was really struggling with coming to terms with the fact. Mitt Romney had so many great plans and such great experience that was basically a guarantee to improving this economy and getting our nation back on track and out of this astronomical hole of debt the US has. You could see his excitement and energy and enthusiasm for it. And you could also tell that he honestly just wanted to help America and help families. As opposed to Obama's complete and disgusting lack of enthusiasm and excitement for the future, and sincerity. He does not love this country, he does not love its people, his heart is elsewhere. I would say he is much more interested in the perks, like expensive vacations and the fame and glory. As well as trying to decrease the strength and status of America. It makes me sick to listen to him, he is such a dishonest, sleezy person. And it has come to light that there was quite a bit of voter fraud in the election, which makes me mad because that basically means the election was essentially stolen from Romney. But I'm honestly not too surprised. I had said for a while that I thought Romney had a really good chance of winning, IF the election was fair. But Obama and his goonies are the kind of people that will do whatever it takes to get what they want. So I'm not really surprised that there was a lot of cheating, and turns out bribing too, which led to the sad sad re-election of the man we refer to as the president.

I was so upset about it, and really was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact. I was just in emotional turmoil about it. I was mad at the half of our country who voted for Obama for being so uninformed and so obviously unconcerned about the real issues at hand (like the failing economy and the high unemployment, and the enormous debt we're in); and I was so sad for Mitt, for working so so hard, twice, to get into the White House, to do some good, and for all his great plans that will never get implemented now. I am getting re-upset about it now, just writing this. I really just wanted to cry for Romney. I feel like his loss, after all that, is the epitome of the saying that life isn't fair. And all that good he could have done, how our country could have so benefited from his leadership and financial and business experience and past successes, will never be seen, or be possible. It's just not fair.

But one thing that helped me was some quotes by one or two of Romney's head campaign directors or what not, and they said that it wasn't that America didn't know the real Romney, that's not why they didn't vote for him. It's because the people don't share his values. Meaning, he has values, and morals, and a great portion of Americans don't share those good values. So basically Romney lost because this country has become so wicked that it doesn't recognize good when it's in front of them, or doesn't care, is more like it. This is also obvious in the fact that with the horrible record Obama has from the last 4 years, somehow this country still re-elected him. Amazing. People are more concerned about abortions being legal and gays being able to marry, than people getting jobs and getting back on their feet, and our country getting out of this financial crisis. It just makes me crazy.

But like my mom said a few days ago, if this is what will help usher in the 2nd coming (which I don't doubt it will), then by all means, put him in! Scary though, that it's obviously only going to get worse first.

But on that unhappy and frustrated note, there is some good in all this, just like in any other bad thing. And that includes that HALF THE COUNTRY VOTED FOR A MORMON!!!! How cool is that?!??! It's awesome!! It means that the Church is even more mainstream than ever before, and like an article I saw today said, that people are more curious with questions about Mormons now than they are critical (something like that). So true. It is motivating to me to want to share the Gospel even more, because people have got to have more questions about the Church, and what better time than when the Church has been so in the limelight with Romney's campaign.

So yes, still a major bummer, but I'm dealing with it now.

Obama BUMMER

This is so depressing. Obama just won a second term. I can't believe this. It's like a nightmare.
I really can't believe he won. I'm still hoping for a last minute miracle, but it's not looking likely.

I'm also really frustrated at David, our clinical instructor. I could just scream at him, for how unfair he grades, and how inconsistent he is in his expectations.

What a bummer evening.

Flu shot clinic

Yesterday I went and helped at a flu shot clinic out on the west side of I-15. It was a free clinic for the refugees out there (from Africa, etc.). It was such a great experience! It was a little on the slow side, especially from how busy it apparently was last year, so I only gave probably less than ten shots, but it was still great. Especially getting to practice on kids. I made a few kids cry, which was sad, but hopefully now they don't get the flu. And I only stuck myself once! :) Ha, yeah, I was giving this kid a shot, and while holding his cleaned arm with my right left hand, I reached over and got the needle with my left, took off the cap with one hand, and then the needle flipped and stuck my ring finger. I got another one and gave him a shot with a clean needle, but I was totally bleeding under my glove. Kind of felt like an idiot, but it was fine, at least it was a clean needle! :)

Updates: clinicals almost over, election in two days, and FIRST online date!

Some updates:
Only 2 more weeks of clinicals, and I am SO GLAD! Not because I don't like clinicals, I usually do, unless you get stuck with a nurse who isn't so good at having a student. But because this means only 2 more weeks of having to deal with our clinical instructor, David. I think Elisa, Maren, and I are the ones who have had the most issue with him. He is a great teacher, a great nurse, and he really knows a lot. But his grading policies and his lack of clarity on what he expects of us, and how his expectations are always changing from what he said, and getting graded as such, has been really frustrating, and we're kind of all done battling him. A few weeks ago I sent him a pretty frustrated email, to say the least, because of something he had docked me on that I thought was nit-picky, and not included in the instructions. The next day I asked him about it and he was frustrated at me from it and made me feel really bad, and I lost it right there in front of him. Just cried. Things were better at the end of that day, but the next day I brought something up again from our previous conversation just for clarity, and for my need to be understood, and he got on the defensive, which made me re-mad, and ever since, I just don't really love being around him. Especially alone. It's just kind of awkward. I did send him an apology email a week or so later (no response back), so I feel like I've tried to make amends, but he's still frustrating in his grading and such. We feel like there's always something wrong with our work. We're almost always getting docked for something.
Anyway, so I'm excited to be done dealing with and getting graded by him. That being said, he has taught us a lot, and because of his high expectations, I feel like I've learned a lot as a student nurse.

