So to start with: an update, and finally a good one, on the Isaac saga. So about nine days ago, it was the end of the week, and I couldn't stop thinking about the whole Isaac situation, and how he apparently was dating Kindal, but was still flirting with me (the Sunday before, here at our apt, that episode), and by the end of that week, I just wanted to be able to talk to him about it and get it off my chest and clear the air. Oh, I remember. I basically stopped flirting back with him because I was so irritated that he was flirting with me when as far as I knew he was dating someone, from what I had been told my Jenni in the ward, and from his lack of response when I asked him directly via text the Sunday before. So I was not being the usual friendly, flirtatious me around him, just a nice person, just treating him like everyone else, and after a couple days of that, I felt like he noticed and wasn't as excited around me, and then it was just weird between us and I didn't like it. Like at the ward water party at Rock Canyon park that Saturday.
So I decided I had to talk to him about it all and get my questions answered and clear the air.
So Sunday morning I started praying, basically throughout the day, that I would get the chance to talk to him, and that I would have the courage to take it and do so.
So long story short, by definite divine intervention, I did get the chance to talk to him, and we went on a walk together after ward prayer, and we chatted about stuff for a bit, about Andy and his challenges with being engaged (Isaac is actually really good friends with Andy), and other things. Then it finally came time to stop stalling and just ask him what I needed to ask him.
So the three questions that I wanted answers to were these:
1. Have you ever been interested in me, like it has seemed like you have been? and if so, why didn't you ever do anything?
2. Are you really dating Kindal?
3. If so, why are you still flirting with me?
So I started by telling him that I think he is a great guy, and that I have a lot of respect for him and admire him in a lot of ways, and that over the last few months as we've become better friends I have been interested in him, off and on, and it has seemed very much like he's been interested in me, but then he never did anything, so I was confused, so I just wanted to know if he ever really was interested in me.
At this point he was like, "Is this where I respond?" :) and I was like "yes, this is where you respond." :)
And then he said, "First of all, I want to thank you for being so straight forward." I was pleasantly surprised by this reaction. And then he said something to the effect of, "And in answer to your question, yes."
And I was like, "Do you want to elaborate on that...?":)
And I don't remember what exactly he said to that, but I asked him why he never did anything, and he said how people do funny things sometimes, or something to that effect, and also referred to the rough ex-engagement he had gone through, that he had confided in me about back in like February, and how he was now more scared/cautious to do anything with girls. And I could understand that, it made sense.
We ended up talking for a long time, about various things. I asked about the whole sarcasm thing, and why he does that with me?? He said he didn't know, with a smile, and I asked him if he did that with anyone else, and he said no, except a little with Catherine, but just because she is so ridiculous, he said. Around this time he looked at me and said, "You are really fun," in a really sincere, fun way, and I knew he meant it, wholeheartedly, and I was really flattered. Because he is really fun.
So then I asked him what is going on with Kindal (earlier in the evening, after the fireside that night, I passed him in the JSB, and we were both alone, and he was like, "by the way, in answer your question, no, we're not dating." And I was like, "really?" I was really surprised. And he said, "No, at least not yet." And he mentioned how she had just gone out of town for a while, and they weren't yet.) So now I needed to know exactly what was going on between him and Kindal. Then it seems like he paused for a second and said this is top secret. And then looked at me and said, "Are you a talker?" and I said, "no." And he said, "K, I because I trust you." Something like that. I was flattered, and glad, at that too. He then proceeded to tell me that basically he started dating Kindal, to essentially try it out, and that he has since decided that he doesn't want to date her. Specifically for reasons like he doesn't want certain girls to raise his kids. That sounds a lot more harsh than it is or was. Anyway, so that was a surprise too, and good to know, and really good to hear.
We ended up sitting down on a curb and chatting for longer. We talked about his crisis/breakup with his ex-fiance, because I asked him more about it. I am grateful that he trusts me enough to confide in me like he has.
I then approached the subject of the present and how he feels now about me, by asking him if he is still interested. He was like, "you mean, like am I still attracted to you?" And in my head I was like, well, no, that's not what I'm asking, but since you mentioned it, sure, you can answer that question...:) But I just said, "Well, yeah, is there still interest there?" And he said, "yes, I'm still attracted to you."
Huh. What do you say to that. Or do at that point? So I just sat there, in silence, thinking of what to say or do. I think I even said, "huh" as I thought. This was just not what I had expected to hear, and I didn't quite know what to do or think. I mean it was really flattering and fun to hear, but what do you do..? Then he was like, "You?" and I said, "Yeah, I mean, I'm interested to see where things could go.."
Then after some more silence, I was like, "Is there anything you want to do about this..?" Yeah.. And he was, "Well, the week and a half makes it hard.." He was to be leaving in a week and a half for Israel for a month, to see if he wanted to go there for grad school, for two years.
Then he asked me my thoughts on it, and I said yeah, the week and a half makes it hard. And then I said, "So I'm going to leave the ball in your court." And he was like, "Well, if the ball is in my court, I feel like I shouldn't leave you hanging.." And I didn't want him to feel pressured or anything, about it, so I was like, "No, no, you don't need to give me an answer, or decide anything right now, that's not..no..."
So that was basically what we ended at. Not too much more was said. After all, what more could be said, really. So we got up and walked back, talking about just other various things.
After getting home I felt like I had this huge load lifted off my shoulders. I was literally elated! It felt SOOO good to have had that conversation with him and get all my questions answered, let alone to learn that he in fact had been interested, and was still currently attracted to him. Wow, I sure got lucky. But I really was so so blessed to have the opportunity that night to talk to him, and for how well it went.
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