Stressed and overwhelmed

So today I became almost more stressed than I have been this whole semester. I love school, I love my classes, I love my schedule, I love my ward, my friends from my major, my roommates are pretty good, etc. And though I'm always really busy with homework or BYUSA or work or what not, I haven't really hit many stressful points this semester, if at all. Until now.

I'm leaving tomorrow night to go up to Salt Lake to fly out with Mom, Dad, and Grandma on Thurs. morning to TX, to go to the sealing of little Ella to Joe and Sally. I'm way excited to be there, not to mention we are going to WICKED while we are down there!, but school this week has gotten stressful, due to trying to get everything done before I leave, and take my children's lit. test tomorrow (it ends while I'm gone).

And on top of everything, I'm feeling pretty down about boys. I feel so undatable right now, I don't feel attractive, I don't feel like any boys like me. And this isn't a first or anything, but it's more intense recently for some reason.

I think about Steve still, nearly daily. I miss him. I miss feeling liked. I miss feeling pretty and attractive. I miss feeling wanted. He made me feel all those things, more than I ever had in my whole life. And I miss that so bad.

I miss having someone who wanted to be with me, someone to study with, to talk to daily, who really cares about how my day is.

I want to be dating someone so badly right now. It's been almost a year since Steve and i started dating, and I feel like it's been forever since I dated someone. I try not to pray too much for a boyfriend or whatnot, because I know it's all in the Lord's timing, and it will happen when it's supposed to, but I so would love that companionship, a relationship right now.

Working the next dance--SO fun!

The next day I went to another Preference dance, but just to help out. It was Beauty and the Beast themed, and formal, so I dressed up again and went and just walked around all night and took pictures. It was such a blast! One of my EFY girls, Morgan Cross, was in town that weekend, to check out BYU, and she wanted to come, so she came with me (despite me warning her that it might be boring). She wore a dress of my roommate's (Alisha) and she pretty much just followed me around all night. I felt really bad, and thought the whole time that she was probably pretty bored. She said she wasn't, but I think she may have been at least some. We danced a little here and there, but mostly she really just followed me around cuz I would just wander everywhere with the camera. And I figured it would be like that, which is why I kind of tried to talk her out of coming, but she really wanted to come.

But I sure had a blast! A bunch of my good BYUSA friends were there, and I just love my BYUSA friends. Sam Crane and her date (Johnny, the obnoctious one) were there , as well as Jenny (my ED) and Remington, Justine and her date (Seth), and then Cara, who planned it. She didn't have a date either, cuz she was in charge of the whole thing, and just kind of ran around the whole time too, but we hung out for a few minutes at a time here and there, as well as with Justine, or Sam, or a combination. It was seriously so much fun. I love being involved and helping with things like that. And I love taking pictures. And it was fun to be there and just be able to do whatever, and not have to worry about a date.

Preference!

So the dance ended up being a lot of fun! Sam and Elise came over sometime after 7:30 and we made pizzas together, and then just after they were done, Dallin came over, and we headed over to the dance. The dance was really well done, it was so cute! There were all these photo spots with Alice in Wonderland backdrops, which we of course utilized, and there was a big "tea party" in the Garden Court, where you got to pick a real tea cup mug, and get a pastry and some water or cider, and we sat down and ate. At that point, Sam and Jenny found us and came in and we all chatted for a bit. I just love Sam, she and I have become quite good friends through this getting-a-date-to-preference shenanagans. :)

Then we went and danced some more, and even played croquet! They had a few croquet patches set up, with astro turf, the hoops (held down with clay-type putty), mallets, balls, and everything! It was so great! Dallin won. Then we went and danced more, and we were finally there for a slow song. That's what I was most excited for, and we only got one slow song the whole time we were there! I don't know if they just didn't play many (seemed like that, it was weird) or if we just missed them all. But it was really fun to dance with him. He's attractive.

After the dance we went back to my apt., and played Sequence for a couple games. Both rounds Dallin and I were winning at first and then Sam and Elise would come from behind and win! Then we had banana splits, chatted, and then they left. I walked out with all of them to the parking lot where Sam and Elise, and Dallin were parked, and I walked with Dallin to his car. I gave him a hug goodbye, which wasn't awkward at all, and it was a really good hug! I like hugging him, he is a really good size. I thanked him so much for coming, said it was so fun, and he thanked me for working around his reception. As I was walking away, he was like, "Let me know if you go to the game," so that was cool.