The election: The election is in TWO days. Voting ends on Tuesday, and first of all, halle-freakin-lujah that the election and election ads and everything else will be over. But also, heaven help us if Obama somehow wins again. I honestly question the intellect of anyone who still thinks Obama should continue to be the President. His record is terrible, he has failed in so many ways. He's probably a nice person, he's a great speaker, but he is so lacking in skills of leadership, business, and finances. This country is so far in debt, much more than we were when he took office, the unemployment rate is higher than 4 years ago, more people are on welfare than probably ever before--I think 47% of this country.
Anyway, today is fast sunday, and part of my fast is for Mitt Romney to win. I feel very strongly about this election, and I think that he has a good chance if it's fair. But I'm so afraid that Obama and his team will do whatever they can, including rigging the election, to make sure that he wins.
But we'll know on Tuesday I think..

Next. Dating. Online dating is about the only dating I'm into right now. Only thing I've got. So I've been on ldssingles.com since June, and it's finally seeming to really produce results. Or guys that I really might want to get to know. And the biggest thing is that I went on my first ldssingles DATE yesterday! It was with Josh, JFK Josh, as I like to call him (his screen name is "J_F_K"). We've been slowly messaging for about 2 months now, and finally met yesterday, the day after his 30th birthday. We met up in Sandy, next to the South Towne Mall, and went rock climbing at Momentum. I was nervous about it at first when he suggested that's what we do, but it was a lot of fun! My hands are sure still sore today though, ha. And he was pretty fun too! I don't really see an eternal future with him, but he seems like a great guy, has a great job, seems to have his head on his shoulders, and he's pretty cute.
My main downer about him has been his height. He is exactly my height, basically my size. Which I haven't love the idea of, because I really want a guy who is bigger and taller than me, I want to feel small. I don't want to crush the guy when we cuddle. And as Wendy says, "I want his butt print in the sand to be bigger than mine!" :)
So when we met yesterday, one of my first thoughts was, "yep, he's short, just like I thought it would seem." But as we got climbing and such, he has a really thick upper body, which I love. He's definitely build, even for being a shorter guy. He was very masculine to watch climb, because his shirt would stretch across his back and shoulders really nice, as his muscles worked. I am really attracted to a buff upper body, especially big deltoids. And he definitely had all that. I feel like he could probably carry me, which helps make up for the shortness.
He was fun to joke around and flirt with some. There's a little dorky-ness to him that is mostly why I don't see marriage coming out of this. But I wouldn't mind going out with him again, and I'm pretty confident we will. He kind of already made reference to that, once while we were rock climbing, and again last night texting. So we'll see.
But there are a few other guys that I've been messaging lately, one in particular: screen name Celtic411, I think. Celtic-something. He's black, from West Africa, but moved to DC about 9 years ago, went to BYU, and now lives here in SL I think. He seems pretty cool, intelligent, has confidence and his own style, which I love. And he's pretty funny. I hope that we go out eventually, he seems pretty chill, which I also love. Not to mention the bucketlist item that has been on my list in the past, of kissing a black man. This may be my chance to check that sucker off the list, who knows..? :)

Presidential election frustrations

Ugh, I should be starting my homework right now, but I'm so irritated at all the Liberals in this election right now. It's a huge election this year, Oboma vs Romney, and heaven help us if Oboma wins a 2nd term. But last night was the 2nd presidential debate, and the liberals all say that Oboma totally won, including all the nurses talking about it in shift report this morning, and saying negative things about Romney. And I was just reading an article about the debate, and then comments, mostly from Liberals who don't like Romney, and it's so frustrating! It's so frustrating that people are so blind to what a terrible leader Oboma is! He may be a good person (although a liar, that's for sure), but he is NOT a good leader, and is not who we need to fix our major financial and economic problems in this country right now. Aaah, I just can't stand to hear these things said about Romney, and that people are so blind to his good qualities and experience that we need in a president right now!

Needed to get that out.

General Conference ANSWER

As a reference, my "question" was: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties?

