Anyway, so I talked to them about him, and kind of voiced my frustrations to them. And Thomas, being the great voice of reason that he always is, convinced me that I really need to talk to him. So I decided the next time I get a chance, I would. If for nothing else, to find out if there was really anything there between us for him, and if not, no big deal, I'll just move on.
So I've been thinking a lot about him and about the situation, and on the way home from our RS sleepover at the Becksteads this morning, as I was in the car with Jenny from the ward, we were talking about dating and I ended up telling her all about the Isaac situation and my issues and frustrations and then at the end I told her who I was talking about.
She then proceeded to tell me that basically he actually just got with someone, like just barely this week. That there's a girl that's liked him and kind of been trying for months for him, and he's not done anything with her either, until somehow I guess they just barely got together.
Wow. Ouch. Ouch? How do I react to that.
Bummer.
At first it was okay, it maybe explained some things.
The rest of the car ride I just tried to brush it off, and told Jenny I was glad she told me, that it was good to know. And that was true. I was so curious to know who it was, she was in our ward and she lives in BDA, I got that much out of her, but she wouldn't tell me who it is.
However, I figured out that, at least I'm pretty dang sure, that it's Kindal. Which is fine.
But then when I got home it set in. I felt rejected. Again.
And that kind of put me in a bummer mood all day. Plus I never really had any stimulating social interaction today, which didn't help. I don't have classes on fridays (today), so I don't see class mates, but I was on campus for a few hours, but still nothing much. I got a lot done, but was also alone with my thoughts pretty much the whole day too.
I thought a lot about how much I would like to be in a relationship, or even just have a good guy friend, that I could hang out with and see often, who would like to see me often too. I so crave even just a friendship like that. I really don't have any good guy friends, not ones outside of classes. And I miss that. I miss feeling wanted to be around by guys, to just hang out or whatever.
But I guess part of it is that I'm at an age where I don't just hang out...I dunno, no...actually I think a more part of it is that I just don't know a lot of guys that are older, or at least my age, that I would want to hang out with all the time. No, I guess I just really just don't have good guy friends. I just don't have a group of guy friends anymore, all the guys that I used to be good friends with before my mission have gotten married or moved away. Bummer.
It's kind of a lonely time of life I'm in right now. And I'm really not always depressed like this, which is probably how I sound here, or a lot lately. But I just really would love to be done with the single scene. I just don't have any really good friends, that aren't married. I really don't. I know a bunch of people in the ward and wherever, and have a bunch of friends, but none really that I hang out with all the time or confide in regularly. And I want that so bad.
And I know it'll come and it'll happen when it's supposed to, and that my life is very in God's hands, but it's just hard to wait, y'know?
Oh, so by this afternoon I wasn't feeling quite so down about the Isaac thing. Depending on the minute I feel like Kindal is better for him anyway. He was a music major and is very into music, and she is very musically talented too. I like music, but I'm more athletic than musical, I would say. Anyway, things like that. But I also have kind of decided that maybe he has been interested in me but hasn't known how I felt, so has been scared to do anything. I've analyzed events from the Manti Pageant trip last weekend over and over, coming to multiple conclusions, including my last clue to that it is Kindal. But things he did that trip, I just can't help but think he feels something for me. Maybe she was just more forward with him. I'm not one to compete at all, but this time I kind of feel like trying. So this afternoon I texted a few people a mass text, inviting them to come scalp tickets with us (Jessica and me) tomorrow for the Stadium of Fire, and I texted him too, but I personalized his. I wanted to see what he would say. Oh, and he's up in Lake Tahoe for the weekend (at least), which I knew, but I wanted to invite him anyway, to see what he would say. Is that bad?
He responded very quickly actually, and said, "I would love to, but I'm in Lake Tahoe with my family."
It made me feel good that he at least said he would love to.
So I responded and said Fun, yada yada, and that we'll just have to do something again later. And is he up there just for the weekend?
I suddenly felt brave and bold and didn't really care that that was more forward than I've probably ever been with him (essentially wanting to know when he'd be back, and suggesting I wanted to do something later).
He said, "Yep, indeed," which I took to mean yes, he'll be there the weekend, and indeed, we would have to do something later. But that may have been like a general yeah, sure... I kind of wanted to see what he'd say and do with that because of this recent development with Kindal (or so I'm assuming).
Anyway, now all I can do is wait til he gets back and see what happens and hope I get a chance to talk to him before they become a public item.
Ok, I gotta go to bed now. Hopefully tomorrow will be more lively and fun. Today was a good day though, I got a lot done, and the temple was nice.
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