But yeah, it was a really fun night, and I would love to hang out with him some more and get to know him better. He is probably almost 3 years younger than me, but that can be worked around, right? :)

I love BYUSA; and getting a date for Preference...

I am so grateful for BYUSA. Being a part of that organization this year, and being involved, has been the greatest blessing, in so many ways. I'm so grateful that Jenny, my executive director (ED), was inspired to call me, back in July, and ask me to be over this new program, True Blue Tuesdays. We'd never met, but she asked me. It has been really hard and really stressful at times, and I've wanted to quit many a time (last semester), but it's been the greatest thing in my life this year. Especially this semester.

I've met so many new people, and continue to each week, because of TBT. Many of my close friends that I associate with right now are through BYUSA. My best friend right now, Elise Beckstead, I met through BYUSA. And the people that I have the most fun with are all my BYUSA friends. I love them.

This weekend this is all especially on my mind because it was Preference weekend, with the four Preference dances being on Friday and Saturday. Elise and I decided to take dates and go to one of the dances, since the retreat. The dances were all Disney themed, and we wanted to go to the formal Beauty and the Beast dance Sat. night, but Sam (her boyfriend) was playing in the orchestra for the Cinderella ballet here on campus that night, so we decided to go to the semi-formal Alice in Wonderland dance on Friday, just here in the Wilk.

Getting me a date was the most dramatic part of the whole dance experience. Being me, I of course waited til just a few days before the dance to ask anyone, and I had wanted to ask Robbie (I forget his last name), from my ward last spring/summer, when I lived in the Crown. We have been friends since, and I've run into him on campus fairly regularly last semester and the beginning of this one, mostly because of our booth, he usually stops by, and is loyally wearing blue. :) We've become better friends, slowly, because of this, and I thought he would be a fun date. Plus, I was okay if anything were to happen between us...:)

So I pre-asked him on Tues., by texting him the question that, hypothetically, if someone were to ask him to the dance this weekend, what would he say? Well, turns out that his parents were going to be in town this weekend, and so he would get back to me. Well, by the next day, he had figured it out, and said that he wouldn't be able to go. So, on to plan B.

I have friends I could have asked, and it would have been really easy to, but I felt like that would be a cop out. And I kept feeling like anytime I thought about doing that, Heavenly Father would say to me, "Melissa, don't waste your time. You need to ask someone that could potentially go somewhere." Robbie fit that category, but was still just a friend, so it was still safe and not a big deal to ask him. But then the only other person really that I could then think of for plan B, that wouldn't be just a friend, was this guy in my new ward, that I've just started becoming friends with and have been interested in getting to know better. His name is Jeff Sorenson. I've, admittedly, stalked him on facebook, and I've casually asked my roommate, Alisha, about him, and from what she's told me and what I've seen of him, in real life and on FB, he just seems like a really great guy. Not just a run-of-the-mill good guy, but a really great guy.

So on Wed. afternoon, after I read the text from Robbie that said he couldn't, I was praying, kind of outloud, to myself, as I walked to the Wilk, that I would run into someone, or someone would be brought to my mind of who I could/should ask to the dance, that would be really fun and I would be comfortable with.

I ran into no one.

I got to the Wilk, to the BYUSA office, and soon after ran into Kristina Cummins. She and I like to chat and also talk about boys. So we started chatting and I ended up telling her about my dilemma of finding a date to preference, in 2 days. She asked if there was anyone I wanted to ask, and I basically said not really or something, except that there was this guy in my ward...etc. And I told her briefly about Jeff. She then promptly was all about me asking him, and right THEN. She had me log onto FB so I could write him a message (because I couldn't call or text him, I didn't have his number). I kept refusing, I couldn't just do it right then. I needed to think about it. And I didn't even know if I was really going to ask him! So I left to go think about it and do some stuff on the computer back in the computer area of the office. There I found Sam (Crane--love her!) and Johnny (the good Johnny:) and ended up telling them of my dilemma, and Sam happened to be in pretty much the same boat as me, wanting to ask this boy she was interested in, but didn't want to freak him out or seem too forward.

Well, to make a loooonnggg story short, Sam and I both ended up talking extensively about our dilemmas, with Johnny, and getting his feedback, as a male, on what we should do, and what the guys would think. He was very encouraging and actually really helpful. The things he said were very pertinent, very good points, and he didn't make fun of us for being so dramatic and over-analystic. I told him he should be a dating counselor here at BYU. He would make bank.

