When it rains, it pours

So last week it had been 10 days since Andy and I had texted, which is a long time for us; and even longer since he had initiated texting. But he's so busy with finishing school, it's not a big deal (and I say that like he SHOULD be texting me, like we're actually dating...oh man..). But I texted him because I saw on facebook that he was done with classes, so we chatted about that, I told him congrats, etc. Then a couple days later I send him a finals week/congrats on graduating package, inspired by this awesome Batman watch I found on clearance at Walmart last week. So when he got that on like Friday, he of course texted me, and had a great reaction to it:
you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha
haha Randy just brought me in a package from outside and I was like,"what? I didn't order anything from Amazon recently.." Haha! thanks so much, that was a really nice surprise!
And I was like, haha, you're welcome :)
Then he was like, "the batman watch is amazing"
So that kind of made my day, him getting the package and having such a good reaction to it. Then we ended up texting back and forth throughout the day and the next.
Anyway, during all this, over the weekend, some good things were happening with some guys on Tinder (Tinder is so hit and miss), and one guy, McKay, even set up a date with me for next Sat. He's cute, seems fine, nothing that I'm stoked out of my mind about or anything, but it could be fun. And then there's Brett, the cute bald guy. He started chatting with me more and more frequently. Instead of our messages being days apart, we had a bunch of back and forth all in the same day, and ended up planning on jamming together on our guitars in a few weeks when his semester of dental school is up on May 9. And then there is the other McKay, whose twin brother I used to be Physics friends with at BYU, years ago, who I matched with and messaged about having met and knowing his brother, and small world, etc., and hoped he would message me, and days later he did! This was also last weekend.
So lots of good things, or good conversations, at least, were happening with a good few guys, plus the good texting with Andy, and I just love him. So much.
And I kind of got stressed about things, because I feel like in some ways, other guys would fit with me so much better, but I realized that I am scared to let Andy go. I had that realization and I cried. I cried at the thought of letting him go, ever. I love him, I've told him that, he's told me that, but I really do. And I realized he's the first guy I've really loved this much. I'm not madly in love with him, but sometimes I wonder if it's getting to that. It was so fun to text him so much over the weekend, and we were just jiving, it was like we should start dating, it was that good. He even practically asked me to do something on Sat. night! We were just texting back and forth, and suddenly he was like, "I suddenly have the urge to do something active! What are you up to tonight?" And I got all excited and nervous and giddy kind of, and told him I was just doing things like laundry, planning my lesson, work modules, etc., things that would be really hard to tear myself away from... but then he never really followed up with that thought. I was actually kind of glad because though I wanted to see him, I was worried he'd want me to come down there, and it was already past 8:30 pm and I was so tired from our spring clean day in Huntsville, and needed to get some things done, etc., but I was a little bummed that he didn't invite me to do something like it seemed like he was about to. Maybe even just more curious to know what he was going to say that he never did, or what he had in mind when he asked what I was up to that night.. Anyway, with our texting and everything over the weekend, it felt like we likely would date again, and I have still been hoping, more and more, especially over the weekend, that we will again, after he's done with school. Which could be as soon as this weekend. And that thought is exciting. It's exciting to picture him with me through the summer, doing things with my family, etc. But then there are these other guys, who may be, such as the 2nd McKay (the red headed twin), more like the kind of guys I've always pictured myself with. Or that I can picture myself with, physically, a little easier. I love Andy, so much. And I would love to be with him again, so much. Especially because having grown so much closer and become even better friends since we were last really dating, it would just be SO FUN to date now. So fun.
But then I still have thoughts and doubts that it's right or would work out between us long term. And even though I'm trying not to think like that when I shouldn't, the thought of dating him again, growing even closer, loving him even more, and then having to say goodbye again, that hurts. That is not a fun thought. And it's already hard to think of having to lose him forever anyway. So yeah, I have realized that again, I am afraid to let Andy go. I am. Even now, it practically brings me to tears to think of losing him. I love him. Even though he's quarky, I do love him. And I'm not saying I want to marry him necessarily, but I love him. And yes, part of me still wants to date him and be with him again, so bad.
But I don't know. I don't know what will happen or if that's right. I go back and forth so often. And I don't know what he's thinking.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts on Andy. I love him. Maybe he's not the one, but I do love the guy.