But to try to sum up the high points (or major happenings, I should say, they're not all high points). So things with Bryant did not work out. They were SOO good for a bit, we texted back and forth a ton for a couple days after our awesome date. It was really fun and we became extremely flirtatious, possible more so than I've ever been with anyone. Through our flirting it became clear that we both wanted to cuddle, and he basically suggested that we try it next time we hang out. Typing this, that sounds almost inappropriate, but I promise, it was all appropriate, clean, and fine. It was really funny. Anyway, on top of that, in that same flirtation, I pretty much told him that I liked him. And I only admitted that because I was very confident that the feeling was mutual. Otherwise I would never say such a thing to a boy.
Anyway, then things were kind of weird over the weekend of Halloween, we didn't text much at all, and I was starting to wonder what was going on, then he texted me on Monday, and then we texted more on Tuesday, and it was good again that day, except that day we were texting about...well, long story short, I told him he should come down to my Institute cuz it is really good, and he asked if I was trying to get him to come down and see me again..and I was still slightly irritated at him for the weekend weirdness, and then trying to just go back to flirting with me. So I said I wouldn't complain, but that our Institute really is good. Then he said "Provo is just so far..." and I was kind of hurt by that, b/c it made me feel like I wasn't worth driving a mere hour for. And yeah, compared to living here, that is far, but I felt like he and I had some really good potential, and guys like him, and guys that I click with that well, don't come around everyday, and I would be willing to drive an hour to go see him. Plus it was harder for me to get up there b/c I am so crazy busy with school and everything. So I was kind of hurt that he obviously didn't feel the same way.
We texted a little more later in the week, initiated by me though, but then things were weird. And I was up in Salt Lake that weekend, which he knew I would be, but never said anything about wanting to do anything, which bummed me out too. So I decided I wouldn't either, since I already put myself out there.
So that weekend (Nov 6, 2010) I was up in Salt Lake and Sandy, staying with Camille and Jake and going to Megan's baptism, and then staying at the Merkley's again Sat. night. The weekend was so fun, and so needed! I had needed to get away from my apartment and my roommates for a while, and it was a great breath of fresh air. I love hanging out with family, especially Camille and Jake. And it was so good to see Mom and Dad, and Rosanna and Steve and all the kids; and Grandma and Grandpa Gurr were there, and even Lanette, and it was so good to see them, especially Lanette. She and I ended up talking together for a long time at the Kerr's house after the baptism, and she told me all about the Hardy's situation, and Rulon, and how abusive and brainwashing he's been to Diane and all the kids for so long; and about Diane and her situation of leaving him for good finally and living with Ty and Lanette in their basement with Rachel. I had no idea everything that was going on and had gone on for so long with their family. It is so sad. It definitely made me even more grateful though for my family and my "normal" upbringing. I am SO grateful for devoted, loving parents, who rarely fought in front of us kids, and who have stayed so true to each other, and for Dad, who has ALWAYS treated mom so well. I can't really believe how lucky I got to have such amazing, loving, compassionate people as parents. They are truly amazing. And I just pray for the Hardy family. Fast Sunday was the next day, and I included Diane and Rachel and the Thorpes in my fast. I can't imagine what they are really going through. I really have experienced nothing like that kind of emotional trauma. I have a lot of respect and admiration for Lanette for being such a strength and rescuer to Diane and her family.
Anyway, so that afternoon I still hadn't heard from Bryant, which I was hoping to, he knowing I was up there (while texting after our date he had told me to let him know anytime I was up there, so I was wondering why, now that he knew, why he wasn't asking me to do anything..). But I really wanted to hang out with him, so I texted him, just how are you, and then later, while I was at the Merkley's, after having put the boys to bed while Camille and Jake were at dinner, I texted him again and told him I was still up there in SL, and that he should come hang out at my sister's.
No response. Ever.
Until the next afternoon, Sunday, when he said "I realized my response never got sent. I was at the Real soccer game." No apology, nothin. So I was slightly irritated, but after a while responded with "Fun, how was it?" and he said "it was really cool, how was your weekend?" Something felt really weird, I didn't know what was going on or where we were anymore, so finally I texted him back and told him how my weekend was, and then said "Is everything ok? I don't really know what's going on anymore..." And he texted back that he needed to call me soon (he told me that in a text a few days before, and tried calling when I was still in institute, but that tonight would be hard, and that he was really bad at this. So at that point I knew it wasn't going to be good. Which is why some tears leaked out.
I texted back and told him I'd be up til midnight probably and please just tell me, and that whatever it was, it was okay. So he said he'd call me.
He did a while later, and told me that his pre-mission girlfriend and he had been talking a lot lately and decided to get back together and be exclusive. That is beasically what I thought it was, but it still hurt. I felt like there was finally someone I was really interested in, and even more, was interested back, and now I was 2nd best. It was hard. I felt like I was being dumped, and we weren't even dating. I cried for a bit that night, and I think a little the next day, but I'm okay now. I'm not mad at him though, which is a miracle. I think it has a lot to do with me praying to not be mad at him and not direct my hurt at him. Prayers are definitely answered.
He's been through so much, his mom died 6 months into his mission, then his dad remarried 5 months later; his brother has gone inactive; he's living with a friend right now; not to mention he just got home from his mission and is adjusting, which is the suckiest thing of all. Plus, I'm an hour away, and she is closer to him, so I'm glad she can be there for him. Plus, I was worried with how interested I already was in him, and that things seemed like they really could go somewhere, b/c I was concerned about his size. He is kind of skinny and small. He's my height, barely, maybe even a half an inch shorter, and his legs are thin. He does have broad shoulders, which helps a lot, but still. Also, on top of that, his shoes.
I don't know if I've ever written about my shoe fetish with guys, but I have one. Their shoes is one of the first things I look at on a guy. I feel like you can tell a lot about a guy's personality from what kind of shoes they are wearing. Anyway, there are certain shoes that I am not so attracted too, such as converse (most of all), skater shoes, the slip-on really flat boat-type shoes; also the flat, popular Vans tennis shoes (not athletic type) that so many guys wear these days. Those are the kind of shoes Bryant wears. Though, because of this, and because of other guys who I've been attracted to that also wear those shoes lately, despite the fact that they wear those shoes, I've begun to rethink my opinion of guys who wear those ones...
Anyway, so Bryant Pearson is out. But I hope to meet someone that has a lot of his qualities. He was an amazing conversationalist, probably the best I've ever known, who I was interested in back, he is so funny, he thinks I am funny, he was a fantastic missionary, has a powerful testimony, he is kind, he is able to be openly complimentary, and with some very sincere compliments; and he is a gentleman. I hope his life turns out really well, I really do.
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