So it's been a week and a few days since we broke up, and I still miss him. Still more than I thought I would. I'm not falling apart or missing him to tears, but I do miss him and a lot of things about him. Last night I was at work and I was daydreaming about him coming to visit me and seeing him walking down the hall, and I would have given a lot to see him then. He treated me so well and made me feel so wanted, and I think that is part of what I miss most.
I still wonder if it's him I miss or just being with someone, and I still can't quite answer that question. We didn't text for a few days last week, pretty much the whole second half of the week, and I really missed him, but I wanted him to text me. Then by Sunday I still hadn't heard from him and I was wondering if he missed me too. But then my prayers were answered and he texted me Sunday night. I was so glad, I needed that right then!
Since then we've been texting intermittently, and it's so fun. It's so fun/nice to have someone who cares about me and what's going on and keeping tabs on me. Is that what I like? Or do I like him? I don't know, this is what I don't know.
We've been texting tonight, and it's been fun. He's so great and fun to text with. He's been studying with Joel, and then Joel and I were texting too, love that kid. And sidenote, he is probably getting married this summer, I'm so excited for him!
So yeah..I don't know how to feel about Andy or what to do or what will happen. We text and obviously care about each other enough still, I feel like we will do something again in the future. Whether we will date again, I don't know, but I wouldn't be super surprised, honestly. So much of the time since we broke up I want to be with him so bad. And I really want to see him again and do something. And I feel like he probably does too..? I don't know.
I just pray every day to know how I should feel about him. I try to picture us married and with kids and in different situation if we were to get married, and sometimes it's easier than others. I think we could have a really good marriage, I know he would treat me really well and I'd always be taken care of. But what I still don't know is if, after the honeymoon stage, would I still love being with him. If we are totally poor or one of us has cancer, would I still be so happy just to be with him and spend time together. Would I just enjoy him, anytime and always and in any situation? I don't know. One reason I really like being with him is the romantic side of him. He's very touchy, which I love. I'm the same way and I really want, maybe need that. I love that. He really likes (or liked, I guess I should say) being close to me and touching me (appropriately, of course), and I always loved that.
I don't know.. anyway.
I need to go to bed, I've got to work again in the morning. I worked last night and then had that mock code training after for a couple hours, which put me at about 15 hours at work last night/today, and then I came home and slept for about five hours, and now I need to go back to bed so I can work again tomorrow. But then we leave the next day for San Francisco!! Jamie, Wendy and me, and I'm so excited!!!!
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