My date with James, and then Ken :)

So the date with James on Friday night was good. I've officially checked him off the list of potential eternal companions though. He's physically attractive to me, wears good shoes, dresses well, is a good size for me. So he's nice to look at, but there's just not much chemistry there for me. He's even funny, witty, and very nice, friendly. He brought out his movie collection for us to pick from, and not one movie, that I could tell, was dirty. That I was very impressed with. I told him that and he was surprised that that isn't normal. Sad, but it's not, especially with guys.

So yeah, he's a great guy, but just not the one. I can't really explain concretely why either, just not.

So that was Friday night, and then Sat. morning at 8 am, Ken came and picked me up, in his coat and beanie, and I grabbed more warm things, like my beanie and gloves and scarf and coat, and we drove, through beautiful snow-laden Provo (yes, it was the last day of April and everything was covered in snow...) out to Utah Lake, to the CLAS ropes course there where he works, and went canoeing! It was so much fun! We rowed all down the river nearly out to the lake, and back, and just talked and talked and talked. It was so great. Every now and then there would be a silence, when we were done with a topic, but it's never awkward silence. It's nice. I usually am the one to break the silence, probably partly because I maybe feel a little awkward with silence, but more so because I want to keep talking. And Ken is so easy to talk to and have a conversation with, I think we could talk all day. That's one thing that is very high on my list of importance in a guy, is being a conversationalist. And he's a pretty good one.

After we canoed, some of his co-workers were there, setting stuff up for the day, and one was messing with what Ken called the "human swing." He told me what it was, and then said, "You want to do it?" And I got excited and was like, "Yes." So he strapped me in and they hoisted me up with his buddy's car, because usually a group hoists the person up, but it was just Ken and his buddy right there, so they used the car. So the car pulled me up by a rope and then at the very top I let go of the little rope Ken gave me to hold onto, and I free fell for a second and then swung. It was such a rush!!! I haven't had that much of a rush in years, it was so fun! I definitely screamed. I did it twice and then Ken did it once. That was so much fun.

After we left there and were driving back he asked if I wanted hot chocolate. I said yeah, so we went to 7-Eleven, and got hot chocolate and he got a box of donuts, the "Donettes." Ha. Then he was driving back to my apt. and I thought he was just going to drop me off, but he asked if he could park in the parking lot (of BDA), and I thought maybe he wanted to stay longer than just dropping me off (and got excited at that idea..), so I told him to park in number 4, cuz no one lives there. So he did and came up the stairs with me, which is when I asked him if he had had breakfast or wanted some (at my apt.). He motioned to the box of donuts he was holding and then I understood that he bought those to share. So he followed my right in, and we sat at the table and drank our hot chocolate and at donuts, and just talked for a while. He just kept staying and talking, which I liked, I was just a little surprised. Eventually I asked if he wanted to sit down (as I motioned to the couches) and he said sure, so we went over to the couches, but he sat on the short couch, so I sat on the other couch because I felt awkward sitting on the little couch with him, but then I felt like we were like a mile apart. It was kind of funny. But then we got talking again and it was good. Still felt really far apart, but we just kept talking.

Eventually his work called him and said that the group scheduled for noon was coming after all, in spite of the snow, so he told him he'd be there and hung up. I thought he'd leave right away, but he kept on chatting for a few more minutes.

Then, as our conversation kind of reached a lull, he said he was sorry he had to leave, and he seemed really like he would rather stay. It was nice. So he grabbed his donuts and we hugged and he left.

By the night before I had basically decided that that was going to be our last date--and who knows, maybe it will be--but that that would be it, and that he wasn't the one, and that he was just trying me out one more time, or what not. But turns out it went even better than expected, and I am even more interested in him, and he seems to be at least somewhat interested in me..

I just want to be with him. I was hoping he would want to do something last night after work. He didn't. Probably a good thing because I needed to do homework. And then I've been hoping he would want to do something today, but so far no invites. He texted me a little bit ago, and when I saw it was him I screamed/squealed, and Alisha was in the room (she's back in Provo for the weekend) and guessed it was a text from Ken, and was right, and we were both excited... :) But he just asked if I had gotten a cold from yesterday. I said no, why, did you? He said no, he just wondered. So then we've texted back and forth a bit more, and it's been good I guess, nothing amazing or overly flirtatious, but better texting than usual with him. But yeah, nothing more.

I don't know what he's thinking, or how interested he is, and it's hard not to. I mean he seems to be interested, by asking me on dates, and he seems interested when we are on dates, but in between, I don't have much to go on. I feel like I'm still in like a trial period with him, like I still have to prove myself or something, and I don't love that feeling. It makes me a little anxious, because I feel like I am falling more and more for him, and becoming more and more interested in him, the more I get to know him, but I can't tell if it's a mutual thing, and that's hard because the more interested in him I become, the harder it is to be indifferent and not be hurt if it doesn't go anywhere.

But I'm practicing being patient and just seeing what happens. So, we'll see.