I later talked more about it with just Sam, and then Ryan (Greenburg--LOVE him, he is hilarious and one of my very favorite people!) came in and I told him my dilemma, and he got us all cracking up. I just love the kid, he kills me. But he said some helpful things too, encouraging me to just ask Jeff, and that he knew that I would do it in a way that wasn't creepy or anything, that was just cool or what not.

Then, as I was about to leave the office to go home for dinner group, Elise had texted me and said, "What about Jeff?" I had told her about him before, and it was just ironic that she suggested him to me during all this drama of me trying to decide whether or not to really ask him.

Then as I walked home, I called Sally and talked to her about it, and told her that he was the only person really that I could think of to ask, and the part about feeling like I needed to not be wasting my time with asking guys that couldn't lead to something more. She told me 2 things that were really great, only one of which I can remember. She said that if I keep thinking this, then I need to listen to that prompting and ask him. It was a very good point.

Then after dinner group, Alisha and Kayla were at home and leaving to go play games or something, and I had wanted to ask Alisha about it, alone, but didn't get the opportunity, and we (Elise and I) needed to ask that night, so as they were going out the door I was like, "Hold it!" And brought them back in, and told them that my plan A date couldn't go, and that for my plan B, I was thinking of asking Jeff Sorensen, and did they think that would be weird. They both were strongly in favor of me asking him and both said, very confidently, that no, that wouldn't be weird at all.

So that was the clincher. I decided to just do it and ask him.

So Elise and I went to Smith's and got some candy and stuff to ask Jeff and Sam, which we did. I gave Jeff cheese, Werther's Originals, and a bag of little candybars, and said "Jeff--I know this is CHEESEY, and not very ORIGINAL, but it would be SWEET if you would go to Preference with me this Friday! [Melissa Gurr]"

It was really fun and went really well, and we watched him answer the door, and we both thought we saw a smile on his face as he saw it and read the note. That was very encouraging and exciting! I just wanted him to want to go with me and think it would be fun.

So it was done. I couldn't believe I had asked him, it practically went again everything I believed in, just asking someone on a date that I didn't know really well yet, etc. It was totally out of my comfort zone. But I felt like I should ask him, so I did, and now I was excited.

However, that night, at home, after my phone was in my room and on vibrate still, and I in the living room (pretty much never happens...), I saw I had a missed call and message at about 12:30. It was Jeff, telling me thanks, but he is actually dating someone, and had plans Friday night.

OF COURSE HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!! I was shocked, as was Alisha (she is RS Pres., has lived in the ward a long time, and knows pretty much everything about everyone..:), she had even recently told me that he was not dating anyone. But at the same time I wasn't really surprised, because things like this happen to me. :)

So, as I got over the shock of feeling so good about asking him, and finally getting the courage to, and then finding out he was dating someone, it was on to plan C. Or to figure one out, anyway.

I had no idea who to ask, there wasn't really anyone that was sticking out in my mind. After our TBT meeting on Thurs., Elise and I brainstormed up a list of 6 names of guys I could potentially ask. Now mind you, at this point I was losing interest in even going, but Elise wouldn't let me not go, for which I was glad. :)

None of the 6 names were really much more appealing than the others, so I didn't know what to do.

One of the names was Dallin, this kid in our (Elise, Sam, and my) volleyball class, which we had that day. I've had a little crush on him for a while, but nothing serious. He's really nice and friendly, and we seem to click when we ever talk. But he just got off his mission, so he's like 21 probably, which is not the age I like to go for. It's kind of a turn off when they're so young. But he seems pretty with it for a new RM. Anyway, so I've never really been real nervous around him, which is good, cuz usually I do get that way, and not myself, once I start being interested in a guy. It's frustrating to no end.

Anyway, on Thursday, I saw him at the beginning of class and we peppered together to warm up and talked while we did. Throughout the class I thought about asking him, but once I was actually with him, in class, the thought seemed more ridiculous and made me more nervous to actually do.