So I went into GC fully expecting to get an answer to my question. And I was kind of expecting a "yes," as well as any additional information Heavenly Father wanted to shed on the situation.
Well, I was humbled and very quickly answered, in a way, and reminded that I can't always have an answer, or know what's going to happen. In fact, basically never. But that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. There were like 3 or 4 talks that talked about waiting on the Lord, trusting in His timing, and being happy where we are. Pres. Uchtdorf's was the first one, and I remember I was getting ready in my bathroom, listening to it on the radio, I think, when he was speaking, and it hit me pretty hard. That no, HF was not going to give me a yes or a no to my question, that wasn't His plan. That wasn't His will. It wasn't time for me to have an answer to that question, but I needed to trust in Him and His timing, and learn to be happy where I am in my life now, be happy in the present, to stop going through life just waiting for the next thing, and then I will be happy, type of thing. It was really good to hear that from one of our prophets, I needed it. And cool thing is that that (and those) talks made a big impact on a lot of people, but certainly for different reasons. Including Mom. She's been very unhappy with her job, and I'd been helping her try to find other ones to apply to online, and after that talk she said, "Well, I guess that maybe I just need to change my attitude about my job!" It was interesting. I felt like Pres. Uchtdorf's talk was for me, but cool how the Spirit works on each of us differently through the same talk, and that they can apply so well to so many people.

SOOO, I'm just trying to be happy where I am, and not try to just wait to get married. And I of course would love to still, or even date someone, heaven forbid, but my life really is so good right now, I have no reason to complain, so I shan't.

But I LOVED Conference this time! I mean it's always great, but this time, all four sessions were amazing! I was awake through all four, which may have been a first. I think it was because I was doing things a lot of the time, multitasking, which definitely helps.

Anyway, it was an awesome Conference weekend!

Freshman reunion--fun, and hard too; also General Conference QUESTION

So tonight we had a little freshman year reunion, out in South Jordan at Sean's house. Present were Sean and Aubrey and their little boy Abe, Ben, Ryan, Amie and her baby James, Hil and her bf Daniel, and me. Eric was there part of the time via Skype. So we were only missing Cheryl, who ironically, was actually on a plane to Utah when we all got together. No one knew she was even coming to UT until today, otherwise we may have planned the get together for a different day, I don't know.
But it was a lot of fun, so good to all be together and catch up. As I left, my heart began to hurt. That sounds really dumb, but it was because of Ben. He is an amazing guy. And on top of how great he is, he's very physically attractive. Never has he ever shown interest in being more than friends with me, and never has that been a big deal. But tonight, I don't know, maybe it's because we're all older, maybe it's because there are fewer great single guys out there, and any out there come far between, that being around someone like Ben, who I've been friends with for 7 years, makes me really want to date him. To be around him more. I would love to just spend time with him. We get along really well. He's very down to earth, and he has a good sense of humor.
I think also, inside I crave to be close to a man, and I don't really have any guy friends right now. All those guys are huggers, which I've always loved, and it was so so good to hug them. Eric has always been my favorite to hug, then Ben; Sean is up there too, but he's married now, so it's not really the same. But hugging Ben tonight, when we got there, and then when we were all leaving, felt so good. I love him. I really feel like I can say that. I love all those guys. I really do. They are all so great. And you just don't come across such great guys like that every day, who are single.
And about Ben, I felt like he enjoyed being around me, or at least showed it, more tonight than I've ever felt. I know we've always been friends, and he's always liked me as one, but tonight I felt like he looked at me more than I expected. And maybe I just haven't been around him for a while. But it made me feel this little glimmer of hope, and made me really crave that more. To be around him more. So when we all said goodbye and left, I literally felt hurt, my heart hurt. One of those feelings that if I drank, would push me to go drown my pain in drinking. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I really just would love to spend time with him. He's so great.
I prayed in the car on the way home, and just kind of told HF what I was feeling, and pleaded with Him to help me make sense of this feeling, and to be able to reconcile with it, and to help me feel better, and not hurt. And to perhaps provide something that I would need a date for or something I could invite him to. I really don't have any guy friends up here, really, so if I ever needed a date for something, even regardless of this sudden strong desire to date Ben, he would be a great option. Bummer that he still lives in Provo.
But anyway, so I got home, and I've gotten ready for bed, and I'm feeling better. I would still love to spend more time with him, he's just such a stellar guy. And I just don't meet guys like that hardly ever. But I'm trying not to think about it. And I think part of it is that I'm just really craving male attention, as well as male touch. Seriously, being hugged by those guys, specifically Ben (such good hugs), felt SO good. And I think that just added to the pain, of wanting that in my life so badly.

Tomorrow, this weekend, is General Conference. And my question that I am taking to GC, to get answered, may seem trite. But it's really been weighing on my mind more and more. It is this: Will I get married in this life? And will I ever date anyone again, in any near future, like while I'm still in my twenties? Some days are harder than others, but lately I just feel like I will never date anyone again. The guys who I want to date don't seem to want to date me, I feel so unattractive to guys, I haven't dated anyone for about 2 1/2 years (since Steve).. I'm getting very discouraged and frustrated about it lately, more and more. It's hard.
I'm on Fall break for the next week and a half (and let me tell you, it didn't come a minute too soon, I needed this break so bad), and I would love to just go on a date with someone. I crave to go on a date, a good date. To feel like a girl, to feel feminine with a guy. To have a guy's attention, to feel attractive. So here's to hopin'.