Welp, Tinder continues to prove disappointing, time and time again. You get on, it's exciting for a while, or every now and then it seems exciting and like something great could come of it, and then guys continue to disappoint.
McKay #1 didn't happen. McKay #2 didn't respond to my last message for 6 days and then last night randomly messaged me and said, "I don't know Tinder etiquette, but I think we should go to dinner. What do you think?" Haha, what the? Well, hello again.. But I said, "Haha, sure!" about 30 min later, and haven't heard from him since. Whatever. And Brett, the cute bald guy, we are planning on jamming on our guitars together, after he is done with finals on May 9, but since planning this and what songs we are going to play (All for You by Sister Hazel, and Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran), he's not the best conversationalist. Mostly I've conducted convo and he'll answer my questions, but that's about it.
So needless to say, my hopes are not up in regards to any of these fellows.
As far as the Andy situation...oh man, how much I go back and forth about the whole thing is ridiculous. The other night he hadn't texted me back for a few hours and I thought he was probably trying to give me the hint to move on, and I lost it and cried in my pillow and begged Heavenly Father to let him text me back. I needed him to text me back. I was so afraid of letting him go.
The next morning he had, and we texted back and forth a bunch that day and night, and it was great.
And then last night, as I was showering after work, I just had some thoughts again, as I have had every now and then in the past, that he isn't the one. That I love him and I will miss him, as I do even now, but that there is someone else who I will have more fun with, and that will be more natural to imagine marrying. And that thought was okay. My one thing now, as far as the thought of being with someone else, I just really need that someone else to treat me like Andy has. He has set a REALLY high bar, as far as that goes, and how touchy he is, in such a good way. That is one of my favorite things about him, and about our relationship, is that he was always so touchy and made me feel so wanted and attractive. And I really want that in any relationship and marriage. So I told Heavenly Father that. I love to be touched, that is one of my love languages, for sure, physical touch.
On a totally different note, yesterday I worked a day shift, and it was a good, busy shift, but the highlight of my day was this: I needed to take out and put a new foley catheter in my new admit, and I remembered that Brian, one of our HCAs, and a boy who is cute, and I like (not romantically, I just like the kid, we have pretty much followed the same education path: exercise science at BYU, accelerated nursing program at the U, and he is about to graduate this summer, a year after I did), is in nursing school, about to start his capstone semester. We have been becoming better friends, so I told him I needed to put in a catheter, and would he want to come do it? He is person of little enthusiastic emotion, he usually seems pretty serious, even though he definitely can laugh and be fun. So he didn't seem like he really wanted to, but I told him not to feel obligated at all, but if he was interested, to come to room 1 in a few minutes.
Well, he did! I was sort of surprised, but as he was there, I took out the old catheter, and then helped him get set up with the new kit, and kind of walked him through it. And he did just fine, he did great. I could tell he was nervous, I think he was shaking just a tiny bit, which probably even the family member helping hold the patient probably couldn't tell, but he did great. And later I told him good job and he thanked me for letting him do it, and for watching out for him. And that just totally made my day, because I couldn't even tell if he had really even wanted to, he showed absolutely no positive emotion towards the idea, so I thought he might have even been annoyed or what not. But he was glad, and grateful! And that just made my day that I was blessed to have had the idea to let him do it, and that he was glad he got to, that I was able to provide someone else a positive learning experience. Paying it forward, y'know?
Anyway, that was really neat.
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