But after class as I was stalling to leave, I was getting a drink, and I just wanted to be done with it, and have a date to Preference, and not have to worry about it anymore. So he and I walked out together and we chatted and then stopped at the locker room where he goes in, by the drinking fountain, where I continued to stall by getting a drink, and I told him if we played VB this weekend would he want to play with us, and he said yes definitely, and then Elise and Sam walked up and we discussed it more..and then they were leaving, and Dallin was about to go in to change, and I was like, "PS," and I heard Elise laugh, and then I laughed, and then I was just like, "So Preference dance is this weekend, and I am looking for a date..do you want to go?" I think I sounded more nervous than I wanted to, but oh well. So after we clarified that it was Friday (the next day), he told me that he was going to a reception, but was outwardly really bummed that he had that to go to and couldn't come with me. He just kept saying stuff like, "dang it!" and groaning, cuz he already had plans. I was surprised, and really flattered, it seemed like he would really like to go with me. That gave me more confidence than I've probably ever had asking a guy out. But he didn't seem to want to let it go or give up, so I was like (after I had told him that it was okay, it was really okay, no big deal), "Well, we're not going to the actual dance til like 8:30, so if you really want to go.." And he was like, "oh really?" and got this hopeful tone to his voice and demeanor. And I was like, "And if you really want to go, we could just wait for you, it's not a big deal if we go later." So he said he'd get my number and make some calls, and get back to me later that day.

So he did, and I left the RB with a very light step. :)

Sidenote: immediately after, I headed to the Smith Fieldhouse, to go study in the cadaver lab, but ran into Marcie Glad, from my ward when I lived in the Crown, and we ended up going down the stairs right there by the doors, to explore where they led to. There was a tunnel down there, with just painted concrete walls basically, and so we followed it, and ended up in the RB! We had found an underground tunnel on campus! And all on our own!! We felt very ecstatic at what we had just discovered. It was pretty hilarious.

Anyway, so later that night, while I was at the campaign meeting for the Greenburg and Steele campaign, Dallin texted me and said he'd be back from his reception in Nephi at 8 or 8:30 at the latest, and that he would love to go, if it didn't mess up our plans too much. Sweet!!!! He could go!!! I was so excited! I had a date, and it was someone that I was really excited to go with, and even better, he seemed excited to go with me!!!! I was suddenly very excited for the dance.

Fun weekend!

This weekend Peter, Lindsay, Joey, and Kimball flew up for a quick stay and for Peter and Joey to go skiing. They did that on Friday, and I went up to Salt Lake on Friday night, and we all just hung out all weekend. It was so fun, and so needed. I feel very rejuvinated for the coming week.

Friday night we watched the BYU men's volleyball game on TV, and Peter and Lindsay and I chatted a bunch. I told them all about Kayla, and what a treat she is...:) And they asked about my school, and TBT, and I asked Lindsay about her stomach issues, which seem to be more controllable lately, which is exciting.

Sat. we all just kind of hung out, I did some studying. The Merkleys came over and we all watched the BYU basketball game on TV, which was a great game, against UNLV. We won! BYU is soo good this year, with Jimmer Fredette as their star. He is so amazing. He made 16 out of 16 free throw shots. Yeah, wow.

Then we all went to the Kerrs for Wingers night! We had a big dinner that was so good, at their new house in Daybreak, and it was a lot of fun to be all together! We were just missing the Davidsons.

Then I decided to stay overnight again last night. I just didn't want to come back here yet. So I did, and went to Sac. mtg with them this morning, and then we took Peter and gang to the airport, and then I came home and got ready to leave, and headed back down here to Provo for my Teaching Council meeting and break the fast, etc.

Today my fast was for Kayla. Well, for me, to love her and be more patient with her and find her quirkiness funny again, and not irritating.

And since coming back today, from being at home in Salt Lake, I feel a lot less frustrated with her. I even don't mind being around her again. My frustrations with her are gone, which has been nice.

Okay, as we speak, as I have been typing the last couple sentences, she is borderline frustrating me again. Ironic. Not quite frustrating, just...I need to go to bed and not be around her again. Funny thing is, one of my new solutions (well, as of last week) is to just avoid being around her. But just a few minutes ago, she said to me, "I think we need to spend more time together." I was like oh boy. And I said, "Okay..." And then I was like, "What do you have in mind?", hesitatingly. And she said, "I dunno, just since our non-fights, I don't feel comfortable around you, and I mainly hang out with Alisha."

Anyway, I have to go to bed and get out of this room with her. Fred (her non-boyfriend...) is here now, and yeah.. Gotta go.

