Missing Andy again. I know, I know.

I've been missing Andy more the last few days.
What is wrong with me??!?!
I can't believe how much I go back and forth.
He's been sick for the last week+, which I didn't know til the end of last week, and by Sunday I felt so bad because he wasn't getting better and felt terrible, and I told him (via text) on Sunday that if I hadn't had to work that night I was thinking of coming down to see him, because I felt so bad that he'd been so sick. That was putting my heart out there a little bit, because I didn't know how he would respond. I figured, or hoped, that he would say something encouraging like, "I would have loved that:)" or "that would have been so great" or something. But all I got was a "That is kind of you :)" And then he continued our conversation. I was at work at the time and was a little bummed about his response! I didn't then and I still don't know how to interpret it (which yes, later I realized I should have just said, "now how would you have felt about that, that is the question", but by the time I thought to actually ask him, the moment was gone.). Was he just being polite but trying not to come right out and say it's good that I didn't come? Or was he hinting that he would have liked that?
You'd think after all this time and all that we've been through, and that he missed me like I missed him before, I wouldn't question. But I do! Maybe he's met someone else, or just feels like he needs to let me go. And that would be okay, I mean, it would be hard I think, but I would just like to know, if that is the case, so I can stop thinking about him like this.
So yeah, it seems like he's been texting me less and such lately. At least initiating less. And I had been crediting that to him being sick. But I'm starting to wonder if he is just purposely trying to distance himself, for whatever reason.
And I don't know if it is because of that and the dumb human nature to want what you can't have that has made me miss him and want him more lately, or what. But I've definitely been thinking about him more today and yesterday, and would love to see him. I daydream at work about him showing up there, and what a romantic moment it could be.. okay that's embarrassing that I just confessed that. I sound like a twelve year old girl.
Anyway, and I don't know if it's him that I miss, or I just miss being held, and wanted, and kissed. I do miss those things. But I think I do miss him too. I like him for him, in addition to how well he treated me.

Also, I've suddenly been thinking more about our upcoming family reunion in Bear Lake in July. I'm way excited about it, and about all things summer right now, but I can't tell you how badly I want to be able to take a boy with me. I don't think I can hope for a husband to take, at this point, but a boyfriend. Someone I am dating. I want to have someone there with me so bad.
And in the past I have been planning on, and have even said--somewhat jokingly, but also serious--that I'm either taking a guy or Jamie, but I'm taking someone. Win win.
But as of the last couple days, I don't want to take Jamie. Not because I don't love her, I do. But I just really want to have a guy there with me. Someone that I really like. That would be so fun and amazing. I just want to find that person and get married so bad. And I go through phases, but right now I feel so done with girls, and I just want my boy.
But so bad I want to take a guy with me to Bear Lake. At this point I feel like my best bets are either Andy--if we are still going like this at that point, I would love to invite him, I think that would be so fun, and it would be a great opportunity to get to know him better and see him with my family a lot and continue to pursue if I want to be serious with him--and Kory Fleming. He's a bum and doesn't seem to be too committed to dating or wanting to get married right now. At least he doesn't act like it. But we get along really well and he is a really great guy and very attractive to me, despite his being pretty much the same height as me (I think I'm destined to marry someone not tall.). Plus he will have just run Ragnar with us a couple weeks before, and who knows what could happen in a van with someone for two days..ha.
And so that is my new goal. To have a guy with me at Bear Lake. And I have til July. Four months.