I've been thinking a lot about Andy tonight, and the last few days. Yes, that Andy, Andy Heaton, who I dated off and on for like 6 months or something.. I've been missing him and thinking a lot about him suddenly, to the point where I've wondered if there is a significant reason why. Like maybe I'm going to hear from him soon or something, or maybe he's thinking of me..? I don't know. But I will say, I do miss him, and I would actually love to date him again. I would love to give us another chance. My only real thing with him is his height (and how hard he kissed me, how he kind of sucked my lips a little harder than I liked and they would get all puffy and red and I was embarrassed, haha..but I figure we could work on that..). But other than that, I think he's pretty attractive, and some things I've recently realized that I kind of took for granted with him and that were major positives were that he always smelled so good (this is huge, and so desirable), and he was so fun to talk to! He thought I was funny, I thought he was, he was so fun to text with and joke with, especially like when we were kissing. I could really make him laugh then. Haha. I miss that. I also loved his hands. I LOVED those hands. I look at guys hands, and he had nice, manyly, but soft hands. And nice fingernails. I don't know why that's a thing for me, but it is. Teeth, shoes, and hands. But in contrast, this Brian guy seems like a great guy still, we went out for the second time the other night, I think I wrote about it, but I just don't know how physically attracted I am, and he hasn't smelled good yet. That may seem small, but I really like a guy that smells good. It's kind of a big deal. And I know that's something you can change, so it's not a deal breaker, but any guy is significantly more attractive when he smells good, regardless of what he looks like. Just sayin. And I'm not sure about Brian's teeth, I think they're pretty good..hard to tell, I haven't seen them much yet. And his hands are..fine.. I just really liked Andy's. Aa, why am I thinking so much about him?? It's still pointless, right? I mean, I was over him for a while, never thought about him like this. Why now? And why so much? Like he's an option...
I've also suddenly been thinking about Dylan tonight, as I lay awake here. I miss that sweet boy. I was even completely in tears, thinking about his funeral, and Rosanna, and how she must just ache all the time for him. I don't know how she does it. I wish we had him here still. I was thinking about our Texas beach family vacation a few years ago, and cute Dylan hanging out of the circular holes in the stairway wall with his yellow blankie. So cute.
But anyway, Andy. Yeah. I just..I would love it if he was thinking about me. And I would love to see him. I would love to be with him again, and date him. I feel like things could possibly really work out. But I don't feel like I'm supposed to message him or anything.
I would love to see him. I even, a few days ago when I first started thinking about him a lot, I even felt this giddiness about him, like I was going to see him, it was weird. Definitely haven't seen him, and I'm pretty sure he's not in Utah, but....that would be awesome. If I suddenly got a text or a call from him saying he was in Utah and could he see me. I would love that.
Alright, I'm getting tired again. Back to bed it is.
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