I saw Tisah

I'm trying so much, well trying, to do better at writing in my journal often, but too many things happen all the time that I would like to be written about in here, it's hard to keep up! :) Things to update on:

-I ran into Tisah last Tuesday night in the JFSB. It was the first time I'd seen her since before Christmas break, and to be honest, it was rather an awkward experience for me. Just in case I haven't filled in the gist of what happened between us, so we moved in together last semester as the best of friends. You almost couldn't find a better pair of friends. And it was so fun at first. But then after a week or two, for the rest of the semester, our relationship was basically on the rocks. Sometimes we were great, and other times things weren't so good between us. I wouldn't say there's really anyone specifically to blame for that, things just happened, and she and I are completely opposite emotionally, which is fine, it just made it hard to live together for some reason. Like she would do something that would hurt me, or that I would take the wrong way, and I would be sad, and I can't really get over things like that until I talk about them, that's just how I am, I've been like that my whole life. But also, it's hard for me to just go to a person and tell them what is wrong, and this is why I'm sad. I usually wait for someone to ask me what is wrong, because I feel like if they don't, they don't care, and why tell them anyway and waste their time, y'know? (Since then I am slowly learning that is not the best or most logical reasoning..I am growing..:) So I would just kind of be more quiet and reserved, etc. and eventually I would basically not be able to handle it anymore and talk to her. Throughout the semester we had about four "talks." Usually they helped, but the third not as much as I would have liked, and the fourth was a disaster.

Anyway, so the whole semester was kind of hard for me with her, and then at the end of the semester, my roommates (at least Tisah and Carrie) thought that I liked Ryan Ockey, and was going after him, which was completely untrue. But during about the last week and a half of the semester, some things happened that I got extremely mis-judged for, by Tisah and Carrie, and I felt very un-trusted and even hated. They got to a point where they weren't really speaking to me much. It was awful. I've never felt so much malice felt towards me in my life. I hated being in the apartment, especially if Tisah was there. I felt like the enemy.

So that last talk I had with Tisah was my last hope in fixing things with her, in hoping to try to stay and not have to move out. But it didn't go well, she was very hard to talk to and not really open to meeting me half way (these are just the feelings I got.). The look on her face while we talked I will never forget (well, hopefully I will..), but it was so, almost malicious. So unlike her, and so opposite of how our friendship used to be. She just wasn't really willing or able to see that she had perhaps been in the wrong. Once I pointed out what had made me so mad that week, she said sorry, but to me it had no feeling, and didn't really mean much. So I left her room feeling like I had gotten no where with her, and that our friendship was basically over. I grabbed my things and left to run errands, and just lost it as soon as I walked out the door. It made me so sad to see that she didn't seem willing to meet me half way in this relationship, and that it was basically over. I had tried. The one good thing that came out of that failed try at talking to her was that my prayers were answered of whether I should really move or not, and that was it, I was out. So even though it was extremely hard, I was grateful that my decision was made for me, and it then became easy to move out.

I cried a bunch that day, and the days following, because I still felt like the enemy, in fact it got worse. The next day was Sunday, and the tension towards me reached a climax and I almost broke. Once I was alone in the apt., I called mom and just fell apart. I told her I hated being there, and she was so sweet and very concerned and sincerely asked if she and Dad needed to come down and get me. I said no, but I really appreciated that she cared that much to even offer, to get me out of the situation.

Anyway, the next week was finals, and we did a girls night roommate bonding party/gift exchange Monday night, and things were a lot less tense, which was nice. It was okay fun too, considering I was with my roommates. But that was the last time I saw Tisah.

Until the other day.

Over the break she emailed me. I didn't tell her myself, but Carrie, I assume, told her I was moving, and she emailed me an apology email, basically. She also told me she was sad I was moving (I'm still not sure if that was an honest statement, but maybe), and that I was always welcome to come over for her dinner night. It was a nice email, but I don't think she ever really knew how much pain and grief I had gone through, especially in the last couple weeks of the semester, and how much that hurt.

I also wrote her a note/letter, explaining why the last 2 weeks had been so hard, and how I had felt. I also told her I hadn't completely turned my back on our friendship, and that I missed how things used to be so badly.

However, while that was all true at the time, at this time, since then, I really have had no desire to be friends again.

Anyway, so when I saw her the other night, I had just gotten done with institute and it was like 8:30 pm, and my car was parked under the JFSB, so I thought I'd stay on campus and study for a while, somewhere between the McKay (where institute is) and my car. That would be the JFSB. So I thought the 2nd floor halls, where there are comfy chairs in nooks, would be quiet and comfortable, so I went there. As soon as I got to that floor, I remembered that that is Tisah's floor, where her office and everything are. I used to go visit her up there. Then I imagined running into her while I was up there, and wasn't really wanting that to happen, but thought little of it, as I didn't think she'd be there that late anyway.

