Today was Mother's Day and I went up to SL and we had a BBQ chicken dinner at Mom and Dad's house, with the Kerr's, and the Merkley's came later. It was fun, good to be with family. Megan (8) and I had some fun conversation and bonding moments tonight, as I was scraping the sweet potatoe fries off the pans and she stood there talking to me, and eating one with me every now and then; and then later she came and kind of layed on my leg with the blanket and we chatted some more, as we waited for dinner to be all ready. Then later she came and snuggled up with me on the couch and my blanket. That was a fun part of being home.
I am pretty much totally out of money right now, so I didn't buy Mom anything, even though I would have loved to give her something nice. But I wrote her a long note telling her specific reasons why I was so grateful to have her as a mother, specifically a lot of the attributes that I have, being due to her and her example growing up. These include not sweating the small stuff, worrying about only the really important things, being able to take on more responsibility without complaint, being able to go with the flow and be flexible with change, and knowing that as long as we keep the commandments and our covenants, God will always bless and take care of us and everything will always be okay. Mom is amazing, and I am truly grateful and so blessed to have been raised by her. I love her so much. One thing that is amazing about her is that she's always been so willing and wanting to do anything she could to help me (probably all us kids). I'm 24, and she still is that way, and still helps me with anything she can. I'm so lucky. I could go on all night, with a tribute to my mom, but I am so tired and really need to go to bed.
The other thing I wanted to write about is just that I'm so sick of boys. I'm not sick of them, they're just dumb. And when I say they, what I really mean mostly is that Ken is so dumb. So frustrating!! I don't get it! He seemed so interested, he asked me out a second time, canoing was so fun and then he kept extending the date by asking if I wanted hot chocolate, and then buying donuts and then bringing those donuts up and following me in to my apt so we could sit down and eat them and talk, and then he just kept staying and talking, and then seeming legitimately disappointed that he had to leave and go to work.. And then he never has called again! Aaa! I don't get it! I don't get guys!! He seemed so interested, and then nothing. We texted some the next few days, me initiating more of them than him, but on Wed. he texted me something about lots of BYUSA people coming to his ropes course the last few days, and then that we were in trouble. I didn't know what he meant by that second thing, but I responded to it all, and then I texted him again, joking around, and was like, "And how lucky you are to have BYUSA people there at the course...what great company! ;)" and he texted back and said, "the best of company." I was a little taken back, and flattered by that. I felt like he likely was referring to me, like I was when I joked about it. Maybe I was just kidding myself. But I gained some confidence from that, and after working on a response for a while, and changing it over and over, I decided to just say what I wanted to say, and I said, "The best, huh? Wow...you should probably spend more time with such company.:)" And then I asked him again what he was talking about with the "we are in trouble" comment. I felt like I was being pretty bold with my comment, but I was also joking around, being playful. But sort of serious. Anyway, he NEVER RESPONDED. Ever. Not even to my question. Ugh. It frustrates me because I feel like he left me out to dry by not responding, and I haven't really heard from him since (except a response to my one text comment yesterday morning about good thing we went canoing last week (when it was snowy) and not this week, because of the weather [being so good now]. It was just ironic and funny, and he responded with just a one-liner. Nothing special. But I just don't get it. He seemed so interested and was causing me to become more and more interested and was making me feel more and more like he was actually worth investing some hope and serious interest in, which I was, and now I got burned.
Even if he called now, I would be irritated. I want to be like, "Why didn't you call? If you really like spending time with me, which is what you definitely led me to believe, esp. on that last date, why only once every couple or few weeks?
I feel like he is just another one of those guys just playing the field, having fun, not wanting to commit to, or get anywhere near having to commit, to anything. Makes me so frustrated. Largely in part because as the girl, we are basically helpless. We can't do anything. It's all in their court. And if ever we do, then (often) we are "forward," and that's a turn off and we lose anyway. I hate this game and feeling so helpless.
I agree with Kim, my new roommate (we have been having some heated conversations about the dumbness of guys around here lately, she feeling much the same way), when she said yesterday, "I would do it really well, as a guy" (or something to that effect). They think it's hard to be the guy, or scary or whatever. But they have no idea how frustrating it is to just have to sit and wait to see what the guys are going to do, feeling so helpless sometimes. Argh.
Ok, gotta go to bed.
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