Good day

Today was a good day. I have the whole weekend off for Memorial Day weekend (I chose to work Labor Day weekend instead, between the two), so today, Saturday, I got up, went to the gym, ran 6 miles (which was the farthest I've run since my last half marathon I think, haha (I'm training for another half that's in..about three weeks, aaa..) ), came home and did some much needed cleaning (my bathroom, living room, the downstairs kitchen floor); mowed the lawn, and then headed out to Rosanna's, but stopped at a book signing of a BYU friend of mine. Actually she was my secretary when I was RS Pres. in Glenwood before my mission, Heidi Doxey, and she just published her first novel, and her book signing was just over in Sugarhouse, so I stopped by, got the book, and then went to the Kerrs' house. It was fun to see her though, and see her book! I'm totally excited to read it.

So yeah, then went to Rosanna's, which was really good. Probably the best visit I've had there since Dylan died. We had dinner, then Megan played with my hair, I did Rachel's nails, we all (except Steve) played this new game Simon got for his birthday called something Your Assets. It was fun!
Then it was bedtime, but I went up and hung out with the kids upstairs for a bit, looking at Simon's new Lego sets, and their Lego book with Megan and Simon. It was fun to be with the kids. Earlier in the evening I talked to them about if their friends at school knew about Dylan, and their feelings on that, and if they wished more kids at school knew and such. It was just good to be able to talk about those things, I think, and hear Simon and Megan's thoughts and feelings on those things. Hopefully good for them, but good for me too. I just worry about them, and lately I've felt like they probably need to talk about things more. I certainly am a talker, meaning I need to talk about things to work through them. And I figure I'm probably not that unique in that. Especially with something like losing your brother. Simon's doing pretty good, he misses Dylan, but he talks about the whole situation in a very matter of fact way, it's pretty funny actually. He's such a boy, haha. Megan is doing better than I think she has been, but I think it's messed with her emotions and mental state more than anyone else. She seems like she struggles with a depression-like mood sometimes, and feels more sad and down. I feel for her, and hope so much that I can be a good friend/aunt to her through this. I need to do better at that. I need to go out there more. I wish they lived a little bit closer to us so I could more easily go over there more. But I need to anyway. Rosanna is still struggling too. You wouldn't guess it, but she mentioned something yesterday about being functional again one day. I don't know how she goes on with such a good face on. She's amazing.

It just still feels surreal to me sometimes. All the time, really. It just still doesn't seem totally real that Dylan is really gone. And when I think about it, it makes me so sad very quickly. Which is why I don't know how Rosanna deals with it and is able to function at all.

But it was good to be there. I sure love those kids, Megan, Rachel, and Simon. And they love me, which I feel so grateful for and so blessed by. Simon hugs me, which means the world to me. Because the other boy grandkids don't just come up and hug me. Well, Caleb does, haha, love that kid. But the Merkley boys don't. Love them all though. So grateful for our family.