So a few minutes after I sat down and was reading the paper, I hear a girl, as she comes down the hall, say, "Melissa Gurr." I looked up, and as soon as I saw her my heart kind of..well, I don't know what it did, but I was a little surprised to see her, to say the least. She stopped and we chatted for a few minutes, she asked me all about school and TBT, and if I was dating Eric (Syphus-ha! I wish.) and about whatever else. I asked her if she was dating Ryan (the other Ryan in our former FHE group) and she said no, that she had basically broken it off with him the week before. I also asked her about school and her thesis. The whole conversation was pretty awkward for me, inside. We were both civil and courteous, and I don't think it was nearly as awkward for her as it was for me, it didn't all happen to her, and I don't think she would have stopped and talked to me for that long if it was. But man, I was wanting the conversation to end as soon as possible. What had happened was never brought up, which was fine, it's in the past, I kind of want to leave it there, but it also made our conversation kind of surface level and with a certain degree of..fakeness, I guess. Not fakeness, just nothing deep. But at least now I've gotten past my fear of running into her and what would happen. Before that night, I had been having dreams, kind of regularly, about running into her in random places. They were kind of more borderline nightmares.

So that was that.

So that is the Tisah aspect of this whole thing.

As for what happened with Carrie, I was so sad that she was mad at me through this whole thing and thought I was going after Ryan, the guy we all knew that she liked, and her friendship meant too much to me to just let go, plus, she didn't know the real story. So I wanted to talk to her before she went home for the break, but it ended up not working out, so I told her I really needed to talk to her and fix things between she and I, so she let me come see her at work on campus the Monday after finals. So I did, and explained everything, all the incidents that I was sure looked to them like I was pursuing Ryan, and explained what had really been happening at the time, etc. I also expressed how hard it had been for me, and cried some. After all this, she wasn't mad at me anymore, and realized that I really wasn't doing what they thought I had been. Then I broke the news that I was moving. That was rough. She took it kind of hard. She was really sad that I was, which made me know that she really wasn't mad anymore, but made me sad to leave too. I told her that if I stayed, she would be the reason why. I love her, and I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing her as much. But the good news was that our friendship was fixed and things were better. I love Carrie, she means a lot to me, and is such a great person. I just wish these dumb boys would realize that and go after her. She deserves so much happiness and wants to date someone so bad. I do miss living with her.

Well, that's about all I have time to update on, but this is good, I'm glad I got to write about it.

Aaaaaaa!

Kayla is driving me crazy!!! She has no sense of normal, and thinks anything and everything anyone does that is different than what she does is weird! Aaaaaa! I just want to run outside and scream! She makes me so crazy! She is so irrational!!

The hand washing discussion came up again just now, and Alisha was here this time too. Thankfully Kayla washes her hands more now, which she said is because she feels guilty now since those strong words I had with her about it last time (she told Alisha I yelled at her. I did not yell at her.). This time I tried to explain to her, in a rational, calm, logical way, why it was such a big deal to me, and how you can get diseases from not washing hands after using the bathroom, etc. And she just couldn't get over how weird it was that I had ever even said that to her. WEIRD????? And let me add in a little few-minutes-prior-to-this background that makes this situation even more ridiculous:

Kayla had just gotten done telling Alisha and I that she thinks it is weird that Alisha pulls the shower curtain the opposite way, to get out of the shower, that she and I do--first of all, WHY DOES SHE EVEN NOTICE?? And second, WHY DOES SHE CARE?? We actually asked her both of these things, and (bytheway, this was all in good gest--the shower curtain topic, anyway) she said it's because it's different than her routine, so she notices. Aaa!

She had just asked Alisha about a completely insignificant habit Alisha has to pull the shower curtain the opposite way that she (Kayla) does, and she thinks it's WEIRD that I would notice and ask her about a habit that she lacks, which could literally cause any one of us to contract a disease, and potentially die???? (I wish I had said that to her, after she kept saying how weird she thought it was that I had said anything to her about it, to point out how ridiculous her thinking was, but it came to me just minutes after the opportune moment, too late. I hate that.) Aaaaaa! She does not reason like a normal person!! THIS is why I want to scream.

But I guess I should focus on the bright side: at least she is washing her hands more. My chances of getting sick and dying have decreased significantly since I moved in with her. This is good news.

Hopefully I can find this funny eventually, maybe even soon. Right now I'm just so frustrated at her ridiculousness and irrationality. She acts as though I am the only one who ever thought hand washing was important, and that makes me totally abnormal or something.

And hopefully I can sleep now. It was too late to call Mom and vent, and too cold to go run or something (supposed to be -4 degrees tonight!!). So that's why I had to write about it, til 1 in the morning...