I have a lot to catch up on in here, but here's a summary of what's going on in my life:
Since school ended (SO glad to not be in school right now) I've mostly been working (at Courtyard at Jamestown), getting quite a few shifts, and playing with Tisah. :) Tisah Quarnberg is my best friend, I love her. We are both extremely single and have made a pack that if one starts dating someone, that someone better provide a brother or a roommate or a cousin, or someone for the other, because it just won't work out anymore for one to be dating someone while the other isn't. Though we will allow a 2 week window, but that's our max.
A couple weeks ago (June 20?) she and I road-tripped it up, in her car, to none other than Big Piney, Wyoming, to see Joel's (Elder Anderson) second homecoming. We surprised him, and he was SO surprised! It was so great! We left at just before 5 am (got up at 4:25) and made it to his 9 am ward up there (his old ward, now he lives in Lyman, WY) very on time, even early enough to finish putting on makeup, get dressed in the car, etc. The whole day was a blast, to hang out with Tisah all day and talk a ton, and to see Joel. It was so good.
That whole week Tisah and I did something together almost every day. We're practically dating. :) We went to the pool (across the street at Liberty Square:) one day, to a movie another, made dinner together and watched one on my laptop...what else.. I just love her, we have so much fun together. And we don't really have many other friends (or so we say:), so we just hang out with each other. :)
I have gone on 2 more dates with Daniel....y'know, I don't think I've written about him in here yet...hmm. Daniel Smith is this kid who was in my English class just this last semester (Spring) and I totally had a crush on him, and even weaseled my way into the same group as him for the group paper. It was so fun to work on with him, and I wanted him to get my number (we did exchange.."just in case," he said:) and to ask me out, which he did. Our first date we went hiking, and it was a lot of fun, we were able to talk the whole time really easily. Second date we met up at Spoon it Up, right by J-Dawgs south of campus, and got ice cream together, which was amazing. Then this last tues he took me to dinner at Applebees, which was really good, and then last night we went and saw Toy Story 3, which was hilarious. Loved it.
Now, four dates, that's kind of a lot. Do I like him? Now, I would lean more toward yes. It's not that I have ever not liked him, there's actually nothing about him I could say I don't like (well, except his name, I've never wanted to marry a Smith...). I just haven't been feeling it. And it dawned on me a couple nights ago, it's because he doesn't flirt a whole lot. He's funny, and sometimes he teases me, but not a whole lot of flirtation, which I now realize is important. And he hasn't been at all physical, which I appreciate in the beginning, but now that we know each other better and we've gone on a few dates, I was wanting something to happen last night, like for him to hold my hand, but I got nothin'. I'm most attracted to him when I'm with him. And last night he smelled SOO good, and I was loving it (such a turn on!). I was trying to help him out with the physical advancement, and I was leaning pretty good toward his chair, not trying to stay in my own space really, and at times our arms were touching, but then he would move, like he didn't want to be touching or something. It's weird. Now I think he's chicken. Either that or he hasn't wanted to do anything because he knew I was leaving for Texas for 5 weeks. But we are still side-hugging for crying out loud! Yes, we side-hugged again last night. But that's fine.
But he does smell really good. Mmmm. :)
Then there's Joel. I love him, I really do. This last Sat (a week ago) he actually came down from WY to hang out with me, so in the morning we went to our ward service project, then we (and a bunch of friends and aquaintances from the ward) floated the Provo River down the canyon, and then a bunch of us and he went to the Lehi Rodeo that night. It was so much fun to hang out with him and be around him. At the rodeo I was really wishing he didn't have to leave to drive back that night (he had to teach EQ at church the next morning), and I was dreading the time when he would have to leave. I just loved sitting next to him and being with him, it felt so good, and so right and comfortable. After we got back from the rodeo and he dropped Tisah, Keri (Zeller), and me off, they all left and he and I talked by his car for a bit and it was so great. I was totally wanting and willing to kiss him. We hugged a couple times goodbye, nothing else. But I walked in the door and Jen (my Korean roommate, love her:) talked to me about Joel for a while and I just told her how much I loved him, and it was just the major height difference that was my obstacle. He is 5'2'', if I have never mentioned that. Yes, very short. But he's amazing and we have such a unique and strong emotional bond, a relationship unlike I've had with anyone else. We can talk for hours on the phone, and we do talk almost every night.
Jen, surprisingly (she is inactive and has been for 2+ years), suggested that I need to fast and pray about him to know if I should really pursue him like that or not. I agreed with her, so I started praying about him that night, and I asked Heavenly Father to help me to know if I should pursue him romantically or what not. Then on Sunday, for some reason, my feelings for him totally changed. Well, not totally, I still love him a ton, but those romantic feelings weren't there anymore. It was really strange, it was a huge change, basically overnight. And I didn't know what did it really. Later I realized maybe it was Heavenly Father answering my prayer. I don't know. But I also realized that I think I stopped feeling romantic toward him because I realized that Joel is still finding himself. And I love him more as a friend than I could describe, we are so close, and I would do anything for him. But I need someone who already has that confidence and surety in himself and that life experience, of just time.
The hard thing is that I think he is in love with me. I know he loves me and would literally do anything for me. But I think that there is more. Part of me thinks that he would ask me to marry him if he thought I'd say yes. And it's hard for me because I love talking to him, I love being with him. And I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of us, but it would need to be a ways down the road, after he has more found himself. And I'm not saying it's bad that he still is, and I try to help him all the time realize how great he is and stuff, but I just really would like to marry a guy who already has found that. But the great thing is that Joel has come so far, since the mission. He used to be so hurt by short jokes. And the other night he was crackin' some way funny short jokes to me about himself, I was dying! It was hilarious, and it made me so happy and proud.
But he does know I've gone on multiple dates with Daniel, that came out on Tues, when we were texting and I had to go cuz Daniel was going to be here soon, and I didn't want to just stop texting Joel. Later that night we were texting and Joel was asking more about Daniel and what not, and I got the feeling it was hard for him to hear I was going on dates with someone else, but since then he seems more fine. And I'm glad he knows, it makes things between us more..comfortable, casual? I dunno. But I'm just glad he knows. I want him to be looking for other girls too.
Anyway, this is really long and it's now almost 1 am here in TX. Tomorrow I have training for my first week of EFY, and I'm so excited about it all. Partly cuz I got new pants and new shoes and a new hair cut and I feel pretty cute. :) Ha. I'm way excited to be a counselor though.
Goodnight!
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