Blessed car conversation with Wendy

I'm especially thankful for Wendy today.

We went camping last night up at Lava Hot Springs, with Jamie's family. So there was Jamie, Wendy, me, Mark, Tron, Keri (Mark's friend), Kaylie Walker, Melanie and Matte and baby Brooke, and their parents. When we left yesterday, I didn't want to go. I was just totally exhausted from going and doing fun things, ironically. I can't think of the last weekend I just stayed home. This summer, and specifically the last month or so, has been so fun, but so much. We have gone and done so many fun things, and Jamie and I have become especially close, but I am getting burned out, and frankly, am glad the summer is almost over. I'm just yeah, exhausted from fun things. I am ready to get back to work, and feel productive and busy again. I'm really hoping to get a job soon (I had an offer the other day, for the BMT unit at LDS, where Maggie and I did our capstones, but then I just didn't feel good about it, so I turned it down.), for multiple reasons, but that's one: to work.

But back to the camping story. So I was just really tired and exhausted from going, going, going, but I couldn't not go, since I had said I wanted to and that I was coming (just the day before, I was excited. Then Jamie and I had a sleepover, which is a common occurance these days, and then I (both of us) was totally lacking sleep, which is pretty much always the case when we have sleepovers.) But, so lack of sleep definitely added to me not being as excited anymore. And there are just so many things I want to do now, at home, projects and stuff, that I would have loved to stay home and work on. Or blogging, for example.

Anyway, I ended up riding up with Wendy, and Jamie drove alone (Wendy was leaving in the morning to go to Twin Falls to her sister's). I felt bad that someone had to drive alone, but I was also really grateful to get to ride with Wendy. It's been a while since we really chatted, just she and I, and Jamie and I have been spending so much time together, often without Wendy. And I also welcomed the time away from Jamie. I love her so much, and she is my best friend, but sometimes I think we almost spend too much time together, and it's just too much. And it had gotten to that point yesterday for me, after our sleepover and everything the night before. And breaks are good, even from good things.

So I was kind of in a bad mood as we left, and Wendy thought it was because I "had" to ride with her (no way was that the reason!), but I told her why I was (just from being exhausted from always going and doing fun things), and that started a really long and great conversation that I'm so grateful for.

As Jamie and I have become closer and closer, and have been spending more time together, just the two of us, Wendy has (not surprisingly) been feeling slightly left out and hurt. Not a ton, but definitely some. Like I said, I wasn't super surprised (I've been wondering if Jamie's and my time together hanging out all the time has been affecting her in a negative way--because, the thing is, to my knowledge, we haven't been purposely leaving her out, we just haven't had to work, or not as much these last two weeks, as Wendy, so we've just had more time to hang out), but I felt really bad about it. Wendy shared some other related frustrations and sources of anxiety, including seeing her and Jamie's friendship changing recently, that she has noticed. She became emotional about it (at one point wondered out loud how I got that out of her..:), and eventually she made me emotional too. Wendy and I both shared feelings about the situation, including me feeling like the time Jamie and I spend together is perhaps becoming too much. She helped me to see some things, including the Jamie thing, in good, fresh perspective, and was also very kind to help me see some things I need to perhaps change (like always being with Jamie, and what that looks like to others, like guys, and how if we keep going like this, we may seem less available, if we're always together, and what not). I really appreciated her honesty with me, about how she's been feeling about the me and Jamie friendship evolving, and about some things I should possibly step back and re-evaluate in my life. That is a true friend. She certainly did it with love.

We also talked about guys, and our possible plans of action, or our next move in seeking a husband. She really wants me to message Aaron Hammond (who is still single), and ask him if he wants to go grab lunch sometime and catch up. I want to, I'm just scared to. We also talked about both getting on Match.com (online dating website), just for a month, with this groupon I got. It's for $5, just for a month I think, so we'll probably both just try it out for a month. I have had absolutely no desire to get back on online dating, until I saw this groupon the other day for Match.com, and it kind of got me thinking about it again. And it became even more appealing when we were talking about both doing it. :)

Anyway, so things have been clarified and are much better with Wendy. She thought that we didn't want her around and stuff, which has NEVER been the case, at least not with me. I absolutely love the girl, and love having her around, anytime! I'm so sad that she has felt that way or anything like it, but I'm also so grateful we can be open with each other, and for the healing and repairing and clarification that took place her in car on the way to Lava yesterday. We were texting some tonight and I told her that I feel like that conversation, and getting to ride with just her yesterday, was an answer to unspoken prayers, and that I am so grateful for the ride. I realized it was an answer to some spoken prayers as well. What a blessing it was, and that she is in my life.